WF Classified Ad 1.0 - How can we make it better?

That whole ad is a confusing mess. Your title says something about a 100% commission system, but when you get inside your ad starts talking about list building?

Then you go on to give a back story about what you do, then you talk more about list building, then you go into details like this:

"If you already have thousands of subscribers on your list and you are simply looking for a new and powerful system to generate additional streams of residual income"

At this point I have no idea what you are selling. You made it sound like you were selling some list building product, now you're saying you have something for the person to sell to their lists? I have no freaking idea what's going on and the bold letters every 5 words isn't helping. It makes your ad a pain in the ass to read.

Now at this point I'm trying to figure out what your selling, but instead of clarifying what it is you're offering, you start talking about bonuses...

It's a mess. Your customer would probably would of quit reading by now, but it only gets worse..

Eventually you start talking about giving away cruise vouchers? Is this what the whole system is about? If so why didn't you explain that in the beginning? Tell people what your system is all about.

"Clarity trumps persuasion" -Flint McGlaughlin

That quote sums up everything wrong about this ad. You have no clarity. You don't even have persuasion. You obviously aren't a good sales writer so stick to the only thing that will help you get your point across. Clarity. If your offer it is any good it will sell itself (but your offer is another problem entirely, You just wanted feedback on the copy).

Trash this ad and start over.

From your ad:

But first, I want to be clear: This is not Network Marketing,

From the link:

"It's The Xplocial "Get Paid Now" Program! It's Going To Change
The Face of Network Marketing From This Point Forward!"

No idea what it's about and nothing about it that makes me want to find out. The thread title is vague. People don't click on vague. There should be a very specific benefit in the thread title or you're going nowhere. You have so overused bold type that it has no effect at all other than to add to the overall confusion of the page.

The rest of it may be great but it's a formatting nightmare so no one will ever know. Do yourself a favor and go to the WSO section and click on the threads that are obviously successful. You'll recognize them by the high number of views and replies. Notice how they've set up their pages. It's simple:

1. Compelling headline first (larger and in a different color than the rest)
2. A line or two explaining what you have and why your reader needs it.

It goes on from there.

Writing copy for WF can be tricky. If you can't figure it out on your own then get someone who's done a few of these. It shouldn't cost you that much. Good luck.

Hi there,

Lost me here:

"Have you found the right program or system to begin earning consistent income online, yet? "

Immediately I thought, "Here comes another spiel about a guy who was down on his luck and stumbled magically across a secret that only he knows and he's scared the gurus will find it and take his magic bean away, so he's trying to do the right thing and let me in on the secret before the boogey-man comes".

I'm sorry if I got it wrong, but it had that sort of feel to it. I did read a little past that headline but as others have pointed out, it gets confusing. More importantly than that - it's the same old song and dance.

Liven it up. Bring in a real story. Engage the reader.

All the best,

Sasha.

This is New... Exciting... Potentially Explosive!

Uh huh.