Can you checkout my copy? I'm a first-timer...

27 replies
Hi guys,

I wrote my own copy for an ebook I had created about teaching yourself to play guitar. I think I did ok but I'm considering hiring someone to write copy for me.

Ok Here's what i came up w/:

Guitar Ebook - I'll Teach You Everything I Know For Less Than The Price Of One Lesson!

Please let me know. Also, is there anyone out there that would write a much better one for me and how much would you charge? I've posted an ad on Odesk and I'm getting bids for $20 - $50.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the help

JT
#checkout #copy #firsttimer
  • Profile picture of the author cato
    I'm not a copywriter but here are my observations:

    The pics do not show

    I would use checks marks for your bullet lists

    Too much yellow highlighting

    Cato
    Signature
    www.Keliyah.com
    Metaphysical Intuitive Consultant
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    • Profile picture of the author jt47000
      Thanks Cato, Yeah I had a 3d book cover of my ebook but i had to take it off temporarily. Did u think the written content was good though? Like the funnel and attention grabbers, etc?

      Thanks for checking it out
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      • Profile picture of the author jt47000
        One more thing,

        Does anyone think that the problem is with my copy that I had written myself? Or the layout and design of my page?

        Thanks

        JT
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        • Profile picture of the author serryjw
          Originally Posted by jt47000 View Post

          One more thing,

          Does anyone think that the problem is with my copy that I had written myself? Or the layout and design of my page?

          Thanks

          JT
          LOL! I personally would change font and increase font size slightly. Yes, add the checks to highlight on your bullet points. ADD Made your headings/subheadlings in different font...Impact is good...and larger font again.
          My 2 cents
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          • Profile picture of the author jt47000
            A $10 price tag makes the ebook seem nearly worthless. The rationale is "if he's only selling it for $10, it probably isn't very good" in the readers' minds.

            My advice would be to sell it for $27 or $37.
            Here's the problem.. I'm getting the majority of my sales on Amazon right now. A price higher than 10$ seems outrageous for an amazon ebook, so I price it at the highest point I can for the best commission rate( I believe my commission rate diminishes higher than 10$).

            I feel awkward about having it for 10$ on amazon and then 27 or 37 on my jvzoo landing page.

            What would you recommend?

            Thanks!
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            • Profile picture of the author Curtis2011
              Originally Posted by jt47000 View Post

              Here's the problem.. I'm getting the majority of my sales on Amazon right now. A price higher than 10$ seems outrageous for an amazon ebook, so I price it at the highest point I can for the best commission rate( I believe my commission rate diminishes higher than 10$).

              I feel awkward about having it for 10$ on amazon and then 27 or 37 on my jvzoo landing page.

              What would you recommend?

              Thanks!
              Maybe you could make a lower price version for Amazon and a premium version that comes with extra bonuses or something for your website.

              Another thing to realize is that most people who find your website probably won't see your book on Amazon unless you lead them to the Amazon page yourself. So you could just sell it for a higher price on your website and not tell them about the lower price version on Amazon.
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              • Profile picture of the author chrisChandra
                Originally Posted by jt47000 View Post

                Here's the problem.. I'm getting the majority of my sales on Amazon right now. A price higher than 10$ seems outrageous for an amazon ebook, so I price it at the highest point I can for the best commission rate( I believe my commission rate diminishes higher than 10$).

                I feel awkward about having it for 10$ on amazon and then 27 or 37 on my jvzoo landing page.

                What would you recommend?

                Thanks!



                Also if you can test your pricing. When I lowered my ebook from 37.95 to 19.95 thinking it would sell more I was wrong. People stopped buying all of a sudden. My sales page isn't the best but with A/B split test it did sell better at 37. Also I agree with dean mcevoy. Regardless of what the price is the prospect isn't ready to look at the price so early on.
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  • Profile picture of the author CopywritingTony
    Your comparison on "how much it would cost you to learn" is ridiculous.

    You need to calm down on the yellow highlights. Its hard on the eyes.

    You're also not giving me any reason why I should buy your product and
    not learn for free on Youtube.

    And more that I don't have the time to write down right now.
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    • Profile picture of the author jt47000
      Understood, Thanks for checking it out tony

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      • Profile picture of the author CopywritingTony
        No problem.

        You also need to structure you're sales letter, too.

        Follow some of the structures that you see here on the WF.
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  • Profile picture of the author jbenson00
    I have been very successful using the below structure.

    The following is a simple list and in order as I have used it.

    1.Headline
    2.Benefits and results. How does this change their life?
    3.Your story: How you have struggled and how those times were just like their story (those who are reading) How you discovered ________ and what it did for you.
    4.Solution - Big picture don’t reveal a lot of details.
    5.Testimonials – Not only did it work for me it worked for these people.
    6. Dig deep in the features and benefits. A person will learn these things Etc..
    7.Price comparison – Show the value of what the are going to learn and they time the will save money wise.
    8. Bonuses: What else can you give?
    9. Guarantee
    10. Urgency – Call to action.

    I cannot remember where I got this from. Hope it helps you.
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  • Profile picture of the author themusiccoach
    I have operated teaching studios and taught guitar as well as played for over 20 years.
    Most recently, I have worked with Silvertone in Nashville so I do understand the issues here as well as marketing sites where I currently have several sites ranked for medium-hard keywords on front page of Google.

    I am just going to say it. It needs to be redone ideally or major reconstruction is in order before I would use it as an incentive to start building a community around my products.

    One question not meant harshly: Why Would Anyone Buy When You Give No Information Hints That Cannot Be Found In Search Easy.

    Does that make sense?

    Here is a good structure:

    Who is exact Target Market? Electric or Acoustic? Styles? Chords? Scales? Songs?
    How will they find you? Ads will cost way too much to break even and SEO is saturated for guitar.
    What is your goal long term with music or guitar?

    I will help if I can. I have done many of these projects and I honest am telling you other than friend or family I do not see a sale.

    Kyle Ohlenkamp
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    Peace And Possibilities,

    Kyle O -
    Prinicipal , Student, and Teacher
    The Web Traffic School

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  • Profile picture of the author themusiccoach
    Dude, I just watched your videos and you are GOOD!
    WHY ARE YOU NOT SELLING THOSE!?!?
    Signature

    Peace And Possibilities,

    Kyle O -
    Prinicipal , Student, and Teacher
    The Web Traffic School

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  • Profile picture of the author copystud
    You should definitely hire someone or at least pay for a consultation with a good copywriter. Truthfully, this isn't a bad "first try" at all, but there are plenty of fundamental problems with your copy... many have already been mentioned.

    My brother and I have a similar product that sells well and you need some killer copy to make people buy; particularly when considering what's been eluded to already, which is "Why is this better than learning on Youtube or other free resources?"

    You're definitely talented with the guitar and that will make it easier for a pro to build your credibility and figure out what triggers to use to make your prospects ache for your product.

    As far as the structure, flow, formatting, grammar, etc: the letter needs a LOT of work.

    You should also consider redefining the product in some other way than an ebook -- I lost count of the number of times you used it in the copy and it might devalue the product in the prospect's mind -- particularly when you start price testing it after launch.
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  • Profile picture of the author simplewriting
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    You're only as good as your last sentence...

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  • Profile picture of the author Scotty Bee
    Don't have the call to action at the very top. The "BUY NOW" is like getting punched in the face as soon as the page loads. Also too many buy now buttons and try $7 or $9.99 as it sounds a lot more affordable to the average Joe Blow as the $$ hasn't hit the double figures.
    Great for a first time though, you should be proud of yourself and taking action is the hardest thing and you have already done that
    Scotty
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    • Profile picture of the author jt47000
      I have operated teaching studios and taught guitar as well as played for over 20 years.
      Most recently, I have worked with Silvertone in Nashville so I do understand the issues here as well as marketing sites where I currently have several sites ranked for medium-hard keywords on front page of Google.

      I am just going to say it. It needs to be redone ideally or major reconstruction is in order before I would use it as an incentive to start building a community around my products.

      One question not meant harshly: Why Would Anyone Buy When You Give No Information Hints That Cannot Be Found In Search Easy.

      Does that make sense?

      Here is a good structure:

      Who is exact Target Market? Electric or Acoustic? Styles? Chords? Scales? Songs?
      How will they find you? Ads will cost way too much to break even and SEO is saturated for guitar.
      What is your goal long term with music or guitar?

      I will help if I can. I have done many of these projects and I honest am telling you other than friend or family I do not see a sale.
      Thanks, I appreciate the honest opinion. I think I'm leaning towards hiring someone to write me some copy. My ebook covers everything and brings a complete novice to my level as it is everything ive done exactly to get where i am today by teaching myself. It REALLY does have useful info ( I feel like a parent saying my kid's the best, ha!) but it really does. Yeah, I'm over adsense ads, I drive traffic to my website and ebook landing page via my youtube lessons youtube.com/guitarmadeez/

      Dude, I just watched your videos and you are GOOD!
      WHY ARE YOU NOT SELLING THOSE!?!?
      Thanks, ha yeah its not the guitar playing that's the problem I guess, it's the marketing and copy thats the problem

      You should definitely hire someone or at least pay for a consultation with a good copywriter. Truthfully, this isn't a bad "first try" at all, but there are plenty of fundamental problems with your copy... many have already been mentioned.
      Thanks buddy, Would you recommend hiring someone off Odesk for copy? I posted a job post but the people im getting don't seem to have english listed as their primary language meaning my copy might come out weird or something. Do you know of anyone who may be interested or how much they would charge? Thanks

      You should also consider redefining the product in some other way than an ebook -- I lost count of the number of times you used it in the copy and it might devalue the product in the prospect's mind -- particularly when you start price testing it after launch.
      Thank You! I completely agree. Do you think instead ok "ebook" -"online guitar course" instead?

      Thanks again

      Don't have the call to action at the very top. The "BUY NOW" is like getting punched in the face as soon as the page loads. Also too many buy now buttons and try $7 or $9.99 as it sounds a lot more affordable to the average Joe Blow as the $$ hasn't hit the double figures.
      Great for a first time though, you should be proud of yourself and taking action is the hardest thing and you have already done that
      Scotty
      Thanks Scotty - I appreciate the kind words on my first try, I'm trying not to get discouraged which i find easy to do sometimes when asking for help. Thank you and I really appreciate it.

      Anyone know of anyone who I could pay to write GOOD copy? And would you say to go with Odesk or someone from Odesk?

      Thanks Friends, I'll keep you posted



      JT
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  • Profile picture of the author verial
    Free critique coming through. Toot, toot!

    1. Who's "You?" I.e., "I'll teach you..." Who's "I'll's" "I" and why do I care? Are you famous? If so, put your name? Not famous? Change "I'll teach you" to "Learn."

    2. Horrible headline: LEARN GUITAR FAST EBOOK. Is this a sentence? Am I learning an ebook? How do I do that? Maybe I should buy a book on how to learn ebooks before I buy your book. Put your benefit in the headline. Or at least something attention-grabbing.

    3. Starting out with the price: Why? And 10 bux? Must be crap. Put the price last. Make it so it seems like you've made a huge reduction if you really insist on selling at 10 bux. Mark it down from $50 or something.

    That's just the first two lines. I seriously doubt you'll convert with this page, but that doesn't mean it can't be fixed. Keep working at it!
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    I believe that Joe Vitale has a samples sales letter for selling guitar lessons in his book, Hypnotic Writing.

    Check it out.
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  • Profile picture of the author Curtis2011
    A $10 price tag makes the ebook seem nearly worthless. The rationale is "if he's only selling it for $10, it probably isn't very good" in the readers' minds.

    My advice would be to sell it for $27 or $37.
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  • Profile picture of the author Craig Allen
    @jbenson00 have already overtook my insights on your ebook. However, I still have my little 2 little cents to add...

    Well... I have bad experience with both freelancer.com and oDesk.com when it comes to programming anything or copywriting. I would rather go with fiverr's top ranked writer that is reliable and can spend some time with your task. I don't want to do any free advertising so I won't mention this guy's name but I have ordered several articles from him and each of them turned to be a very high quality one + seller was quite open minded for any changes if something was not according to what I wanted. If you're interested then write me a PM and I'll give you his nickname and link to his avaible gigs.

    Good Luck

    C.
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  • Profile picture of the author SergeyZ
    The eBook is called "Learn Guitar Fast" but you don't mention how fast until waaaaay down in the copy.

    Up the price. Throw in a few free vids and, may be, a wav file to help beginners tune their guitar and call it a "system" and then throw a nice headline on there like:

    REVEALED: Guitar Genius unleashes his SECRET SYSTEM that will have you shredding on the guitar in just 15 minutes a day - for less than the price of a single lesson!

    or something like that.
    Signature

    Enter witty signature here.

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    • Profile picture of the author jt47000
      @jbenson00 have already overtook my insights on your ebook. However, I still have my little 2 little cents to add...

      Well... I have bad experience with both freelancer.com and oDesk.com when it comes to programming anything or copywriting. I would rather go with fiverr's top ranked writer that is reliable and can spend some time with your task. I don't want to do any free advertising so I won't mention this guy's name but I have ordered several articles from him and each of them turned to be a very high quality one + seller was quite open minded for any changes if something was not according to what I wanted. If you're interested then write me a PM and I'll give you his nickname and link to his avaible gigs.

      Good Luck

      C.
      Thanks Craig! I'll PM you You the man

      The eBook is called "Learn Guitar Fast" but you don't mention how fast until waaaaay down in the copy.

      Up the price. Throw in a few free vids and, may be, a wav file to help beginners tune their guitar and call it a "system" and then throw a nice headline on there like:

      REVEALED: Guitar Genius unleashes his SECRET SYSTEM that will have you shredding on the guitar in just 15 minutes a day - for less than the price of a single lesson!

      or something like that.
      I actually had a photoshop image that had a 3d cover of my ebook along with title where it says learn guitar fast but the link broke for some reason and the "alt text" is showing which was "learn guitar fast"

      Lol! I actually love you title!!! Do you do work at all? I would love to hire you to do a title and description. How much would you charge? That is right along the lines of what I'm looking for and it grabbed my attention.

      I opened another thread but it didn't seem to take off... I found someone on Odesk to write me some brand new copy... What do you think?

      Guitar Made Easy - A complete step by step guide to learning guitar

      Thanks Guys, I really appreciate all your input. Really!!



      JT
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  • Profile picture of the author dean mcevoy
    you put the price first, a big no-no. you have to tell the story, offer proof and break down the mental resistance, and only when you have them gagging for it do you bring in the price.

    you make the offer and offer proof and only then tell your story. wrong way around.

    pictures dont work.
    Signature

    hey everyone
    feel free to give me a PM, even if its just to say hi. i always reply back, accept freind requests ect.

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  • Profile picture of the author jt47000
    Thanks Dean,

    I just hit you back with a PM.

    Don't use pictures or the ones I chose to use don't work?

    Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author jt47000
    Hey guys!

    I'm excited to say that I took all your amazing feedback and busted my a** over the past week compiling a brand new sales page with brand new copy.

    Guitar Made Easy - A complete step by step guide to learning guitar

    Please let me know what you think. I'm very interested to hear what you think and if you notice the changes that were made and if you feel it's where it needs to be.

    2 things I'd like to add:

    1. The price hasnt been updated.

    2. I'm adding in bonuses over the next 2 weeks

    Then its ready for sales!!!

    Please let me know\

    also...

    Also if you can test your pricing. When I lowered my ebook from 37.95 to 19.95 thinking it would sell more I was wrong. People stopped buying all of a sudden. My sales page isn't the best but with A/B split test it did sell better at 37. Also I agree with dean mcevoy. Regardless of what the price is the prospect isn't ready to look at the price so early on.
    Thanks, this will be the first time I will be experimenting with price and I hope that it will do a better at the higher price point of 27 or 37$ havent decided what price yet. Thanks for the input and I took your advice and the others that told me not to mention the price so early on.

    Also, If you'd like a free copy, I'm going to give out free copies to the first ten people that ask in return for reviews. Please let me know, send a PM or reply and I'll be happy to get it to you.

    If you've every wanted to teach yourself guitar, you'll definitely benefit from my book.

    Guitar Made Easy - A complete step by step guide to learning guitar
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