Critique call to action for Seo services

13 replies
OK, I've composed 2 calls to action, and wanted peoples input on what they think is best. The call to action I am going to use is for email sales copy selling my seo services.

I want to create a sense of urgency, however don't want it to sound 'fake' or offer discounts as this cheapens my service.

Here they are:-

(A) At [companyname] we work with a limited number of companies to ensure each company gets the value they deserve, therefore if we don't hear back from you in the next 2-3 days, we will assume you don't wish to pursue this service, we will wish you well for the future and pursue another client who has an appetite to have more customers driven to their business.
(B) At [companyname] we work with a limited number of companies to ensure each company gets the value they deserve, therefore if we don't hear back from you in the next 2-3 days, we will assume you don't wish to pursue this service and will wish you well for the future.

Thoughts would be welcomed.
#action #call #critique #seo #services
  • Profile picture of the author Monja
    Adam,
    from a customer's point of view - I don't want anyone to pressure me. so for me both would be more a reason not to buy. but maybe it´s just me?
    i'd prefer the approach that i can contact a honest company at any time and will get their service
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    • Profile picture of the author adam westrop
      Originally Posted by Monja View Post

      Adam,
      from a customer's point of view - I don't want anyone to pressure me. so for me both would be more a reason not to buy. but maybe it´s just me?
      i'd prefer the approach that i can contact a honest company at any time and will get their service
      Thanks for coming back to me Monja.

      I agree, I am very reserved and am not tempted by timescales - however a lot of time this is because I stop myself and realize what the company is doing.... If I was an ordinary consumer - I'd like to think I'd act differently.... Numerous tests in different industries have proved urgency in a call to action does work.

      I would like to take a softer approach that still is explicit enough to get across urgency... Do you have any ideas?
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  • Profile picture of the author Monja
    adam,
    what i wouldn't mind is when you would suggest me to buy it now to save me a bunch of money or make a good deal because i get something from additional value. not sure though; i feel a bit "let down" - when you say: if i don't hear from you, i won't help you anymore - that is, at least, from my feeling when reading that.
    maybe as a woman i´m more sensitive? LOL ;-) no idea, guess we all feel different about the things we hear
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    • Profile picture of the author adam westrop
      Originally Posted by Monja View Post

      adam,
      what i wouldn't mind is when you would suggest me to buy it now to save me a bunch of money or make a good deal because i get something from additional value. not sure though; i feel a bit "let down" - when you say: if i don't hear from you, i won't help you anymore - that is, at least, from my feeling when reading that.
      maybe as a woman i´m more sensitive? LOL ;-) no idea, guess we all feel different about the things we hear
      Offer extra value/discount - I understand.... Thing is, I don't think it really fits with the service I am offering.

      Think I need more reflecting time.

      Thanks for your input!
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  • Profile picture of the author Monja
    you are very welcome, good luck adam!
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  • Adam,

    Best to forget the "call us in 2-3 days" or off you go. It's too vague and most will forget or not believe how vital it is.

    Better to give them an offer and/or a very enticing reason why they should call you. And what they'll lose if they don't.

    Make your service very exclusive. It's only for the elite. Who demand the very best. And you always ensure every client gets all the time they need. This ensures you can and do bring them real tangible results. So of course you can only take on a very limited number of "new" clients.

    And be every specific on the scarcity element. An example - They must call before 3pm Friday 3rd May 2013.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author jbenson00
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      Adam,

      Best to forget the "call us in 2-3 days" or off you go. It's too vague and most will forget or not believe how vital it is.

      Better to give them an offer and/or a very enticing reason why they should call you. And what they'll lose if they don't.

      Make your service very exclusive. It's only for the elite. Who demand the very best. And you always ensure every client gets all the time they need. This ensures you can and do bring them real tangible results. So of course you can only take on a very limited number of "new" clients.

      And be every specific on the scarcity element. An example - They must call before 3pm Friday 3rd May 2013.


      Steve
      Steve has it right.

      When you offer a "take away" you are asserting confidence but at the same time you can turn off people that maybe on the fence. This is a delicate matter. This also depends on the copy before this part, Do you build enough believe in your reader to be able to test it with the "take away"? If you don't they will say no to your offer. Just my opinion...
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      • Profile picture of the author adam westrop
        Originally Posted by jbenson00 View Post

        Steve has it right.

        When you offer a "take away" you are asserting confidence but at the same time you can turn off people that maybe on the fence. This is a delicate matter. This also depends on the copy before this part, Do you build enough believe in your reader to be able to test it with the "take away"? If you don't they will say no to your offer. Just my opinion...
        I hope so, a lot of my copy is about building trust, with some example backed up by couple of stats (that I have ensured can be verified with addresses) and also case studies. So hopefully adding in the scarcity and 'elite' aspect from Steve's suggestion should work then?
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    • Profile picture of the author adam westrop
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      Adam,

      Best to forget the "call us in 2-3 days" or off you go. It's too vague and most will forget or not believe how vital it is.

      Better to give them an offer and/or a very enticing reason why they should call you. And what they'll lose if they don't.

      Make your service very exclusive. It's only for the elite. Who demand the very best. And you always ensure every client gets all the time they need. This ensures you can and do bring them real tangible results. So of course you can only take on a very limited number of "new" clients.

      And be every specific on the scarcity element. An example - They must call before 3pm Friday 3rd May 2013.


      Steve
      Regarding offers - I think this cheapens my service - so don't want to go there.

      Specific on the scarcity - OK got it..... What's the physchology etc behind this?

      'bring tangible benefits' that's a corker... I'll have to see how I can weave that in there... The copy is focused on what's in it for them, so would like to sign off to reinterate the benefits, and this is a nice light way of doing it which works hand in hand with the confidence method of withdrawing with what I am doing.
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      • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
        Originally Posted by adam westrop View Post

        Regarding offers - I think this cheapens my service - so don't want to go there.
        In the direct response world, an offer doesn't mean a discount. It refers to everything the prospect gets and how much it'll cost him.

        If you're not making a specific offer, chances are your copy will be too vague to convert. Of course, not being able to see the entire pitch you could be doing that already.

        A few other points:

        Your CTAs don't call anyone to action. They read like the line after the CTA.

        Your sentences are too long.

        You'll do far better getting leads through email than trying to sell (although that might be what you're doing, I can't tell from the snippet in your post).
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Adam, these read more like a call to INaction.

    Postscripts? Maybe... but definitely not a CTA.

    Your call to action needs to be direct and specific.

    Tell them, specifically, what you want them to do:

    Pick up the phone and ring us at XXXXX
    Click the link below
    Hit reply and tell us _____

    You need to make it explicitly clear what you want them to do and what's in it for them when they do.

    Best,

    Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author adam westrop
    Sorry this is the paragraph after CTA.
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  • Profile picture of the author mert
    Hey Adam, Your call to actions are all about you. People don’t give a damn about your company, they care about themselves! So I suggest you start from there!
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