Who could do me a (huge) favor? Please review my salesletter on spelling/grammar

I used to own GSD's, a handful of them actually. I would change the tone of the letter and start off by stressing on how the breed is designed to work and emphasize on how clever, capable and extremely faithful these dogs are to their owner. Talk about how they shouldn't be frustrated with their dogs and that with a little "understanding" and love, they could have a more deeper, enjoyable and balanced relationship with their dogs.

And then, you could talk about the fact that all bad behavior and unnecessary aggression is rooted to a certain negative or a circumstantial incident and how your system will help the customer diagnose and reverse it effectively. (or whatever kind of method/system you use)

Plus, you could also talk about what you will NOT be using in your system (this is important and will definitely increase your conversions)
*No clicker?
*No shock collar of any sort?
*No harsh corrections?
*No theoretical bull$#*^ and all tested and proven methods?
etc..

Also focus on breed-specific issues and how your system acknowledges and corrects it (How they need a lot of exercise and can become restless and destructive otherwise).

You should also mention the fact that an unruly dog will not only cause embarrassment but could also land them in a scary lawsuit... which could lead to their dog being put down and leave them with huge settlement to deal with. But they can avoid all this by following what you teach in your "system".

As far as grammar goes; When it comes to copy, You can get away with a few mistakes.

Good Luck,
Kunal

You are looking for a copy-editor and not a copywriter. You don't
want a copywriter to check your grammar and spelling.

-Ray Edwards

Hey Elion!

You're not looking for copy-editing.

You're looking for a brand.

This is a great example of how something can be well-written, but completely lack any substance.

First of all...

Your positioning is all wrong.

If you're targeting German Shepard owners, you need to distinguish their unique traits.

You can't say, "Train your dog at home" when you're supposedly tailoring your membership to German Shepard owners. It lacks authority... and quite frankly, it's confusing as hell.

But that's not even the big picture.

The truth is...

If you're going after the dog training market, you have to come to the table with a method that trumps... or at least competes with the popular, best-selling information available on Amazon.

Casar Millan created a brand out of comparing the dog/human relationship to that of a pack. He proved, beyond any doubt, that commanding your dog, German Shepard or otherwise, is about being a calm, assertive presence. His techniques don't require additional equipment and anyone can do it - if they have the time, patience and desire.

None of that is evident in your pitch.

You even say in one of your "benefit" bullets that you're going to give prospects a: " A through (you mean 'thorough') description and explanation of the training equipment you should seriously consider purchasing your dog."

No, no, no...

Unfortunately, the copy comes across as being written by someone who did about 4 hours of research, then threw the letter together. It just doesn't speak to the deeper aspects that dog owners (again, not just German Shepard Owners) go through...

...and demonstrating a "method" or "blueprint" that can change their behavior/habits/disposition.

Clean up your brand... before you spend even 5 seconds worrying about copy-editing.

If you're going to go after one particular breed, isolate their traits and separate their behavior from other dogs.

But that's not even the start of it.

Mark

P.S. Your P.S. is really bad. It's an opportunity to reiterate your most powerful benefits. Not tell people to go back and read from the beginning. Ouch.