Please, critique my sales page on Product Creation

The part about the naked butt is very funny.

Overall, the headline and opening copy is awkward. It's
obvious English isn't your first language.

I don't agree with the tactic of making your story
of overcoming adversity the lynchpin of your
introduction. I never do, even though such
"I was such a loser" style copy is common in
online sales letters. If you read direct
mail you'll find that tabloid-style personal
stories do come up, but they aren't usually
used to open the copy... benefits are.

Hi Alex,

There's been some pretty good advice already given. Over all, your page isn't a bad attempt--the "moonwalking" analogy made me smile, despite the broken grammar.

I agree with what mdurhamemailcopywriter and urban renewal have already said about your headline though--it does contain that very funny naked-butt line, but I'm afraid it doesn't make any clear or compelling value propositions. Try to see from the perspective of your intended target audience: what benefit do you want them to enjoy? What problem does your solution solve? How does this make their professional or personal life easier or more enjoyable?

A good tactic I've found for myself is to try to step outside of my own head and ask: "So what?" Why should someone care that they can create their information product faster than everyone else? What's the correlation between speed and attracting buyers to your naked butt? At every moment of reviewing your copy, be relentless in questioning why someone ought to care about what you've said. This tactic always helps me to boil down whatever I'm saying to its essence.

Once you've found that succinct value proposition, say it true and say it clearly. Make one strong and irresistible call to action instead of packing your sentence full of benefits--that's just confusing, and the average Internet user doesn't quite have the patience to spend a minute trying to figure out what you meant. Design your web page for that attention span--make your strongest and boldest statements above the fold (the part of the page you can view without scrolling down), and keep the rest of your copy succinct. Your personal story about Ukraine is interesting, but unfortunately quite a distraction from your core message. Compress or remove anything that isn't absolutely necessary. Same goes for your customer testimonials--do they really need to appear twice in the page? Pluck out the most powerful excerpts and make those visually compelling, and they'll come across much more convincingly.

(Also, you'll want to use more photos in your page--text-heavy copy has its purpose, but the sight of a long-scroll bar with no visual relief in sight can be off-putting.)

Cheers, and all the best for your web retail efforts!