Would you offer an opinion on Deck Copy? UPDATE SAT. 6/8

It's not very visually appealing. There's an image up top not showing.

This line: Everything you should know about making and keeping money before it's too late.

I might turn this into an image and substitute the words "need to" for the word should. I'd also italicize "need to" and make the entire image VERY appealing visually. I also think the page needs a formatting overhaul and some relevant images.

You have no real headline. The first line in the piece, "Make money quickly, up to $1000.00 a day in a few weeks." might work with some tweaking. I'd shorten it to the bone and then expand on it: Make $1000.00 a day! Then go into why cash is king and hint at some of the ways it's still possible to deal in cash.

This line: Because Big Banks are too big to fail. HUH???

Get rid of the huh. And use a leading statement, something like. We've heard it all before from all the usual suspects... "Big Banks Are Too Big To Fail...."

Then continue with something like: Well, we all know better. If you've had your eyes open to what's really going on, and it's very likely you have or you probably wouldn't be reading this...

Then begin to make your case. I think you have the basic building blocks in place but this thing needs work, a lot of tightening up along with sharp, concise button pushing relevant to this market.

I'm probably among your market but as this is now (very raw) I'm only mildly interested. I didn't go much further on the page than where my comments stop for this critique.

First of all...

If the dollar becomes worthless, what's the point of having more cash? (Won't I be targeted by the powers that be?)

If we're on a card-based system, will people/businesses still take cash? (Again, won't I be targeted by the powers that be?)

Those were the immediate objections that came to mind as I was reading.

If you're going to talk about Big Brother and the whole New World Order thing, I'd build it up way more.

Talk about how the circumstances we're being faced with are deliberate. (Because they are.)

Go deeper into what happens when there are food shortages, oil deficiencies (no more cheap, easy gas,) heightened monitoring on the movement of MY money, etc.

Make me feel paranoid. (Because I should be.)

Escalate the reasons why I need to make more money RIGHT NOW...

...so the impact of your $1,000-a-day solution feels like the "phew, thank God" opportunity it needs to come across as.

Paint a bleak picture that exposes how deep the rabbit hole goes (as far as government control and money-maniuplation is concerned) - so I can viscerally experience the very real urgency of needing to make as much money as possible.

Connect with the survivalist mentality; describe the circumstances they live their life fearing and waiting for.

Expand on the role the IRS plays in the scheme of things.

Get rid of, "But maybe you already make as much money as you want and it will not be a problem for you if food or gas prices double. Then good on you, care to share your wealth? Better be prepared to protect it too." That doesn't help you connect with your target audience.

mark

Hey man.

A script immediately tried to run upon loading your page.
I checked, and discovered that it has a hidden counter.php redirect originating from Germany.
A scan revealed that the page is indeed infected with malware.
Please take the link down.
Most people have javascript enabled by default on their browsers, and they could've been infected by the payload.
To others reading, if you've visited the site, please do an immediate system scan using your anti-virus system.

First, thanks for letting me know about the script problem and we'll get working on it.

Thanks to all replies, especially Ewen.

Back in the day...many marketers would write a promotion before they had a product, before it became a no no. Then THEY gave you 30 days to fulfill, and some marketers would have a semi ready prototype they hoped they could get done and shipped IF the numbers warranted.

Although my newest report is mostly written, and because it draws heavily from the last couple of decades of already existing writing...I wanted to toss something against the wall and have some darts thrown toward it.

This is useful, and in my opinion a good way to tap into the expertise of this particular forum. One should run your copy up the flag to see what your peers have to say about it.

After only a few comments, and the discovery of the problem, I was able to get a much better vision of what I needed to do...including, the kind of product and the target market that needs to be focused.

As I often preach, TARGET before copy and I have a fuzzy clearly defined target, they are segmented and therefore, the report can be custom tailored along with the copy to serve them much better.

Thanks again for your feedback and for bringing a problem (other than the copy) to my attention so it can be fixed.

There are some excellent suggestions in your comments and they will be very useful.

gjabiz

A lot of conflicting ideas / appeals here...

Mainly, trying to sell preppers with a biz-op appeal isn't a great message to market match.

And, I think you should focus on one single threat... inflation OR "the end of cash." Judging by what's worked, I think inflation would have a stronger appeal... but I also think that appeal is waning as the dollar is actually strengthening right now. Deficit is shrinking too.

Also, the folks warning of hyperinfaltion for the last few years are starting to look like the boy who cried wolf. At least I THINK that's where the market's head is at right now.

Another issue I noticed -- and perhaps I'm being too much of a snob here -- but there's a lot of poor sentence structure here that makes me question the quality of the report...

For example:

"It is the reason why the United States (and the rest of the world) wants to make cash disappear."

Reads narsty!

Colm