Please Critique Stock Investment Kindle Book Sales Page

13 replies
I am writing a book about stock trading secrets to sell in the Kindle bookstore. I wrote the book description/sales page with many relevant keywords to fit into the 4,000 characters limit.

The book title is
"How To Make Money in Stocks: Top Secrets of Price Target Prediction System Revealed"

Please critique the book description of "How To Make Money in Stocks". The goal is convince people to buy the book. Many thanks.

http://howtomakemoneyinstocks.biz/bookdescription.html
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Update on 2013-6-14

I will give my book free to every copywriter who rewrite the first 200 words of the book description/sales page with attention grabbing, authority, authenticity, credibility, or believability so more people will buy my book.

I do have a deadline, so this offer will end on Sunday, June 23, 2013. Please PM me with your copy and I will PM you back with my book. Thank you.
#book #critique #kindle #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author markanderson917
    You wanted honesty..so here it goes...

    None of your headings or sub-headlines grab my attention or make me want to keep reading. I think you start out the "bonus" headlines much stronger than the primary product. I think your bonus copy is much better. My 2 cents.
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    • Profile picture of the author clickacct
      Originally Posted by markanderson917 View Post

      You wanted honesty..so here it goes...

      None of your headings or sub-headlines grab my attention or make me want to keep reading. I think you start out the "bonus" headlines much stronger than the primary product. I think your bonus copy is much better. My 2 cents.

      Hi Mark,

      Thanks for your honesty. I have been waiting for someone to help me. You are the first one and straight to the point. "Grabbing attention" is the key I learn from you and I will work on it. Thank you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    I'm not going to even critique the copy. There's nothing here worth saving.

    But that's not the problem.

    Because I just don't believe a word of what you're saying.

    I don't get any sense of authority, authenticity, credibility or believability.

    If I'm wrong...

    If you've created a totally unique algorithm or set of techniques...

    If you're offering a real solution...

    I apologize.

    However...

    The core of any campaign is a high-quality product.

    I don't sense your ebook fits that description.

    Again...

    If I'm wrong, set me straight.

    Mark
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    • Profile picture of the author clickacct
      Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post


      Because I just don't believe a word of what you're saying.

      I don't get any sense of authority, authenticity, credibility or believability.
      ...
      If you're offering a real solution...
      ...
      I don't sense your ebook fits that description.
      Mark
      Hi Mark,

      Thank you very much to point out the problems. I do have a high quality product with real solution to the investors. But I fail to show the authority, authenticity, credibility or believability in the book description/sales page.

      I need to rewrite the whole thing to make it work. Otherwise, no many people will buy the book. Thank you for your feedback. That really makes me thinking.
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  • Profile picture of the author yanl
    Is this a sales page or just content you will paste into amazon? If its a sale pageI suggest designing a ecover just to attract people. So that people know what your product is. Currently my first impression is I wont be interested enough in your title to continue read the body.
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    • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
      Hi there,

      It's way too technical for the average individual stock investor. You are using a lot of jargon that might be well-known to experts in the industry, but not to average investors.

      You would get a lot more buyers if you A)explained your terms or B)rewrote it without jargon or did a mixture of both A and B.

      Marcia Yudkin
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      Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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      • Profile picture of the author Michael Wang
        Originally Posted by marciayudkin View Post

        Hi there,

        It's way too technical for the average individual stock investor. You are using a lot of jargon that might be well-known to experts in the industry, but not to average investors.

        You would get a lot more buyers if you A)explained your terms or B)rewrote it without jargon or did a mixture of both A and B.
        Hi Marcia,

        Thanks for your advice. Now I know my book probably is not for average investors.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
        Originally Posted by marciayudkin View Post

        Hi there,

        It's way too technical for the average individual stock investor. You are using a lot of jargon that might be well-known to experts in the industry, but not to average investors.

        You would get a lot more buyers if you A)explained your terms or B)rewrote it without jargon or did a mixture of both A and B.

        Marcia Yudkin
        This won't appeal to newbies. It's not that it's above their heads, it's just lacking of any benefits.

        Veteran traders won't even give this a second look. "Sure, sure... Next!"
        Signature

        Do you want a 9 figure copywriter and biz owner to Write With You? I'll work with you, on zoom, to help write your copy or client copy... while you learn from one of the few copywriters to legit hit 9 figures in gross sales! Discover More

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    • Profile picture of the author Michael Wang
      Originally Posted by yanl View Post

      Is this a sales page or just content you will paste into amazon? If its a sale pageI suggest designing a ecover just to attract people. So that people know what your product is. Currently my first impression is I wont be interested enough in your title to continue read the body.
      Hi,

      The Amazon book description page serves as a sales page. The ecover design is under construction. Thanks for the advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Black Hat America
    You need to hire a copywriter. You are not skilled in the use of words and if you work on this letter for a year and it gets 10X better it will still not be a sales letter that converts well.

    Be honest about whether you book will appeal to a tough audience of investors and if you are truly confident it will hire someone to write copy for you. And if it won't cut your losses.
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    • Profile picture of the author Michael Wang
      Originally Posted by Black Hat America View Post

      You need to hire a copywriter. You are not skilled in the use of words and if you work on this letter for a year and it gets 10X better it will still not be a sales letter that converts well.

      Be honest about whether you book will appeal to a tough audience of investors and if you are truly confident it will hire someone to write copy for you. And if it won't cut your losses.
      That is a good idea. Ok, I will give my book free to every copywriter who rewrite the first 200 words of the book description/sales page with attention grabbing, authority, authenticity, credibility, or believability so more people will buy my book.

      I do have a deadline, so this offer will end on Sunday, June 23, 2013. Please PM me with your copy and I will PM you back with my book. Thank you.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[8178621].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
        Ok, I will give my book free to every copywriter who rewrite the first 200 words of the book description/sales page with attention grabbing, authority, authenticity, credibility, or believability so more people will buy my book.
        Michael,

        That is one of the most unappealing offers I have seen in a while.

        First, the topic appears to be so technical that most of us don't understand what you're talking about. So why would we be motivated by the "reward" of a copy of the book?

        Second, the suggestion here was to hire someone to write your copy. That means paying them. It appears you do not have enough confidence or commitment in your book to invest in your book's success. So why should anyone here work for you for free? And yes, copywriting is work.

        I wish you all the best. Maybe you'll wake up and realize that with all the effort you put into writing this book, you need to give it a decent chance of success. And that means paying someone to help you.

        Marcia Yudkin
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        Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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        • Profile picture of the author Michael Wang
          Hi Marcia,

          I was asking critique about my book description / sales page to see what I can improve. I was not thinking to hire a copywriter yet because like what you say, "the topic appears to be so technical that most of us don't understand what you're talking about."

          I am not sure if I can find the right copywriter in this forum that have stock investment experience and good enough to write the appealing and powerful sales copy to help me sell my book to the targeted investors.

          My book can help investors to make a lot of money so I will give to the copywriters who are interested in learning these hidden secrets or willing to try to help me. If I see the good match, I may hire the copywriter to complete the whole sales page.

          If any of you can recommend me any copywriter who has effective stock investment book sales page writing experience, that will be great. Thank you.
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