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Can a "who i am" section be too long?

by Seiryuu
12 replies
Quick question for the copy gurus out there: I'm rewriting my sales page from scratch currently and I'm trying to build credibility.

My product is basically an Internet radio "kit" and I'm informing the reader about my 6 years plus experience in the field and telling my story from crappy station to successful one.

The only problem is that it's gone past an entire page in length on my word processor, I'm concerned that I've gone too far with the credibility and talked about myself too much.

How long do you keep your credibility section? Or in other words can long form copy be too long? :confused:
#long #section #who i am
  • Profile picture of the author Horny Devil
    Banned
    Originally Posted by Seiryuu View Post

    Quick question for the copy gurus out there: I'm rewriting my sales page from scratch currently and I'm trying to build credibility.

    My product is basically an Internet radio "kit" and I'm informing the reader about my 6 years plus experience in the field and telling my story from crappy station to successful one.

    The only problem is that it's gone past an entire page in length on my word processor, I'm concerned that I've gone too far with the credibility and talked about myself too much.

    How long do you keep your credibility section? Or in other words can long form copy be too long? :confused:

    The people who are likely to purchase an "Internet radio kit" will be far more interested in the technical side, including capability, benefits, why yours is better than others, cost comparison and value, etc.

    Keep your "About You" section as succinct as possible. It's the steak you buy in the supermarket that you look at, not who packaged it.
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    • Profile picture of the author madein
      Originally Posted by Horny Devil View Post

      The people who are likely to purchase an "Internet radio kit" will be far more interested in the technical side, including capability, benefits, why yours is better than others, cost comparison and value, etc.

      Keep your "About You" section as succinct as possible. It's the steak you buy in the supermarket that you look at, not who packaged it.
      I agree totally, when it comes to bio's, brevity is the name of the game.
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  • Profile picture of the author royharmon4
    As long as each sentence is enough to compel the reader to continue on to the next one, it can never be too long. But the longer it gets, the more it takes to keep the reader trudging into your copy. Then again, there's that idea that the more time you have invested in something, the more likely you are to see it through. I'm not sure what the sweet spot is (but I'm sure it varies from one sales page to another).

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author derricks4
    I'd lean toward the side of being too long as opposed to being too short. Reason being, a reader may be bored reading about you, but they still may be interested in your product. But, if a reader thinks something's missing or you're hiding something, they're gone.

    What happens a lot of times is readers will get bored reading about you, and click onto something else (hopefully your "buy" button?). That's not a bad thing at all.
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  • Profile picture of the author Benjamin Farthing
    Yes, it can be too long. But a whole page isn't necessarily too long.

    Trim each sentence, and don't repeat yourself.

    You probably don't need to go into depth about your 6 years of experience. Showing that you have it, and giving an anecdote or testimonial is probably enough.

    The same goes for your rags to riches story. Use as few words as possible to say what you want in the way you want. And only tell the parts of the story that are absolutely necessary to build credibility and excite your prospect.

    I've spent years perfecting my trimming and editing skills, but my friends who I trust to edit my writing still find places I could be more succinct. It always helps to get a second pair of eyes in there.
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    • Profile picture of the author mrdomains
      The longer a explanation of who you are and why I should trust you, the less credible it becomes.
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      Free action plan : Think less. Do more.

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  • Profile picture of the author EaglePiServ
    I dunno, ask Jay Abraham.
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  • Profile picture of the author Danielle Lynn
    Like Alex said, anything can be too long.

    In your first draft write that sucker out as long as you can make it. Let all those benefits plop out of your head and onto the paper.

    Then go back and look at that section again. Avoid rattling off a boring list of achievements. Keep them 'in the conversation.'

    Pick and carefully weave in the most interesting and credibility-boosting points.

    Don't over think it. And unless you're going for a specific persona, be careful not to sound like a braggart.
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  • Profile picture of the author ReferralCandy
    Absolutely. Even when reading about you, people don't care about you the way you do- they care about what you can do for them. My personal favourite "about me" belongs to Derek Sivers, the guy who was behind CDBaby:

    http://sivers.org/
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  • Profile picture of the author WishpondTech
    I'm on the keep your 'who i am' section short and succinct side.

    Like Danielle said - write out your first few drafts making it long and full of everything you ever wanted your buyers to know about you.

    Then hack it down to the bare minimum.

    Make it sexy to read. Choose your words carefully. Show your personality and your experience. Give a brief well written sentence or two on why you're doing what you do.

    You want your consumer intrigued, not bored.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kieran D
    Originally Posted by Seiryuu View Post

    Quick question for the copy gurus out there: I'm rewriting my sales page from scratch currently and I'm trying to build credibility.

    My product is basically an Internet radio "kit" and I'm informing the reader about my 6 years plus experience in the field and telling my story from crappy station to successful one.

    The only problem is that it's gone past an entire page in length on my word processor, I'm concerned that I've gone too far with the credibility and talked about myself too much.

    How long do you keep your credibility section? Or in other words can long form copy be too long? :confused:
    No Right or Wrong Answer:
    - Despite what gurus may tell you.
    - Because if the copy is compelling enough then a potential buyer may read it and ultimately choose to buy after reading it.

    Ideally Should be Short and Succinct:
    - Just like this!

    Above Fold Ideally:
    - Ideally you want to keep the copy no longer than the above the fold on the computer screen (readers are lazy and don't like to scroll down too much).

    Each Line Should Build Credibility:
    - However, you want to also build momentum with your credibility like a roller coaster!

    Break it Down:
    - If you absolutely can't trim it down then ensure you break it down into headings as readers will just scan before they read.

    It's something I definitely like to do and most readers will benefit from it too!

    Kieran
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    • Profile picture of the author Shana M
      ideally keep it short and succinct as others have said.
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