how is my sales copy?

My first thought, when I saw the opt-in box at the top offering 100 free recipes, is why do I need to buy the full product then? I'd be paying $57 for essentially an additional 150 recipes. (I know you're offering bonuses, but the recipes are presented as the main product.)

I think you should re-position your product as a complete guide to getting hired as a bartender, since you're already offering some material of that type in your bonuses. The audios would probably work better as a bonus than as the main product -- first you need to get them excited about the opportunities available, the money they can make and the fun, always jobs available, live anywhere in the country you want to and always find work, etc etc.

The actual learning of the drinks would almost be an afterthought -- it's something they would have to do, and so your audios sound useful for that, but you need to get them hooked on the idea of becoming a bartender first.

Hope this helps a bit.

Sounds like an interesting product!

Couple of things of the top of my head:

1.) Lose the free offer in it's current form. Put that whole thing on a squeeze page with a few strong bullets points and a good headline. Cut it down to 1-2 Mp3s that the prospect gets to download as soon as they enter their info.

Then redirect them to the sales page. Also, test the sales page without the squeeze page.

As far as the copy itself, you need to focus more on the benefits and less on the features. So your first step is to answer these questions:

What problem does this solve for the user?

What will this product do for the user? WIll it make them lots of money? Get them laid?

How will it do those things?

Why should they believe you?

I don't really see much of that in your copy. A lot of it seems to be about features, not benefits.

You also should start with a "You" statment. As in:

Dear Friend,


Have you ever watched a really great bartender mix drinks? I used to sit at the bar in amazement as my friend Billy flew through dozens of drink orders at a time, pulling bottles from the speed rack in a frenetic flow of perpetual motion.

What was even more amazing was the stack of tips he'd collect throughout the night. His skills put him in high demand...not just at the bar, but for high-end private parties. It wasn't unusual for him to go home with $400...$500...or even $1,000 on a good night.

And he almost never went home alone. His total command of his little world behind the bar combined with his confidence made him a hit with the ladies. Most nights he'd have a stack of phone numbers written on crumpled up bar napkins...not to mention one (or more) beautiful women eagerly waiting for him to finish his shift.

All I knew is that I wanted to be just like Billy. I wanted that lifestlye. The money...the girls...the freedom to live on my own terms. Wouldn't you?

-----

That's more of the kind of copy I'm talking about. Feel free to use it verbatim if you like.

Hope this helps--looks like a very cool product.

Paul

In a word - everything.

The main areas you need to focus on IMHO are firstly credibility and positioning - at the moment your page has zero - and secondly you need to understand the difference between features and benefits.

Your customers don't give a crap about being able to remember drinks. What they WANT is the lifestyle associated with that. I don't really know this niche but I'm guessing stuff like massive tips, having the ladies hang off their every word, being the life of the party, making new friends, having a job that's a blast, working flexible hours, etc etc

My advice is to read some books on copywriting, digest them, and try again when you have some more knowledge under your belt.

-Dan

Hey John-

Get ready, I've got some tips.

This may hurt, but it's for the best.

1- You need a better headline. You need
something that lets your reader immediately
picture what the product's going to do
for them.

What are the main benefits? Get a well
paid bartending job? Get a bartending job
and meet lots of hot chicks? Highlight the
benefits that are a result of the job they'll
get through your product.

Secondly, don't give away the farm in the
headline. Don't tell them immediately what
the product is - you don't even need to tell
them there is a product. Just use the headline
to get their attention and push them down
into the body copy.

2- I'd scrap the lead capture until later.
That's not the place to capture emails - that
part of your page should be used to capture
attention. Ever notice that all the biggest
clickbank products capture their leads by a
fly-in that hovers just left of center? Ever
think there may be a reason that 95% of them
do it? They do it because it works... and it
doesn't disrupt the flow of the page.

3- The martini glass and ipod image is far too
large. I know you have your audio player in
there, but you're using up far too much
valuable real estate. Pictures can do a great
job of making a page more inviting and
breaking up the text, but this one's too big.
I'd use a regular audio player elsewhere, and
just use a smaller version of the martini glass.

4- Your first paragraph is killing your readers.

Just killing them.

It's a big unfriendly hunk of page that none of
them are going to read. You need to make the
text as easy to read as possible, and you can
do this with more white space. Make your
paragraphs short, no more than 3-4 lines.
And make your sentences shorter.
Much shorter.

5- Aside from visually killing them, that first
paragraph is killing them content-wise too. Sure,
you can talk about yourself in a salesletter,
but you need to make the readers picture
themselves in your place - thus making the story
about them really.

Your readers really won't care about you - they
want to know what this page can do for them,
so you need to try and engage them from word 1.
A big thick paragraph about how you couldn't
remember drinks is not going to do that.

I'd go with something like:

"Man... I couldn't believe it.

I messed the drink up again. The guy was going to kill me..."

And then go into a story about how you mixed
a girl's drink wrong (again!) and her meathead
boyfriend came over the bar at you, or threw
a drink in your face, or whatever.

That's not such a great example, but if you
start out with something like that, the reader
is going to be interested in what you're saying.

John, there's a lot more, but if I go into anything else
I'll get lynched by the clients who pay for my services.

Good luck

-David Raybould