Thoughts on sales letter?

10 replies
I'm interested in critiques of my sales page. I'm adding some bonuses and getting a few testimonials now, but this is our first event.

Nomad Capitalist | Passport to Freedom in Las Vegas, Nevada

Thanks
#letter #sales #thoughts
  • I only had time to look at the beginning--here are some random comments: I would make it simpler. It feels confusing. What's the one Big Idea? Would you really say "avoid government wealth confiscation" in a conversation?
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    It's interesting information.

    It's rare for me to actually read something from beginning to end.

    But I fail to see the value you're offering.

    Firstly...

    Who are you talking with?

    Preppers?

    Patriots?

    Everyday Americans who simply want a better life?

    It isn't clear to me.

    So once I reached your benefit-box, I'm not able to envision how this will change their life... or mine.

    Quit the rat race?

    You're not really giving me any indication that attending your event will help me achieve that.

    I'm left feeling curious, but I don't have the subtance I'd need to make an informed decision.

    Because again...

    I'm not clear who you're targeting and what your (as Joe said above) big idea is.

    Testimonials?

    Give me some idea of the type of person who has taken action and benefited from this information.

    How did it change their life?

    What can they do now... that they couldn't do before learning your secrets?

    In a nutshell:

    I'm intrigued, but there's no meat in your offer to persuade me to buy.

    Mark
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    • Profile picture of the author Sean Fry
      Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post

      Who are you talking with?
      Right wing nutjobs, basically. The rightist kook vertical is HUGE.

      (Just kidding. But this seems geared towards the conservative/libertarian demographic who are trying to escape big government and live life in freedom.)
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  • Profile picture of the author maxfactor
    There's a lot of intriguing material. The problem is, it isn't assembled in a way that grabs and holds my attention. The headline is kind of weak - I actually thought the subheading, "International Entrepreneur and Globe-Trotting ..." was stronger. (Although it says "truly FREE Man" - what if the reader is a woman? Just saying ...)

    I'd like to see a vivid picture painted (with words) of how my life would be better after attending this conference.

    It'd also be helpful to have a sentence or two about each of the speakers. Why should I pay to listen to him? Why should I attend this conference and not some other one?

    As others have said, the main point is not really clear. Does this conference help me retire early? Protect my assets? Travel and live overseas? All of these?

    I think there's good material, it just needs some rework.
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  • Profile picture of the author biznomad
    Thanks for all the replies so far. It's very useful information and I'll try to re-work stuff to integrate all of the suggestions.

    Max, do you think "all of these" is a bad strategy? We focus on some of those topics more than others, but felt we should throw in something like "retiring early" since that will be covered in a lesser way. Perhaps this page should be more focused and there should be another sales page for retiring early?

    Sean, interestingly, a lot of "right wing" folks don't like me. Apparently it's not "patriotic" to leave the US, no matter how much you don't like it.
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    Nomad Capitalist: Offshore corporations, offshore banking, second passports, and expat lifestyle design
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Total Wealth Symposium 2013

      The Sovereign Society

      The Sovereign Society

      The Sovereign Individual

      Those links may be talking to your ideal customers.

      Not sure though.

      If it is the baby boomer age group,
      then preservation of wealth is paramount.

      If younger group then growth of wealth is
      the motivator.

      We can't really advise you more until we know more
      about the readers you are going after.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author biznomad
        Ewen, thanks for the links! I'll read those more carefully. We do get a lot more 25-34s than similar sites, but we also get baby boomers and I think that's who the speakers we have are talking to - wealth preservation, avoiding retirement plan confiscation, etc. For this crowd, they may choose to stay in their home country, but should diversify overseas. The stuff about living overseas may not appeal to them as much as using overseas strategies.
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        Nomad Capitalist: Offshore corporations, offshore banking, second passports, and expat lifestyle design
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Safe havens for their money, safe havens for currencies, safe havens for holding wealth
          ...whether it's cash. securities or hard assets.

          Countries and out of the way places where they can buy
          the same standard of living for pennies on the dollar.

          Being the first to know threats to their wealth.

          There is a strong pull towards being the most informed.

          All are strong themes of interest to these people.

          Best,
          Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author maxfactor
    Max, do you think "all of these" is a bad strategy? We focus on some of those topics more than others, but felt we should throw in something like "retiring early" since that will be covered in a lesser way. Perhaps this page should be more focused and there should be another sales page for retiring early?
    I don't think it's necessarily a bad strategy, Biznomad. But the headline is about avoiding gov't confiscation and high income taxes so I wasn't sure at first how it would help someone retire early, until I read further.

    A 30-something man with kids in school will likely have different views and desires than a 70-something retiree looking to preserve his wealth. If one sales page and one conference can properly address both their needs, that's great. Right now I'm sensing it's directed more to the 70-something guy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sam_G
    Timely ideas. Assume you are reading International Living. They put on great seminars with the same appeal.
    BTW, your page could use some organization with regard to the fonts.
    Good luck with this.
    Regards,
    Sheena
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