Please critique my squeeze page - only a short one

Theo,

First off, congrats on taking that all important first step...it's one that very few take. so congrats.

And the good thing is, this squeeze page is probably the worst it's ever going to be, right now. Because from here, you can make changes and edits based on feedback from the forum, but more importantly... feedback from real testing with real traffic.

But as it stands... it's not good right now.

without even going any further than the headline, because there's no point, I have no idea what that headline even means.

and you can be sure if I can't figure it out, and i've sold millions in the fitness niche... than the average prospect won't know.

There's a disconnect in the headline. Private label rights what? article, ebooks, etc...

so, try this.

in your prehead... call out the prospect with their biggest problem.

then, in your headline... offer up an end result based on what they want (a solution to their problem) and then put in a specific period of time and finish it with
an objection they might have.

this is a pretty generic and standard headline formula, but it works.

so, something like this would cover that formula for a realtor:

"Free Report shows you how to Sell 3 or More Houses Each Week Without Cold Calling Or Rejection"

that's just an example based off the top of my head... but you'll need to make your headline much clearer.

Hi Shawn and James, I really appreciate your feedback, I take on board both your points of view.
After reading both your comments I realized my page lacks direction. My purpose was to offer the plr report to the Internet Marketing crowd but it doesn't do a good job of that.

What do you think of the below new version?

In the prehead I could say 'Are your struggling to find the time to create fresh content or create a report to build your list?'
and the headline I could say 'This 6700 word PLR report in the health and fitness niche is ready and waiting for you to start building your list or populate your blog'.

Getting closer?

Theo,

Some of my best performing opt in pages... I'm talking ones that hit 60% or around there... almost always follow this formula:

1. I need to know EXACTLY who I'm trying to attract. If I don't know who I'm trying to attract, I can't write the words that will resonate with them.

2. What is the biggest, most painful problem they face?

3. What can I write as a solution to solve that problem... and
do it in a fast, simple, easy, convenient, low hassle way?

Whatever you offer, believe it or not, is secondary.

People don't care whether you're giving them a PDF, a video, audio,
or paper napkin. What they DO care about it the info that will solve their
problem.

they want the solution, or end result.

so, your squeeze page needs to be all about that.

Looks pretty good to me. Just test it out. Try a couple of different headlines.

all out the prospect with their biggest problem.