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Phoenix Self Storage Website

by DougHoltOnline
6 replies
I'm working with a client on their self storage website in Phoenix Arizona - a very competitive area. The client has copy on the page that they feel is good for SEO. I doubt anyone reads this copy, but I'd love some suggestions on how to make it better and/or clean it up. Copywriting isn't my strong suite, but it is something I'd like to learn more about.

Here's the Phoenix self storage page: Phoenix Self Storage Facility - American Self Storage | Self Storage Units

Thanks!
#phoenix #storage #website
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    The page for one is too busy and needs reorganization as far as the
    flow is concerned. You never start out with price except you have
    the best deal in town (so your price becomes your USP). So
    I would place the features listed in the middle of the page and
    the special offer at the top and leave the table with the price
    for later down the page.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author AnabelleFlorida
    I totally agree with Ray.

    I don't know where to look

    Are people coming to the Phoenix page through the main page? Or are people going directly to the link you posted?

    Either way, they both need lots of work to draw people in.

    Waay too much copy, no way anyone is reading any of this.

    Here's something off the top of my head ...


    Phoenix Storage Facility
    New Low Prices!
    --> Professional * Clean * Fast & Easy <--


    That would get me to look.


    P.S. I looked at a few self storage sites on the net and I think there's a great niche market out there for a hungry copywriter. Wow. Little, to bad, to no copy at all.
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  • Profile picture of the author tkhowse
    I would concur with everything that has been said so far.

    There is nothing about this site that sets him apart from all the other self storage facilities in town.

    If he offers lower prices than his competitors, how much lower are they?

    Also, he really needs a much stronger call to action and a better quote request form on his site.

    Also, I would really like to see some more proof.

    Here are some ideas:
    -Add testimonials
    -Add the # of customers that he has
    -Does he have a higher occupancy rate than his competitors? That could definitely work in his favor.
    -Does he offer more storage space than competitors? Then highlight that
    Years that they have been in business

    As far as places to learn more about copywriting, take a look at Bob Bly's informational products. He is one of the best copywriters in the business. Also, talking to some of your client's customers can be helpful for understanding where they are coming from.
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  • Profile picture of the author KitchenTableWarrior
    One more thing in this market, and in this environment that I would take the time to showcase is the climate control. Being a storage renter and in the desert it was the 1st thing I looked for before I rented.
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    • Profile picture of the author Enfusia
      Here's what I see:
      1. If you are not the best price in that whole area then leading with price will get you a pretty high bounce rate. If you are the best price say so!

      2. If you're not the best price then you have nothing to keep me on the page. One of the primary goals of above the fold real estate is to let me know I'm in the right place as quickly as possible so I don't hit the back button. Your site does not do this.

      You need to accomplish this before you even have a chance at making a sale.

      Patrick
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