Advice/critique please...

11 years ago

Firstly, I'm not one of the big name copywriters on here. But I have written and refined copy for my product over a prolonged period of time, and it now converts well.

For a start the various elements of your sales page are all over the place. But the big issue for me about your ebook is 'so what?'

I could go on to Amazon and buy a hundred different titles for a cent plus postage that would tell me all I need to know about how to train a puppy. Why would I want to spend $19?

My advice to you is to combine your ebook with some form of telephone or email helpline. Tell people you are genuinely there to help them, one-to-one.

Google some of the sales pages from the big boys in your niche and learn from them. Then sell your ebook combined with some form of helpline package to give you an edge.

I've had some degree of success with this approach in a different niche.

Sorry, but you are hardly going to sell anything as things are.

Best of luck.

Thanks
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Solargravity

11 years ago

Originally Posted by StingGB

Firstly, I'm not one of the big name copywriters on here. But I have written and refined copy for my product over a prolonged period of time, and it now converts well.

For a start the various elements of your sales page are all over the place. But the big issue for me about your ebook is 'so what?'

I could go on to Amazon and buy a hundred different titles for a cent plus postage that would tell me all I need to know about how to train a puppy. Why would I want to spend $19?

My advice to you is to combine your ebook with some form of telephone or email helpline. Tell people you are genuinely there to help them, one-to-one.

Google some of the sales pages from the big boys in your niche and learn from them. Then sell your ebook combined with some form of helpline package to give you an edge.

I've had some degree of success with this approach in a different niche.

Sorry, but you are hardly going to sell anything as things are.

Best of luck.

That was a dose of some really good advice. Nice Job! I like the telephone support idea very much. I think it's a great idea to offer something that you can't typically get like when you buy a book on Amazon. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks

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maxfactor

11 years ago

Here are my initial impressions of the page itself. I like the page overall. It looks professional and makes your pitch. I also like the picture at the top.

I don't know that I'd put the offer right at the top of the page. Others may disagree, but I'd put it about halfway down instead. Instead, I'd start out with your personal story about your puppy, then how you interviewed dog trainers and others and learned their secrets and are sharing those in your book.

Your text reads well. But the paragraphs are kind of long. I'd break them up and make them shorter, e.g. "Learn the secrets of professional dog trainers and shelters ... find out exactly what methods work and what don't".

People often don't read on the web, they skim. Make your text easy to skim. Maybe add bold subheadings.

The videos are a nice addition, I'd highlight that part more.

Also the additional guide is a good bonus but it's hidden at the bottom of the paragraph. I'd suggest highlighting that more as well.

Finally I'd make the Buy button a little bigger.

Thanks

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shawnlebrun

11 years ago

The good news is... your online and your page is up, which is further than many people get. And hopefully, now that it's up... this is the worst it will be.

And it's pretty bad... and not just from a copy standpoint, but just as much from a design/layout standpoint.

These days, your design/layout is the new headline.

That means that good design and layout should almost be "unseen" and not noticeable... it should make the copy and message "pop" and stand out.

Take a look at Apple.com... now there's design that makes billions.

First big mistake?

THE most important part of any website is the "above the fold" space which is seen first thing.

This is where the "Lead" of your ad/copy should go... which is the one part of your ad/letter that makes or breaks your success.

Unfortunately, 1/2 of your page above the fold is a picture/graphic that doesn't really add to the selling of this ebook.

Then, your headline is almost unreadable since it blends in with the background.

Your copy/text is in huge chunks which makes it intimidating for people to read.

You hit them right away with an offer... meaning when someone lands on your site... you're saying "Buy me, Buy Me!"

You should be saying "here is a ton of good, useful, valuable information you can have, no charge and no strings attached. Oh, and by the way, if you like it and it helps... keep reading because I do have something you may find useful."

Just those few things I listed above, if you fixed them, would make your page sell more than it probably is now....

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shawnlebrun

11 years ago

To follow up...

This site does more of those things I suggest in the thread above...

Secrets to Dog Training | Dog Obedience Training to Solve Dog Behavior Problems

It's not the greatest in the world, but it's #2 on Clickbank for
the "pet" category... see how the headline is easily seen, right
when someone lands on the site?

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Bob Teller Banned 11 years ago

The whopping great image containing your, what looks to be a main headline (but isn't) isn't doing you any favors at all. Get rid of it. Ditch it.

Not only does this waste space above the fold but it's also obscuring your real main headline below:

How to Raise Puppy?

Pardon me? Come again. You what? Bounce out. Never to return. Lost potential sale.

Next your main headline. It's hopeless. Hopelessly inadequate. This is not your target markets biggest concern therefore you are seeding the wrong emotion directly into your prospects mind.

You need to understand first the precise conversation going on inside your ideal prospects mind. Without knowing what this conversation is which is taking place inside your ideal prospects mind, writing this sales letter would be like trying to shoot fish in a barrel. In the dark. Blindfolded.

I'm going to ask you this again, "What is the conversation going on inside your ideal prospects mind?" In other words, what is their top frustration, what is their personal pain when a new puppy first enters their home?

Remember at first this pain, this frustration will be masked by other emotions such as, "Oh but isn't s/he just adorable?" Before too much time elapses however they will realize some things do have to change. Both for the puppies good. And their own sanity. What is this emotion they're going through right now?

Identify it. Then write out your main benefit driven headline focusing in like a laser on your ideal customers need right now as they're reading your copy. Not just the new main headline but also synchronize the rest of the copy so there is a natural flow, each sentence written complimenting the one above reenforcing your one core benefit to identify with their need for their ideal solution.

At the end tell them what to do next as if you are in charge. Speak authoritively. With warmth and reassurance. Just like you would if training a puppy.

Here is what you need to do next...

(Command the action).

- Bob Teller
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Mark Pescetti

11 years ago

Here's what you're missing:

Branding.

A definable hook or USP.

Continuity.

Authority.

Credibility.

Targeting.

Emotion.

BENEFITS!

Your pitch isn't organized. It's not even a pitch.

Those random questions? No. Don't do that.

You need to work with a copywriter. Because it comes down to this:

If the big shots give you spot-on information to work with, can you execute it?

The answer is... not yet.

You're just not there.

I appreciate the attempt. It's just not going to work.

Let me ask you this:

What's your BIG vision for this ebook?

Do you see it as a tool to create financial freedom?

Or...

Are you just wanting to supplement your income a little bit?

Also...

Do you have any upsells? Videos? Something to take your branding to the next level?

Mark

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 11 years ago

"How to raise a puppy". My first thoughts were "This is sure to be a dog". And I was right. Dude - for a puppy-training guide (yawn) - it's way over the top. It screams "I'm only in this for the money". It's so bloody awful I don't even know where to start. And that exit-pop deserves a punch in the face. "Sign up and tame that bitch". Uh - no.

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Anyanna

11 years ago

Thank you all for your feedback. I am going to try to redo this. Believe me if I could afford a professional I would do that in a heart beat! I will take everything on board and maybe save toward getting it done properly as I would love to continue with this. I would much rather get the truth as you all have done than spend time and money pushing some that just does not get the job done.

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Mark Pescetti

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Anyanna

Thank you all for your feedback. I am going to try to redo this. Believe me if I could afford a professional I would do that in a heart beat! I will take everything on board and maybe save toward getting it done properly as I would love to continue with this. I would much rather get the truth as you all have done than spend time and money pushing some that just does not get the job done.

Study some of the top converting sales letters in ANY niche.

Get a feel for the format, flow and continuity they have.

Write 5 different versions (of your own letter.) You need lots and lots of practice. Your objective isn't to nail the copy on your next attempt.

Start with writing at least a dozens headlines. You've got to really get comfortable communicating the benefits and connecting with your audience.

Everyone's gotta start somewhere, right?

Your first attempt exposes the fact that you didn't research enough to write a proper sales letter. You've got to take the time to read converting letters and see if you can pinpoint WHY they're effective.

Take those traits and apply them to your copy.

Mark

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RickDuris

11 years ago

It's nice to see not so positive, yet still helpful feedback taken in an appreciative way.

- Rick Duris

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Anyanna 11 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

It's nice to see not so positive, yet still helpful feedback taken in an appreciative way.

- Rick Duris

I cannot be upset about something I asked for. I think of it as saving money, so I am appreciative. It just means I have some planning to do.
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- RickDuris 11 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Anyanna
  
  I cannot be upset about something I asked for. I think of it as saving money, so I am appreciative. It just means I have some planning to do.
  
  Well, good for you. That's even better. Most get discouraged and paralyzed by the thought of failure.
  
  - Rick Duris
  
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tkhowse

11 years ago

One thing that is very obvious: you present the price too early on in your sales letter. You want to focus on building up incredible value before you talk about the cost.

If I'm a visitor, I'm going to read this and think...why is this any better than a book that you can buy on Amazon?

Another issue that I see with your sales letter is that the formatting is awkward. Meaning...it's hard for me to be able to skim it, since many of the paragraphs are too long. When you're writing a sales letter, it's important to make sure that your paragraphs are as short as possible.

I would move the guarantee to the bottom, and instead focus on building up a lot of value before you talk about your money-back guarantee.

Another point: I would suggest bolding some of the important points in your sales letter and increasing the size of your "buy now" button at the bottom.

I would really like to see some testimonials about what kinds of results your informational product has produced if I'm looking for a book to help me raise a new puppy.

Thanks

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ECTally

11 years ago

Hey Anyanna.

Am going to touch on two additional points.

Your text column is inordinately wide - close to a thousand px!. Studies have shown that online readers' two favorite text widths are 35 cpl (characters per line, two columns) and 95 cpl (single column). I can personally attest to this via web copy analytics. Readers tend to read (or at least hang around) longer on pages with narrower text column widths (the optimal range regularly cited is between 500 and 600px). Tracking sentences on wider pages require much more focus and coordination.

In addition, you need to format your text a little more. Notwithstanding the line breaks (From: A. Beaumont, Expert Dog Trainer To: You, the owner being driven crazy by your new puppy's destructive habits!), it could do with better paragraphing, and fewer elipses and consecutive subheadings (really takes the wind out of it).

Luck.

Thanks

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costos gohdohb

11 years ago

your site looks rather professional
with quality information

however my first impression
is I don't like background color

to me it has to be darker
cause brown colors on your site
make me feel like your website is a little amateurish &
therefore
if your background were darker
then to me personally your website would look much more professional
by darker I mean, almost black

Thanks

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