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Need some guidence on my sign up page

by wrcato
4 replies
Hello Copy warriors. I have written my sign up page letter and created a splash page.
I think the splash page is fine Discover How To Generate Targeted Free Traffic and Build Your Own Responsive List Of Subscribers Who Pay Attention To Everything You.

But, the sales page seems a little off. Unlock ONLY TESTED
I have tried spacing the bullets and it looks funny too.

So now I am handing it off to you my friends here at copy warrior. I need a little help from my friends.

Thanks
William Cato
#guidence #need fresh eyes #page #sales #sign #signup page #some guidence
  • Profile picture of the author icering87
    - the pre head means absolutely nothing. I would just scrap that. To me...it was the equivalent of random words thrown together.

    - heavy hitter has to many meaning, I would use a different address for your market. If you took away the line below the headline and the prehead this could truely a baseball ad. up to the second line of the body copy.

    - I would write out internet marketers vs. IM'ers. I wuld only use that on sites like these.

    - You might want to consider proving the "What if YOU could have INSTANT" paragraph...that's a pretty bold claim.

    - I don't know what you mean by "heavy hitters" I can guess but i'm not sure.

    - You may want to space the bullets out instead of cramming them

    - "How to use various different marketing tactics" various and different mean the same thing. pick one.

    - Why are "Happy customers are your best advertisers." bulleted?

    - A lot of the sentences after the bulleted portion are choppy and hard to read in one passing.

    - Actually everything after the bulleted portion goes downhill and is very confusing. I don't know where to start on that. I'll let the other handle that. I would read it out loud and change everything past the bullets. Then if you keep the Day ___ part but it in bold so I know to seperate the parts.
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    • Profile picture of the author wrcato
      @ Iceing87, Thanks for your reply. I guess "future Heavy Hitters' may not be the best? How about
      future marketing mavericks?

      Thanks for your advice. I will take it into consideration.
      Signature

      William Cato
      Sit Down, Have A Cup Of Coffee
      and read my blog http://www.2ultra.com
      follow me on Twitter
      www.twitter.com/wrcato

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  • Profile picture of the author magic456
    Squeeze Page:
    I personally would have stopped after "build your own responsive list of subscribers". It clicked for me and the remaining line diluted the affect. "who pay atention to what you write imo was not needed.

    Personaly it was a little hard for me to look at all bold text. It looked like too much was happening and it overwhelmed me. I personally would have embolden the underline phrases so audience notices them

    Sales Page:
    I would recommend using a table and reducing the width of the page. A good amount of people are still using 800X600 and they will have to scroll along the width. Also your page will look more clean. Right now I find it very overwhelming. I am sure you are aware of this but just wanted to bring it to your attention.

    Good Luck man!
    Signature
    How to attract women|Dating Women|Pick Up Artist|Pick Up Artist Guide
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    • Profile picture of the author wrcato
      @magic456, Thanks, On my screen it looks a lot smaller. I will adjust it. I knew something look off. On the splash page, you are 100% right. I will be removing the " pay attention part, that was actually part of a an ebook that I am writing on classified ads. It must have stuck in my brain and dump on the page when I was working on it. My Bad.

      I am new to frontpage and still learning it. I will definatly redo and use a table. I will also cut out a lot of the boldness and try to make it flow better. Thank you very much.

      @ icering87 again Sorry for misspelling your ussername above.
      Why are "Happy customers are your best advertisers." bulleted?
      Would you make this a statement instead?

      @ Anyone... is a sales message really "necessary" for a opt in e-course and newsletter?
      Signature

      William Cato
      Sit Down, Have A Cup Of Coffee
      and read my blog http://www.2ultra.com
      follow me on Twitter
      www.twitter.com/wrcato

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