Get Abs with 2 Dumbbells! Please Critique My Sales Page.

13 years ago

Hi Maks,

I'm interested in health and fitness so I took a look at your page...

My first thought is that your headline sounds pretty generic, it doesn't really excite me. The other potential issue is that people who don't have dumbbells at home might think this program is not suited to them and click away.

Where are your list of benefits? You're asking us to buy the program before you've told us anything about it... I would be focusing on the high cost and inconvenience of gym memberships. And don't just say gyms are expensive and inconvenient, but paint a picture with your words that really makes us feel the pain of having money sucked out of our account every month by greedy gym owners and what it's like to sit in traffic on the way to the gym after a long day at work... for example.

Also point out what life will be like once I've completed the program and now have my six pack abs and ripped body. How will things be better for me now...take me to that place and have me really feel what it's going to be like.

I would include more info on the actual workouts, at the moment there is no detail. Can anybody do these workouts? Besides needing a pair of dumbbells, do I need any fitness experience to do your workouts?

Tell us about the meal plans. People are often worried that when they go on a meal plan or diet they will be hungry and not able to eat foods they enjoy. So for example, "...a very effective meal plans designed to get you ripped" doesn't sound as enticing as "incredible tasting food that'll have your taste buds salivating and the fat melting from your body". If you have cheat days/meals I'd include how they're still able to eat some of their favourite comfort foods and desserts etc.

I think you need more on what makes you different. In such a competitive niche what makes you more effective than any of the other programs out there? There are a number of programs that teach workouts at home, so just by saying your program is different because you don't need to go to the gym isn't really enough. What sets you apart?

Have you considered raising the price of your program? I think $27 would be better than $17... when I saw the price I thought why is it so low? If the price is too low people will often assume the info has a similar low value. $27 is still a cheap price I feel..."less than the cost of a personal trainer for 1 hour, invest in my course and let me be your virtual personal trainer for the next 12 weeks and I guarantee you'll get the body you've always dreamed of" Not brilliant, but just off the top of my head and to give you an idea of how to frame it.

There's a few spelling mistakes that I noticed. I won't point them out as it'll be more beneficial for you to read through and fix them up, but here's a hint: you've spelled dumbbells wrong somewhere on the page.

Overall I think you need to sell this product more. The sales page is too short and lacking detail and enough emotionally compelling arguments for me to want to buy.

All the best with it.

Tim.

Thanks
2 replies

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DJL 13 years ago

It appears to be a good program, but one item of dissonance stood out for me: it is impossible to fit a 12-week process into 60 days! A 90-day guarantee might be more appropriate.
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None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
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MaksP

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Tim R

Hi Maks,

I'm interested in health and fitness so I took a look at your page...

My first thought is that your headline sounds pretty generic, it doesn't really excite me. The other potential issue is that people who don't have dumbbells at home might think this program is not suited to them and click away.

Where are your list of benefits? You're asking us to buy the program before you've told us anything about it... I would be focusing on the high cost and inconvenience of gym memberships. And don't just say gyms are expensive and inconvenient, but paint a picture with your words that really makes us feel the pain of having money sucked out of our account every month by greedy gym owners and what it's like to sit in traffic on the way to the gym after a long day at work... for example.

Also point out what life will be like once I've completed the program and now have my six pack abs and ripped body. How will things be better for me now...take me to that place and have me really feel what it's going to be like.

I would include more info on the actual workouts, at the moment there is no detail. Can anybody do these workouts? Besides needing a pair of dumbbells, do I need any fitness experience to do your workouts?

Tell us about the meal plans. People are often worried that when they go on a meal plan or diet they will be hungry and not able to eat foods they enjoy. So for example, "...a very effective meal plans designed to get you ripped" doesn't sound as enticing as "incredible tasting food that'll have your taste buds salivating and the fat melting from your body". If you have cheat days/meals I'd include how they're still able to eat some of their favourite comfort foods and desserts etc.

I think you need more on what makes you different. In such a competitive niche what makes you more effective than any of the other programs out there? There are a number of programs that teach workouts at home, so just by saying your program is different because you don't need to go to the gym isn't really enough. What sets you apart?

Have you considered raising the price of your program? I think $27 would be better than $17... when I saw the price I thought why is it so low? If the price is too low people will often assume the info has a similar low value. $27 is still a cheap price I feel..."less than the cost of a personal trainer for 1 hour, invest in my course and let me be your virtual personal trainer for the next 12 weeks and I guarantee you'll get the body you've always dreamed of" Not brilliant, but just off the top of my head and to give you an idea of how to frame it.

There's a few spelling mistakes that I noticed. I won't point them out as it'll be more beneficial for you to read through and fix them up, but here's a hint: you've spelled dumbbells wrong somewhere on the page.

Overall I think you need to sell this product more. The sales page is too short and lacking detail and enough emotionally compelling arguments for me to want to buy.

All the best with it.

Tim.

Thank you very much Tim.

I am very glad that you took the time to reply.

You made me realize just how much more work I have to do.

Should I add a header that says "Benefits of INSANE HOME SIX PACK"?
Under that header I would make 3 to 5 check points about the benefits of the program. Some of the benefits that I would include would be the better deal than gym membership, more about the meal plan, how this program can target anyone and the change in lifestyle after the program.

Should I also ad a PS and a PPS at the end of the site?

Now I have considered raising the price.
All of my traffic comes from YouTube and I get about 1,500 visitors per month. Last month was the first month I released the program and sold 3 copies. If I add what I asked you about above and change the price to $27 should people still buy? I thought that making it cheaper will make more people buy it. Even though I know it is worth at least $27 to 47$ compared to what other programs are sold for. Do you think I should still raise the proc with those stats?

Thanks
1 reply

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Mark Pescetti

13 years ago

Originally Posted by MaksP

Should I add a header that says "Benefits of INSANE HOME SIX PACK"?
Under that header I would make 3 to 5 check points about the benefits of the program. Some of the benefits that I would include would be the better deal than gym membership, more about the meal plan, how this program can target anyone and the change in lifestyle after the program.

Tim gave you some good feedback.

But none of it really matters.

Not yet.

You haven't figured out your real hook and positioning.

Start there... because those two missing pieces will dictate HOW you present your benefits.

Again...

Your secret doesn't pack a punch. There's no substance to it. What about your diet and workout program has the potential to give me the sculpted body of my dreams?

Maks, you're in a position of really needing to start all over. And since you have some great traffic, I'd get on it RIGHT NOW. You're leaving a ton of money on the table.

Mark

P.S. Here's the script I told Maks about. Just thought I'd post it so y'all could get a better sense of what I'm talking about - since there's no NDA. The "secret" is revealed on page 5.

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Tim R 13 years ago

Hi Maks,

I agree with what Mark has said above.

If you are going to lead with having a secret that will get you six pack abs, you actually need to reveal what your secret is and why it works. You need to find a way to differentiate yourself from everyone else out there, because people in this niche have heard it all before. Can you offer something new?

1500 visitors a month is really solid, and the fact that you only got 3 customers from that traffic should tell you that you have a lot of work to do. That's a really poor conversion rate, and all those missed opportunities are ones you'll never get back.

On the issue of price, I do think $27 is going to be better for you. Look at it this way, you had 3x17 = $51. Even if you lost one of those customers you'd instead have 2x27 = $54, so you're still coming out in front. But it comes down to your copy, can you convince people that your program will work for them and that they need it badly enough? If you can do that, they'll gladly pay you $27 (or much more).

Tim.
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Mark Pescetti

13 years ago

Here's the problem:

You're not saying anything.

Nothing.

Zip.

Zero.

Zilch.

Your secret isn't there. Nothing you said is mind-blowing or makes me think, "Wow, I've never heard that before."

Shoot me off a PM. I'll show you a video script I just wrote for a 10 day fat burning program that will give you some insights into how to pull off the whole "secret" angle.

Keep in mind Maks...

If you really want to help people achieve spectacular results, you've got to come to the table with WAY better positioning. Otherwise, nobody will give you the time of day.

Mark

P.S. The video doesn't work. If you're going to stand in front of the camera and give us a pitch, it has to be a single take...

...or the editing needs to be flawless. What you have needs to be taken down asap.

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 13 years ago

The headline is yet another dud. A "secret" huh? Not even a "weird little secret" or a "dirty little secret".

So you still haven't worked out what exactly is your mojo here. In other words you're off-target. So the copy becomes irrelevant...

But why wouldn't you hit them straight up with the alternatives - gym, walkers, crunches, ab machines, running etc

"Forget all that shit...all you need is two dummies... two dumbbells.

And I'd be riffing on "dumb"

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tasmedia

13 years ago

I got to 24 seconds of the video and that was enough for me...

How many order buttons do you really need? Seemed like way too many.

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G12863

13 years ago

This is only for men?

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Fantastic

13 years ago

Did you know that you don't even need the dumbbells?

Most people know that so they won't go for this but anyways...

This comes off as really spammy to me....

And a poor attempt to sell people based on your illness.

No offense, but that's just my honest opinion.

Additional:

There are no BEFORE pictures for your RESULTS guys.

How do we know it only took 12 weeks?

You said you were overweight?

You didn't look overweight, just a little pudge.

The video also isn't too convincing.

Who will this work for?

So if I'm 350lbs with 40% bodyfat, dumbbells will do the trick?

Again, this is all just my opinion.

Thanks

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Get Abs with 2 Dumbbells! Please Critique My Sales Page.

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