Newbie - need landing page critique

6 replies
Hello all. I'm extremely new to the world of copywriting and online marketing. I recently put a product on Clickbank and I wrote the copy for the landing page myself. I really need some people to critique it and let me know what they think. Pull no punches. I can take it...

I basically just looked at tons of other Clickbank items and followed their styles and writing style. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing...
#critique #landing #newbie #page
  • Profile picture of the author Chase Beach
    Hi Newbie (Gess.. I really dislike that word)
    I prefer Veteran of reading or Master of keyboards

    Why don't you post the Document? Then we can all read it. Don't laugh, but some Masters of typing might not know how or where to DL, convert and read the microshiet doc file.

    Please see the humor in this post

    FYI, Welcome Warrior!!

    Myrtle Beach Metal Detecting
    For the guys that bring more than their kids toys
    Chase Beach -
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    Depending on how your market your product - it should sale. However, you need to use more impact words starting with your headline. Your headline is really weak and it failed to suck me in and stimulate my curiosity.
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    • Profile picture of the author Hskrdoo
      I'm glad you mentioned headlines Jon. That gave me the biggest problem. I really have no idea what constitutes a good attention grabbing headline. I read somewhere that you ask a good question, then on another site I see that you should never use a question. Then I hear that you need to provide a call to action. It's very confusing...
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  • Profile picture of the author bryansarnold
    Maybe some of the sub headlines could use only one exclamation point.
    I don't have that much of a problem with your first headline you just have
    to test it with another one to know for sure.

    I will say that you usually want to keep the first headline bigger than your
    other sub headlines.

    More bullet points about your system. Look at some salesletters for instance
    from clickbank products and see how they are formatted. This should help you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kesh247
    Great stuff that you have taken ACTION. My opinion: Your sales page could do with graphics.. pictures tell a thousand words.

    Also you do not have bullet points on your sales page. Bullet points are deceptively powerful. They seem to grab people's attention. Also, try to refrain from using I a lot. Use "You" instead, so your prospective buyer can picture it themselves.

    Hope this helps...

    To Your Internet Business Success!
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  • Profile picture of the author Bright Wings

    I hope you're ready to hear honest opinions about your page, because this is what can really help you over the hurdles.

    First thing that was obvious to me is that you need to change your headline unless your target market is absolutely, 100% positively people looking to change careers. But if you do that. you will miss out on all the other folks who want to learn what the book will deliver. So by the way you've phrased the headline, it automatically eliminates people. You may not want to do that.

    Instead, direct the headline toward the book's most powerful promise. Focus on that -- and ask yourself (from a buyer's viewpoint) "Why should I care?"

    Make it so compelling that they MUST read further.

    The headline was the biggest hurdle, but you can improve the rest of the page by leading the buyer systematically through a thinking process that follows logically from the promise in the headline -- with each item on the page building an ever more compelling case.

    A really good sales page will have people clicking the order link even before they're through reading it :-)

    Yours doesn't do that.

    Change it until it does.

    But from someone who has yet to write a sales page for a clickbank product, I also have to say you made a great start! Now it's time to do the hard part -- and really get inside the head of your prospective buyer, and lead them inexorably toward the sale. And I bet you can do that too!

    Make it a great day!

    Nancy Boyd

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