FEEDBACK APPRECIATED: on offer running now

To touch on what Tim above said, your copy and your design/layout isn't congruent.

On one hand, in the copy you're saying you're trying to not be hypey, yet, the layout and design is just screaming hype.

Big bold red sub-heads, text highlighted in yellow, etc...

I really think this sounds like a good product. However, as I said, while trying to state that you're different from your competition, you seem to be imitating their sales pages.

I like the use of the pictures such as the pills, and the Nigerian guy, etc...

I like a bit of humor in copy, so long as it's not over the top. You seemed to be able to find that sweet spot of a bit of humor without it getting out of control.

I also agree with him that the headline is weak. I'm not a fan of false scarcity either. If you really do only have 3 spots open, that's fine, but I don't think you would be asking if the copy is good in here if that were the case. Again, you claim to be trying to set yourself above hype, yet, false scarcity is one of the ultimate forms of hype.

I realize you're trying to get people to take action and buy, but there's where you should appeal to greed more than fake scarcity. Make the case that people need to act now because the sooner they get the training the sooner they can actually change their lives in real ways. Just remind them about the people who had testimonials above who acted quickly on the information and made money quickly.

I noticed some spelling errors here and there.

Something else I did like, I liked how you seemed to walk the fine line between explaining your success (which, if true is impressive) without sounding egotistical.

Very impressive testimonials.

Overall, in my opinion, a really good sales letter.

In the end, what matters is conversion.

Most copywriters agree that the lead of a letter/ad is responsible for 80% of the success.

So, if it were me, I'd try to find a way to make the lead less "busy".

There's just SO much going on at the top... my eyes don't know where to start. and if this is going to prospects who don't know you... they may not stick around to find out.

So, I'd try to make a headline really stand out as the dominant "eye grabber" to bring people into the page and the copy. when i first land, i see my eyes darting around the page, unsure of where to start.

It's obvious you know what you're doing, terms of writing and copy, you can tell you're not a newbie by any means.

I think a start would be to focus on de-cluttering the lead of the copy, so that when someone immediately lands on the page, they have a clear reading path of knowing where to start, and go down from there. Like Carlton said, a "greased slide".

Thanks so much for the feedback... I totally didn't notice the only 3 spots left thing, I'll be removing that tomorrow for sure.

I agree about the decluttering because, quite honestly, it throws my own ADD into a tailspin.

I finally got around around to running analytics on it this week and plan to run some a/b splits on it over the next few weeks...

...and as you said I plan to start with the headline and work my way down.

I wish I could say I copied my competitors because that would mean my competitors were still using NON-VSL letters, unfortunately I'm one of only a handleful of guys still relying on the printed word.

In terms of conversion (like you said that's what it all boils down to) we've certainly got some room for improvement being that we're averaging about $5.20 Gross EPC on this offer after roughly 4500 unique's...

...I'd really like to see our average make it's way up into the $8.00-$10 range, but my feeling is it's gonna boild dlown to more of an upsell/downsell funnel issue to pull those kinds of numbers.

Eric, l enjoyed your copy a lot. There's small improvements to be made here and there. But overall you've got the gift my man.

--- Ross