Dunk Like A Boss in 12 Weeks! Please critique my sales page.

by MaksP
18 replies
Hello my fellow warriors. Firstly I just wanted to say thank you for the awesome advice that I get on here.

I recently did a lot of changes to my sales page.

Could you tell me what you think?

I just added a lot of new things to my sales pages. Such as the bonus and the Q and A at the end. What do you guys think? Thank you very much.
#boss #critique #dunk #page #sales #weeks
  • Profile picture of the author Ghoster
    I like the video.

    I don't design sale's pages so take this for what you think it's worth, but I think you have far too many "Add to Cart" buttons on-page. If I had come to your page organically I'd think to myself, "this guy is way too desperate for me to buy."

    I think you have a solid pitch, and I'd let your video do most of the selling.

    I also saw a few typos in your copy.
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    • Profile picture of the author MaksP
      Originally Posted by Ghoster View Post

      I like the video.

      I don't design sale's pages so take this for what you think it's worth, but I think you have far too many "Add to Cart" buttons on-page. If I had come to your page organically I'd think to myself, "this guy is way too desperate for me to buy."

      I think you have a solid pitch, and I'd let your video do most of the selling.

      I also saw a few typos in your copy.
      Thank you for your advice. Could you please v tell me where you saw the typos? So should I get rid of a few add to cart buttons? Should I make the page shorter? What parts of the page do you think I should make shorter?
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      • Profile picture of the author Tim R
        Hey Maks,

        I like this page more than your six pack one, but there's things you can improve.

        I don't really like the headline. Is there a conspiracy amongst athletes and trainers to keep me from dunking? Why would either camp care if I can dunk or not? So straight away your headline doesn't ring true for me.

        If there's a secret that the pros have, I think you'd be better off alluding to it more in this kind of way..."Discover The Secrets Pro Athletes Use For Explosive Vertical Jumps...Copy Their Training Style And You'll Be Dunking For The First Time In Less Than 12 Weeks'

        There is a famous headline by John Caples that goes like this: "They laughed when I sat down at the piano. But when I started to play!~" You could use the same structure here: "They all laughed when I said I was going to dunk on them. But when I exploded off the ground..."

        And then go into your story. I'd talk about how you grew up playing basketball and dreamed of the day when you'd be able to dunk for the first time. But it never happened. How all you wanted was to be like MJ or Dr J or Kobe or whoever, and to be able to soar like them. But you soon just accepted that your lack of height and genetics meant that it'd never happen.

        Then while you were shooting around one day you met 'Joe'. He was 5'7", white, and looked like he should have been programming computers instead of shooting hoops. But then you saw him go in for what you thought would be a layup but he took off, defying gravity, and dunked the ball with ease.

        You had to know how he did it, got talking to him, he told you he knows one of the trainers that the pros use, learnt all their secrets and exploded his vertical jump. You started training the same way and in less than 12 weeks you were dunking like you'd always dreamed of. Etc etc.

        Something like that for example. I'd also suggest talking more about the actual training involved. You haven't really given any info on what's involved or what to expect. Just saying weight training and pylometrics doesn't really cut it. Give some descriptive info and explain why it works. For example "This one X exercise alone was shown in a study by Y to increase the vertical jump of test subjects by 27%". Do you have any scientific data you can use?

        I like the videos you've got for proof though. That 5'7" guy dunking is awesome!

        Tim.
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  • Profile picture of the author Harlan
    Originally Posted by MaksP View Post

    Hello my fellow warriors. Firstly I just wanted to say thank you for the awesome advice that I get on here.

    I recently did a lot of changes to my sales page.

    Could you tell me what you think?

    I get about 1.5k visitors per month from my youtube videos.

    The Vertical Jump Truth - Dunk in 12 Weeks!

    My conversion is at about a weak .8% to 1%

    I just added a lot of new things to my sales pages. Such as the bonus and the Q and A at the end. What do you guys think? Thank you very much.
    The initial pitch of your video lost me.

    The difference between basketball players and football players?

    What in the world were you talking about?

    Your people don't care about football.
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  • Profile picture of the author highlander11
    Originally Posted by MaksP View Post

    Hello my fellow warriors. Firstly I just wanted to say thank you for the awesome advice that I get on here.

    I recently did a lot of changes to my sales page.

    Could you tell me what you think?

    I get about 1.5k visitors per month from my youtube videos.

    The Vertical Jump Truth - Dunk in 12 Weeks!

    My conversion is at about a weak .8% to 1%

    I just added a lot of new things to my sales pages. Such as the bonus and the Q and A at the end. What do you guys think? Thank you very much.
    I fan of basketball and someone who plays. you promotion is very appealing, if I was back in high school, I would have purchased this for sure.

    As for suggestions:

    Talk about the emotional benefits more.

    -Like what its going to feel like when they dunk at their local basketball league.
    -What its going to feel like when girls see them dunk at a basketball court
    -The feeling of respect they get from other basketball players at the park
    -Feeling of getting picked first when teams are being selected, despite being short

    Also think about who your ideal customer is. How old are they, how tall are they, what is their income, how often do they play basketball, etc.... Then draft a sales copy talking to them.
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    • Profile picture of the author MaksP
      Wow thank you all for the amazing replies.

      I was actually thinking of changing the titile to just "Here's How You Can Increase Your Vertical Jump Instantly" because I had 1-2 more sales. However, I am not sure yet because I only had a new title for 2 weeks. Should I wait a couple more weeks? Because my previous one was "Here's How You Can Increase Your Vertical Jump Instantly" and I had it for about 4 weeks and had more sales with it. Even though the title wasnt as good as my new one it sold more.. What is your opinion on that?

      How do you guys like the overall sales page and what do you think the conversion rate I should aim for if all my traffic comes from my youtube videos and I get 1.3k visitors per month?
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Cut away the entire top of the video until you get to 1:12.

    Instant improvement.
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    • Profile picture of the author IHazADream
      remove the "vertical jump truth" and "there's a secret.." and just leave "Go from NOTHING to DUNKING in just 12 weeks!"

      and goddamnit don't use youtube for landing page video, use wistia and see exactly where you lose their attention.

      I'd change name to Max, Maks sounds weird. maybe Max Dunk lol
      change grey background to white..

      do this and I bet you gonna increase conversion
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      • Profile picture of the author MaksP
        Originally Posted by IHazADream View Post

        remove the "vertical jump truth" and "there's a secret.." and just leave "Go from NOTHING to DUNKING in just 12 weeks!"

        and goddamnit don't use youtube for landing page video, use wistia and see exactly where you lose their attention.

        I'd change name to Max, Maks sounds weird. maybe Max Dunk lol
        change grey background to white..

        do this and I bet you gonna increase conversion
        Why do you think I should remove that?

        What if I get rid of Vertical Jump w and change the title to something simple like Here's how you can increase your vertical instantly?
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        • Profile picture of the author IHazADream
          Originally Posted by MaksP View Post

          Why do you think I should remove that?
          "vertical jump truth" won't help you sell, and it's not gonna help you build brand, so it's just unnecessary distraction.

          in "there's a secret professional athletes and trainers don't want you to know about", scarcity or some perceived very valuable info just doesn't fit in..
          it's better to hit them straight with benefit.. "go from nothing to dunking in just 12 weeks".

          I liked the video(altough dunk examples look like random videos from 1996), maybe at the end of video you can throw in your dunk, or get some short guy to do it, and then ask them to buy, that would increase your credibility..

          increase the price.. $17 is too cheap, it might even feel like a scam. why race to the bottom..
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          • Profile picture of the author MaksP
            Originally Posted by IHazADream View Post

            "vertical jump truth" won't help you sell, and it's not gonna help you build brand, so it's just unnecessary distraction.

            in "there's a secret professional athletes and trainers don't want you to know about", scarcity or some perceived very valuable info just doesn't fit in..
            it's better to hit them straight with benefit.. "go from nothing to dunking in just 12 weeks".

            I liked the video(altough dunk examples look like random videos from 1996), maybe at the end of video you can throw in your dunk, or get some short guy to do it, and then ask them to buy, that would increase your credibility..

            increase the price.. $17 is too cheap, it might even feel like a scam. why race to the bottom..
            Im thinking of changing it from nothing to dunking or just saying here's how you can increase your vertical instantly.

            Do you think $27 sounds better?
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    • Profile picture of the author MaksP
      Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

      Cut away the entire top of the video until you get to 1:12.

      Instant improvement.
      What makes you say that?

      Would cutting out the intro and build hurt me? I see that is where I show video results of me dunking. So maybe I should make a smaller attention grabber and skip how I learned these methods? Just go straight to the results?
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    I normally wouldn't ever find interest in marketing products like this...

    but since you're asking here's a couple thoughts.

    Your price point is too high for your target audience. I wouldn't go above $10.

    I don't see why you're asking one price, then crossing it out and offering a lower price...ignorant marketing practices seem to get copied time and time again.

    Instead of showing a price drop for no reason...I'd suggest you offer the first 500 a reduced price. Make the need to order more urgent so they have a concrete reason to order now.

    Your whole marketing appeal just seems like a backyard idea. You don't have enough glamour appeal in the marketing.

    I would guess you'll have a limited amount of success...but when you market an offer the way you have, you set yourself up for a much smarter marketer to come along and dominate the market...if they see a profit to be made.

    I realize you're mainly working off the traffic you generate from YouTube, but a lot of hits on YouTube isn't surprising.

    I wish you success in your endeavors.
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    • Profile picture of the author MaksP
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      I normally wouldn't ever find interest in marketing products like this...

      but since you're asking here's a couple thoughts.

      Your price point is too high for your target audience. I wouldn't go above $10.

      I don't see why you're asking one price, then crossing it out and offering a lower price...ignorant marketing practices seem to get copied time and time again.

      Instead of showing a price drop for no reason...I'd suggest you offer the first 500 a reduced price. Make the need to order more urgent so they have a concrete reason to order now.

      Your whole marketing appeal just seems like a backyard idea. You don't have enough glamour appeal in the marketing.

      I would guess you'll have a limited amount of success...but when you market an offer the way you have, you set yourself up for a much smarter marketer to come along and dominate the market...if they see a profit to be made.

      I realize you're mainly working off the traffic you generate from YouTube, but a lot of hits on YouTube isn't surprising.

      I wish you success in your endeavors.

      I appreciate your reply. So where would I place the first 500 get it for that price? Instead of crossing out the 69 just put the first 500 people get it for this price. The offer will raise!

      Most people sell vertical jump products for 27 to 67.

      You can check where they drop off the video on YouTube as well. But I have been thinking about using a different player to make it look more professional.
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      • Profile picture of the author max5ty
        Originally Posted by MaksP View Post

        I appreciate your reply. So where would I place the first 500 get it for that price? Instead of crossing out the 69 just put the first 500 people get it for this price. The offer will raise!

        Most people sell vertical jump products for 27 to 67.

        You can check where they drop off the video on YouTube as well. But I have been thinking about using a different player to make it look more professional.
        Yes, I'd put it down by the price.

        I've got some wording I've used before...later when I get back I'll post it.

        Price is something you'll have to test. Of course the idea is to get all you can.

        I notice the poster above said $17.

        You'll only ever get as much as you can persuasively justify.

        As far as using YouTube...I don't know. I've not tested enough to know.

        I know I've seen some profitable sales letters that use YouTube and others that have their own players. Maybe someone else can give you their experiences with it.
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        • Profile picture of the author MaksP
          Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

          Yes, I'd put it down by the price.

          I've got some wording I've used before...later when I get back I'll post it.

          Price is something you'll have to test. Of course the idea is to get all you can.

          I notice the poster above said $17.

          You'll only ever get as much as you can persuasively justify.

          As far as using YouTube...I don't know. I've not tested enough to know.

          I know I've seen some profitable sales letters that use YouTube and others that have their own players. Maybe someone else can give you their experiences with it.
          Thanks and I would appreciate it if you gave me wording examples. Do you think that changing the title and getting rid of vertical jump truth on the top will also help?
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  • Originally Posted by MaksP View Post

    Hello my fellow warriors. Firstly I just wanted to say thank you for the awesome advice that I get on here.

    I recently did a lot of changes to my sales page.

    Could you tell me what you think?

    I just added a lot of new things to my sales pages. Such as the bonus and the Q and A at the end. What do you guys think? Thank you very much.
    I can't see the link to the page. where is it?
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