Please help review my copy

Hi Jason! Thanks so much for the thorough and detailed feedback.

College students currently enrolled in an algebra course.

There are actually three possible markets here:

1. high school students taking an algebra course
2. college students taking an algebra course
3. the PARENT(s) of a student taking an algebra course

I think #1 is going to be a relatively small market - how many young teens are self-motivated enough to spend their own money on supplementary math materials?

(BTW, for my friends outside of the USA: I'm using the USA school progression here, where high school (HS) is for kids up to about age 18, while college is 18-19 and higher, and can include older adults returning to college later in life.)

I just checked; my list has 80 active subscribers right now (i.e. not counting those who subscribed, then unsubscribed). I have been collecting information in the signup form about whether they are a parent or a student; 31 of those 80 identify themselves as parents, the rest as students.

Ok. I think I see. I threw in that sentence about parents just in case the reader was a parent. But it actually weakens the letter for everyone.

Well, since I do have the information in my database about whether the subscriber is a student or parent, the solution is pretty obvious: I need to develop two versions of the letter, one for each audience, and direct the mailing list software to include links to the appropriate sales letter.

I guess right now I want to ignore the market of students who are not old enough to purchase their own stuff online. It just seems more complex, for the reasons you point out. Focus instead on (1) adult, college age students taking algebra and (2) parents of students of any age. (I think I can successfully lump "parents of HS students" and "parents of college students" together in the same group.)

I honestly have not given any thought to this point. The product is indeed something that would require more study at first.

Maybe I need to explicitly address (and neutralize) this objection in the letter.

Answered above...

Do you think it's ok to put that prerequisite information at that location? Or do you think it needs to be placed earlier in the letter, necessarily? I do believe it's important to include it somewhere, to help ensure customer satisfaction - I don't want someone to purchase it, and find that they are not able to use it because it's not appropriate for them at their current educational stage.

Good questions. Don't have an answer yet

One comment that might be relevant: The product has produced strong results for people within a couple of weeks, which is plenty fast enough to be worthwhile for someone taking a two-semester "College Algebra I and II" course sequence.

Thanks again, Jason!

Hm. You know, I'm confused about something here. The linked article hasn't changed (and probably won't for some time - I'll create a separate link for any updated versions). I thought that I DID have a headline originally: namely, the copy that says
Want to UNLOCK your surprising ability and ease with Algebra... that has been SECRETLY HIDING inside of you all along?

... near the top. But the first two responses (one of which appears to have been deleted for some reason) said I did not have a headline. Since I'm very much a newbie at copywriting, I assumed that a headline in this context just wasn't what I thought it was. Does it have to do with the fact that I put a couple of fragments of text above it?

So, am I wrong in considering this to be a headline? (separate from the question of whether it's a GOOD headline or not)

Yes, I really see your point here. This morning I went through the ten market diagnosis/profiling questions that Dan Kennedy suggests on p. 20 of his "ultimate sales letter" book, answering them for this context (the target market of college students taking algebra). If you haven't seen it, basically it's a suggested list of questions to ask yourself about who the sales letter is targetting, just before you write it, to help you get clarity on what they about and so you can craft compelling copy. Doing this helped me realize that fear of failure/failing grades, anxiety, and even self-worth issues are important for them.

Very helpful, thanks!

Thanks Bill. I'm writing two new sales letters starting this weekend: one for the market of college students, one for the market of parents (and for now ignoring the high-school student market for reasons given earlier). Your comments are giving me some good ideas.

Cheers,
Aaron

Thanks for the reply and feedback Dan.

Agreed that I need to work through some copywriting books, started seriously doing that about a week ago. I'm about half way through DK's "Ultimate Sales Letter" book (reading and doing exercises), and have more I'm planning to read and work through after that.

As to whether there's a market for this product - there IS one, but I don't know yet if it is sizable. I had self-published this as a regular print book two years ago, and without doing any marketing or promotion, it was selling a few copies a month. The two testimonials I received were unprompted; the persons just liked it so much they wrote me to tell about it, and they agreed when asked if I could use their words.

It's pretty easy to get people to sign up for the email mini-course, which I think is a good sign. Once I get a better sales letter up I will know the demand better.

Thanks again
Aaron