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What do you think about my new squeeze page? [Inviting Critics]

by Patrick Brown Banned
6 replies
Aha, wotcha all think: Cosmetic Insider

Will that get people opting in?
#critics #inviting #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author IHazADream
    in testimonial " I skimmed through it in 3 minutes while on the traffic..", add through "Patricks brochure" or whatever instead of "it", because it takes half hour to figure out what testimonial is about.

    and in "7 things to know before you get it done", there is no mention about cosmetic surgery.. you don't emphazise that enough. you gonna lose their attention superfast, they won't spend 20 minutes on your site trying to figure what it is about
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    C'mon Patrick, you're not just a tried and tested copywriter - you're the tried and tested copywriter. So let the market tell you if it's any good.

    On a less snarky note:

    The design's amateurish.

    The testimonial sounds fake.

    Your CTA's too generic.

    "never seen before" - yeah, right.

    Who is this "we"? What makes them qualified to give out this type of advice?

    The product name on your ecover is different to the copy.

    If you move some of the copy above the fold, you can get rid of everything below the testimonial.

    The bullets are weak, especially the last two.

    It's not clear exactly what they'd be getting.

    The two big photos in the middle seem to serve no purpose.

    All the copy's far too generic.

    I'd scrap it, and start over.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Yes everything Andrew and I Haz said.

    And you might want to mention the dangers of having surgery if people don't get the information.

    Fear is one of the most powerful motivators.

    I imagine anyone thinking of getting "work" down is worrying about the what if's.


    Steve
    Signature
    http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      And you might want to mention the dangers of having surgery if people don't get the information.
      This.

      Look at split-testing a version with a visceral picture of a surgery gone wrong.
      Signature

      Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Yes, I think a horror pic would spike the opt ins.

    Make sure you finish with a beautiful pic (showing the results they should get by using the info in the guide) so people don't leg it off in a panic howling "No way are any two bit, half blind surgeons knocking back the tequila waving their scalpels going anywhere near me"


    Steve
    Signature
    http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Patrick, you are coming from a low status position,
      therefore you wont get believers and followers.

      However, if the message was coming from
      a doctor, then you would have automatic high status.

      That's just how humans act.

      Best,
      Ewen
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