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Please critique my sales page and copy

by karlp295
14 replies
Released my e-book three months ago and thinking..

After discussing with several people and getting opinions..
People seem to like the page design and I've followed suggestions but the page is still converting quite low..

What do you think? Please critique the following page:

Self Esteem Secrets E-Book - written by Karl Perera

Thanks!!
#copy #critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    Your copy is weak - but I would start out with these three things:

    1) Your headline could use a boost. If you are trying to give people more confidence - you need more enthusiasm! I really don't see too much excitement in your title or your copy. You said that used to suffer from low self confidence - so sound like you overcame it! Sound like your life is filled with joy now. Sound like you enjoy every day of your life because of what you talk about in your book.

    2) Your font is all over the place...It's regular, then it gets smaller, then it gets bigger...look into that -

    3) If you are trying to show that you have self confidence and high self esteem, you should slap a picture of yourself on your website. This way it doesn't look like you are "hiding" - it will look like you have come forward and you are not afraid or ashamed of the book you want to sell!
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  • Profile picture of the author BillOliver
    As well as above:
    1) Test $27 & $17. Prices with 7 go better.
    2) EXCHANGE POPUPS FOR HOVER AD/FLOAT IN WINDOW (called by various names).
    Popups no longer work. Also, that 'ding' of the popup is downright annoying.
    3) The OK button MAKES IT DISAPPEAR, Cancel to continue ... Whaaaat? Confusing!
    4) People don't buy on the first visit. You need a FloatIn Window, free gift and opt in.
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    • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
      Originally Posted by BillOliver View Post

      As well as above:
      1) Test $27 & $17. Prices with 7 go better.
      2) EXCHANGE POPUPS FOR HOVER AD/FLOAT IN WINDOW (called by various names).
      Popups no longer work. Also, that 'ding' of the popup is downright annoying.
      3) The OK button MAKES IT DISAPPEAR, Cancel to continue ... Whaaaat? Confusing!
      4) People don't buy on the first visit. You need a FloatIn Window, free gift and opt in.
      Thanks so much for parroting everything you've heard the "gurus" say without any evidence to back up your claims, presenting them as fact when in reality you just read in a book somewhere.

      There's some truth to what you say, in SOME niches, for SOME products - but as always, every situation is different. Testing is the only way to find this stuff out. In fact, I think #1 is just a bad idea, and #4 would quite possibly HURT response.

      Now, as for the copy:

      The first problem is it's weak. It has no real emotional punch. Your prospects will just shrug it off.

      You need to write it so that it stops them dead in their tracks and FORCES them to read it. That's copywriting 101... but also a pretty hard skill to master.

      Your bullets are also particularly bad. They don't have much curiosity or a sense of the BENEFITS your customer will get from your book.

      Also, no guarantee... which although not necessary, will probably increase response. And your close is extra-weak too.

      Ideally, you need to sit down with some copywriting books and really flesh this out. At the moment it reads like a half-finished outline... not even a first draft let alone a finished page of copy.

      -Dan
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  • Profile picture of the author karlp295
    Hi Bill, the pop up as you call it is a program designed to ask opinions from those leaving the page. It is an attempt to get them to tell me what is wrong or what they would like to see...
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    What do you think of this sample headline...

    Do You Wish You Had Greater Self Confidence?

    "Give Me Just 5 Minutes - And I'll Hand You a Secret so Powerful You'll Have Enough Self Confidence to Blow Your Doors Down!"

    Cheers
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  • Profile picture of the author freefor15.com
    The headline is the thing that need the most work it isn't good. It just isn't worded correctly

    the rest is allright but the headline should grab my attention and it doesn't
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I didn't read the copy - today I am interested in fonts,
    layouts and visual effect.

    I use IMPACT, but let's be clear - it's ugly. I've been
    doing some reading lately that makes me think a black
    headline is the better choice, unless you have a very
    specific reason to use a colored headline or want to
    use color to emphasize key words.

    Your use of a frame with white everywhere else is not
    good for the eye. I have a wordpress template that
    does this and Paul Myers does it too... and I think
    it works for Paul because he sends traffic through his
    highly-credible newsletter. For colder traffic I advise
    you to steer your reader's attention by using color on
    the sides.

    gotta go... more later.
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  • Profile picture of the author AnneE
    You need some COLOR.... both literally on the page... a simple background color even, something other than white. But you also need color and life in your writing. You say....

    I conquered my low self esteem and my life changed completely.

    The best way to bring something to life is to be SPECIFIC. I have a friend who has made some big jumps in self-confidence, so I'll use him as an example. Two or three years ago he didn't want to join a gym because he felt so inadequate... smaller than the other guys, very self-concious about his body. Well now, he not only works out in the gym all the time, but even wears muscle t-shirts in to the gym.

    You could say, I find I'm smiling all the time. Sometimes so much my cheeks ache (believe it or not this CAN actually happen, most often it is associated with meeting a true love and a weekend of hot dates).

    Are you someone who HATED to pick up the phone? Now you are calling, asking for and getting better service? We've got to be able to either visualize you doing this stuff and how wonderful and free you feel... or we've got to be able to feel we are inside your head.

    As someone above said, you want your reader to say. YES! I want this to happen to me too!

    Writers give the advice, "Show, don't tell." The difference is that I might write:

    My husband was in a bad mood.     -- This is telling you something

    Or I could write:

    No sooner had I walked in the house than my husband shouted, "Where the hell have you been, the kids are asking about dinner and there is nothing in the house!" -- this is showing you.

    You tell us:

    I conquered my low self esteem and my life changed completely.

    You need to SHOW us that you life has been transformed.
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  • Profile picture of the author karlp295
    Wow! All sound advice and really what I already knew was true.

    Writing with emotion and painting a picture with words is what I need to learn. I am thinking of getting someone to polish it for me and bring it to life...
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    • Profile picture of the author ostrich99
      I'd test the following: (Some of which have already been mentioned)

      1) Test different headlines. Google for some headline formula's (normally fill in the blank type format) and give a bunch some tests.

      2) Add a background color. I have a 24" widescreen and the page ends up being very white and almost to the point that it hurts my eyes. Possibly try a light grey like the Warrior forum, but try some different colors.

      3) Add a guarantee. Actually I just re-read it again and noticed there is a guarantee, but it's so small I just blew right past it. Make the guarantee more obvious and add it to the PS's. Also Test different guarantee periods such as 30 days, 90 days, 6 months, 1 year. Even test 365 Days vs 1 Year, etc. and see which converts better.

      4) Check for congruency. What I mean by that is check to make sure that parts of your sales letter jive with each other. For instance, you say only 10 priority email support left in the PPS, but you say 5 left earlier in the copy.

      And as always, it doesn't matter what I or anyone else says, always test it. What works in my niche may not work in yours.

      Ostrich99
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  • Profile picture of the author activetrader
    You name says nothing to me. What would catch my interest if you said "From a chronic sufferer of low self esteem..." and how I overcame low self-esteem (or something alone those lines) and then narrate your story immediately in the first paragraph.
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  • Profile picture of the author karlp295
    Thanks again you guys!
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    • Profile picture of the author barnsng
      Improve on your transition from one point to the next.

      You started with questions and then you jump right into yourself. If one of your questions manage to get hold of your prospect's attention, you need to continue to hold on to it...continue to build on it...make him say "ah...this guy has the same problem as me".

      "I was negative about everything..." to "One day I made a decision to change..." - what was the turning point that make you sit up and decide to act?

      "I started to read everything I could about self help. I used well-known techniques to improve my self esteem. " - did you discover something from reading about self help? something so obvious that you didn't see it earlier?

      "I conquered my low self esteem and my life changed completely..." to "Life is good!" - 1 headline and 7 sentences. you need to be believable to make the big change.

      Youe salesletter too much of me, myself and I. Lack of the prospect

      Your bullets about the ebook's benefits, can be expand further.

      give more info about the additional gifts you are giving with your ebook.

      Headlines? already commented by others
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      • Profile picture of the author karlp295
        After a couple of years have gone by and having had the copy revamped and having made changes and lots of tests the page is still converting very poorly at about 1% so any body have any new ideas?

        All suggestions will be most appreciated and I hope to be able to improve the conversion rate so I can make a bit more money from this.

        Thanks all....
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