Copywriting Help For Fishoil.com

47 replies
We have been having difficulty making Fishoil.com convert for some time now. We have tested different versions and copy but have yet to see positive results; however, we are not ready to give up. We want to rewrite the site and are looking for an experienced copywriter to help us.

The differentiation between our fish oil and the other fish oils on the market is that we use a newer and better extraction technology that generates the highest potency fish oil available. We think we have missed the mark and struggled to communicate this effectively to our audience leading to our conversion troubles.

If you or you know someone who has background/knowledge in health/supplements and could help us rewrite Fish Oil - Official Site | #1 Ranked Fish Oil (fishoil.com), we would love to connect and hear your thoughts. We are also happy to get some constructive criticism and if you are interested in critiquing our site, we would like to hear from you too!

Of course, any thoughts or insight anyone else might have is always welcomed as well.
#conversion #copywriting #fishoilcom #health/wellness
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    How many visitors do you get a day?

    How do they arrive there?

    Are you doing any paid traffic advertising?

    Tell us more about the symptoms before we go diagnose the problem.

    BTW your lead bullet points have NOTHING differentiating your product from others. As a consumer, I expect that your capsules to be small and easy to swallow. And only a "gearhead" is going to care how many mg are in there...but that may be your target market. I don't know. You have to tell me more about traffic sources to your site--how many and what kind of people are showing up to read it.

    You need more differentiation factors above the fold. I didn't even scroll down the first time I visited the page.

    Visually it's nice enough.
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  • Yes, the site is well designed.

    The copy is more or less there (a bit dry and emotionless though) - and it's all in the wrong places.

    Making it a touch confusing because it looks like a specific order page from a vast vitamin site. I found myself looking for the home page to tell me about the company. And why fish oil is so necessary (people who don't know aren't likely to scroll down to find the answers - they won't search for a problem they don't think they have).

    The home page should be proclaiming the virtues of the various pills and potions. Highlighting the dire problems if you don't take top quality safe, natural and powerful remedies.

    Mentioning of course that your company insists on supreme quality and only uses the optimum ingredients.

    Do this for your fish oil - at the top of the page. Headline style.


    Steve


    P.S. Another way to do this - and make sure it's at the top of the page.

    Tell the good people the "problems" they could get if they don't take fish oil.

    Or state the benefits they get when they do take it.

    You can blend both of these together.

    What does it achieve/what does it prevent.

    Emphasising why they must take the right type of fish oil.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    The copy is boring. It's not hitting any of the triggers that move someone to press that buy button.

    Who's the owner? What's his or her vision? Story?

    What's the story behind the technology? How did you figure it out? How much money was spent on developing it? Is it exclusive to your company/product?

    You're also missing the chance to talk about things like WHY the nutrients in your product break triglycerides back down into fatty acids (so they can escape the cells and help prevent further progression of Metabolic Syndrome.)

    Reduces inflammation? Why? Does it leech toxins from the tissues? Antioxidants?

    There's just so much missing that would make this stand out as being special, different or necessary.

    Mark

    P.S. What's this question thingy in the lower right hand corner asking me about pressing the buy button? Get rid of it!
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  • Profile picture of the author James Clouser
    How are you different from, say, Green Pastures?

    As a consumer in that market, I know from experience that Green Pastures is the go-to for fish oil for a certain segment of consumers. I personally wouldn't touch anything else, even after reading this page.

    That may be OK, depending on who you're going after. But that's not clear at this point.
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    • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
      James, your question is likely a question that many of our customers want the answer to as well. There is just so many brands of fish oil to choose from but few people know what to look for in choosing a quality fish oil. We have the highest amounts of Omega 3's available which makes our product a premium fish oil.
      On our site, we have made a comparison chart between our fish oil and some other leading brands. Do you think this is enough? And what are some of the key things you think customers look for in choosing a quality fish oil?


      Originally Posted by James Clouser View Post

      How are you different from, say, Green Pastures?

      As a consumer in that market, I know from experience that Green Pastures is the go-to for fish oil for a certain segment of consumers. I personally wouldn't touch anything else, even after reading this page.

      That may be OK, depending on who you're going after. But that's not clear at this point.
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      • Profile picture of the author Tim R
        Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

        James, your question is likely a question that many of our customers want the answer to as well. There is just so many brands of fish oil to choose from but few people know what to look for in choosing a quality fish oil. We have the highest amounts of Omega 3's available which makes our product a premium fish oil.
        On our site, we have made a comparison chart between our fish oil and some other leading brands. Do you think this is enough? And what are some of the key things you think customers look for in choosing a quality fish oil?
        It seems like you're trying to sell purely on logic and on scientific data... which has its place, but think about ways that you can appeal to people on an emotional level.

        Also, if you're trying to market yourself as a premium fish oil, look at some of the ways that other premium and high-end brands position themselves in other markets and see what you can learn from that.

        Tim.
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        • Profile picture of the author rockawesome
          Have you considered using article landing pages to lead sales? Some paid advertising that lead to sales articles might prepare your customers to look for your specific benefits.

          Something like, "How Most Fish Oil Includes Ingredients That Don't Work (And How You Can Avoid It)"

          Make sure that article points out the differences between what your brand offers and what your competition offers. For example, include lines like, "Even leading brands like Green Pastures include/don't include X ingredient." End with a call-to-action to check out your brand's site.

          Then send some paid traffic to that article. It'll help support whwatever changes you make to your site.

          (By the way, other copywriters, what are the guidelines on sales articles regarding advertising transparency? We're free to do this without an ugly "ADVERTISEMENT" banner up top, right?)
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          • Profile picture of the author jadt65
            First post , be nice

            I write copy for supplements.

            My suggeston

            Start with the readers experience....

            Are you forgetting people's names five minutes after you are introduced to them?

            Wait...where DID you leave your car keys?

            The teachers are complaining about little ____ 's ADHD....AGAIN?

            ect , ect, ect


            What would you do if someone told you that ONE supplement could help you.....list solutions.

            Well, clinical research shows Omega 3 Fish oil supplements (and yes you need peer reviewed double blind studies..foot noted with full references)^1
            then you lead into the reasons the quality of the fish oil matters.

            Hope that helps.

            1.
            [1] O'Callaghan, N., Parletta,n., Milte,C.M., Benassi-Evans, B.,Fenech, M., and Howe, P.R.C. Telomere shortening in elderly people with mild cognitive impairment may be attenuated with omega-3 fatty acid supplementation: A randomized controlled pilot study. Nutrition. 2013. doi: 10.1016/j.nut.2013.09.013.
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      • Profile picture of the author James Clouser
        Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

        James, your question is likely a question that many of our customers want the answer to as well. There is just so many brands of fish oil to choose from but few people know what to look for in choosing a quality fish oil. We have the highest amounts of Omega 3's available which makes our product a premium fish oil.
        On our site, we have made a comparison chart between our fish oil and some other leading brands. Do you think this is enough? And what are some of the key things you think customers look for in choosing a quality fish oil?
        It depends entirely on the type of customer you wish to attract.

        Green Pasture's customers are going to be Westin Price devotees. They have no use for fish oil pressing "technology". They want it the way grandpa and grandma did it back in the glory days of nutrition. They go to holistic doctors, drink raw milk, and vehemently oppose mainstream medicine (and anything that looks like it).

        That group would RUN as soon as they saw the medical school logo on your page.

        Now, there's another market of people who are skeptical of pharmaceutical medicine, but who still see an MD for their medical care. Maybe a DO. They stubbornly avoid getting on medication and turn to things like fish oil as a hopeful, gentler alternative. They consider themselves informed, but not extremists (like the other guys).

        Your product is more suited to the second group. The "how it works" part will be interesting to them.

        Having said that: as was mentioned above, you can't get too analytical about it. You still have to sell on the emotional reasons for buying the product. What does life look like with lower cholesterol? Paint a picture.

        You also have to make the unique selling position simple. You don't even need to compare products as long as you can PROVE your product is the only one that [x]. I'm not sure the pure Atlantic source is it. If it's the pressing process, that has to be painfully obvious.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
        Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

        James, your question is likely a question that many of our customers want the answer to as well. There is just so many brands of fish oil to choose from but few people know what to look for in choosing a quality fish oil. We have the highest amounts of Omega 3's available which makes our product a premium fish oil.
        On our site, we have made a comparison chart between our fish oil and some other leading brands. Do you think this is enough? And what are some of the key things you think customers look for in choosing a quality fish oil?
        The bottom line is...

        Your current approach isn't working.

        Otherwise, you wouldn't be here - asking the experts, would you?

        Here's your action plan:

        Hire one or more copywriters to position the product differently and run traffic to the new pages.

        See what converts better (e.g. the company story, customer stories, a more emotionally-driven approach of what you currently have, etc.)

        Split test video against just copy. Try a PP vid, a kinetic typography version.... maybe even a Doodle...

        The point is...

        You have a domain that's likely attracting a lot of natural clicks.

        And you're not leveraging that at all.

        Stop being attached to what you have.

        Start getting those new hooks out there to test asap.

        Mark
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  • Yes, you need to answer the killer question...

    Which is...

    Our fish oil is better than anything else on the market because...


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
      You don't have a logical sales argument.

      The site is simply facts cobbled together with the hope you can make a lot of money selling supplements.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sean Fry
    You're going to have to do something VERY unique if you're going to be selling such a common supplement, something that anyone can buy already at any health oriented grocery store.

    Why should anyone buy your fish oil over anyone else's? What's so different about it? That it comes from Antarctic fish? Is yours the only one that does? If not, then what else makes it unique? And why should anyone buy your supplement online instead of at the store?

    You might get some inspiration from onnit.com. Those guys know how to sell a supplement. Also I would look into how Life Extensions markets their supplements. Get their print catalog and study it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
      Thank you all for taking time to review our site. The comments you have made provide good insight and definitely give us some food for thought.

      @JasonKanigan We were doing ppc, exact match "Fish Oil".. and was getting decent traffic but was still having a hard time getting it to convert. In regards to mg per capsule, this is actually one of the biggest differentiators of our product. The EPA and DHA levels make up the mg amount of omega 3's in fish oil. The higher the EPA/DHA, the higher the quality of the fish oil. Our fish oil offers the highest Omega 3 levels available and it seems as though we have missed the mark in communicating this to our audience. Any suggestions on conveying this?

      @Stevethecopywriter & @markpescetti I definitely agree with you that we don't provide enough information on the company.. however; fishoil.com is a fairly authoritative and trustworthy domain, do you think a company bio or background is still a necessity in terms of building trust with the customer?
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
        Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

        @Stevethecopywriter & @markpescetti I definitely agree with you that we don't provide enough information on the company.. however; fishoil.com is a fairly authoritative and trustworthy domain, do you think a company bio or background is still a necessity in terms of building trust with the customer?
        Do you honestly think that just presenting general information makes you an authority?

        Who cares about your domain name. Sure, it has value. But unless you leverage that value and make it your own, it's just one big generic nothing.

        Mark
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      • Profile picture of the author rmotion
        The product bottle itself does not do anything, it looks like a generic label from a contract mnfg. Put some effort into the label.
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    • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
      Great question, and you are definitely right. Fish oil is a huge market with tons of competition, but we really do have the highest grade fish oil using the most updated and advanced technology. We really tried to convey this through our copy, but it looks as though we haven't done a good job of that. We need to position our advantage and differences in such a way that it is enough to convince the customer to switch brands. What are some of the things you think might help sway customers from one brand to another? or do you think we have enough to convince the customer we are better, we just haven't communicated it well?

      Originally Posted by Sean Fry View Post

      You're going to have to do something VERY unique if you're going to be selling such a common supplement, something that anyone can buy already at any health oriented grocery store.

      Why should anyone buy your fish oil over anyone else's? What's so different about it? That it comes from Antarctic fish? Is yours the only one that does? If not, then what else makes it unique? And why should anyone buy your supplement online instead of at the store?

      You might get some inspiration from onnit.com. Those guys know how to sell a supplement. Also I would look into how Life Extensions markets their supplements. Get their print catalog and study it.
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  • Profile picture of the author DanSharp
    First of all, you've got some excellent comments here. Jason's points are worth implemting -- now!

    Don't say "we get X amount of mg," say "we have x mg MORE than anyone else..." Or better yet, xxx% MORE than anyone else!

    You might consider implementing Mark's ideas about the owner's story instead of the "history" blurb. I don't know about you, but as soon as I read the words "landmark study" I go into snooze mode.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Do an opt-in giveaway of a ebook about fish oil
    (with special offer).

    The offer is everything. The book is the bait to get
    in the email box, where you will have abundant
    opportunity to make future special offers.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nate A
    Do you have an affiliate program????? Also, what about wholesale?

    Great thread, and a lot of really good advice.

    I'll try not to beat a dead horse, but a couple of observations and experiences. While I've never ventured into a retail market, in my business I have sought out and sold high-quality fish oil, and here's what worked for me.

    As a gym owner, I sell my clients concentrated liquid fish oil for $30 a bottle. Now, in order to that, I had to figure out what the benefits would be to them. In this case, we are talking about weight loss and intense physical training.

    For my weightloss clients, taking n-3's brought their n-3/n-6 balance back to normal, thereby helping to reverse metabolic derangement, making it easier to lose bodyfat. Fat people could give a rat's a** about inflammation or their heart, they just don't want to be fat. Conversely, with the performance/fitness crowd, the main benefit/USP for fish oil was the inflammation control.

    In our fitness community, we understand that using NSAIDs such as ibuprofin can have a detraining effect if using for treatment of delayed onset muscle soreness. However, omega 3 fatty acids, naturally control inflammation, helping to reduce soreness after intense excercise, making recovery faster, so you can work harder in the gym and get results faster.

    Basically, you could or should, adjust your messages based on the needs of different demographics. There are 4 primary ones that are pretty deep and you can test to see which is the most responsive: fitness & performance, weight loss, elderly & health/longevity conscious, and bio-hackers (improving congnitive performance/mental function/memory, etc). Also, autistic kids, there are literally 1000's, and their parents are DESPERATE for anything to help their kids make even marginal improvements, such as spending double or even triple on gluten free foods.

    You have a lot of options and what appears to be a top notch product. I know because fish oil is the tits, and I recommend all my clients take fish oil.
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    • Profile picture of the author GlenH
      Sorry, but I nearly went to sleep reading your sales page. And as others have said, the copy is full of facts and figures. Plus it's dry and emotionless

      Here are just a couple of off -the-cuff thoughts...

      You have be capturing prospects interest in a better way. At the moment you're bombing out big time doing this

      You have to start positioning your product as superior to all your competition.

      At least start capturing your prospects / visitors details by giving away a provocative free report.

      Something like...

      "5 Reasons Why Off -The-Shelf Fish Oil Supplements Don't Work, (and Could In Fact Be Harming You)"

      Make it provocative enough to grab your potential reader by the throat and make them read about what you have to say
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  • Profile picture of the author ReveryMarketing
    I would like to see what ads your using in your PPC campaign. Who are you targeting with your ads? People that want to lose weight, build muscle, build a healthy heart? I would split test my ads targeting these different users just to see whos buying.

    I've had major increase in conversions based on ad copy alone. Obviously your copy needs work but the fastest way to test who your buyers are IMO is by split testing your ads and carrying that train of thought to your landing page.

    For Example (All off the top of my head):

    AD COPY
    Build Muscle Faster - 1000mg Fish oil
    Get The Purest Form of Omega 3 So You
    Can Build Muscle Faster - Learn More here!

    Headline:
    Discover How You Can Stack on 5 Pounds of Lean Muscle in the Next 20 Days by Using our New 1,000 mg "Super Critical" Fish Oil Pills...

    All you have to do is make a new page, tweak the copy of the headline and show them how they can gain more muscle by using Fish Oil pills.

    Do the same things for the other users (Weight Loss Guys, Healthy Heart Guys) and make sure that the pages go to landing pages that speak of their specific problem and how their problem can be fixed with your product.

    I also hope your making some money on that back end with this. My mind is firing off with all kinds of great ways to increase that lifetime value of your customer.

    Rene
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  • I have spoken to Fishoil guy personally, when he contacted me in the past. And... I told him what he needed to make this work. I can assure everyone my answer wasn't "forget paying someone who knows how to fix this, and just ask warriors for free help instead."

    As someone rightly said it's all about showing how your fish oil is better than the rest. But how is it better? And how can you show it to be the case? Aaaah, that's the $25,000.00 (+ a percentage) question.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    - Yes, less dry words and more oily ones.lol

    - A story (I doubt any of your market segments want to buy from Bayer, or
    big pharma) : Carlson Labs (not affiliated link of course)

    - Documented research for the fish oil techies. Yes, authority is needed in a
    competitive market.

    - A more emotional appeal: "The only fish oil you'd want your Grandma to take
    for her arthritis." Or, "The only fish oil your Grandma wants you to take."
    Maybe something like Columbia Sportswear did with their founder, if your
    company founder can be a character. Or a spokesperson character.
    Columbia Sportswear | Gert Boyle, Chairman of the Board (no aff.)

    - Web analytics - Where are you losing people? Why?
    How come this: "Why Leading Doctors Recommend Viva Labs Fish Oil" is buried
    at the bottom of the home page and not easy to navigate or linked?

    - Where is the relationship building and email list building?

    Biz
    Signature

    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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  • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
    These are some great comments and it really sounds like we haven't told a good story. @GlenH, @stevethecopywriter, and others have mentioned that we need to re position ourselves and tell why we are more superior and I couldn't agree more.

    Can anyone recommend an experienced copywriter who may be interested in helping us rewrite the site?
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
      Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

      These are some great comments and it really sounds like we haven't told a good story. @GlenH, @stevethecopywriter, and others have mentioned that we need to re position ourselves and tell why we are more superior and I couldn't agree more.

      Can anyone recommend an experienced copywriter who may be interested in helping us rewrite the site?
      I'm curious...

      How many of the top converting health/supplement based sales letters/VSLs have you looked at?

      It's not like ANY of the insights offered here are groundbreaking. Far from it.

      There are tons of simply awesome controls to deconstruct and get ideas from. (No, I didn't necessarily say swipe.)

      IMHP....

      There's a time to pick copywriter's brains...

      ...and there's a time to study your ass off and make sure you're at least coming to the plate with the right questions.

      Mark

      P.S. I hear Vin Montello is pretty good ;-)

      P.P.S. Take a hint from other health companies: Use your root domain for an authority site...

      ...and create a store.fishoil.com folder for your individual direct response campaigns.
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      • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
        Mark, I have also heard good things about Vin and we are considering him. I want to do the company some due diligence though and find a few writers to consider, do you have anyone else in mind? It sounds like you have a good understanding of what we need.

        Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post

        I'm curious...

        How many of the top converting health/supplement based sales letters/VSLs have you looked at?

        It's not like ANY of the insights offered here are groundbreaking. Far from it.

        There are tons of simply awesome controls to deconstruct and get ideas from. (No, I didn't necessarily say swipe.)

        IMHP....

        There's a time to pick copywriter's brains...

        ...and there's a time to study your ass off and make sure you're at least coming to the plate with the right questions.

        Mark

        P.S. I hear Vin Montello is pretty good ;-)

        P.P.S. Take a hint from other health companies: Use your root domain for an authority site...

        ...and create a store.fishoil.com folder for your individual direct response campaigns.
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Here's 2 names well worth considering...

          They have a great track record in health supplements.

          Forbidden Copywriting Secrets That Make Millions in Sales
          Robert Hutchinson

          Kent Komae's PROFITABLE PERSUASION
          Kent Komae

          Best,
          Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
          Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

          Mark, I have also heard good things about Vin and we are considering him. I want to do the company some due diligence though and find a few writers to consider, do you have anyone else in mind? It sounds like you have a good understanding of what we need.
          Rick Duris, Daniel Scott and Mike Humphreys are ALL awesome.

          Mike just gave you some sound advice.

          Mark
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          • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
            Great suggestions Mark. Thanks!

            I will definitely reach out to Rick and Daniel. Mike definitely gave some good advice and I hope to hear from him too.

            Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post

            Rick Duris, Daniel Scott and Mike Humphreys are ALL awesome.

            Mike just gave you some sound advice.

            Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Some good suggestions above.

    I noticed your site is heavy on features and not so focused on benefits.

    Didn't see it, but would be a good idea to do a recurring billing each month for another bottle.

    If you're coming out with a new product...or you're competing with other products, you need to be proactive in your marketing.

    Here's how I'd do it (I"m not gonna take the time to think long and hard about exactly how I would say things, but here's a general idea...you can tweak it and change it to suit yourself):

    I'd change your headline...

    100% Pure Antarctic Fish Oil with the

    Highest Concentration of Omega-3's


    To something like...

    May We Send You a 30 Day Supply Of Our

    100% Pure Antarctic Fish Oil With The

    Highest Concentration Of Omega-3's

    Absolutely Free?


    The first bottle would be free, then they'd be billed monthly till they canceled.

    I'd then start out with something like...

    Dear Friend:

    With your permission, within a few days...blah, blah, blah (explain how you'd like them to begin experiencing what others are raving about)

    (Some quick killer testimonials with attention grabbing headlines)

    Go into story...something like...

    You're crazy they said.

    They were talking about my idea for a fish oil that was 90% pure.

    "We don't need another supplement that...blah, blah, blah

    "What we need is blah, blah, blah...

    I couldn't have agreed more.

    (Tell about the fish in the purest waters in the world)

    You need to make your product interesting and irresistible.

    The way you have it now is too medical and has little emotion.

    I'd tweak the headline and work hard on the testimonials.

    The story you tell should be captivating and interesting.

    You'd give away the first bottle...but make up for it in the months to follow.

    Who can resist free? Then they're hooked.

    With the free bottle you could send some more detailed info on the product.

    Normally when the freebie like this is given...you'll have some cancel, but the ones who stay on allow you to come out much further ahead then if you do what you're doing now by selling the first bottle.

    Just some real quick thoughts.

    Wish you well.
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    • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
      I really like the approach you suggested and even the way it was worded. We honestly haven't considered this approach much but we are open to all and any ideas. Do you have a writer you could recommend?

      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      Some good suggestions above.

      I noticed your site is heavy on features and not so focused on benefits.

      Didn't see it, but would be a good idea to do a recurring billing each month for another bottle.

      If you're coming out with a new product...or you're competing with other products, you need to be proactive in your marketing.

      Here's how I'd do it (I"m not gonna take the time to think long and hard about exactly how I would say things, but here's a general idea...you can tweak it and change it to suit yourself):

      I'd change your headline...

      100% Pure Antarctic Fish Oil with the

      Highest Concentration of Omega-3's


      To something like...

      May We Send You a 30 Day Supply Of Our

      100% Pure Antarctic Fish Oil With The

      Highest Concentration Of Omega-3's

      Absolutely Free?


      The first bottle would be free, then they'd be billed monthly till they canceled.

      I'd then start out with something like...

      Dear Friend:

      With your permission, within a few days...blah, blah, blah (explain how you'd like them to begin experiencing what others are raving about)

      (Some quick killer testimonials with attention grabbing headlines)

      Go into story...something like...

      You're crazy they said.

      They were talking about my idea for a fish oil that was 90% pure.

      "We don't need another supplement that...blah, blah, blah

      "What we need is blah, blah, blah...

      I couldn't have agreed more.

      (Tell about the fish in the purest waters in the world)

      You need to make your product interesting and irresistible.

      The way you have it now is too medical and has little emotion.

      I'd tweak the headline and work hard on the testimonials.

      The story you tell should be captivating and interesting.

      You'd give away the first bottle...but make up for it in the months to follow.

      Who can resist free? Then they're hooked.

      With the free bottle you could send some more detailed info on the product.

      Normally when the freebie like this is given...you'll have some cancel, but the ones who stay on allow you to come out much further ahead then if you do what you're doing now by selling the first bottle.

      Just some real quick thoughts.

      Wish you well.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    As it stands you don't have a sales page. You have a glorified catalog listing. You've got a lot of good advice in this thread. Why not make a deal with a proven writer and get this thing in shape for some sales?
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  • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
    @travlinguy, I definitely agree. Do you or anyone else know a good writer to help us out? We envisioned the site to take on more of a soft sell approach vs. the hard sell approach that looks like is the popular suggestion here.

    What do you think?
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    • Profile picture of the author Marvin Johnston
      Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

      @travlinguy, I definitely agree. Do you or anyone else know a good writer to help us out? We envisioned the site to take on more of a soft sell approach vs. the hard sell approach that looks like is the popular suggestion here.

      What do you think?
      It is kind of hard to know what you are after, and what you are willing to do from reading the comments. I thought your question was addressed pretty well by MontelloMarketing.

      If this is a business, instead of talking about what to do, how about thinking about the ROI on paying someone else who knows what they are doing to address the issue.

      And if you don't know how to calculate the ROI on their services, they could probably help out there as well.

      While you are getting some really good advice here, it doesn't sound like you are taking action on any or much or of it. Or what you are asking is not the real question/problem you want addressed.

      Marvin
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    It's not only a copywriting issue. And, it's more than showing how the product is the best.

    The website content, navigation, conversion, and the whole sales/marketing process needs to be better than the rest.
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  • Profile picture of the author MikeHumphreys
    I was talking shop with another copywriter last night and he pointed me to this thread. Why? Because I've written for the supplement market numerous times, including one client who does over $100 million per year.

    So I thought I'd share a few of the things I mentioned off the cuff to him about this product & site for the benefit of the OP.

    I took a quick skim of your website. There's a lot that needs to overhauled besides just the copy. A rewrite is NOT going to fix everything that is wrong with your product, your positioning, or your marketing funnel.

    For starters...

    Your product name is uninspiring and easily forgotten. When your product is compared to the other products in the chart, visually your product's label looks really bad.

    Yes, you have a nice domain name for SEO purposes but as a product name... it's too bland. The site also has the look that would appeal to an under 40 year old man which is NOT your major target market.

    Because of your bland name, your target market is probably going to think that your price point is too high for a single ingredient supplement. They're going to think "why should I pay $25 for a bottle (after shipping) for something I can get in bulk at Walmart for $6?" Or they're going to dig out their Puritan's Pride catalog and order them in bulk with one of their buy 2 get 2-4 extra bottles for free.

    Granted there is a difference in quality... in processing/creation of the supplement... but it's not the dominant message for your site. And if you're going to command premium pricing for your supplement then the layout and copy have to sell them on WHY your product is worth spending more to get it.

    My advice is to talk with a few copywriters. In order to hire a top-notch copywriter with experience with your niche, you need to be willing to offer them a 4-5 figure project fee plus ongoing royalties. You'll also have to commit to doing some of the follow-up testing & tweaking with them to really maximize your business sales.

    Hope that helps,

    Mike
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    • Profile picture of the author Fishoil
      Great advice Mike! Thanks!

      Yes, we are fully committed and ready to do whatever it takes to make this work. We just need to find the right people to work with. Are you interested or do you have anyone who you think would be interested and you think would be of good assistance?

      Originally Posted by MikeHumphreys View Post

      I was talking shop with another copywriter last night and he pointed me to this thread. Why? Because I've written for the supplement market numerous times, including one client who does over $100 million per year.

      So I thought I'd share a few of the things I mentioned off the cuff to him about this product & site for the benefit of the OP.

      I took a quick skim of your website. There's a lot that needs to overhauled besides just the copy. A rewrite is NOT going to fix everything that is wrong with your product, your positioning, or your marketing funnel.

      For starters...

      Your product name is uninspiring and easily forgotten. When your product is compared to the other products in the chart, visually your product's label looks really bad.

      Yes, you have a nice domain name for SEO purposes but as a product name... it's too bland. The site also has the look that would appeal to an under 40 year old man which is NOT your major target market.

      Because of your bland name, your target market is probably going to think that your price point is too high for a single ingredient supplement. They're going to think "why should I pay $25 for a bottle (after shipping) for something I can get in bulk at Walmart for $6?" Or they're going to dig out their Puritan's Pride catalog and order them in bulk with one of their buy 2 get 2-4 extra bottles for free.

      Granted there is a difference in quality... in processing/creation of the supplement... but it's not the dominant message for your site. And if you're going to command premium pricing for your supplement then the layout and copy have to sell them on WHY your product is worth spending more to get it.

      My advice is to talk with a few copywriters. In order to hire a top-notch copywriter with experience with your niche, you need to be willing to offer them a 4-5 figure project fee plus ongoing royalties. You'll also have to commit to doing some of the follow-up testing & tweaking with them to really maximize your business sales.

      Hope that helps,

      Mike
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  • Profile picture of the author GlenH
    Originally Posted by Fishoil View Post

    We have been having difficulty making Fishoil.com convert for some time now. We have tested different versions and copy but have yet to see positive results; however, we are not ready to give up. We want to rewrite the site and are looking for an experienced copywriter to help us.

    The differentiation between our fish oil and the other fish oils on the market is that we use a newer and better extraction technology that generates the highest potency fish oil available. We think we have missed the mark and struggled to communicate this effectively to our audience leading to our conversion troubles.

    If you or you know someone who has background/knowledge in health/supplements and could help us rewrite Fish Oil - Official Site | #1 Ranked Fish Oil (fishoil.com), we would love to connect and hear your thoughts. We are also happy to get some constructive criticism and if you are interested in critiquing our site, we would like to hear from you too!

    Of course, any thoughts or insight anyone else might have is always welcomed as well.
    Check out how a copywriting legend sells 'Olive Oil', then compare that with what you've written

    https://www.freshpressedoliveoil.com/a/SAJWA21_ILN_Q114
    https://www.freshpressedoliveoil.com...21_ILN_Q114/dl
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    You need to hit the potential clients where it hurts. I don't know much about this type of product, but whatever product that you want to sell using ad copy it will be much easier if you can hit emotional points that are generated by pain of some sort.

    Look at how this great ad addresses dangers right from the get-go:
    The Chelation Miracle
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  • Profile picture of the author Ghoster
    No offense to whoever wrote your copy, but it has a slight ESL feel to it. I would start there, since you need to establish yourself as an authority.

    Example:

    Medical interest in Fish Oil went up in 1960 when Danish Scientists found that the Inuit natives of the Arctic region had a much lower risk of heart disease from eating cold water fatty fish.
    "went up" --> "increased

    The second part of the sentence is awkward.
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  • Profile picture of the author markpocock
    1. Your headline is very generic. Any fish oil company could use this headline.

    2. You need a proof element in your headline. At the moment it sounds like you're boasting.

    3. You're not considering the stages of awareness and sophistication of your market. The market has heard about fish oil before. You need a new promise.

    4. By showing the container straight away you're revealing I'm going to be sold to. So if I commit to reading your copy I know I'm going to be sold to. Therefore as soon as I see your page my resistance to being sold to goes up. Result I ain't going to read on.

    5. The copy isn't valuable. You're not giving me any valuable info in your page. I'm not going to print this page out and pin it up somewhere.

    6. I don't understand "Paleolithic Era". So you've made me feel stupid. So I'm out there.

    7. Your first sentence has over 30 words in it. Jeez this looks like hard work - IF I read on. So I'm bailing out.

    "The health benefits of Fish Oil have been documented as far back as the Paleolithic Era where the healthiest civilizations had access to Omega-3 rich fish as a regular staple for their diet."

    8. You're not backing up every claim you make with proof.

    9. You've got other web pages along the top. These take the reader out of your sales page. Mistake. Just get the person to read the sales page and then buy. Don't give them the chance to wonder off.

    Just a few things for you to ponder.... -

    Mark
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    • Profile picture of the author markpocock
      Just noticed this fish oil thread is from last year.

      Did any of you guys write for this fish oil crowd?

      I see their web page is still the same.
      Signature

      Get a FREE 20 minute consultation on your sales letter. Contact me today
      And have the secrets A-List Copywriters - David Garfinkel & Parris Lampropoulos
      use in their multimillion dollar promotions
      www.markpocock.com

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  • Profile picture of the author svedski
    Nobody wants to buy fish oil, except if they get it together with their other supplements and vitamins.

    You have to make it VERY special to get someone to order fish oil separately.

    Why? Because there's no immediate benefit/effects. You take fish oil because you have to. It's a dofus idea, can it.
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