Copywriting Help For Fishoil.com

How many visitors do you get a day?

How do they arrive there?

Are you doing any paid traffic advertising?

Tell us more about the symptoms before we go diagnose the problem.

BTW your lead bullet points have NOTHING differentiating your product from others. As a consumer, I expect that your capsules to be small and easy to swallow. And only a "gearhead" is going to care how many mg are in there...but that may be your target market. I don't know. You have to tell me more about traffic sources to your site--how many and what kind of people are showing up to read it.

You need more differentiation factors above the fold. I didn't even scroll down the first time I visited the page.

Visually it's nice enough.

Yes, the site is well designed.

The copy is more or less there (a bit dry and emotionless though) - and it's all in the wrong places.

Making it a touch confusing because it looks like a specific order page from a vast vitamin site. I found myself looking for the home page to tell me about the company. And why fish oil is so necessary (people who don't know aren't likely to scroll down to find the answers - they won't search for a problem they don't think they have).

The home page should be proclaiming the virtues of the various pills and potions. Highlighting the dire problems if you don't take top quality safe, natural and powerful remedies.

Mentioning of course that your company insists on supreme quality and only uses the optimum ingredients.

Do this for your fish oil - at the top of the page. Headline style.


Steve


P.S. Another way to do this - and make sure it's at the top of the page.

Tell the good people the "problems" they could get if they don't take fish oil.

Or state the benefits they get when they do take it.

You can blend both of these together.

What does it achieve/what does it prevent.

Emphasising why they must take the right type of fish oil.

The copy is boring. It's not hitting any of the triggers that move someone to press that buy button.

Who's the owner? What's his or her vision? Story?

What's the story behind the technology? How did you figure it out? How much money was spent on developing it? Is it exclusive to your company/product?

You're also missing the chance to talk about things like WHY the nutrients in your product break triglycerides back down into fatty acids (so they can escape the cells and help prevent further progression of Metabolic Syndrome.)

Reduces inflammation? Why? Does it leech toxins from the tissues? Antioxidants?

There's just so much missing that would make this stand out as being special, different or necessary.

Mark

P.S. What's this question thingy in the lower right hand corner asking me about pressing the buy button? Get rid of it!

How are you different from, say, Green Pastures?

As a consumer in that market, I know from experience that Green Pastures is the go-to for fish oil for a certain segment of consumers. I personally wouldn't touch anything else, even after reading this page.

That may be OK, depending on who you're going after. But that's not clear at this point.

Yes, you need to answer the killer question...

Which is...

Our fish oil is better than anything else on the market because...


Steve

You're going to have to do something VERY unique if you're going to be selling such a common supplement, something that anyone can buy already at any health oriented grocery store.

Why should anyone buy your fish oil over anyone else's? What's so different about it? That it comes from Antarctic fish? Is yours the only one that does? If not, then what else makes it unique? And why should anyone buy your supplement online instead of at the store?

You might get some inspiration from onnit.com. Those guys know how to sell a supplement. Also I would look into how Life Extensions markets their supplements. Get their print catalog and study it.

First of all, you've got some excellent comments here. Jason's points are worth implemting -- now!

Don't say "we get X amount of mg," say "we have x mg MORE than anyone else..." Or better yet, xxx% MORE than anyone else!

You might consider implementing Mark's ideas about the owner's story instead of the "history" blurb. I don't know about you, but as soon as I read the words "landmark study" I go into snooze mode.

Do an opt-in giveaway of a ebook about fish oil
(with special offer).

The offer is everything. The book is the bait to get
in the email box, where you will have abundant
opportunity to make future special offers.

Do you have an affiliate program????? Also, what about wholesale?

Great thread, and a lot of really good advice.

I'll try not to beat a dead horse, but a couple of observations and experiences. While I've never ventured into a retail market, in my business I have sought out and sold high-quality fish oil, and here's what worked for me.

As a gym owner, I sell my clients concentrated liquid fish oil for $30 a bottle. Now, in order to that, I had to figure out what the benefits would be to them. In this case, we are talking about weight loss and intense physical training.

For my weightloss clients, taking n-3's brought their n-3/n-6 balance back to normal, thereby helping to reverse metabolic derangement, making it easier to lose bodyfat. Fat people could give a rat's a** about inflammation or their heart, they just don't want to be fat. Conversely, with the performance/fitness crowd, the main benefit/USP for fish oil was the inflammation control.

In our fitness community, we understand that using NSAIDs such as ibuprofin can have a detraining effect if using for treatment of delayed onset muscle soreness. However, omega 3 fatty acids, naturally control inflammation, helping to reduce soreness after intense excercise, making recovery faster, so you can work harder in the gym and get results faster.

Basically, you could or should, adjust your messages based on the needs of different demographics. There are 4 primary ones that are pretty deep and you can test to see which is the most responsive: fitness & performance, weight loss, elderly & health/longevity conscious, and bio-hackers (improving congnitive performance/mental function/memory, etc). Also, autistic kids, there are literally 1000's, and their parents are DESPERATE for anything to help their kids make even marginal improvements, such as spending double or even triple on gluten free foods.

You have a lot of options and what appears to be a top notch product. I know because fish oil is the tits, and I recommend all my clients take fish oil.

I would like to see what ads your using in your PPC campaign. Who are you targeting with your ads? People that want to lose weight, build muscle, build a healthy heart? I would split test my ads targeting these different users just to see whos buying.

I've had major increase in conversions based on ad copy alone. Obviously your copy needs work but the fastest way to test who your buyers are IMO is by split testing your ads and carrying that train of thought to your landing page.

For Example (All off the top of my head):

AD COPY
Build Muscle Faster - 1000mg Fish oil
Get The Purest Form of Omega 3 So You
Can Build Muscle Faster - Learn More here!

Headline:
Discover How You Can Stack on 5 Pounds of Lean Muscle in the Next 20 Days by Using our New 1,000 mg "Super Critical" Fish Oil Pills...

All you have to do is make a new page, tweak the copy of the headline and show them how they can gain more muscle by using Fish Oil pills.

Do the same things for the other users (Weight Loss Guys, Healthy Heart Guys) and make sure that the pages go to landing pages that speak of their specific problem and how their problem can be fixed with your product.

I also hope your making some money on that back end with this. My mind is firing off with all kinds of great ways to increase that lifetime value of your customer.

Rene

I have spoken to Fishoil guy personally, when he contacted me in the past. And... I told him what he needed to make this work. I can assure everyone my answer wasn't "forget paying someone who knows how to fix this, and just ask warriors for free help instead."

As someone rightly said it's all about showing how your fish oil is better than the rest. But how is it better? And how can you show it to be the case? Aaaah, that's the $25,000.00 (+ a percentage) question.

- Yes, less dry words and more oily ones.lol

- A story (I doubt any of your market segments want to buy from Bayer, or
big pharma) : Carlson Labs (not affiliated link of course)

- Documented research for the fish oil techies. Yes, authority is needed in a
competitive market.

- A more emotional appeal: "The only fish oil you'd want your Grandma to take
for her arthritis." Or, "The only fish oil your Grandma wants you to take."
Maybe something like Columbia Sportswear did with their founder, if your
company founder can be a character. Or a spokesperson character.
Columbia Sportswear | Gert Boyle, Chairman of the Board (no aff.)

- Web analytics - Where are you losing people? Why?
How come this: "Why Leading Doctors Recommend Viva Labs Fish Oil" is buried
at the bottom of the home page and not easy to navigate or linked?

- Where is the relationship building and email list building?

Biz

These are some great comments and it really sounds like we haven't told a good story. @GlenH, @stevethecopywriter, and others have mentioned that we need to re position ourselves and tell why we are more superior and I couldn't agree more.

Can anyone recommend an experienced copywriter who may be interested in helping us rewrite the site?

Some good suggestions above.

I noticed your site is heavy on features and not so focused on benefits.

Didn't see it, but would be a good idea to do a recurring billing each month for another bottle.

If you're coming out with a new product...or you're competing with other products, you need to be proactive in your marketing.

Here's how I'd do it (I"m not gonna take the time to think long and hard about exactly how I would say things, but here's a general idea...you can tweak it and change it to suit yourself):

I'd change your headline...

100% Pure Antarctic Fish Oil with the

Highest Concentration of Omega-3's

To something like...

May We Send You a 30 Day Supply Of Our

100% Pure Antarctic Fish Oil With The

Highest Concentration Of Omega-3's

Absolutely Free?

The first bottle would be free, then they'd be billed monthly till they canceled.

I'd then start out with something like...

Dear Friend:

With your permission, within a few days...blah, blah, blah (explain how you'd like them to begin experiencing what others are raving about)

(Some quick killer testimonials with attention grabbing headlines)

Go into story...something like...

You're crazy they said.

They were talking about my idea for a fish oil that was 90% pure.

"We don't need another supplement that...blah, blah, blah

"What we need is blah, blah, blah...

I couldn't have agreed more.

(Tell about the fish in the purest waters in the world)

You need to make your product interesting and irresistible.

The way you have it now is too medical and has little emotion.

I'd tweak the headline and work hard on the testimonials.

The story you tell should be captivating and interesting.

You'd give away the first bottle...but make up for it in the months to follow.

Who can resist free? Then they're hooked.

With the free bottle you could send some more detailed info on the product.

Normally when the freebie like this is given...you'll have some cancel, but the ones who stay on allow you to come out much further ahead then if you do what you're doing now by selling the first bottle.

Just some real quick thoughts.

Wish you well.

As it stands you don't have a sales page. You have a glorified catalog listing. You've got a lot of good advice in this thread. Why not make a deal with a proven writer and get this thing in shape for some sales?

@travlinguy, I definitely agree. Do you or anyone else know a good writer to help us out? We envisioned the site to take on more of a soft sell approach vs. the hard sell approach that looks like is the popular suggestion here.

What do you think?

It's not only a copywriting issue. And, it's more than showing how the product is the best.

The website content, navigation, conversion, and the whole sales/marketing process needs to be better than the rest.

I was talking shop with another copywriter last night and he pointed me to this thread. Why? Because I've written for the supplement market numerous times, including one client who does over $100 million per year.

So I thought I'd share a few of the things I mentioned off the cuff to him about this product & site for the benefit of the OP.

I took a quick skim of your website. There's a lot that needs to overhauled besides just the copy. A rewrite is NOT going to fix everything that is wrong with your product, your positioning, or your marketing funnel.

For starters...

Your product name is uninspiring and easily forgotten. When your product is compared to the other products in the chart, visually your product's label looks really bad.

Yes, you have a nice domain name for SEO purposes but as a product name... it's too bland. The site also has the look that would appeal to an under 40 year old man which is NOT your major target market.

Because of your bland name, your target market is probably going to think that your price point is too high for a single ingredient supplement. They're going to think "why should I pay $25 for a bottle (after shipping) for something I can get in bulk at Walmart for $6?" Or they're going to dig out their Puritan's Pride catalog and order them in bulk with one of their buy 2 get 2-4 extra bottles for free.

Granted there is a difference in quality... in processing/creation of the supplement... but it's not the dominant message for your site. And if you're going to command premium pricing for your supplement then the layout and copy have to sell them on WHY your product is worth spending more to get it.

My advice is to talk with a few copywriters. In order to hire a top-notch copywriter with experience with your niche, you need to be willing to offer them a 4-5 figure project fee plus ongoing royalties. You'll also have to commit to doing some of the follow-up testing & tweaking with them to really maximize your business sales.

Hope that helps,

Mike

Check out how a copywriting legend sells 'Olive Oil', then compare that with what you've written

https://www.freshpressedoliveoil.com/a/SAJWA21_ILN_Q114
https://www.freshpressedoliveoil.com...21_ILN_Q114/dl

You need to hit the potential clients where it hurts. I don't know much about this type of product, but whatever product that you want to sell using ad copy it will be much easier if you can hit emotional points that are generated by pain of some sort.

Look at how this great ad addresses dangers right from the get-go:
The Chelation Miracle

No offense to whoever wrote your copy, but it has a slight ESL feel to it. I would start there, since you need to establish yourself as an authority.

Example:

"went up" --> "increased

The second part of the sentence is awkward.

1. Your headline is very generic. Any fish oil company could use this headline.

2. You need a proof element in your headline. At the moment it sounds like you're boasting.

3. You're not considering the stages of awareness and sophistication of your market. The market has heard about fish oil before. You need a new promise.

4. By showing the container straight away you're revealing I'm going to be sold to. So if I commit to reading your copy I know I'm going to be sold to. Therefore as soon as I see your page my resistance to being sold to goes up. Result I ain't going to read on.

5. The copy isn't valuable. You're not giving me any valuable info in your page. I'm not going to print this page out and pin it up somewhere.

6. I don't understand "Paleolithic Era". So you've made me feel stupid. So I'm out there.

7. Your first sentence has over 30 words in it. Jeez this looks like hard work - IF I read on. So I'm bailing out.

"The health benefits of Fish Oil have been documented as far back as the Paleolithic Era where the healthiest civilizations had access to Omega-3 rich fish as a regular staple for their diet."

8. You're not backing up every claim you make with proof.

9. You've got other web pages along the top. These take the reader out of your sales page. Mistake. Just get the person to read the sales page and then buy. Don't give them the chance to wonder off.

Just a few things for you to ponder.... -

Mark

Nobody wants to buy fish oil, except if they get it together with their other supplements and vitamins.

You have to make it VERY special to get someone to order fish oil separately.

Why? Because there's no immediate benefit/effects. You take fish oil because you have to. It's a dofus idea, can it.