Squeeze Page Critique Needed

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Hi folks,

First off, excuse any potential typos - I'm typing this from a friend's computer, in a house next to a gorgeous lake, and with a hangover to boot after what, by all rights, is the kind of weekend that belongs strictly in my adolescent years, so bear with me...

Anyway, shortly before leaving, I had put up a squeeze page and set up some targeted PPC traffic to it. It's converting - but not at the kind of rate I would like to.

Recession Job Hunter - How to Find Paying, Steady, Safe Jobs in the Biggest Recession Since the Great Depression!

I've had 69 visitors so far, of whom 10 have opted in, giving me a dismal conversion rate of 6.9%, which is pretty grim, even by my current beer-goggled standards.

If you can offer some critique on how it can be improved, I'd be very grateful - one of my squeeze pages in the relationship repair niche converts at ~30% with targeted EZA traffic, but, for the life of me, I cannot replicate it with this one.

I am using the Eben Pagan technique of keeping it short and sweet - but it seems that it's too short and not sweet enough.

Ideas?

Thanks in advance,
George
#copywriting #critique #needed #page #squeeze
  • I am still quite new to all this marketing but thought I would make a suggestion about how it reads from the perspective of a newbie.

    I found the headline 'hard to read' and had to read it again (which I would not have done if I simply landed on the page rather than being asked to review it)

    I have written a couple of ideas below

    How To Land That Job By Knowing The Experts
    Answers To The 10 Most Difficult Interview Questions

    Discover How To Pass Job Interviews With Flying Colors
    When You Know The Answers You Should Be Giving
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • A simple grammatical fix would probably increase your conversions slightly. Put the word "the" in between "to" and "10" in "You Are About to Discover Winning Answers to (the) 10 Deadliest Interview Questions - Free of Charge!" To drastically increase conversions, you should rewrite the headline to draw an emotional response. I would actually use your headline as a sub-headline and put over it, in larger letters and possibly all caps, something along the lines of "NEVER MISS OUT ON THAT DREAM JOB AGAIN!" or something similar. People buy what they need out of logic, "I need a car, I'll get a nice hybrid sedan". People buy what they WANT out of emotion "I would be the envy of my friends in that red Ferrari". Just because the offer is free doesn't mean you're not selling it, and selling this product is like selling a Ferrari, when the average interview skills are the hybrid. Just my take on the matter of course.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Thanks a lot for the feedback - and I feel dreadfully embarrassed about the mistake you spotted (it's certainly not the kind of error I usually make).

    Please keep the feedback coming - I'm using Website Optimizer to split-test the landing pages, and I'm looking forward to incorporating more of your suggestions to hopefully get the conversion rate at least to 30%.
  • You undermine your credibility somewhat and it might make me NOT optin after seeing this:

    "(Check Your E-Mail in 5-10 Minutes for the Download Link)"

    but yet your submit button says "Free Instant Download"

    So which is it?

    Because if your telling me it's instant, I don't want to wait 5 or 10 minutes.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Well spotted, sir!

    The reason I added the 5-10 minute wait notification is to give people a reason to read the sales letter that they get redirected to upon signing-up - as opposed to immediately leaving in a rush to check their inbox for the download.
  • Ok, here's a big one for you...

    Nobody wants to answer all the interview questions right when they're trying to get a job.

    Nobody wants to win the heart of the interviewer.

    Nobody wants to write a killer resume, or get dozens of interviews, or get callbacks all the time.

    They want a kick-ass, well paying, fun job - and they want to do as little real "job searching" as possible to get it. This includes scripting out answers to interview questions.

    Don't tell them that they can answer interview questions well with your ebook, because honestly, they don't CARE. Tell them that they can get their dream job with your ebook - they'll be beating down your door.

    - Cherilyn
    The Canadian Copywriter
  • That's 14.5% not 6.9...
    • [1] reply
  • Hey George...

    First up, if you're going to have
    a longer form squeeze page, you
    should put an opt in at the bottom
    after the testimonials too.

    That alone will probably boost
    your conversions.

    Next, think about the end result
    of the customer opting in. Not
    what they physically get, but
    the very end benefit of your
    product. Better job = More money.
    Happier life. Better future.

    Focus on those things. In an
    economy like this it should be
    pretty easy to illustrate the
    benefits of this.

    That goes for your headline,
    but also for your bullets too...

    Make it exciting. Try and
    capture their imaginations
    with what your product will
    help them achieve.

    Good luck

    -David Raybould
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    Squeeze Page Critique Needed

    Hi folks, First off, excuse any potential typos - I'm typing this from a friend's computer, in a house next to a gorgeous lake, and with a hangover to boot after what, by all rights, is the kind of weekend that belongs strictly in my adolescent years, so bear with me...