My First Sales Page. YOUR reviews would really help

Excellent copy, especially for your first real sales page. One suggestion would be the injection of "Visual Language". An example would be "
Next time you visit a beach you will want to show off your hard, sculpted body. No more covering up and hiding that marshmallow of a body you are so ashamed of." Most people are visual perceivers and giving them detailed images to think about has a stunning effect. Hope that helps.

"Excellent copy, especially for your first real sales page."
Thanks very much for that - really has given me a boost after spending so long on it. Many thanks must go to all Warriors who have helped me immensley by me simply reading their posts.

One suggestion would be the injection of "Visual Language".
Great suggestion - thanks for that - something which I had not even thought about.

Sorry, but your copy is not excellent. If your going to successfully sell this for $47 your copy is going to have to be MUCH better - more convincing and longer.

Hi Justin - thanks for your response. Looks like much more work ahead for me.

A question about your I.M. press release generator software - have you done a version of this to help produce press releases for non-I.M. markets i.e. for companies wanting to write press releases about new (physical) product launches ?
There could be a very big market for such software on general business forums.

Jules, immediately, I would change your headline. It's much too bland and sounds unbelievable.

Secondly, incorporate "power words" more. As someone who loves lifting weights, your copy doesn't speak my language.

If you want to get to the core of your prospects, you need to speak their lingo. Go to bodybuilding forums, talk to actual people, listen in on the words we use. We don't use, "muscular toned body". We want "Ripped, Shredded Muscles".

But aside from that, I give you a thumbs up for your efforts. Many people fail to take the initiative and you've got nowhere to go but up.
Clear those up and I'll guarantee you'll see improvements on your ad to the triple-digits!

Julian,

the copy is reasonably good (definitely better than my first attempt :p).

You have a very strong proposition. Hey, you even had me interested for a bit there, at the beginning

Here's just a few random things I noticed:

- I love the free bonus book on diet. That's exactly the thing you want to complement your muscle-building course. But a free bonus book on muscle building? I thought I'm already getting a program to solve all my muscle-building needs. Swap it out for a different bonus, if you can.

- The whole concept of just 1 hour of working out a week will probably seem too incredible to a lot of people. You might want to build in some bits to convince unbelievers. (I personally believe it's possible because I read Tim Ferris's blog post From Geek to Freak: How I Gained 34 lbs. of Muscle in 4 Weeks - maybe you can read that and notice how he builds credibility? (quoting army research etc.))

- Spend a bit more time on the bullet points. You sometimes repeat yourself ("achieves fast results" and "quickly transform your body"). 6 laser-targeted bullet points will work wonders compared to a dozen iffy repetitive ones.

Oh, and one random question. Did you model your sales button after the "Belcher button"?

My first impression from a standpoint of someone who doesn't like to work out but wants to be in shape is that 1 hour is way too much time. It isn't clear from your headline and first paragraph that it's 1 hour per week. I would leave if I was in the market for this type of book. IMO you would do better if you said 20 minute workout. That would keep me a lot more interested

Thanks everyone for your very helpful suggestions

- WATommyGunz
I was not aiming specifically at bodybuilders so I though that language may scare people off but from your feedback, it would probably actually help. Thanks.

- Phalanx
Will sort out the bullet points to be more targeted & put more effort into convincing.

I did model my sales button on 'belcher button' after reading a thread on WF. On the thread I actually posted "I'm off to change my button" lol

- Activetrader
Excellent point. I will make it much more obvious that it is not a 1 hour session but 3 x 20 minute sessions

Again, thanks to everyone for your help I really do appreciate it.

Hi Senve

It is not one hour in total.
It is one hour per week (split into 20 minute sessions, three days per week)
The course is 12 weeks long

"Activetrader" mentioned in her post too about making this a bit clearer which I will be doing.

Thanks for the feedback. It is all helping me to improve my sales letter and I am so grateful for all the help.