My sales pages need HELP!!!

Hi Jana,

I'm a "nobody" here, in fact I posted requesting a critique right before you did! So take my advice for what you will.

I visited your site and the thing that struck me right off the bat is that, in looking at the site as a new visitor, there is just so much stuff. As in, I wasn't really sure what you want me to do.

I saw a place to sign up for a newsletter, watch a video, read some comments, class schedules etc...

I'm new here so I'm not sure, but have you tried a page that is very, very laser focused on only one thing? I understand wanting to have one entry page for all the stuff you have to offer, but it might be hurting you I think. People have short attention spans and if they don't see specifically what they are looking for immediately, they are likely to go somewhere else.

Just my two cents. Keep at it!

- First thing...the arrangement of the site....I was blasted with choices the copy was the last thing to look at. ( I know your redesigning)

- the headline "Learn How to Belly Dance - Gain Self Confidence, Lose Weight, Become More Fit with our In-Studio Yoga and Bellydance Classes and Instructional Belly Dance Videos and DVD's"

Not very interesting...I can go to amazon and learn to belly dance. You might want to make you site special for example: " learn to belly dance like the pro's" or "learn the authentic belly dance style" something interesting.

- you say: Here’s how you can Finally learn how to Belly Dance with an experienced and qualified teacher – you’ll have fun and feel GREAT... Guaranteed!!"

this is the same issue, what makes you more qualified than the thousands of amazon belly dancing tapes.

- If you want me to read the sales page you should take the links off so I can't click away, you hav about 10 alternate option so I don't have to read the page.

- You also make a fatal writing error, you start talking in the second person point of view...'your going to the store, you grab some milk, you checkout"...their no easier way to fall flat with a prospect than to trying to be psychic and then being wrong.

Expecially with this product, I use to be a latin dance teacher, i never ran into the issue of someone coming to me because they didn't think they could, by the time they asked for lesson, they were convinced to do it. So I doubt people are coming to this page uncertain and hoping you motivate them.

- I don't know what JC stands for...

- You structure is off, so far you have (A) my story of sucking --> (B) --->sign up for classes---> (end)

that's not very convincing. (You may want to address either a problem or opportunity for your prospects)----> (then show them why it's so and inside of that you throw your story in)----> (proove all of this)-----> (then present the offer.)

- You say: "how you can become the absolute best dancer possible even with no experience"

It's no way your convincing me of that.

- what the overall benefit your offering? Thats important for this market, I've sold a good number of latin dance lesson by telling guys they'll increase their chance of picking up women and letting married couples know dancing is one of the best ways to add spice back in the relationship. Clear benefit.

This goes into what I said earlier yousay: "Gain Self Confidence, Lose Weight, Become More Fit" There's so many ways to do all of those things, I can do pushups in my room and get all of those. I would let you audience know exactly what this will do for them. I helped a kickboxing studio as well and the message was "burn 800 calories a session with kickboxing" aka ultra fast weight loss. If you don't want wait, you wanna it in that bikini quick?....sign up. I recommend using the same apporach.

- Instead of showing a video ( with HORRIBLE audio) ( I'm audio mixing engineer as well...so...that bothered me) I would show the some of the DVD content, if they learn from the sample they'll probably get the video to learn more if interested.

- I would re-work the story, it has no resonance, You don't present an obvious reason for telling it. Create a synopsis for the story to help clarify it. Right now it's i wanted to try belly dancing, I eventually did and now I belly dance professional...

thats boring...lets try a different approach:

Theme= lose weight the fun way.

main character= you and your story

Story: , "Back in 76', I was an overweight, depressed and shy girl women...I tired all kinds of products but nothing worked for me, alteast in the long run. You see, As a teenager I suffered a debilitating illness which left me weakened and shaky, with a body that shut down to the point of storing everything I ate as fat.

I though I would always be an ugly overweight women who would stay single for the rest of my life, thinking about suicide, I happen to notice a bellydancing class at the women's center...about to kill myself anyway, I though it would be a good joke to see what my fat and depressed ass was going to do. Well it turns out, I liked it.

And somehow, I started losing weight( it turns out bellydancing does____)...of course I stuck with the classes and now the the video below is the new me. ( then have a before and after pic). I travel the world, get all the hot guys etc... If belly dancing could do this for me ( with an illness) I know, If you really want to lose weight and having fun doing it, this will work for you.

I guarenteed it. After my experience I've dedicated my life to helping other women lose the weight they want and build their confidence so no women would ever have to face what I went through, that's why I offer live workshops and DVD's

I've: (credential, testimonial and proof)"

now that's a story.

It's not just about the copy, but the whole package: design, offer, etc.

I would do the following:

1. Center the website. It is currently left-aligned, at least in Firefox.

2. Simplify your front page dramatically. Make it a squeeze page. Have a video auto-play with a prominent form to sign up to get a freebie. You can segment the list later.

Maybe the freebie could be a short course on your topic, maybe a series of videos?

3. Follow up via autoresponder.

4. Consider switching your site to Wordpress. You could easily manage your content and keep your blog on the same domain.

Bottom line: you're hitting the visitors with too much up front. Figure out what would appeal most of your prospects as a freebie, give that away, and follow up from there.

Later you can create separate landing pages for different interests, and have a separate marketing funnel for each.

I've seen your site a few times before. My girlfriend teaches
bellydance as well so I got to know what people were doing
with the topic online.

The major problem is that your site has no clear FOCUS -
what people are supposed to do. Since your criteria is
pretty spread-out you are creating problems (in my opinion)
by trying to have one site do everything all at once.

It is not so much that you cannot have a site selling a
lot of things and do well with it - but if you do it is essential
that the various offers are presented in a logical and
non-confusing manner.

Here, we have a mash-up because you've chosen bizarre
colors and baroque buttons to start - makes it look like an
amateur site from 1999, except for the video of course.

Your story is good, but it's so buried in a headache-inducing
layout it is likely people are not reading it - and even if they
do there is no clear, specific call-to-action. Instead there
is nothing but choice... too much choice.

You need to make up your mind if your site is to enroll local
students, get bookings, or sell instructional DVDs. All of these
are different objectives and to do each effectively I suggest
you move towards having a site (or clearly delineated section)
for each.

__________________________

In scrolling up and re-reading your post, Jana, it seems you've
come to realize some of the things I suggested and also this:
Authority Site Marketing sucks! It's a lot of work and it runs
contrary to proven money-getting principles of direct-response.

What you really need is OFFERS which are so good you can
buy traffic to them and make money. Forget about SEO and
free traffic - the real litmus test of a successful direct-response
site is whether you can make money with space ads and
Adwords. You have the products (your own instructional
system), now you need a commitment to building a list of
loyal customers who buy almost everything you produce.