Advice on my optin form

6 replies
Note: It's pretty safe to say that copywriting is one of my weak points.

I've created an optin form for my site which goes a little like this:

GAIN WEIGHT
BUILD MUSCLE
BE THE BEST YOU
___

If you find it nearly
impossible to gain
weight, let alone
muscle - then this
newsletter will
transform your life

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER NOW

[email]
[Join for FREE]


My niche is helping "hardgainers"/skinny guys build and maintain muscle.

My target market is guys aged between 18-30.

Now you may look at it and think "who the f would sign up to that?", and that's why I'm asking for opinions and advice on how to improve it.

Cheers
#advice #form #optin
  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Put yourself in your prospect's shoes... would that copy get YOU interested enough to sign up?

    I'd guess no.

    It's so "non-specific" and doesn't offer any kind of promise or benefit.

    There's a BIG difference between saying "I can help you gain weight" and "Here's the One Food I ate for 3 Weeks that Packed on 12 Pounds of Muscle Weight to my Skinny Frame"

    I'll give you a hint... the second one is the likely winner.

    Offer them such a cool tip or secret... that when they read it, they'd think to themselves... man, I just GOT to find out what that is.

    And make it a really good, solid secret that's something MANY people want to know about.

    Because if you offer a really kick ass "secret" or technique with your opt in, and it's a really good free report you give... people will start thinking to themselves... "man, if he's giving this stuff away... I can't IMAGINE how good his paid stuff is"

    Something like "Find Out the 3 Best Foods To Eat If You're Trying To Gain Weight"

    Or something like that... even that's pretty weak since I'm winging it off the top of my head.

    But be ultra-specific and offer up something that tickles their curiosity.

    Focus on just one specific thing... so it doesn't become confusing to the reader.

    Give them too many choices or options and they won't do anything. But tempt them with a really killer technique and they'll opt in.

    So, the way it can be strengthened is by having a more specific and benefit-driven headline... as well as more benefit-driven and specific bullets...which really spell out what you can do for them.

    Back when I was selling my weight gain program, I had a squeeze page that was converting at over 56%.

    And all it had was a REALLY specific benefit that I was offering, and it was very unique from anything else out there. That, and it was very intriguing and made people curious.
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  • Profile picture of the author Taniwha
    Thanks for that! I'll put myself in their shoes and think of something specific.

    Does your squeeze page happen to still be live? or do you have a jpeg of it?
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Think in terms of multiple lead magnets
      instead of the broad and vague...

      "join my newsletter".

      Enter the conversation of the mind of a skinny guy.

      Yeah sure he wants to gain weight,
      but has doubts it's possible for him.

      Sound a fair thought he might be having?

      Enter at this point and give him a snippet of information
      on whether he can or not gain weight,
      because that's what he wants to know.

      Can be as simple as this headline...

      -------------------------------------------------
      Want To Gain Weight But Not Sure You Can?
      This FREE test here xxxxxxx answers your question
      -------------------------------------------------

      The thank you page has the upsell to your main offer.

      Think of other little snippets information they would like to know.
      and use each one as a separate lead magnet.

      It could be the one food that packs on more lean muscle than anything else.

      It could be the one food that's holding you back from gaining weight.

      Once again, very fine details and very specific.

      Best,
      Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
      Originally Posted by Taniwha View Post

      Thanks for that! I'll put myself in their shoes and think of something specific.

      Does your squeeze page happen to still be live? or do you have a jpeg of it?
      I sold that company back in 2008 so I no longer have access to the files.

      But again, think of one HUGE and specific, unique thing you can offer them, and stick that up in a headline and bullet points... that will work better than the generic stuff you've got now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrick Brown
    Banned
    You piss me off.

    Now, you just visited the gynecologist.

    But you don't want to open your legs.

    How can you get help if you don't have the guts to display your wares???

    Seriously, post the damn link here and we can view the page and give our views!
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    • Profile picture of the author Taniwha
      Originally Posted by Patrick Brown View Post

      You piss me off.
      I know you're probably a nice guy most of the time, and you simply stumbled on this post in a bad mood. So I still love you. But if this really gets on your nerves, simply press the back button.

      I've received incredibly helpful replies without the need to post the URL, despite your view that people need to see the page to give value.

      Anyhow, thanks for everyone's replies. I've started writing out a few reports based upon specific tips/ideas that will greatly benefit my readers. And once I choose the best one, I'll use the rest as articles.
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