[Critique request] Please give me you expert opinion on how to improve this ad copy

10 replies
Hi guys,

I will be launching white label rights to a Wordpress plugin,
and I wanted to make sure that my ad copy is on point...

Can you please take a look and give me your expert opinion?

http://georgekatsoudas.com/pwl

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Update: Here's the updated version of the salesletter, based on the feedback I'm getting:

http://georgekatsoudas.com/pwl/index2.html <<== Please, provide new feedback for this link, not the one above.

I will still leave the earlier version up for the benefit of everyone who wants to see how a salesletter can be improved with great feedback like the one provided below. Please provide feedback on the 2nd link from now on.
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A few important things:


- the youtube video doesn't work yet

- I haven't added any testimonials yet

- there are no images on the page yet

Type of feedback I'm looking for:

- can you understand in a few seconds what is being sold?

- would you change something in the headline or subheadline?

- would you remove or add something to the ad copy itself?

- any other thoughts you have

Thanks in advance for your feedback - I really appreciate it!

George
#copy #critique #expert #give #improve #opinion #request
  • Profile picture of the author Ltemodel
    Hi,
    I give a little advise in a video I did.

    Warrior forum copywriting review of sales letter - YouTube

    I hope this helps,
    Kevin
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  • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
    Kevin, thank you VERY much for this video review. I really appreciate it!

    You make great points and I see there are parts of the salesletter that I need to make much clearer.

    I will leave that page as is for a while, so others can chime in as well, but you have already given me a lot of value with your video.

    Thanks!

    George
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  • Profile picture of the author Magicalidea
    Little bit boring appearance of headline and subline with just 1 colour tone.
    What a pity but I'm still not understand much what you are trying to sell (until now)
    And the video is broken, i guess. I can't see it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
    Headline makes me stumble a bit. Maybe 'a struggling online marketer to...' .
    Signature

    Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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    • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
      Originally Posted by Magicalidea View Post

      Little bit boring appearance of headline and subline with just 1 colour tone.
      What a pity but I'm still not understand much what you are trying to sell (until now)
      And the video is broken, i guess. I can't see it.
      I have rewritten the headline. Please check the new link I have posted in the first post.

      I will create the video after the ad copy is finished, so I have a clear "script" to work with.

      Thanks for the feedback!

      Originally Posted by Chriswrighto View Post

      Headline makes me stumble a bit. Maybe 'a struggling online marketer to...' .
      I have simplified the headline now and given it a more specific direction.

      I have also added some navigation links below the headline, so people can find what they are looking for, without me having to "explain" everything in the headline.

      Thanks for the feedback!

      George
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  • Profile picture of the author DanSharp
    The new one is a vastly better headline. It is very plain-jane, of course. If you can come up with a way to add curiosity, do so.

    Consider dropping "(Hint: It's not your fault that you couldn't make them work, because they are not supposed to work - they are just supposed to look "quick" and "easy.")"

    You delivered a really good insight about delivering real value to the customer, but lost me here as most BizOps are supposed to work, they just take far more time/energy/experience than most people are willing to invest after reading the "instant megabucks" hype.

    I also feel like you're missing a solid close & call to action.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    I prefer the first headline. Because of the story-telling approach. People like reading stories. (They don't like being sold too.) People also like buying from other people. (Not good Wordsmiths.)

    I would combine the first headline with something from the second to read:

    How I Went From Struggling To Making A Full-Time
    Online Income Selling WordPress Plugins, And How You
    Can Too—Without Doing The Hard Work
    Click The Play Button Below To See How You Can Start Profiting In Less Than
    1 Hour (No Technical Experience Needed)

    Just something to test.
    : )

    Signature
    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
      Thanks for the feedback, guys!

      I have updated the 2nd link based on your ideas.

      Originally Posted by DanSharp View Post

      The new one is a vastly better headline. It is very plain-jane, of course. If you can come up with a way to add curiosity, do so.

      Consider dropping "(Hint: It's not your fault that you couldn't make them work, because they are not supposed to work - they are just supposed to look "quick" and "easy.")"

      You delivered a really good insight about delivering real value to the customer, but lost me here as most BizOps are supposed to work, they just take far more time/energy/experience than most people are willing to invest after reading the "instant megabucks" hype.

      I also feel like you're missing a solid close & call to action.
      Ok, I added a 3rd headline that uses part of your idea. I also reworded the subheadline of the "value" piece.

      I will work on adding a close, and maybe a PS, at later stages.

      Thanks for the feedback, Dan!

      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      I prefer the first headline. Because of the story-telling approach. People like reading stories. (They don't like being sold too.) People also like buying from other people. (Not good Wordsmiths.)

      I would combine the first headline with something from the second to read:

      How I Went From Struggling To Making A Full-Time
      Online Income Selling WordPress Plugins, And How You
      Can Too--Without Doing The Hard Work
      Click The Play Button Below To See How You Can Start Profiting In Less Than
      1 Hour (No Technical Experience Needed)

      Just something to test.
      : )

      Ok, I added back the "story" angle, reworded a little, as a subheadline. This time I think it's still clear what is being sold (NOT an information product but white label rights to a plugin) - but the emotional appeal is still there.

      Thanks for the feedback, Jonathan!

      George
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    I don't have time to read the whole page, but you should remove this statement:

    "Thanks for visiting this page. I know you are busy, so I'll get right to the point."

    If you're going to get right to the point. Just get to it.
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  • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
    Thanks for the feedback, Seth!

    George
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