Free Headline Rewriting

by 65 replies
77
Work's been a bit slow lately, so I figured I'd throw my hand in at helping a few people who can't afford a copywriter.

Post your headlines for your landing pages, sales copy, or email subjects and I'll see about improving them so you get a higher retention rate.

Post 'em!
#copywriting #headling #rewriting
  • Here...

    TD { FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Black }

    • [1] reply
    • Discover How You Can Get Blazing Speed Out Of Any Computer... No Matter The Age!

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      These should get you off to a good start.
  • Only just launched, so do not actually know how the current headline works at this stage but always happy for help and advice

    • [1] reply
    • Discover What Personal Trainers Will Never Tell You About Exploding Your Muscle Mass In Just Hours Instead Of Weeks!

      Hundreds have exploded their muscle mass this week using Product Name. Will you be the next?

      Do You Want The Secret To Bulging Biceps and Perfect Pecks?

      When The Pro's Want To Gain Muscle Mass, This Is What They Do

      Guaranteed To Visibly Build Your Muscle Mass In The Next 30 Days... Or I'll BUY You My Competition's Product!
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  • TD { FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Black }
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    • Keep Your eBooks, Reports, and White Papers In Order! Stop Searching For Hours To Find That One PDF!

      Stop Losing Your Favorite eBooks - Keep Them In Order Without Spending Hours Organizing Your Folders!

      Find Exactly The eBook You're Looking For Right When You Want It!

      This was a bit harder to do. I'm not sure how huge of a market there is for something like this. I'd be interested to find out.
  • Hi Scheda,
    Please revrite the hedline of my sqeeze page, please click on my signature.

    Thanks,
    Maco
    • [1] reply
    • Discover How I Went From A Low-Rent Loser To The Guy Who Throws The Best Parties In Town!

      Are You Looking To Make REAL Friends?

      Introducing Ten Simple Steps To Acing Any Social Situation And Making Friends Along The Way!

      Do You Make Any Of These 10 Friendship-Killing Mistakes?
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      • [1] reply
  • Discover In The Next 4 Minutes and 37 Seconds How You Can Control Your Prospects Mind And Leave Them BEGGING To Buy From You! (Minor edit, but I like it)

    Discover 11 Foolproof Mind-Control Techniques Discovered By Harvard Professors (If True) That Will Have Your Prospects Eating Out Of The Palm Of Your Hand!

    How To Seduce Your Prospects And Explode Your Sales... The Easy Way!

    The Secret To Quick And Easy Prospect Seduction

    Why Other Salesmen Kick Your Ass At Conversions... And What You Can Do About It!
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [2] replies
    • Discover How One Email Grossed Over $3,287 In 24 Hours!

      I Made $3,287 From One Email... Wanna Learn How?

      Do You Have An Email List And STILL Not Making Money? See How I Made $3,287 From One Simple Email!

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      Are You Making This One Critical Mistake With Your Newsletter Subscribers?

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      When The Guru's Send Out Emails, This Is What They Do
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      Discover The Secret To Permanently Smudge-Free Windows!
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  • "This Free Report Can Eliminate Your Crippling Gout Pain In 90 Minutes"

    Hey, dude. You're really good.

    Care to work your magic on this one?

    Cheers,
    Steve
    • [1] reply
    • Imagine Your Gout Pain Melting Away In Minutes Instead Of Hours

      Getting Rid Of Your Gout Pain Has Never Been Easier!

      Crippling Gout Pain? Not Anymore!

      Instant Gout Pain Relief

      Since this is a huge 'I need relief now' niche, you should be able to put anything promising quick relief up (while reminding them of the excruciating pain they're in) and make it work. These should get you off on the right foot.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • I have two that I'm working with. Headlines are so important. I'm just starting to split test now. Any help is appreciated:

    Current:
    Create Your Own Internet Marketing Fortune with INSTANT ACCESS to the HOTTEST Private Label Rights Products on the Web!

    Possible:
    Top Marketing Gurus and Niche Specialists Have Given Us Instant Access to their Hottest Selling Products So YOU Can Cash In on Them and Keep 100% of the Profits You Make!

    Thanks for your help!

    Alex
    • [1] reply
    • Introducing... The Internet's Hottest Info Products - Now Available As PLR!

      Stop Wasting Time Making Your Own Products - Cash In On The Guru's Success!

      These PLR's Are So Good That A Top Marketing Guru Threatened To Put Me Out Of Business!

      Make Bank By Selling These Pre-Made Unique Information Products!

      The Select Few Who've Seen These PLR's Are BEGGING Me For Access
      • [1] reply
  • Whilst these headlines aren't bad... remember that a killer headline often is specific to your product.

    Copywriters spend hours upon hours getting into the "head" of your target market, learning your offer from the inside out and crafting a USP and HOOK that drives your customers to buy.

    THEN, keeping those things in the front of their mind, they spend hours crafting a KILLER headline.

    Some of these headlines are pretty sexy... some perhaps a little too "generic" to have any real impact.

    I'm not trying to crap all over what Scheda is doing... but I thought this was a good point to share this little tidbit that I have learned with the rest of you, particularly as some of you mentioned headlines give you trouble.

    -Dan

    -Dan
    • [1] reply
    • Daniel is right. While these are good headlines... they're generic. Without getting handsy with a project, a headline can't be written that really pushes the best benefits on the consumer.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • There's some nice headline in there. You definitely have it dude!

    Lesson to learn:
    Add emotion to your headlines
  • Become The Ruler Of Your Own
    Cash Producing Blog Empire
    With Just A Few Clicks”

  • You can see it live here. I am trying to sell my ebook on creating a niche blog and selling affiliate products on it. Pretty bad headline, huh?
    • [1] reply
    • Scheda, will you still get around to this one? You are very good! I would love to know what you can come up with here.
  • Hi,

    Starting a new online company that provides nightclub flyer designs to club owners or promoters. In the process of hiring someone affordable since this is only me running this site and profit is not expected to be huge. But I like a nice site with copywrite for SEO and customer retention.

    Been researching and ran into your offer. So let's do this!

    This is what I came up as a header

    YOUR EVENTS - OUR DESIGNS - AN AMAZING FLYER!

    Can you do better? Check out dilicious dot ca to see a sample of target audience and look of my new site not yet built.

    Email me at dvha31 at yahoo dot com with the results if you can.

    Thanks a bunch! You rock!
  • [DELETED]




    • [1] reply
  • You are really good, can you rewrite mine too please

  • Here's one: How to Write Simple Books That People Buy (Headline)
    (subhead or prehead): Unknown author collects royalties on simple 160 page book with sales of over 1.8 million copies and retires to 65 acre retreat. Who's next?

    Story: blah blah blah

    Target market: Writers, ebook writers, book writers.

    Thanks so much for your time and energy, it is appreciated.

    gjabiz
    • [1] reply
    • Introducing... The Secret To Creating A Best-Selling Book On Your First Shot

      Discover How One Formerly Unknown Author Sold 1.8 Million Copies Of His Very First Book!

      Are You Writing A Book? Do You Want It To Be A Best Seller? Then You've GOT To Keep Reading!
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Avoid Costly Mistakes and Invest with Confidence - Compare and Contrast Expert Forex Advice

    Description... guide contains interviews with five forex trainers/authors about how to spot a scam, how quickly can one learn to trade forex profitably, and other common questions.
    The report is NOT an investment advice book to help you place trades, instead it will allow you to steer clear of scams and plan an investment strategy that meets your needs and goals.

    A super big thanks for offering this headline rewrite service. I'm impressed with the headlines above. I understand people's points about the very best headlines are written with specific product understanding... but these are pretty damn good and clearly better than a lot of what many of us are using.

    And, can we ask for a second headline on another topic?? Or is this one per customer?
    • [1] reply
    • It's first-come-first-serve.

      I'm doing this in my spare time and as I've gotten pretty busy since I posted this thread, I'm picking and choosing headlines. So you're welcome to post as many as you like, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to get to each and every one of them.
      • [1] reply
  • "Host A Party Guests' Will Never Forget!"

    I know that headline sucks, but that is what I actually "want to say". But I think I can take your help to spice it up.

    Thanks for your time man! This thread has been very educational in a sense.
    • [1] reply
    • Can you provide a little more info as to what your product is and what it does?
  • Banned
    [DELETED]
    • [1] reply
    • How To Conquer Your Email List Building

      Finally A Breakthrough Proven List Building Idea.

      Thanks for any help on these 2 headlines sir.
      • [1] reply
  • Banned
    [DELETED]
  • [DELETED]
  • -(Discover How You Can Create Squeeze Pages That Generate Subscribers Like "Magic"!)-
    -(Discover How You Can Create Squeeze Pages That Suck In Leads & Buyers Before You Can Say "Profit"! )-
    This is for my squeeze page. With the current design,the headline needs to take up at least this much space.
    I also have some more humorous ones that I'm testing.

    Thanks in advance
  • Hey I just want to say you write some great headlines. I can't think of one to submit right now but will revisit this thread if i do.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks



  • P.S :
    I'm getting %95 bounce rate...I guess the header and the sub header are really lousy.
    • [1] reply
    • The Quick & Easy Way To A Perfect Wedding - Even If Your Wedding Planner Up-and-Leaves Like Mine Did!

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  • Hi,

    Your headlines have been working great thank you!
    If you have some time could you jazz these 2 up for me?

    "Here It Is My Massive Birthday Giveaway Has Gone Live"

    "Last Few Massive Birthday Giveaway Gifts Are Yours Today"

    Regards
    Gavin
    • [1] reply
    • Gavin (and everyone else by proxy),

      Here's a novel idea, since his last headlines are "working great" for you...

      How about you HIRE Chris?

      Worried that you can't afford him? Make him an offer!

      The worst that can happen is he can't do it and says, "Sorry, but no thanks..."

      On the other hand, you might gain a new business partner with the marketing skill you need to succeed.

      At least bring something back to the table for the guy besides an empty plate asking for seconds... Sheesh.

      Best,

      Brian
      • [ 3 ] Thanks
  • Hey Brian,

    Thanks for the post. I'll gladly have someone else pimping my services

    If you're worried about cost, I am open to percentage deals. Just depends on the project, the owner, and a million other things. PM me if you want info.

    My internet's been down for the past few days, so I've got a lot of catching up to do. I'll try to find some time to work on some of these headlines.
  • Its a very good job being done dude. soon i would like to come up with my idea. I need your help.


    • [1] reply
    • Discover How Property Rental Expert's Fill Their Homes With Ideal Tenants In Less Than 30 Days!

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  • Thanks for helping people with your generous offer. Would you please help me with following heading. Thanks

    "Do You Want a Digital Product Delivery System that Fully Automates & Protects Sales and Downloads for Google and PayPal Transactions?"
    • [1] reply
    • Finally... The easy way to protect your downloadable products!

      Now Introducing... The Easiest Way To Deliver Digital Products While Keeping The Download Link Secure!

      Discover How To Effortlessly Protect, Automate, and Deliver All Your Digital Products!

      These should get you off to a good start. Take the time to analyze what's important to your customers, then write a headline that focus's on that.
  • Hello Chris,
    Thanks for helping me out with the headline. Would you be able to help me out with my sales copy found in my signature website? I have a small budget, not sure how much I will be able to pay. But please take a look and PM me if you could. Thanks
  • Hello Chris,

    Would you help me out on this please,

    Sub headlines on top:



    Lead capture here:



    my site is at moneynsense

    Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • I just took a look at your squeeze page... and it's going to need more than just a new headline to make it work.

      For starters...
      • The headline needs to be AT THE TOP of the page, not below the fold like it is now
      • The headline needs to be smaller and not take up the entire screen for those with small screens
      • Your sales page and squeeze page need to be completely separated
      • Your button to subscribe should look like a button - As saavy as I am, I was confused about what to click

      There's a lot of work to be done, but you obviously have a knack for writing, so you'll get it where it needs to be. You may just need someone to show you the way.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
      • [1] reply
  • Banned
    Hi can you suggest something to replace this
  • hiya- if this offer is still open:

    "The Ultimate Lazy Man's Backlink Machine - How To Get 1488 Backlinks In 180 Days, With Hardly Lifting a Finger"

    Many thanks
  • Oh, what fun! I LOVE posts like this....!!! How 'bout this one:

    You're About to Learn The Secrets Of Harnessing Solar and Wind Energy That Most People Will Never Know!
  • Hey Chris

    You are doing a great job here, helping out or free.

    Can I request you to take a look at my squeeze page and critique its headline.

    its located it Successful Gurus


    or the headline is as follows

    "Free Video
    uncovers the ultra secret strategy that helped Gurus make Millions Last Year..."

    Thanks in advance Chris

    Deepak
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  • 77

    Free Headline Rewriting

    Work's been a bit slow lately, so I figured I'd throw my hand in at helping a few people who can't afford a copywriter. Post your headlines for your landing pages, sales copy, or email subjects and I'll see about improving them so you get a higher retention rate.