What Is the Better Subject Line of the Two?

10 years ago

Between the two.

That's hard my first instinct was #2, then I went with #1.

I'm going to stick with #2.

Thanks
1 reply

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Cool Hand Luke 10 years ago

Neither is good, but #2 is better than #1
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brutecky

10 years ago

When you put the words "Business Proposal" in there it just screams SPAM , MARKETING. Not good.

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1 reply

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AffiliatingAlan 10 years ago

Originally Posted by brutecky

When you put the words "Business Proposal" in there it just screams SPAM , MARKETING. Not good.

Its simple and to the point and the purpose.

I dont see what else would be better?
- Thanks
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JRJWrites

10 years ago

Start with "We're Here To Help - Try Us For ____" and see where that takes you.

Of the two above, I recommend #2.

Thanks
1 reply

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AffiliatingAlan 10 years ago

Originally Posted by JRJWrites

Start with "We're Here To Help - Try Us For ____" and see where that takes you.

Of the two above, I recommend #2.

Im just worry this sounds like some kind of squeeze page or email opt-in crap
- Thanks
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ewenmack

10 years ago

Originally Posted by AffiliatingAlan

(Our Service) Business Proposal

or

(Our Service) Business Proposal - How We Can Help You

What email subject title would further incline you to open the email if you were a company?

A business proposal is what you give to a person/group when the two of you have already spoken.

Have you already spoken to the other person?

Best,
Ewen

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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AffiliatingAlan 10 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

A business proposal is what you give to a person/group when the two of you have already spoken.

Have you already spoken to the other person?

Best,
Ewen

What is a good line then?

Something like: "I think I can help add to the growth and profits of your already successful site"

Im worried it will either be too long or they'll think im spam
- Thanks
- 2 replies
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- JohnRussell 10 years ago
  
  Just use their business name as the subject line. That will get it opened. My guess is you have a long way to go with the body though.
  
  Thanks
  
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- Andrew Gould 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by AffiliatingAlan
  
  What is a good line then?
  
  There isn't one.
  
  What works for one business won't necessarily work for another.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Andrew Gould
  
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travlinguy

10 years ago

On a scale of 1 to 10 they're around a 3.

Thanks

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KingOfContentMarketing

10 years ago

Ewen's right. I would avoid the terms "business proposal." That comes later in the sales cycle.

It puts too much pressure on the first stage of the process.

Try to get a dance first before you go out on a date. Then date some more. Then think about the wedding.

Otherwise, it's like you are sending a folded note with "A Marriage Proposal" written on it to a women you've never met.

[ 2 ] Thanks
1 reply

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AffiliatingAlan

10 years ago

Originally Posted by KingOfContentMarketing

Ewen's right. I would avoid the terms "business proposal." That comes later in the sales cycle.

It puts too much pressure on the first stage of the process.

Try to get a dance first before you go out on a date. Then date some more. Then think about the wedding.

Otherwise, it's like you are sending a folded note with "A Marriage Proposal" written on it to a women you've never met.

I enjoy the metaphors but what does a "dance" equate too in this scenario?

Do I tell them there site looks pretty?

In all seriousness can you tell me a better subject line? Im new to this, so its not as easy for me to think of them.

Thanks
1 reply

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KingOfContentMarketing

10 years ago

Originally Posted by AffiliatingAlan

I enjoy the metaphors but what does a "dance" equate too in this scenario?

Do I tell them there site looks pretty?

In all seriousness can you tell me a better subject line? Im new to this, so its not as easy for me to think of them.

Well, like Andrew said, it depends on the business. Despite what anyone says, you might test the two you have now and see what happens.

But the subject line I would use would depend on the funnel I had set up. I use a a lot of free reports, and ask interested prospects to raise their hand by downloading the free report.

The free report may lead to a webinar or a free recorded message, and on down the funnel.

So my subject line might be "7 deadly mistakes business owners make with their website" or "Is your website turning away business right now?" or "Are these common website errors costing you money?"

What is your call to action and marketing funnel?

In the end, I try a lot of different subject lines -- simple statements like Brian's "About XYZ Business," non sequiturs, pop culture references and more.

The real answer is to let your particular business niche and market determine what subject lines win, and constantly test new ones.

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack

10 years ago

I was told by a retailer, who has an offline shop,
this line I wrote is impossible to ignore...

----------------------------------------------------------
Would you like to see why these people won't buy from you?
----------------------------------------------------------

This lead to a video of people on the street who say they never use the Yellow Pages
and only use Google to find a place to buy from.

Now the retailers who see the video have live proof why they won't buy
from them unless they are found online.

You must create that acknowlegement they have a problem first,
before you present your solution.

Best,
Ewen

[ 1 ] Thanks
2 replies

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AffiliatingAlan 10 years ago

Ok i see the confusion. The company is a webbased service itself, like an SEO company or a web design company.

So certain lines like "7 reasons to blah blah" wont work.
- Thanks
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ChadDub

10 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

I was told by a retailer, who has an offline shop,
this line I wrote is impossible to ignore...

----------------------------------------------------------
Would you like to see why these people won't buy from you?
----------------------------------------------------------

This lead to a video of people on the street who say they never use the Yellow Pages
and only use Google to find a place to buy from.

Now the retailers who see the video have live proof why they won't buy
from them unless they are found online.

You must create that acknowlegement they have a problem first,
before you present your solution.

Best,
Ewen

Wow, very good information. Thank you, Ewen.

To Alan, you say it's a SEO company/web design company. Maybe something like "Having Trouble Getting Web Traffic?" or "Why Your Website Gets No Traffic" or "Need Help With Web Traffic?" or "Why Your Website Sucks".

I don't know anything about your company so those may not work, but that's just some food for thought.

Thanks
1 reply

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AffiliatingAlan

10 years ago

Originally Posted by ChadDub

Wow, very good information. Thank you, Ewen.

To Alan, you say it's a SEO company/web design company. Maybe something like "Having Trouble Getting Web Traffic?" or "Why Your Website Gets No Traffic" or "Need Help With Web Traffic?" or "Why Your Website Sucks".

I understand the reason, but if im offering a service certain amount of proffessionalism should be there. its not very congruent to have a title like that, then inside discussing how my service is professional and can add to their margins

I don't know anything about your company so those may not work, but that's just some food for thought.

lol isthisreallife.php, business proposal is bad and sounds like spam, but I am supposed to say "your website sucks" lol

taking things into consideration how about: (we'll say im a freelance writer and im emailing web design full service companies to write for them)

1. Content Writing: How I can Help FullScaleWebCo

2. How I can Help FullScaleWebCo increase your profit margins

3. Content Writing: How I Can help your rapidly growing company FullScaleWebCo

Are any of these any better? I am also wondering should you typically include your website in the first email or opt for them to reply and ask?

Thanks
1 reply

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ChadDub

10 years ago

Originally Posted by AffiliatingAlan

lol isthisreallife.php, business proposal is bad and sounds like spam, but I am supposed to say "your website sucks" lol

taking things into consideration how about: (we'll say im a freelance writer and im emailing web design full service companies to write for them)

1. Content Writing: How I can Help FullScaleWebCo

2. How I can Help FullScaleWebCo increase your profit margins

3. Content Writing: How I Can help your rapidly growing company FullScaleWebCo

Are any of these any better? I am also wondering should you typically include your website in the first email or opt for them to reply and ask?

Imagine that you had a website that wasn't going well. You're going through your email, deleting the mail that you get from the online stores you shop at and you're looking for anything that has to do with you actually progressing in your business. You see an email titled, "Why Your Website Sucks".

Does it peak your interest? Does it stand out from the 20 emails you got last night from Guitar Center, Macy's, and Ashley Turner asking you to join her free webcam chat room?

The answer is, unless you don't want your website to be good, is yes.

Even if you have a very strong hunch that it could be spam, you click it anyway. What's the harm in opening an email with a promise like that? Even if it is spam, you will most likely read it anyway just to see what it says.

See?

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack 10 years ago

This is what is working in the last 2 hours...

Subject: Letter for [name]

Best,
Ewen
- Thanks
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GlenH

10 years ago

Originally Posted by AffiliatingAlan

(Our Service) Business Proposal

or

(Our Service) Business Proposal - How We Can Help You

What email subject title would further incline you to open the email if you were a company?

Straight up...whenever I see 'business proposal' anything in an email subject line, I run the other way as fast as I can.

I've lost count of the number of 'spam' emails I get that had.... 'business proposal' in the subject line, and in the first line of the email.

But if you want a choice...the second subject line is a little better than the first one.

Thanks

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squadron

10 years ago

Originally Posted by AffiliatingAlan

(Our Service) Business Proposal
or
(Our Service) Business Proposal - How We Can Help You
What email subject title would further incline you to open the email if you were a company?

I'd try something like:

We may be able to help you make more money - want to find out?

or

Yes this is SPAM, but some SPAM is good. Trust me - I know a doctor

Thanks

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What Is the Better Subject Line of the Two?

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