What Do You Think Of My WSO Concept And Copy?

12 replies
Gentlemen,

I'd really appreciate your feedback and advice with the concept (and copy) of my page at:

Instant-Headlines.com™

I have a couple of questions:

1. What do you think of the concept? Do you think I will be able to give my customers a significant increase in conversion? And, will I generate enough interest/customers in a month's time?

2. What do you think of the copy? Is there anything you would definitely change? (I'm going to collect testimonials as I go along.) I also think it's important to know what I did _right_ . So please include the “positives” of my ad as well.


Thank You. : )

[Note: I have disabled the acceptance form on my webpage for this posting.]
#concept #copy #wso
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    A few quick thoughts:

    The first thing that jumps out is that your design is far too cramped.

    The second is your offer, I wouldn't send them just one headline and then re-write, I'd send at least three to start with and have them split-test all of them.

    The third is the information you ask for, you want to know what gets the prospect to the sales page so you can continue the scent.

    The fourth is that your copy's too lightweight, you don't make a good enough case for wanting this type of service, or why someone should hire you for it.

    (And I'd also spell "persuasive" right in your own headline, that's a bit of a credibility killer.)
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    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
    Hey Jonathan.

    I think this is a great idea.

    I agree with Andrews point above.

    Especially point 1 and 4.

    This product is aimed at those who have either wrote their copy, or not received good results from a copywriter.

    Point 4 could be aimed at this feeling of helplessness and feeling like they have wasted time or money.

    Also you need to make it clear that a headline is the most important part of the copy.
    (Sure research is important, but for the sake of selling this service)

    Regards,

    Chris
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    Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Jonathan....

    I know this is a "new service" so you don't have any kind of feedback... but do you have any results you can post, either from past clients or past letters?

    Proof is one of, if not THE most important parts of the sales process... so if you can, I'd add some proof elements somehow.

    Past letters you've done and some results, past headlines you've written, maybe throw up a few sample headlines, income proof from some of your products, etc...

    I'm with Andrew, offer more than one, so they feel they're getting a good deal.

    And tell them to split test them all... and mention how that can boost response.

    But I'm a little unsure of this, as a WSO, at $137?

    With a LOT of people on the main forum who see $197 as expensive for an entire SALES LETTER... you may want to try testing out some different price points.

    You and I know the importance of the headline, shit, it makes or breaks your ad most of the time. I've written headlines that have tripled my sales literally overnight.

    BUT... $137 may be a stretch, with adding more persuasive copy like Andrew said. Sell them on why $137 could return $137,000 in extra cash, etc...
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Thanks for the advice everyone. Much appreciated. : )

      I guess I'll take Mark's advice and start over with a different, more valuable approach. And add more proof elements like Shawn suggested.

      However I'm kind of tempted to create the WSO anyway just to see if there's any value in my offer. I'm guessing that sometimes you don't need “out-of-this-World” copy for a campaign to be successful/profitable?

      And, it's a completely no-risk offer. Either I improve their copy or they don't pay a penny. Period.

      Surely that's a good aspect of my copy?
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      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
    $137 is a tough sell for a WSO.

    No proof whatsoever is a tough sell anywhere.

    What are you good at? What have you proven you can achieve for clients in the real-life unforgiving marketplace?

    Whatever it is you've done, sell more of that.

    --- Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Jonathan, I've enjoyed your posts over the years, especially in the mindset section.

    I remember you saying you needed to make some more money here on the CW Forum.

    But you've positioned yourself all wrong.

    First of all...

    You have to remember that everything you write demonstrates what clients will receive. Your headline has zero hook or bite... which undermines your entire campaign.

    But then you follow it up with...

    "After many months of studying all the comprehensive books on Copywriting (including Tested Advertising Methods and Breakthrough Advertising) ... I can craft a compelling, persuasive headline that forces people the read my message."

    You just lost the majority of your readers right there. You're basically admitting you have no real-world copywriting experience. And yet, you're going to dramatically increase my conversions with a single headline? Major disconnect.

    And yeah...

    You're asking too much money - without developing the hook and value.

    Why don't ya mention stuff like, "Just by changing their headline, such and such saw an increase in their conversions of blah blah blah percent."

    What I'm saying is...

    There's a lot of data to support the importance of an effective headline.

    After all...

    If the headline doesn't trigger the reader, they'll bounce - even if the deck copy is out-of-this-world pure gold.

    Remind people of that. BUILD VALUE!

    How much is a headline worth that can ramp up conversions?

    It's worth a LOT, but instead of communicating that, you've positioned yourself as a newbie looking to get paid for gaining in-the-trenches experience.

    Bad move.

    Start over.

    Mark
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    Do You Want To Make 5 and 6-Figures A Month As A Freelance Copywriter? My Copywriting System Has Made Over 600 Million Dollars. Discover More

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  • Profile picture of the author pizzacashmon3y
    a WSO just for headlines? eh, headlines are simple to create, and the barrier to entry in this sense is too low
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    How can you say this...

    "However ... Without the opportunity to consistently write and test lots of headlines, I won't improve as an Apprentice Copywriter."

    ...and then ask someone to pay $137 IF they QUALIFY to have you "practice" on them? If you're using this as an opportunity to improve your headline writing skills, you should be thankful to have someone order free headlines from you so that you can collect reviews and build credibility.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Update: OK. I'm completely ready to let go of my old copy and start again considering all the excellent advice I've received here. : )

      I'll post another critique (if that's OK) when it's ready.
      Signature
      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

    Gentlemen,

    I'd really appreciate your feedback and advice with the concept (and copy) of my page at:

    Instant-Headlines.com™

    I have a couple of questions:

    1. What do you think of the concept? Do you think I will be able to give my customers a significant increase in conversion? And, will I generate enough interest/customers in a month's time?

    2. What do you think of the copy? Is there anything you would definitely change? (I'm going to collect testimonials as I go along.) I also think it's important to know what I did _right_ . So please include the “positives” of my ad as well.


    Thank You. : )

    [Note: I have disabled the acceptance form on my webpage for this posting.]
    Jon,

    Something you can consider, just so you can get feedback and proof, is to do what I had one of my copy coaching students do.

    First off, I NEVER advise selling your services on Fiverr.com, because, we'll it's Fiverr.

    BUT... consider putting up a thread on Fiverr.com saying you'll do a few headlines for $5.00.

    Try your best with them, JUST so you can get the feedback, results, and testimonials.

    Then, get the hell off there.

    But seriously, at this point all you want is some feedback and results, so you can use that as proof.

    Maybe you can do a few Fiverr.com gigs real quick. My student did it and got some pretty good testimonials.

    Again, I'm not usually not one for doing stuff on Fiverr.com... unless you can use it to springboard something greater. But some times to get some feedback, you gotta do something.

    Just a thought.

    I remember back in 2005 I think it was, Ray Edwards from rayedwards.com was offering free critiques and headlines. I took him up on it and he did a good job, sent me a pretty in depth crit with some new headlines.

    And last I checked, he isn't doing too bad.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Thanks Shawn. : ) That sounds like an excellent idea.

      I did contact 20 people through ClickBank offering to increase their CR for free however none of them responded. Yeah, it would make a World of difference having proof of my service etc. I'll definitely consider using Fiverr.
      Signature
      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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