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Any feedback on this video salesletter?

by Brad Callen
32 replies
Hey guys, I'm helping an M.D. with his website at 5 so-called "health foods" you should never eat... and was wondering if you could offer any constructive criticism where you see room for improvement in the copy. I gave him some of my thoughts, but figure you guys could offer some more input.

Thanks much!

Brad
#feedback #salesletter #video
  • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
    For starters he should consider ditching the fake Facebook comments below the VSL.
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    • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
      Originally Posted by Cool Hand Luke View Post

      For starters he should consider ditching the fake Facebook comments below the VSL.
      They're actually not fake. They're user submitted and then placed on the page using Facebook's design.

      Brad
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      • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
        Originally Posted by Brad Callen View Post

        They're actually not fake. They're user submitted and then placed on the page using Facebook's design.

        Brad
        :rolleyes: Sure.

        So this rip-off of The Venus Factor which has been around for just a few short months already has 3,600 + genuine positive comments about the life-changing weight loss all these users have supposedly experienced and a plethora of dramatic before-and-after pictures which I'm SURE are all from this program.

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        • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
          Originally Posted by Cool Hand Luke View Post

          :rolleyes: Sure.

          So this rip-off of The Venus Factor which has been around for just a few short months already has 3,600 + genuine positive comments about the life-changing weight loss all these users have supposedly experienced and a plethora of dramatic before-and-after pictures which I'm SURE are all from this program.
          Jennifer Lawrence. Nice. She's awesome.

          Regarding your rude comment... The user comments are real and were/are user submitted. I would never offer to help someone with fake comments. Period. If you would like to provide constructive criticism to help with sales copy and contribute to the forum, by all means. If you plan on being an ass, I guess at least make sure you include more Jennifer Lawrence pictures.

          Brad
          P.S. The Venus Factor's before/after pictures did not come from that program. They came through a transformation challenge that was long before Venus Factor ever existed. But this thread isn't about that. I was asking for some feedback on the sales copy of Venus Ratio. Completely different website, sales copy, and program.
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          • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
            Originally Posted by Brad Callen View Post

            Jennifer Lawrence. Nice. She's awesome.

            Regarding your rude comment... The user comments are real and were/are user submitted. I would never offer to help someone with fake comments. Period. If you would like to provide constructive criticism to help with sales copy and contribute to the forum, by all means. If you plan on being an ass, I guess at least make sure you include more Jennifer Lawrence pictures.

            Brad
            P.S. The Venus Factor's before/after pictures did not come from that program. They came through a transformation challenge that was long before Venus Factor ever existed. But this thread isn't about that. I was asking for some feedback on the sales copy of Venus Ratio. Completely different website, sales copy, and program.
            Lol Brad the fact that you're helping someone who is absolutely using false testimonials (and in a misleading fashion with the fake-Facebook comment styling) means you don't get to cry foul because people pointing it out makes you uncomfortable.

            It also doesn't make anyone else an "ass" to point out the sales page's shamefully deceptive tactics; it really just highlights that you're being a hypersensitive crybaby who's begging for help for a ripoff product because - surprise!- it's not having the success of the product it was ripped from, and you can't figure out why (HINT: Your copy is boring and technical, whereas Kyle's is emotionally compelling)

            We're all adults here man; if you want to name-call and whine because someone pointed out such obvious sales page deceit, have at it. It's not going to change the fact that the copy is unremarkable and the sales page far too cluttered, and with bullsh** no less.
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            • Profile picture of the author andrewkar
              Originally Posted by Cool Hand Luke View Post

              (HINT: Your copy is boring and technical, whereas Kyle's is emotionally compelling)
              True, it's boring. Needs more emotions and life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
    Hey Brad,

    Here's some things I like:

    1) You show authority with the doctors and mentioning Harvard University.

    2) You have believable before and after photos.

    3) You use an open loop to keep peoples interest.

    4) You educate but also scare people with certain foods that may be dangerous.

    5) You ask the prospect a question that has an already predetermined 'Yes' answer.

    6) Then you agitate the problem and then present the solution...your book.

    7) There is risk reversal so the prospect has a feeling that they can order with confidence.

    8) And the no questions asked money back guarantee gives the prospect confidence to order.

    This video is AIDA personified and in my opinion done very well.



    Bill



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    • Profile picture of the author Mario Castelli
      It definitely isn't lacking in credibility. I believe what he's saying.

      Problem is... it comes off as too technical. It's just not emotional
      enough. And since he's targeting women, that's a MAJOR issue.
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      • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
        Originally Posted by Mario Castelli View Post

        It definitely isn't lacking in credibility. I believe what he's saying.

        Problem is... it comes off as too technical. It's just not emotional
        enough. And since he's targeting women, that's a MAJOR issue.
        Can you give an example of where it could be more emotional, and how to do that?

        Thanks
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        • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
          Originally Posted by Brad Callen View Post

          Can you give an example of where it could be more emotional, and how to do that?
          Okay, I did a Direct Mail letter In 2011. I had it go through the usual concept of a weight loss letter that we've all seen time and time again. The company I was working for weren't getting the numbers they wanted.

          After testing we were looking for testimonials so we offered a bonus for the person that I perceived had the best testimonial.

          One story came in that represented so much emotion.

          This woman described that before she had lost weight she was very ''Embarrassed'' that she could not play at the park with her kids like the other moms. Another testimonial came about a woman before she lost weight being ''Humiliated'' because her and her husband were going to a nice dinner and had nothing nice to put on.

          Put in a few more ways to agitate, get them to ''Picture'' how their new body is going to be, how her friends will react to her new figure...


          Bill


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    • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
      Originally Posted by Bill Jeffels View Post

      Hey Brad,

      Here's some things I like:

      1) You show authority with the doctors and mentioning Harvard University.

      2) You have believable before and after photos.

      3) You use an open loop to keep peoples interest.

      4) You educate but also scare people with certain foods that may be dangerous.

      5) You ask the prospect a question that has an already predetermined 'Yes' answer.

      6) Then you agitate the problem and then present the solution...your book.

      7) There is risk reversal so the prospect has a feeling that they can order with confidence.

      8) And the no questions asked money back guarantee gives the prospect confidence to order.

      This video is AIDA personified and in my opinion done very well.



      Bill



      .
      Thanks Bill, but any positive criticism? We're looking to improve it by about 20% or so :-)

      Brad
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  • Profile picture of the author Sean Fry
    You could suggest that he start over and pick a new name instead of blatantly ripping off Venus Factor.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Brad, not enough done on the intro to address the elaphant in the room.

      That's why what they are going to hear is way different than anything else they've heard of before.

      Secondly why it is going to be perfect for you if you are in this, this and this situation.

      Most people gloss over this part and come out with bigger and bolder promises rather than build credibility first by admitting that this may sound like everything else they've heard before because they've been cheated and let down before.

      Demonstrate you are not hiding from this skepticism they have.

      You'll build trust and more likely everything else will be accepted there after

      Best,
      Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
      Originally Posted by Sean Fry View Post

      You could suggest that he start over and pick a new name instead of blatantly ripping off Venus Factor.
      If that were the case, half the IM products would need renamed.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
    Not sure what part of "they are user submitted" you're not hearing, but I guess I'll say it again for you: They are user submitted and not fake.

    You also forgot to post a Jen Lawrence pic with your 2nd asinine post.

    Have a nice evening Cool Hand Luke.

    Brad
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    • Profile picture of the author Harlan
      Brad - you're a pro.

      This is where you come for feedback?

      Don't you care about results?
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      • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Harlan View Post

        Brad - you're a pro.

        This is where you come for feedback?

        Don't you care about results?
        Yeah...you really got to wonder.
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      • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
        Originally Posted by Harlan View Post

        Brad - you're a pro.

        This is where you come for feedback?

        Don't you care about results?
        lol... Hey Harlan, saw on Facebook that you wrote some great copy recently for Russ. Awesome! He showed me and I really like it :-) I wish Michel Fortin's forum was still open. I always thought he did a great job with it. Is he still alive? Haven't heard from him in a REALLY long time. Are their any forums the copywriters hang out in these days?

        I think the takeaway here is that the copy needs to have a little more emotion. Thing is, the original copy had that and converted much worse. What we want to stay away from is hype. I think it's possible to sell really well without constant hyperboles and exaggerated claims, which is what a lot of the top health/fitness products have. That's the easy way to make initial sales. I like the copy you did for Russ because didn't include a lot of that, yet is apparently still working well.

        I'll PM you in sec to chat.

        Brad
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      • Profile picture of the author Raydal
        Originally Posted by Harlan View Post

        Brad - you're a pro.

        This is where you come for feedback?

        Don't you care about results?
        I agree. I wouldn't want to be a part of a club I was a member of.

        -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author Dietriffic
    Tell me this...

    Is the long vsl the proven best way to sell a weight loss product?

    Sometimes when I see the brief explainer videos along with a bit of text copy, I wonder if it would be possible to pull something like that with a weight loss product that would convert as good or better than a long vsl?

    Does all the time invested in the video make the customer more likely to buy? And are there other things at play that make the uncluttered page of a long vsl more effective than anything else?
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    • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
      Originally Posted by Dietriffic View Post

      Tell me this...

      Is the long vsl the proven best way to sell a weight loss product?

      Sometimes when I see the brief explainer videos along with a bit of text copy, I wonder if it would be possible to pull something like that with a weight loss product that would convert as good or better than a long vsl?

      Does all the time invested in the video make the customer more likely to buy? And are there other things at play that make the uncluttered page of a long vsl more effective than anything else?
      Hey, good question. I've tried a million different ways to convey the same message and the long VSL always wins. This one is a little too long. Order button appears around minute 19. Ideally, I'd like to get it around 15 for him. The problem is it's a lot harder to test things when it's video and not text, so most people just don't do it.

      Brad
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    I got a minute 25 seconds in. And I was not intrigued at all. The tone is boring. And your first reveal (orange juice) didn't pack any punch.

    But test it. Throw $100 bucks at it on FB. That'll tell you more than any of us.

    Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark 99
    After watching the first 3 minutes or so I would have to agree with Mark P It is very dull. It has little emotion and just sounds like a bunch of facts being thrown at you. In my opinion you need to throw the story at them before all the "avoid this food stuff"

    Building emotion and having them resonate with what your saying first then giving them the scientific guff.

    I have watched a whole lot of these wight loss vids and the ones that do well, make you feel like you have to have their product. This doesn't do that for me... I get bored quickly.
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    • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
      Originally Posted by Mark 99 View Post

      After watching the first 3 minutes or so I would have to agree with Mark P It is very dull. It has little emotion and just sounds like a bunch of facts being thrown at you. In my opinion you need to throw the story at them before all the "avoid this food stuff"

      Building emotion and having them resonate with what your saying first then giving them the scientific guff.

      I have watched a whole lot of these wight loss vids and the ones that do well, make you feel like you have to have their product. This doesn't do that for me... I get bored quickly.
      Hey Mark, thanks. Problem is, if we add more without taking something away, the video will end up being 30 minutes long :-P

      In your opinion what "facts" seemed useless? (not counting the 5 foods facts)

      Brad
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Brad, you've probably sold more weight loss programs than most people on this board.

    Sometimes you gotta go with your gut and what YOU know... based on what's worked for you in the past. A lot of times you'll get so many different view points and conflicting words of advice... you're back at square one.

    Michel's still alive... he puts out posts from time to time...

    I'll PM you a Google group that a lot of copywriters and top marketers belong to... it was started by Ben Settle and Ryan Healy, I believe... they offer critiques from time to time.
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    • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
      Originally Posted by shawnlebrun View Post

      Brad, you've probably sold more weight loss programs than most people on this board.

      Sometimes you gotta go with your gut and what YOU know... based on what's worked for you in the past. A lot of times you'll get so many different view points and conflicting words of advice... you're back at square one.

      Michel's still alive... he puts out posts from time to time...

      I'll PM you a Google group that a lot of copywriters and top marketers belong to... it was started by Ben Settle and Ryan Healy, I believe... they offer critiques from time to time.
      Hey Shawn, thanks a lot. I saw your name in the thread and was curious what you'd have to say :-)

      Would be great to get into that group of guys. Thanks a million.

      Brad
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    guy's brad is a legit marketer.... and does things the right way... no need to low blow him with his credibility... i'm sure a bunch of marketers will vouch for him.

    Brad.... the name.... way too similar to both of brad/kyles offers (venus factor/adonis golden ratio).

    might cause some issues.

    i'll let the pro's comment on the vsl itself.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brad Callen
    Thanks Dave, yeah, I think a few are forgetting that I'm just helping with some of the marketing on this product. I didn't create it. lol... But I have read it and 0% of it has anything to do with Venus Factor. Nothing is the same, beyond the word "Venus". Which, between you and I, doesn't seem like a great product name anyway. But whatever. The name is the least of my concern. Heck, I could go through the top CB products and find mix and match words in product names in a second. Going to relay my thoughts over to him and probably not check back after today. Thanks to those that sent some helpful thoughts.

    Brad
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    ya.... they just dealt with that stuff.

    brad... thats probl'y one of the reasons why harlan was saying what he said. :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author Rhadoo7
      The video salesletter seems really good, and judging by the product's gravity, it already made a few sales.

      To get much more I recommend you contact some of the top gurus in the 'Fitness info-products niche' and convince them to mail their huge lists and promote this product.

      Once you do that, the gravity will blow up and more and more affiliates will find the product and promote it. Plus, you'll get A LOT of traffic to test and improve the salesletter even further.

      P.S: don't contact Kyle Leon or John Barban
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