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Press Release scrutinizing help needed please

by mikehende
13 replies
Hey guys, I am attempting to write my own PR, it's purpose will be for me to increase online visibility for my local computer repair and new music services business. I have absolutely no experience with PR's but following some online tutorials, I can give it a shot. What I'd like to ask is if it would be ok for me to post the PR here and also if anyone can help by scrutinizing it? Will this be ok please?
#needed #press #release #scrutinizing
  • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
    There are a few people on this forum who have professional-level experience with press releases, including me. I have written two books on publicity, in fact!

    Marcia Yudkin
    Signature
    Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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    • Profile picture of the author mikehende
      Ok, here goes, I tried to follow the tips I found on the net for writing an effective PR but my experience has only always been creating ads and not news so I don't expect this to be any good but this is the best I can do so please feel free to comment or advise on any and everything here, I will greatly appreciate anyone's help?

      TITLE: All Computer and Internet Services Inc. announces it's addition of Computer and Mobile Devices Music Services!


      SUBTITLE: All Computer and Internet Services Inc. will now offer hard to find yet very affordable music services for the average music enthusiast.


      February 7, 2014. Queens, New York, USA. Aside from having provided fast, reliable, very affordable and quality computer and mac repairs in the past, All Computer and Internet Services Inc. will now offer various digital music services for anyone anywhere. If you are seeking a professional service to backup or transfer your precious music cd’s to your computer or mobile device such as iphone, android phone, tablet, ipad, ipod e.t.c you can count on us. If you are new to the digital music world and wish to have a modern music system for your own personal enjoyment whether for your home or in your car or on the go, we can both set everything up for you and make it all extremely easy for you to understand. Did you know that you can have your computer play back music for you the way YOU would like to hear it and this without much effort needed on your part? Wish to kick back and relax or entertain and have your computer play all of your favorite music, song after favorite song without any interruptions? Won’t it be nice to have your own personal radio station playing only your favorite tunes, whatever you are in the mood for?

      The age of digital music is here, it cannot be ignored but you have a choice, you don’t need to let any fancy or technical music related words like mp3, download e.t.c intimidate you. You may have an iphone or tablet and wish to put music on it but don’t know how or you may have music on your mobile phone or device and wish to back it up for safe keeping, or you may need to have your music transferred from one device to another and don’t know the procedures involved or don’t have the tools or knowledge to do it yourself. You may have music of your own but don’t know how to set it up or what software to use to be able to listen to your music, there are many different scenarios involved with digital music, we can help simplify everything for you. We don’t charge for everything we do, we are always here to answer any questions you may have for FREE concerning digital music playback on any device.

      We can explain anything you may wish to know about digital music in a very patient, easy to understand and very friendly manner, everything in the computer world is repetition, after a few tries at anything, it will become second nature to you. Nowadays most people you will see anywhere are listening to music from one device or another and you may wondering how do they do that or where did they get that music system from? We have all the answers! Anyone can feel free to visit our website here at PCandNetServices PC Laptop Computer Repair, Mac Repair, Music Services by copying and pasting that link in their browser. You can reach us by emailing us directly at support@pcandnetservices.com or you can call us at [718] 219-9733, thank you.


      All Computer and Internet Services Inc.
      Phone: [718] 219-9733
      Email: support@pcandnetservices.com
      Address: South Ozone Park, New york, USA 11420
      Website: PCandNetServices PC Laptop Computer Repair, Mac Repair, Music Services
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      • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
        Mike,

        Oy. You need professional help on this! You have committed just about every mistake in writing a press release that I have ever seen.

        I'll list just the first few.

        1. Headline and subhead don't indicate the news value of your announcement or even what is actually being announced. "Computer and Mobile Devices Music Services" - hard to know from the headline what that means. Lack of clarity gets you ignored.

        2. Wrong pronouns in the piece. "You" and "we" do not belong in press releases (except in quotes attributed to someone). They give a sales-y tone which is the #1 reason media people dismiss press releases.

        3. Can't tell what the services you are charging for are and what services you are offering for free. You need to be extremely specific and clear in a press release.

        4. Grammatical mistakes throughout. Media people see those as a sign to ignore you.

        Unfortunately, what you're offering is so unclear that I can't even suggest an alternative workable headline for you - and I doubt anyone else here can. What you need is someone you can sit down with who will listen to your idea, ask clarifying questions and then write it up in a professional manner. Expect to pay $100 - $400 for that service.

        Good luck,
        Marcia Yudkin
        Signature
        Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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      • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
        Originally Posted by mikehende View Post

        Ok, here goes, I tried to follow the tips I found on the net for writing an effective PR but my experience has only always been creating ads and not news so I don't expect this to be any good but this is the best I can do so please feel free to comment or advise on any and everything here, I will greatly appreciate anyone's help?

        TITLE: All Computer and Internet Services Inc. announces it's addition of Computer and Mobile Devices Music Services!


        SUBTITLE: All Computer and Internet Services Inc. will now offer hard to find yet very affordable music services for the average music enthusiast.


        February 7, 2014. Queens, New York, USA. Aside from having provided fast, reliable, very affordable and quality computer and mac repairs in the past, All Computer and Internet Services Inc. will now offer various digital music services for anyone anywhere. If you are seeking a professional service to backup or transfer your precious music cd's to your computer or mobile device such as iphone, android phone, tablet, ipad, ipod e.t.c you can count on us. If you are new to the digital music world and wish to have a modern music system for your own personal enjoyment whether for your home or in your car or on the go, we can both set everything up for you and make it all extremely easy for you to understand. Did you know that you can have your computer play back music for you the way YOU would like to hear it and this without much effort needed on your part? Wish to kick back and relax or entertain and have your computer play all of your favorite music, song after favorite song without any interruptions? Won't it be nice to have your own personal radio station playing only your favorite tunes, whatever you are in the mood for?

        The age of digital music is here, it cannot be ignored but you have a choice, you don't need to let any fancy or technical music related words like mp3, download e.t.c intimidate you. You may have an iphone or tablet and wish to put music on it but don't know how or you may have music on your mobile phone or device and wish to back it up for safe keeping, or you may need to have your music transferred from one device to another and don't know the procedures involved or don't have the tools or knowledge to do it yourself. You may have music of your own but don't know how to set it up or what software to use to be able to listen to your music, there are many different scenarios involved with digital music, we can help simplify everything for you. We don't charge for everything we do, we are always here to answer any questions you may have for FREE concerning digital music playback on any device.

        We can explain anything you may wish to know about digital music in a very patient, easy to understand and very friendly manner, everything in the computer world is repetition, after a few tries at anything, it will become second nature to you. Nowadays most people you will see anywhere are listening to music from one device or another and you may wondering how do they do that or where did they get that music system from? We have all the answers! Anyone can feel free to visit our website here at PCandNetServices PC Laptop Computer Repair, Mac Repair, Music Services by copying and pasting that link in their browser. You can reach us by emailing us directly at support@pcandnetservices.com or you can call us at [718] 219-9733, thank you.


        All Computer and Internet Services Inc.
        Phone: [718] 219-9733
        Email: support@pcandnetservices.com
        Address: South Ozone Park, New york, USA 11420
        Website: PCandNetServices PC Laptop Computer Repair, Mac Repair, Music Services
        Who do you think is going to read that?

        The most effective PR pieces I've seen have been "whistleblowing" pieces that position the marketer or company as some kind of consumer advocate. Controversy is interesting and it helps you build trust with your target market by exposing the dangers to them as consumers.

        Pieces like this are boring for the average consumer. Unless of course, you have some revolutionary new technology that rivals the ipad. I'd suggest a new hook. Just look at what's on the news, in the tabloids, the magazines you pass on the way to the checkout counter.

        That's what people are reading.
        Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    My favorite part is "We have all the answers!"

    As Marcia said, you are attempting to attack too many beachheads at once. Try to narrow down the release to one piece of news about one product or service. You can always issue other releases about additional products or services.
    Signature
    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author mikehende
    Yeah guys, I was trying to follow the tips I found on the net but as mentioned I am familiar with writing ads and not PR's. I greatly appreciate the critique and advice, guess I will have to get someone qualified to write this for me, thanks for the help!
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  • Profile picture of the author mikehende
    I posted a project on odesk yesterday and this morning I received a few replies from as little as $4 per hour to $50 per hour, I looked at some of the PR's from the $50 per hour guy who has done quite a few PR's for computer services companies and now I see what you guys mean, what was I thinking? Anyway, before I should pay him for a completed PR, I would like to post it here for you guys to critique so I can have him make whatever adjustments may be needed if ok?
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    • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
      Just my opinion. Hire ONE experienced person with a track record.

      When you put someone's work up for evaluation here, you're going to get a lot of conflicting opinion and it is an invitation for everyone, and MOST here lack real life experience so you get a diluted press release.

      It has to be news worthy. Here's one idea for you. Where do you want the press release to appear? Go to your local library and peruse their editions and collect the press releases, which is a lot of time...there is a much easier solution, hire a professional to do this.

      NOW...if you do get a PR published, there are ways to leverage this into even more publicity, seems I remember Marcia covering this in one of her books.

      You want to get as much mileage out of any press release you get, so the actual value of a one time appearance can be multiplied and the value you get from this could be a substantial return on your investment. Hire a pro and pay the piper, you'll be glad you did.

      gjabiz


      Originally Posted by mikehende View Post

      I posted a project on odesk yesterday and this morning I received a few replies from as little as $4 per hour to $50 per hour, I looked at some of the PR's from the $50 per hour guy who has done quite a few PR's for computer services companies and now I see what you guys mean, what was I thinking? Anyway, before I should pay him for a completed PR, I would like to post it here for you guys to critique so I can have him make whatever adjustments may be needed if ok?
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      • Profile picture of the author mikehende
        Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post

        NOW...if you do get a PR published, there are ways to leverage this into even more publicity, seems I remember Marcia covering this in one of her books.

        You want to get as much mileage out of any press release you get, so the actual value of a one time appearance can be multiplied and the value you get from this could be a substantial return on your investment.
        gjabiz
        Funny you touched on this, the guy who contacted me told me that I will need more than just one PR to rank on google but he did not say how often. I wish to try just one to see how it will rank or affect my site, if it works then I can do another and so on but how many would I need to do to see if it works?
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        • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
          Originally Posted by mikehende View Post

          Funny you touched on this, the guy who contacted me told me that I will need more than just one PR to rank on google but he did not say how often. I wish to try just one to see how it will rank or affect my site, if it works then I can do another and so on but how many would I need to do to see if it works?
          To give you an idea, I have one client that posts 12 press releases a week targeting around 50 keywords. I've been writing them for almost 2 years.

          If you only do 1x marginal one and send it to one press release service, the impact will be negligible.

          If you create a killer release about real news that truly benefits readers, and leverage 100 different ways to take advantage of that release, now you have something.
          Signature
          Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
          - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Hi Mike,

    If you're looking to get only one release out and have a *fantastic* idea for a story then spend more on hiring a writer to get the most for your money. Otherwise if you are just submitting a release to start bringing attention to your store or business then I suggest you spend less on hiring a writer and use the rest of your budget to pay to submit your release and/or pay for extra releases to get written so you can get more traction going.

    Best of Luck,

    Justin
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author mikehende
    Is there a good book which any of you guys can recommend for myself wishing to learn marketing in general? I will of course leave PR and content writing to the pros but maybe there are other things I might be able to do myself?
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