[Client says] My Sales Letter is "OK"--any suggestions?

While they try and take in everything that you've got going on above the fold, what do you think is the one thing they're going to focus on first?

Consider the advertising sales plan Chet Holmes uses in "The Ultimate Selling Machine." It's more work upfront, buy you'll probably triple your year-to-year income.

Not sure what you mean by "exposures"... do you mean unique page views?

If you're getting 1 sale ($227 or higher) per each 8 unique pages views, that's a dang good response rate... 12.5%.

Of course ROI is the name of the game. How much is it costing to get each advertiser?

Alex

Hello
I had a brief squint. Before you do anything else in terms of the copy, approach, lead style etc (which is pretty good) ...

I'd suggest you put your '7 Benefits' box nearer the top of your page - 'Above The Fold'. That way you'll give potential advertisers an immediate 'reason to buy' and an easily digestable list. It'll definitely add to your pull.

Also to mirror what's been said - Your Response Rate is pretty good. It just depends on what your Cost Per Lead and/ or Cost Per Acquisition (of each customer is).

Good Luck

Way too much going on on that page - especially at the top. That "Please tell us what you think" is horrible. Why are you pissing about with the "We'll let you know"..."Not this time around" crap? Way too negative. You would be better off junking that whole concept and putting a header "Ready to Order?" and give them a reward for taking fast action - the old 3 Choices.

But really, you're over-thinking things. Keep it simple - Tell them what you have, tell them why their miserable lives will be much better if they have one too, tell them the price, tell them where to get it.

Or to put it another way - Get their attention, tell them what you have and why they should be interested, tell them why they should believe what you are pitching is true, prove it, itemize and describe the benefits, ask for the order (tell them how).

Your head is a fizzer - you promise "If you're a Cedar Rapids area Senior Care Provider, I've got good news for you". And that good news is?... You're trying to flog them advertising in a senior care handbook. Hardly good news is it? They're really going to wet their pants over that news. Lame news more like. Disappointing news. This is the point where you lose them.

And you're writing in first person - "I've got good news for you". Should they know "Suzanne Banks"? You say "For Senior Care Handbook". Does that mean she's a celebrity...or an authority that's endorsing your product? Where are her credentials? Does she even exist or is that a stock photo?

And the p.s. and p.p.s. - completely wasted. You're "selling from your heels" here. Begging for the order. Horrible.

All in all, a very clumsy letter. Your client is right. It could be much better. Start by reading EVERYTHING on this link I suggested. Get rid of that annoying pop-up by clicking the "Yes I want to continue being a loser" or whatever the hell they say (seems they didn't take their own advice). But there's some solid information in that blog-post.

p.s. the "From the desk of" and "Todays date" is old school. Ditch it. If you're going to start with a headshot of the presumed writer it should list her credentials instead of "For Senior Care Handbook".

p.p.s. see what my sig says? Probably going to struggle to make it "fun to read" but at least you could start by getting rid of the cornball stuff and the begging tone. And the hokey crap like this para - Why should we believe her? That's another point where you'll lose readers. Nobody gives a damn about her marketing budgets or her ad spend. They're tuned to WIIFM - Radio What's In It For Me?

There's an excellent sales letter on selling advertising to businesses in Jeffrey Dobkin's book, How To Marketing A Product for Under $500, you could use for inspiration:

How To Market A Product For Under $500!: Jeffrey...

Best regards,
Thomas O'Malley