Rip this Sorry VSL to Shreds. Thank You : )

8 replies
Thanks for the feedback. Going to redo it now. **Please close Thread.**
#rip #shreds #vsl
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    "So this short video that won't be up for long"... click.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mikesweeney
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      "So this short video that won't be up for long"... click.
      Thanks for the feedback. : )
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    What's the point of the VSL? Are you actually intending to create a product around it or are you just using it as a sample for your portfolio?

    You mention twice that the video won't be up for long, but don't give a reason why, and it just sounds spammy.

    You speak way too fast and don't make proper use of tonality, you'd be better off hiring a voice actor if you actually put this up live.

    Obviously by not having a product you don't have any specifics that you can go into, and the result is it's very vague and general. Nothing to differentiate it from all the other shitty products in this niche.

    It's lacking believability, credibility and testimonials to show this has worked for real people.

    Put time into creating a good product and you'll have more to draw from when writing the VSL. The problem with this niche is 99% of the attention gets focused on the marketing and 1% on product creation, and it shows as a result.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mikesweeney
      Originally Posted by Tim R View Post

      What's the point of the VSL? Are you actually intending to create a product around it or are you just using it as a sample for your portfolio?

      You mention twice that the video won't be up for long, but don't give a reason why, and it just sounds spammy.

      You speak way too fast and don't make proper use of tonality, you'd be better off hiring a voice actor if you actually put this up live.

      Obviously by not having a product you don't have any specifics that you can go into, and the result is it's very vague and general. Nothing to differentiate it from all the other shitty products in this niche.

      It's lacking believability, credibility and testimonials to show this has worked for real people.

      Put time into creating a good product and you'll have more to draw from when writing the VSL. The problem with this niche is 99% of the attention gets focused on the marketing and 1% on product creation, and it shows as a result.
      Thanks for the feedback.

      I'm using it to create a product around it. I've heard from some marketers it's better to start with the copy first. And yes, I know it's lacking testimonials. I don't even have a product yet.

      I will look into other people doing the voice. Thanks.
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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    In terms of the voiceover, I think you need a pro. It's not the sound of your voice so much as the tone and inflection. In trying to sound laid back, it sounds disinterested and the fast speed makes it sound like you are just trying to get through it.

    More than likely you are trying to keep up with the timing of the slides, which is off on enough of them that it feels uncomfortable.

    A pro voice guy knows how to create urgency in his voice without feeling rushed, and he can convey more believable emotion.

    That said, I didn't make it very far so I didn't hear the whole pitch, but remember that you'll need a unique hook to cut through the competition in this very crowded market.
    Signature
    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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    • Profile picture of the author Mikesweeney
      Originally Posted by joe golfer View Post

      In terms of the voiceover, I think you need a pro. It's not the sound of your voice so much as the tone and inflection. In trying to sound laid back, it sounds disinterested and the fast speed makes it sound like you are just trying to get through it.

      More than likely you are trying to keep up with the timing of the slides, which is off on enough of them that it feels uncomfortable.

      A pro voice guy knows how to create urgency in his voice without feeling rushed, and he can convey more believable emotion.

      That said, I didn't make it very far so I didn't hear the whole pitch, but remember that you'll need a unique hook to cut through the competition in this very crowded market.
      I hear ya. I really didn't try too much on the tonality and inflection. I just went through it one time. I was just more concerned about the copy, etc. As I mentioned above, it's a total rough draft sales video.

      I was trying to make this product stand out with the fact that I was more focused on helping people with the inner-game issues with a break up, etc.

      The majority of the other videos are focused on loopholes in the the mind of the ex and not on their own. Thanks for the feedback though.
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  • Profile picture of the author jamescanz
    Originally Posted by Mikesweeney View Post

    Anyway, rip me to shreds. It's good for my EGO.
    I happen to notice the "this video won't be up for long" a couple times as well.

    Completely understand the importance of creating scarcity, however, the phrase "So keep watching until the end..." works well for getting people to stay on board, too...

    Especially if you give them a reason to.

    Also, are you going to be split testing capitalizing the first word of every word?

    If so, here is a great site for it: Capitalize Sentences with this jOnline Tool
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    • Profile picture of the author Mikesweeney
      Originally Posted by jamescanz View Post

      I happen to notice the "this video won't be up for long" a couple times as well.

      Completely understand the importance of creating scarcity, however, the phrase "So keep watching until the end..." works well for getting people to stay on board, too...

      Especially if you give them a reason to.

      Also, are you going to be split testing capitalizing the first word of every word?

      If so, here is a great site for it: Capitalize Sentences with this jOnline Tool
      Hey James,

      Thanks for the feedback. I'll go ahead and check out that tool.

      Kind regards,

      Mike
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