critique my squeeze page please :)

22 replies
Hey guys

Would love you guys to critique my squeeze page! Your thoughts/suggestions are very welcome!

1st draft - FREE Google Adwords Success Roadmap eCourse


#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author danmorton
    Simon -

    I can't really find anything to criticize - links work great, copy is short & sweet & you have no obvious spelling/grammar problems.

    I tend towards the shorter squeeze pages like this one, plus I really like the arrow & other graphics.

    It would be interesting to hear from you how this page works for you vs. one with "more words."

    Well done!
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    • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
      Hey Si,

      Here is a simple formula that I use on my squeeze pages. This simple method has gotten up to 70% conversion rates in the past, so I know it works well.

      1. SHORT and easy to read headline
      2. Short intro paragraph
      3. Bullets
      4. Call to action
      5. Signup form

      A few pointers on your current page:

      The headline is too long and hard to read. Consider making it shorter and more punchy. I've got a thread here where I rewrote a ton of headlines for users. Check that thread out for some good examples.

      When you first load the page, the first thing I see is your huge graphic. The title should be thrown at me first. People won't know what the graphic means if they don't first read the headline.

      Your benefits are WAY down at the bottom. Consider moving them way up to the top, using bullets like in the formula I posted above.

      You're off to a good start. Some small modifications and rewrites and I think you'll have a good conversion rate.
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      • Profile picture of the author amitcor
        only thing not working is the download link after you register
        VIDEO ENCODING - the best video and audio compression results after 3 years of development. 50% smaller sized videos in better quality. high quality Mp3 file only 1 MB? try for free
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    hey Amit, sorry about that, download link should now be working. Only just put all of this together so hadn't got round to testing the links

    scheda, thanks for the awesome pointers.
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    hey senve, I used dreamweaver for the web editing, and photoshop for all of the images. It took me every evening for around a week or so to make. If you need any help give me a shout
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  • Profile picture of the author Kesh247
    Originally Posted by scadwal View Post

    Hey guys

    Would love you guys to critique my squeeze page! Your thoughts/suggestions are very welcome!

    Simon Reveals Successful AdWords Campaign


    Good squeeze page scadwal. Also make sure you split test another squeeze page with your original using Google Website Optimizer.

    You can take out the graphics, shorten the heading etc.; it's entirely up to you what changes you choose to make on your second squeeze page.

    Then you can check which one converts better.
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  • Profile picture of the author judarican
    At first glance, the whole 'your email is safe' line is almost invisible... I would make it a bit more prominent on the page as it will almost certainly boost conversions
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    Well guys... firstly thank you all for your great help, I love this forum!...

    I have taken your advice, put together a second draft and have rewritten the headline, shuffled the graphics around a bit etc...

    Here is the rewrite: FREE Google Adwords Success Roadmap eCourse

    Here is the original: Simon Reveals Successful AdWords Campaign

    Which do you prefer and what do you think?

    Thanks again

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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    I really prefer the rewrite. In fact, I was sitting there going "man, that actually sounds pretty cool"... and then I remembered I was on your live squeeze page. So I signed up.
    "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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  • Profile picture of the author Big Al
    Hiya mate

    As a novice I thought the first one was good but the second one is a massive improvement. Just shows the value behind being humble (and cleve) enough to ask for the critique!

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  • Profile picture of the author Veredfu
    Hi Simon,
    I think the rewrite is much better, and I also think that you should put the benefits in a more visible place, maybe right under the title (and even better with bullets). The graphics are nice, and they will be visible even if you keep them at the bottom of the page.

    Visually its very nice, the content is somewhat messy. I think though, as someone wrote here, that you can test different versions.
    If you do, let us know the results.

    Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Steel
    why is everything so far to the right of the squeeze page? It's hugging the margin...

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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    Well... I want to make this thread an example of what can achieved by taking on-board the crits from all the amazing people who were willing to help me on this forum...

    And simply taking action...

    Here I am showing the results/progression of the 1st draft, 2nd draft, and 3rd draft from all of the advice given on this thread.

    1st draft -

    2nd draft - FREE Google Adwords Success Roadmap eCourse

    3rd draft! - Simon Reveals Successful AdWords Campaign

    Again if anyone has any comments, as always they will be very welcome!

    Thanks you all so much!

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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Your ecover is kind of bad. Not the top - it's okay,
    but the words on the bottom are small and look
    bad. Unreadable ebook cover text is a pet peeve
    of mine - and it's justified. Look at real book covers
    in a bookstore and you'll see a big difference between
    what pro cover designers do and what ebook cover
    graphics look like.

    Other than that it's pretty good. I would emphasize
    "stealing" your "secret" proven ads and keywords
    though. There are a lot of things I would do differently,
    reaching for more specificity and punch in the language,
    but you've done well here and you should get good
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    hey Matt, unfortunately I haven't started driving traffic to it as yet. I have been working online for years but the whole time I had neglected the idea of list building and I am now paying the price for my ignorance!

    Luckily a friend is willing to send an email to his IM niche list very soon, as soon as I know I will post the conversion rate here for all to see!
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    thanks for the information, I redesign the ebook and assert the "copy n paste, steal my keywords" etc, any more opinions on my new rewrite?
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    • Profile picture of the author Darrel Hawes
      My comment is specifically referring to your third draft.

      Find a way to put the optin box farther up the page. I'm using a medium-to-large size monitor, and most of the optin box is below the fold. I can see just a bit of the "first name" field without scrolling.

      According to some studies, the vast majority of your readers will not scroll down, so you want to put the optin box where it's visible above the fold... so everyone can see it.
      Darrel Hawes - Blog
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  • Profile picture of the author jukeboxhero
    Just one more thing...That background screams PLR...If you look at every PLR product it has a background like that...

    your bullets kinda blow...
    Yours==> The secret to profitable Adwords campaign keyword research.

    My Suggestion==>A secret almost nobody (Except a few adwords insiders) know about...Which can Triple your conversion...and cut your adword costs in half!

    Yours==> Beating the wild World of Google Adwords.

    My Suggestion==>The 5 most common "newbie mistakes" which can leave you frustrated and penniless...and...How you can bypass "newbiehood" and leap up to the big leagues (It's way easier than you think)

    just some thoughts
    If Copywriting Legends Like John Carlton, Gary Halbert and Even Franky Kern Recommend

    >>>> This <<<<

    Shouldn't You Pay Attention
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    right guys.... thanks for all of your advice... here is another rewrite of which I have implemented your suggestions, such as putting the opt-in box above the fold: im not totally sure which I prefer, what do you think?

    New rewrite: FREE Google Adwords Success Roadmap eCourse

    Previous rewrite: Simon Reveals Successful AdWords Campaign
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  • Profile picture of the author Simon Stanley
    also if anyone has any decent ideas for my title, it would be much appreciated
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    • Profile picture of the author Dima Kritchevski
      After reading the bullets I actually wanted to sign up.. i think you could tweak it abit further though to increase conversions...

      I think you should have your opt in box in the top right with a PROOF pic INSIDE the opt in box between the call to action and the box itself...

      Also you should have a nice pic of the report INSIDE the opt in box...

      Than the bullets on the left hand side.

      Maybe for the headline you could split test it against something like:

      Attention: Here's A Dead Simple Way To Get Started In PPC Affiliate Marketing...

      "Copy My Exact Campaign That Made $531.65 In 20 Days On Complete Autopilot"

      Shin Splints Treatment - Stop Shin Splints Forever
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