Which Sales Page Do You Like Better?

No need to apologize I appreciate the constructive criticism

I am thinking of adding more proof like facebook messages/youtube comments and maybe cell phone emails.

But where do you think I should add the proofs to my page without making it look unorganized?

Second one's better, obviously.

I think you're making the mistake of trying to educate right away. Don't try to educate. Get them fired up first about finally being able to dunk for the first time. Get them FIRED UP.

You really need to hit on all the benifits that will come along with being able to dunk, respect from other teammates, attention from women, prospects of being recruited, possibly going pro, money from endorsements, fame, admiration, etc. Being able to dunk is great and all, but what's really going to matter to guys are what comes along with the skill of being able to do it.

You need video of yourself dunking bro. Guys are gonna want to see if YOU can dunk. They're not always just going to take your word for it. Start your video off that way and then go into your story about how you started. Personally I think a product like this would be better off with a full blown VSL with load and loads of video proof scattered throughout of you and your students. They don't believe that they'll ever be able to dunk, you have to show them and put those images in their head so that they believe just maybe they can do it and you're the guy that can show them.

Thank you.

I will work on the title again and try to make it flow better.

So add more testimonials as mentioned previously.

But in which spot would you advise to add testimonials?

Thank you for your comment

I think you're off-base with this one, man.

I know for fact that the market he's in spends millions annually looking to improve their jump height. It's a 100% verified buyer's market.

The problem with his offer isn't the market or his actual product; it's that he either doesn't know his potential customers well enough or (more likely) doesn't yet have the skill to target them correctly.

Luckily, the latter is something he can improve on if he puts the time and work in (or better yet, hires a skilled copywriter who knows the market just like his competitor clearly did).

Max5ty, profit potential is not based upon what's on his website. It doesn't matter what HE thinks, it's what THE MARKET thinks.

So the questions become "Is his competition spending money on advertising? Are people spending money on jump products and information?"

And the answer is "Yes and yes."

How do I know? Here's a quick way:

https://www.google.com/search?num=20...94.3sJ-pbgRQlE

Click the link.

See the advertisers in the right hand column? Those guys wouldn't be advertising if there weren't potential customers and money to be made.

Also, see the vertical jump products across the top?

Again, people wouldn't be making products if someone didn't want them.

There's also 3.8 million pages that reference "vertical jump training".

So the answer is there is an interest and a market in what MaksP has to offer.

- Rick Duris

@Max5ty.... honestly, my friend, I would have NEVER guessed the profit potential either.

After all, having been in the fitness niche since 2001 myself... I had never seen nor heard of anyone selling stuff in the vert jump niche.

and I still wouldn't have believed it until I heard from Jacob Hiller how much he was making. Changed my mind real quick.

BUT... I really see that THIS is where it's all headed online... sub-sub-sub niches.... as time goes on, things will just keep getting segmented down even further.

When I started... there was muscle building, fat loss, weight loss.

A few years later, I saw "get abs", niche, "fitness over 40", fat loss for women...

Then vertical jump stuff, improving strength for golf swings, Paleo, etc...

I just think we'll continue to niche into such specific segments... you can make a great living focusing on one tiny niche that has a need.

Heck, if you solve a problem for someone, you can probably create a business out of it.

Ray Edwards posted an amazing letter the other day, written by Gary B.... and it was all about olive oil.

I mean, if there was ever a commodity product... olive oil could be it.

But yet, they're probably selling the heck out of it.

Another note to the OP... and I know you were just asking about feedback about which letter was better.

And that's cool and all... coming here on this forum can get you some great feedback from a FEW great copywriters... but the main thing is, you gotta let the market tell you. Not us.

In other words, don't ask anyone else BUT the market which letter is better. Let them judge by their wallets.

I came on this forum many times back in 2003 and beyond, asking for advice on sales pages.

And sure enough, my test results from running traffic usually showed the winning letter to be the one that folks on the forum had shot down.

So, you just never know... sure asking us is good to give you some basic thoughts and ideas, but it all comes down to just testing out all your letters, and seeing which one the market likes better.

I know that's not what you were asking, but it can save you a lot of trouble in the future... where testing EVERYTHING can often solve some questions you may be wondering about.

Thank you for your reply.

I post here because I have gotten AMAZING feedback and always want to get better.

My copy is doing a lot better than expected and many probably will find the conversion rate surprising.

I just want to be the best.

I know I already have the best product.

I post here because every time I pick up something different and test it.

Every single reply i get I take into serious consideration and testing.

Now I just want to market it even better.