Is This the Best Salesletter Ever??

23 replies
I need some honest feedback about my site.

Link Removed by me due to great feedback and changes made.

Honest and critical feedback are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!



Other comments.
All traffic comes from email marketing.
The price is the same as the previous product.
73% of people are leaving after they arrive at the home page.
Of the 23% that go to the Buy page, 76% of those leave from the Buy page (not buying).
We have Goals that show the progress through the checkout process using Google Analytics.
#salesletter
  • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
    No, THIS is the best sales letter ever:

    Buy My Stupid Ebook, Overly SEO d Title, Keywords Crammed like Make Money Online Make Money Online Make Money Online

    As for your sales page, a couple of improvements I noticed you could make right off the bat:

    *Narrow the margins
    *Get images with higher-quality resolution (less blurry)
    *Test moving the testimonials up from the very bottom of the page. You do have to test, but I'm 95% sure it would increase conversions.

    Also, have you tested pricing? $183 seems like an oddly specific number which does have it's own benefits, but I'm also willing to bet testing the pricing (even lowering it dramatically on the front end) could increase your overall profits.
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    • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
      Originally Posted by Cool Hand Luke View Post

      No, THIS is the best sales letter ever:

      As for your sales page, a couple of improvements I noticed you could make right off the bat:

      *Narrow the margins
      *Get images with higher-quality resolution (less blurry)

      Nice sales letter. The bad thing about it is that I actually read a lot of it.

      As for the site, the recommendations about the high-quality image is good. I can change that.

      I will consider narrowing the margins since most people have a resolution greater than 768px width.

      The pricing was $199 until a few hours ago and I changed it to $183 (after $50 off). I can't remember where, but several months ago there was a study that showed higher conversions for products priced at a "well thought out price" instead of the common $99, $199, $299, ect. The conclusion is that people feel like they are getting the best deal if it is an odd price versus the company selling it trying to get every dollar they can. So that was my thought behind it.

      A couple of people I have asked to review it asked if I have considered completely removing the header. And then I've had even more people say they like the header.
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      • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
        Originally Posted by osensnolf View Post

        As for the site, the recommendations about the high-quality image is good. I can change that.
        If someone is buying an item that costs hundreds of dollars, you should. It's not a good look for people to come to a site and be presented with blurry images that looked like they were just ripped off of Google images.

        Originally Posted by osensnolf View Post

        I will consider narrowing the margins since most people have a resolution greater than 768px width.
        It's not about what width resolution people have, it's about making the copy easier for them to read and for their eyes to track downwards. Try narrowing the copy itself (written text) to 650 or 600 width.

        Originally Posted by osensnolf View Post

        The pricing was $199 until a few hours ago and I changed it to $183 (after $50 off). I can't remember where, but several months ago there was a study that showed higher conversions for products priced at a "well thought out price" instead of the common $99, $199, $299, ect. The conclusion is that people feel like they are getting the best deal if it is an odd price versus the company selling it trying to get every dollar they can. So that was my thought behind it.
        Yeah, this is true in general with many markets but it's not an absolute rule, and is downright wrong in many other markets.

        Pricing is something you should be testing. You're not doing yourself any favors if you just randomly pick a number, i.e. "Well, 183 sounds specific, so there's my price."

        Again, I'd test going higher ($197-ish) and especially much lower ($97, $67, etc). You can end up making a lot more on both the front-end and the back-end if you test lower.

        For example, one split-test I recently saw tested prices on a sales page between $47 and $97. That was the only difference.

        The results? 0.83% conversion rate at $97, and a 5.97% conversion rate at the $47 price point. That's a 616% increase, as well as a lot more money upfront and a lot more customers added to their list to sell to later with the lower price.

        The lesson? Gotta test those prices.

        Originally Posted by osensnolf View Post

        A couple of people I have asked to review it asked if I have considered completely removing the header. And then I've had even more people say they like the header.
        Again, header or No Header is something that needs to be split-tested.

        Speaking in generalities, a header like that can help with warm traffic, and hurt with cold traffic. Again though, you HAVE TO test to really know.

        Sorry man, these aren't sexy answers but they ARE the truth: split-testing is the only way to get to what's going to work best.

        EDIT: Also, take the word "Buy" out of your buy button. "Click Here To Get Started" or "Add To Cart" are both better options. Testing will reveal what works best, but either of those will work better than having the word "Buy" there.
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    • Profile picture of the author splitTest


      That's pretty clever.
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      • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
        Originally Posted by splitTest View Post



        That's pretty clever.
        What are your thoughts on the site in the first post? Would love the input since I'm trying to sell something - unlike the funny ebook site.

        Much appreciated.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    2 quick things...

    White text on that header makes it nearly impossible to read.

    If someone can't read the headline and make out what's in it for them... they're gone.

    You're also asking them to buy right away, without building any value. I'd test that "click to buy a safety program" button... test it against removing it altogether.

    I'd also try to increase the "wow" factor right away near the top.

    Try to make the direct line to...

    "How $183 can help your business avoid being shut down or sued and put out
    of business"

    In other words... try to line it up for them... showing them how investing $183 can
    save their business from going under, going bankrupt, being sued, etc...

    Not sure if what you're selling actually can help do that, but I'd try to increase the urgency a bit.
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    • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
      Originally Posted by shawnlebrun View Post

      2 quick things...

      White text on that header makes it nearly impossible to read.

      If someone can't read the headline and make out what's in it for them... they're gone.

      You're also asking them to buy right away, without building any value. I'd test that "click to buy a safety program" button... test it against removing it altogether.

      I'd also try to increase the "wow" factor right away near the top.

      Try to make the direct line to...

      "How $183 can help your business avoid being shut down or sued and put out
      of business"

      In other words... try to line it up for them... showing them how investing $183 can
      save their business from going under, going bankrupt, being sued, etc...

      Not sure if what you're selling actually can help do that, but I'd try to increase the urgency a bit.
      Wow! Great feedback.

      When you hear one person out of many give a suggestion, it may be taken lightly. But when multiple people do so, it's something to move on. So...

      I will remove the button from the top.
      I will either replace the image or change the color in the header.
      I really like the tagline about investing $183 can save their business. (It's nothing for a company to get fined $20k-50k for violations. Very unfortunate.)

      What do you think about the order page? Is there anything there that scares you away?

      Thanks again and let the feedback continue!
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  • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
    Cool Hand Luke (great name - love the movie).

    We just launched the product last Thursday using pricing and measuring performance on historical data.

    We have some wiggle room to lower the price, but this is a physical product and isn't cheap to print or ship. For those that want a digital version, we have all topics on an app (another site.

    Speaking of split test, what software are you using? I used WP A/B Testing by Nelio in September but I'm sure it has changed a lot since then.

    The graphic is high resolution that we bought on BigStock Photo but the theme causes it to size weirdly.

    Great feedback. Let me know what you are using to test pages.

    Also, what do you think about the Order page? It's getting a lot of people and then they drop.
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  • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
    Hey guys.

    I made some changes based on your feedback. Still have some to go.

    What are your thoughts?

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author Robert_Rand
    lol...

    Needs work both in terms of content and design. But not completely terrible. The headline and sub-headline I think work - clear and direct.

    I'd look into what your competitors that are spending a lot of money on advertising are doing.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    How much is the OSHA fine? Hit that. Have several yarns about how some companies were hit thousands of dollars in fines they could have avoided by investing $187 in your booklets. Yeah - end the price on 7 - thats the magic number. Then break it down - justify the price. Simple formula of "agitate the pain" then solve it. You say "34 trades" be more specific. If I'm a plumbing Contractor I want to see "For Plumbers" somewhere on that site and then read what you have for me. The site is a little too pretty for my tastes - make it "industrial".
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    • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
      Agreed with Mal.

      You need to hit the pain.

      But the one thing which really bugged me...

      Included With your Order This Week
      Free Bonus #1: $50 off Coupon Code = SAFETY ($50)
      Free Bonus #2: Free Standard Shipping ($12.35)
      Free Bonus #3: Safety Resource Guide ($95)
      I should be shouting "Holy moly, this is a great deal!"

      But instead it makes me think like you're desperate for my money.

      Desperation = low quality.

      You need to build on the value your initial product brings to the table.
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      Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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      • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
        Originally Posted by Chriswrighto View Post

        Agreed with Mal.

        You need to hit the pain.

        But the one thing which really bugged me...



        I should be shouting "Holy moly, this is a great deal!"

        But instead it makes me think like you're desperate for my money.

        Desperation = low quality.

        You need to build on the value your initial product brings to the table.
        Great points.

        I agree with hitting the pain and will make the changes.

        As for the bonuses, this is something most larger guys do with their launch. They include a bunch of stuff.

        How should I better reword this?

        The guide was originally in the book but the book was so large we had to split it into two books.

        The app subscription is free for the first year and then automatically bills them the following year.
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        • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
          Originally Posted by osensnolf View Post

          Great points.

          I agree with hitting the pain and will make the changes.

          As for the bonuses, this is something most larger guys do with their launch. They include a bunch of stuff.

          How should I better reword this?

          The guide was originally in the book but the book was so large we had to split it into two books.

          The app subscription is free for the first year and then automatically bills them the following year.
          Absolutely.

          I'm saying that the way you have framed them is negative, you would be better off including them in the main price.

          I would be interested what you write in the emails... how you pre-sell them.

          First start by solving their pain... then you can go on to frame them better.
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          Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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          • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
            Originally Posted by Chriswrighto View Post

            Absolutely.

            I'm saying that the way you have framed them is negative, you would be better off including them in the main price.

            I would be interested what you write in the emails... how you pre-sell them.

            First start by solving their pain... then you can go on to frame them better.
            I get it. Makes a lot of sense. So, do I list 0 bonuses or 2 (shipping and $50 off)? The older version had higher conversions when we included a coupon.

            As for the emails, they are more industrial/official looking than the website. Most emails do not have images and are text only with just enough to drive them to the site. So the traffic to the site is good - it is converting the sales once they get there.

            Thanks again - I do appreciate your time.

            If you see anything else, let me know.

            Also, what are the thoughts of the new yellow box near the top?
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  • Profile picture of the author DougHughes
    I'm with Shawn on this regarding the copy.

    Think about what would motivate a contractor to buy your program. Get into their minds and add copy that crystallizes the cost saving benefits.

    A few ideas:
    • 99% of Accidents are preventable.
    • The average impact/cost of a job related injury is $x
    • Job related injuries raise your insurance premiums.
    • Workers compensation costs.
    • Potential damaged reputation could make it harder to recruit new employees.
    • Potentially more difficult to win new jobs.
    • Work related injuries can lower morale and set a bad example for other employees.
    • OSHA fines

    Matter of fact, there are a number of pain points on the OSHA website:
    https://www.osha.gov/dcsp/products/t...ase/costs.html

    This is about money and protecting yourself and your business.

    Simple once weekly meetings could save you tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars.

    I think some of what is on the "Features" page would benefit the homepage.

    Credibility is another issue. Who are you? Why should I listen to you? Do you have proof? Can you give me examples of contractors who have benefited from your program?

    I'm not sure I would mention price initially. Follow the classic advertising formula AIDA:

    Attention
    Interest
    Desire
    Action

    What is your competition doing? How do you compete with established brands like:
    https://www.kelleronline.com/PPC/Saf...FU1bfgodpBkAMg

    Which trades do you cover?

    Try to anticipate and overcome the objections in the prospect's mind.

    After you move them through the page establishing your benefits/credibility, etc...then introduce price.

    If it were me I would try and introduce the price by framing it in reference to how much the will save. Maybe something like:

    • If this program prevents even one work related injury it will pay for itself.
    • Think about using statistics to make your case.
    • Buy once use for years to come.
    • This is your first level of insurance.

    Etc...something along those lines.

    I would also describe the guarantee. What is guaranteed? Is it guaranteed to be OSHA compliant? Do you guarantee the satisfaction? etc... just frame it in a way that makes the product appear more valuable backed by the strong guarantee.

    Otherwise, the offer looks solid.

    Someone mentioned lowering the price. Not sure if that's a good idea, but price testing is a good idea. You may find you sell just as many by raising the price or sell fewer but make the same money.

    Best of luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
      Originally Posted by DougHughes View Post

      I'm with Shawn on this regarding the copy.

      Think about what would motivate a contractor to buy your program. Get into their minds and add copy that crystallizes the cost saving benefits.

      Best of luck.
      Thank you very much. I can tell that you, like the others, have put a lot of time into reviewing the site and I greatly appreciate it.

      You have a lot of good points that I will implement.

      I originally had the price only on the order form and then was advised by many to add it on the main page. But that was before making the points you mention that attract them to the benefit first and sell later.

      Again - THANK YOU!
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  • Profile picture of the author james72766
    I agree with what Doug said. He's spot on. In addition, my two cents...

    Overall, I don't even see this as a sales page. I view it as a website with a ton of sentences all over the place. There's really no story, no narrative or anything that tells me why I should care or buy your product.

    And, you're in too much of a rush to sell the product, and you don't spend the time needed to educate your prospect on why they need it and of all the competitors around, why yours is better.

    Your basically saying...

    "I have something to sell you because I'm in the business of selling.'

    As opposed to...

    "I have something that you need right now and it's going to save you a ton of money and grief in the coming months.

    Specifically...

    The headline is weak. Even if someone answers "Yes" to the question, so what? It really doesn't move the conversation forward.

    Also, your subhead says "Easy & Affordable" but that's too generic. Everyone claims that. Nobody claims to be "Difficult and Overpriced."

    Same thing with "Meets OSHA's Safety Meeting Law." If your product didn't meet the law, it would be a really useless product.

    You need to create a headline that is either unique or intriguing or makes a bold claim (which you can then back up with facts and proof).

    Also, you put the price way too high up in the copy.

    You telling me it's $187 says nothing to me. In fact, the only conclusion I'd probably come to is that that's too much money. that's because you haven't told me anything that let's me figure out how valuable your product is yet.

    Here's an example...

    Imagine you walked into a men's clothing store and a sales guy comes up to you and asks "Do you want a jacket?" And you say "Yes" and he replies, "Good, I have one I can sell you for $500."

    You have no way of knowing if $500 is a good price for that jacket. In fact, your gut reaction would probably be, "$500 of a jacket. is he crazy?"

    But if first he told you how the jacket was hand made in Italy, and the tailor sheered the sheep the wool came from himself, and then lovingly carried it to the mill where it took him 3 months to weave it, etc. etc.

    And then you found out only 12 of those jackets are in existence, and the other ones are owned by Wall St. titans and Hollywood actors, all of a sudden $500 is cheap for such a treasured piece of clothing.

    So, you must first build in the value in your product/service BEFORE your prospect can come to the conclusion that your product is affordable or even cheap and well worth the investment.

    Moving on...

    Next it says: "CO Contractors & Subs in Surrounding States"

    I'm assuming "CO" is Colorado? if so, spell it out. Don't make your audience think, I was reading it as "CO-Contractor" as if that was some sort of title or description.

    Next you say...

    "If OSHA visited your jobsite, would you have a Safety Meeting Program to present to them?"

    That's the first thing you wrote that has some sort of built-in intrigue or is a question that may concern me and I want to make sure I have the right answer to.

    In fact, if you can make that question a bit more intriguing, that may be your headline. Especially if you can connect it to a he number of companies that don't have a program and get fined or otherwise screwed over.

    I have no clue what 34 Trades: 100 Topics refers to. Chapters in the book you're selling?Again, you're making me think and make assumptions. Also, what's the benefit to having 34 trades and 100 topics?

    Your free bonuses confuse me as well. Is the $50 coupon code good toward the $187, so that means the product is only $137?

    And, just because your bonuses are free, doesn't mean they're valuable. You need to "sell"/build up the value of each bonus so I understand how amazingly awesome they are.

    Overall, I think you need to totally re-write and re-conceptualize the whole promo. And instead on focussing on selling, focus on helping the reader realize why they need what you have.

    Hope this helps.

    James
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    • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
      Originally Posted by james72766 View Post

      I agree with what Doug said. He's spot on. In addition, my two cents...

      Overall, I think you need to totally re-write and re-conceptualize the whole promo. And instead on focussing on selling, focus on helping the reader realize why they need what you have.

      Hope this helps.

      James
      Hey James.

      You've been a member since 2004 and have only made 9 post - and my plea for help was one. For that, I am very thankful.

      You bring up a lot of good points and I will continue to make changes.

      I will say this... the site does a lot of assuming. Mainly because contractors already know what a safety plan is and that they have to have one. So I did take a lot of the educational process out of it but I'll revise it.

      Your point about the state 'CO Contractors' is another good point and it's the first time it has been mentioned. Mainly because most stats are obvious (such as TX, NY, WY, etc) but I can see how states such as CO, HI, OH, and several others will not read as well. I'll revise and spell out the state.

      More updates later in the day.

      Thanks again.
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  • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
    Made a lot of changes to the site.

    Thoughts?
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
    "Get Your OSHA Act Together... or Else!"

    That's The Ugly Threat Washington Lawmakers Are Making To America's Hardest-Working Small Business Owners, etc, etc...

    (something like that)

    Start with fear... government meddling... the high-risk of debilitating "first offense" fines...

    And give them a step-by-step no hype guide (that seems as close to Done-4-U as possible) to keeping Obama and his cronies out of their pockets and out of their hair.
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    • Profile picture of the author teamline
      You have already got several good reviews here!

      What I should do is to create a "Landing Page / Squeeze Page" and collect Name/ emails from your visitors.

      As for now you send 1000's of people and you could have a lot of buyers there.

      - Also prepere some quality follow up emails and use an autoresponder (Mailchimp,Aweber...). - Setup your autoresponder to send out emails once a week or so...give them some fast action off price.

      Found this website today! Just what you need! Read this article and apply it, and for sure you nail it.

      How To Write Seductive Sales Copy Like Apple
      https://blog.kissmetrics.com/write-copy-like-apple/

      Good Luck
      Signature
      KISS - Keep it Simple!
      Easy Sketch Pro
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      • Profile picture of the author osensnolf
        Originally Posted by teamline View Post

        You have already got several good reviews here!

        Found this website today! Just what you need! Read this article and apply it, and for sure you nail it.

        How To Write Seductive Sales Copy Like Apple
        https://blog.kissmetrics.com/write-copy-like-apple/

        Good Luck
        Thanks for the link - I'll check it out and see what I can apply to my site.

        Also, I'll mention that all of my traffic comes from emails so there is no need to have an opt-in as I can go back to the server and see who is going to the site and move them to MailChimp or some other company.

        This audience is a little different and I think one of the guys hit the nail on the head - it needs to be more industrial. That is how the old site was. May send traffic to this one, get some baseline numbers, and then send traffic to a version that is more industrial and see what the numbers are.

        Thanks again for the link and suggestion.
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