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For Those of You Who Wanna Know How An About Us Page Is Done...

by Cam Connor
27 replies
Just had to share this, it's solid gold:

About Us - Citrix
#page #wanna
  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    huh?

    am i missing something here?
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      huh?

      am i missing something here?
      You and me both.
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      • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
        Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

        You and me both.
        If you read the about us page, and felt like you were missing something, that thing you were missing was a conception of what a good About Us page reads like.
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        • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
          Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

          If you read the about us page, and felt like you were missing something, that thing you were missing was a conception of what a good About Us page reads like.
          Uh oh, careful there.

          You're in danger of ending up like this guy...

          http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...opywriter.html

          I hear the distant roar of a fleet of FA-22 Raptors barreling towards this thread...the pilots' fingers quivering anxiously over sweat-soaked missile launch levers.

          Take cover.
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          • Profile picture of the author Spiderwebcopy
            Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

            Uh oh, careful there.

            You're in danger of ending up like this guy...

            http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...opywriter.html

            I hear the distant roar of a fleet of FA-22 Raptors barreling towards this thread...the pilots' fingers quivering anxiously over sweat-soaked missile launch levers.

            Take cover.
            YIKES!
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            "A good advertisement is one which sells the product without drawing attention to itself." ~ David Ogilvy

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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    I see your "how it's done" and raise you "actual attention-getters":

    12 of the Best About Us Pages on the Internet
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

      I see your "how it's done" and raise you "actual attention-getters":

      12 of the Best About Us Pages on the Internet
      Thank YOU!

      And the winning card in that deck is...

      "Get the point across
      First and foremost an About Us page has to get a point across. Everything else is completely and utterly useless unless the content and the layout is achieving a goal. That goal is to tell the user who you are by showing them what you can do for them or have done for others."

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug75diEyiA0
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      • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
        I posted that page to help you guys... not so you could judge it negatively because it doesn't perfectly match the advice of whatever so-called "Copywriting guru" you're following this week.

        I forgot how much of a shit-storm this section of the forums had devolved into. I'll come back in another year or so to see if it's improved any. Have fun kids.
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        • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
          Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

          I posted that page to help you guys... not so you could judge it negatively because it doesn't perfectly match the advice of whatever so-called "Copywriting guru" you're following this week.

          I forgot how much of a shit-storm this section of the forums had devolved into. I'll come back in another year or so to see if it's improved any. Have fun kids.
          No... please... don't leave.

          Tell me why this opening paragraph is effective:

          At Citrix, we measure the value of technology by how it benefits people. It's about what they need to do and what they need to achieve. This vision inspires us to build mobile workspace solutions that give people new ways to work better with seamless and secure access to the apps, files and services they need on any device, wherever they go.
          It's not enough to say this is how it's done... gotta explain why. Because when I read that opening paragraph, all I see is corporate dribble.

          Mark
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        • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
          Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

          I posted that page to help you guys... not so you could judge it negatively because it doesn't perfectly match the advice of whatever so-called "Copywriting guru" you're following this week.

          I forgot how much of a shit-storm this section of the forums had devolved into. I'll come back in another year or so to see if it's improved any. Have fun kids.
          Here's a better idea...why don't you stick around and actually learn something?

          Dozens of newbies float in and out of this section every week and there's a goldmine of wisdom in this forum for them to learn from. But they completely miss out on it because they either:

          1) Post a critique request, get their feelings hurt and scurry off with their tails between their legs muttering under their breath about what d***bags we are for giving them honest feedback.

          2) Try to swing themselves as a "fake it till you make it" expert, get called out by the real experts on this forum, and skulk away with some random comments about how we don't know good copy when they see it.

          Some of them come back months later and repeat the same cycle. They learn nothing, they earn nothing and they probably never get to quit their thankless day job.

          Why be one of them?

          We've all got some bumps and bruises from other members on this forum. That's how we learn and grow. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another...but ya gotta be ready to stand and face the heat when the sparks start flying.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    Weird that you would get so emotional and defensive about something that you didn't even write.

    Like everyone else here, I don't see what is so special about this page. It looks like every other corporate About Us page.

    Instead of attacking people for voicing their opinions, why don't you tell us what you think makes it so great?

    You seem to have the idea you're bestowing some kind of wisdom upon us all by sharing that link... do you think it's anything we haven't seen before?
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    see... you leave for a day... and look what happens.

    all hell breaks loose.

    damn. Don't leave dude. This is getting good.
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    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      Well I am not a Copywriter so have no axe to grind but there is nothing redeeming about that About Us page.

      But I do know who Citrix are.

      Pretty much every IT manager in any business large enough to support an IT Dept in the world knows who they are. (I'm not an IT manager either by the way.)

      The About Us is so irrelevant to their business that if you actually look at their homepage there is no About Us tab at the top.

      It is just one of the links at the bottom of the page.

      Leader in mobility, virtualization, networking and cloud services - Citrix

      So what is it that you like about it so much?

      Dan
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      • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
        Originally Posted by jimbo13 View Post

        Well I am not a Copywriter so have no axe to grind but there is nothing redeeming about that About Us page.

        But I do know who Citrix are.

        Pretty much every IT manager in any business large enough to support an IT Dept in the world knows who they are. (I'm not an IT manager either by the way.)

        The About Us is so irrelevant to their business that if you actually look at their homepage there is no About Us tab at the top.

        It is just one of the links at the bottom of the page.

        Leader in mobility, virtualization, networking and cloud services - Citrix

        So what is it that you like about it so much?

        Dan
        Hey, I appreciate your input here Dan, thanks for sharing it with us.
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        • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
          why don't you tell us what you think makes it so great?
          There are lots of real copywriters on this thread who have asked you to explain why you think this page is great.

          I'd love to know, and I am not saying that sarcastically.

          Marcia Yudkin
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        • Profile picture of the author Sean Fry
          Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

          You're not a Copywriter, and you don't understand what's so great about that page. 2 things you share in common with everyone else in this thread.

          Just people looking to 1-up eachother here now by telling everyone how terrible all the Copy on the internet which they didn't write is. lol. Pathetic.
          Obvious troll is obvious.

          This guy just went out and found the most bland and boring "about us" page just to start some shit.
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        • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
          Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

          You're not a Copywriter, and you don't understand what's so great about that page.
          I know I'm not, I told you that. I mention this on lot's of threads on this section of the Forum so as not to mislead anyone with my opinions.

          What I was getting at is that you think it is good yet have not mentioned why.

          It can't be that difficult for you to explain can it?

          Maybe you are right and maybe you are wrong but you should have courage in your convictions.

          Dan
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    Let me be brief: Yawn.
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    Mark "Elmo" Ellis
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Since when is a website "About Us" page considered "copy" or "copywriting"? Its not. It's "content". I have no time for these dopes that write content big-noting themselves as copywriters. They're not. There's a HUGE difference between the two.

    And yeah - that "About Us" page is bloody awful. "Solid gold"? What planet are you on?

    BTW did you see the content on the "Executive Briefing" section? SOLID 24 CARAT GOLD -

    The executive briefing is a shared experience between our customers, Citrix executives, and our product teams. This collaborative approach allows for productive conversations that address your company’s unique objectives. Our methods promote goal alignment, technical expertise, and accelerated business success. See the difference it can make for your business – inspiring innovative strategies, leading you to new solutions, and solving real-world challenges. It’s all about being “better together.”
    That whole site is a good example on how NOT to do it. It says a lot... and at the same time manages to say nothing. Complete JOKE. "It's all about being "better together".
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    THIS is an "About Us" page - The Saddleback Story | Saddleback Leather Co.
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  • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
    Friends... All the Copywriting rules you're taught are great for a while, but they're only a crutch. As you move forward, you have to develop your intuition as a Copywriter for what makes good Copy and what doesn't. I read it, and I could tell it was good Copy. That's how I knew. I didn't look over a checklist of XYZ Guru's "Copywriters' Principles For Success". I've just done enough direct response to know what moves people. That is all. Best of luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
      Originally Posted by Cam Connor View Post

      Friends... All the Copywriting rules you're taught are great for a while, but they're only a crutch. As you move forward, you have to develop your intuition as a Copywriter for what makes good Copy and what doesn't. I read it, and I could tell it was good Copy. That's how I knew. I didn't look over a checklist of XYZ Guru's "Copywriters' Principles For Success". I've just done enough direct response to know what moves people. That is all. Best of luck.
      I'd have to agree with Sean above... troll looking to stir the pot.

      Because anyone who claims to have done enough direct response to know what moves people would NOT have a sales page like this...

      http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...-critique.html

      But at least now it makes sense why you think that's a good "About Us" page above.
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott McKinstry
    The written copy is bland, yeah, but the video to the right is pretty good. Worth a watch.

    It tells the classic story of a software start-up from the 80s that "thought differently" and became a market leader. Complete with pictures of software-coder beards, gigantic glasses, and staff photos that looked like they came from a Microsoft documentary. (which makes me think of $$$.)

    Plus, it tells the story of how these guys were at the bleeding edge of cloud-based computing. And how they continue to power the industry today.

    Not sure how well this would resonate with their target market (CIOs, IT managers of firms?) but it seems to tell a familiar story that will resonate with IT pro's and its filled with good proof credentials. I came away convinced of their expertise, anyway.

    A good "about us" page can be sales writing ... it can convince a customer of your trustworthiness and expertise and lead him to the sale.

    Like the Saddleback Leather story Mal shared, which is awesome.

    Here's another good one: Our Story - Piggy Paint | Piggy Paint

    This one worked on me; I'm a happy customer. I have a little girl who likes to be "very fancy", and after reading the founder's experience (which is similar to mine -- looking for safe nail polish for little girls) I felt I could trust her and her product.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
      Originally Posted by Scott McKinstry View Post

      The written copy is bland, yeah, but the video to the right is pretty good. Worth a watch.

      It tells the classic story of a software start-up from the 80s that "thought differently" and became a market leader. Complete with pictures of software-coder beards, gigantic glasses, and staff photos that looked like they came from a Microsoft documentary. (which makes me think of $$$.)

      Plus, it tells the story of how these guys were at the bleeding edge of cloud-based computing. And how they continue to power the industry today.

      Not sure how well this would resonate with their target market (CIOs, IT managers of firms?) but it seems to tell a familiar story that will resonate with IT pro's and its filled with good proof credentials. I came away convinced of their expertise, anyway.

      A good "about us" page can be sales writing ... it can convince a customer of your trustworthiness and expertise and lead him to the sale.

      Like the Saddleback Leather story Mal shared, which is awesome.

      Here's another good one: Our Story - Piggy Paint | Piggy Paint

      This one worked on me; I'm a happy customer. I have a little girl who likes to be "very fancy", and after reading the founder's experience (which is similar to mine -- looking for safe nail polish for little girls) I felt I could trust her and her product.
      Definitely a great piece, which could terrify parents into getting her nail polish. Well done. lol
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