"My first landing page" review. Come absolutely rip apart my copy

10 replies
Hey guys,

I've just created a simple landing page to gather email address for marketing a new service in my niche (I provide drum samples for rock and metal producers).

I would love some feedback on what I could do to the copy and/or layout to improve the effectiveness.

Be as mean as you like! I'm tough enough to take brutal honesty, and I know it can be fun to tear apart a noob from time to time (if for no other reason than to release some steam).

www.drumtrunk.com

Have at it!


And just to clarify a few things after reading through the sticky "checklist" at the top of this forum:

This is nothing more than a business validation landing page. I'm using this to see if the interest for this service is large enough for me to invest time and money into. If I reach a certain number of subscribers, I will go through with the business.
#absolutely #copy #my first landing page #review #rip
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    The first opt-in offers more info and free samples. The second opt-in offers a launch notification.

    Too confusing. And confused prospects don't take action.

    Instead of trying to sell two actions, limit your page to just one... the free samples.

    After they opt-in, redirect to a different page that presells the product and explains the upcoming launch.

    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    Mr. Brian,

    I'm a professional musician and I had a very hard time understanding what your page was about. Your first statement said something about "hand crafted" which immediately gave me the impression that you built or fabricated an object.

    After going through the rest of the page I finally got it.

    However, the average person will click out if they don't understand what they are looking at.

    Also, you need to address your audience in your headline; Recording Artists, Digital Musicians, or whoever this product is designed for would help. After that, you need to tell them how this product benefits them or fixes their problems.


    That's just for starters.

    ELMO
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    • Profile picture of the author McKattry
      Both good comments up above. It's very important to make your offer straight forward, and easy to understand Your visitor isn't going to sit around and and try to solve a mystery, he's going to move on. So what are you selling? Digital recording samples? Sample equipment? Something else?

      As far as your basic layout goes, I would probably add some color to the above the fold stuff. Red arrows to draw the eye, or people to engage with. (Remember that the users eye will be drawn to whatever the model is looking at). Also your heading is too long and confusing. Keep it short and sweet.

      You might also remove your reference to your branding "drumtrunk" from the headline. People aren't interested in an unknown brand until you've caught their interest. A small logo at the top will do, and explaining it below is a fine touch.
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  • Profile picture of the author brianhood
    Thanks for the input guys! I've made it a bit more clear and narrowed it down to one single call to action.

    Hopefully this makes it a bit easier to understand. I know it's a little weird if you're not the target market, but I'm fairly certain this is clear to my target customers.

    Feel free to give more input!
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Brian,

    Take off your copywriter/marketer hat for a second and put your musician/engineer hat back on.

    How do rock/metal producers talk about drum samples in the control room?

    What are the words they use to describe snares and kicks?

    What are the words they use to describe how they want them to sound?

    What do they say about lame sounding samples?

    NONE of that is on your page (and it should be...)
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  • Profile picture of the author brianhood
    Just to update you guys on this. I "released" this landing page 24 hours ago, and I've gotten 500 people to hand over their email addresses so far.

    I'm holding steady at ~60% conversion rate on the desktop site and ~40% on the mobile site.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by brianhood View Post

      Just to update you guys on this. I "released" this landing page 24 hours ago, and I've gotten 500 people to hand over their email addresses so far.

      I'm holding steady at ~60% conversion rate on the desktop site and ~40% on the mobile site.
      Doesn't surprise me. I'm the target market on this and it's a good offer. Two things I'd suggest changing....

      "No Spam. Ever."

      It's not what you say that matters, it's what you get the person to imagine. The word "spam" creates a negative picture in the person's mind. Change it to something else. Check this page for examples from real split tests.

      10 Call-to-Action Case Studies with Examples from Real Button Tests

      Second, can you customize the type of samples they request?

      Right now it says snare samples. Personally, I'd request bass drum and symbol samples first. Those are the hardest to find good quality samples on. On the other hand, even cheap 64 bit snares sound pretty good. Maybe that's just me, but if you customized the samples, it might also give you a better idea of what the subscribers want.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Congratulations, Brian. It must be a pretty good feeling. Goes to prove once again, you just never know until you test.

    - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author nmchant
    "Be as mean as you like! I'm tough enough to take brutal honesty, and I know it can be fun to tear apart a noob from time to time (if for no other reason than to release some steam)."

    Lol, that's hysterical.
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  • Profile picture of the author RonGold
    Wow, 500 e-mails in 24-hours OP?

    Here comes the monayyyy!

    RG
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