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Help the beginner. Writing of Commercial proposal.

by Ivanhope
6 replies
HOW other hotels already increased the number of rooms booked by 50% in 2014.

This won't be a problem for you if you read the text to the P.S.

The tool I am talking about can help the *** to be packed with guests daily. The product is called the 3D walk.

Your guests can visit your hotel from their homes far away from you.
And you know what? They will really like it!

No matter how good are the photos and videos on your website. They are not able to pass all the information about your hotel.

Using this product, you can put into it everything you want. Starting from all information about the *** such as photos, videos, "booking" button, social network buttons, finishing the name of your best maid or the fastest bellboy.

The price for one virtual walk varies depending on how many viewpoints (spherical panoramas) you want to use. One spherical panorama costs 33 pounds, which is 50-60% lower than other agencies' prices.

Here is the example of 3D walk:
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By the way, hurry up to get your 3D walk before June the 1st. Prices will rise after that moment.

Have a nice day,

P.S. Order our 3D walk now through email or skype and you will get the possibility to place the logo of the *** in the 3D walk for free, with the link to your website.

*** - instead of this I write the name of the hotel.
#beginner #commercial #proposal #writing
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    I don't get it.

    What exactly is this you're posting?

    An email? Flyer, website copy?

    It sounds like a bunch of scattered ideas to me.

    What do you want? Feedback?
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  • Profile picture of the author Ivanhope
    This is the commercial proposal which we send through email and messages in social networks.

    Our aim is to sell the service - 3D tour.

    Firstly, we need a feedback. We want our proposal to be read. Then - cause customer to order the service.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Is the first line a headline/subject line? Who are you sending this to? What action do you want them to take when they read this?

    Keep in mind you're not going to get a shit ton of sales off one email, so you shouldn't be pushing a hard sell here. You should be building a relationship.

    Basically, we need a little more info to be able to help you.
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    Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    I think this is a product you have to demo right away. Put a 3D tour right at the top, then go into the copy, then have another 3D tour in the copy. The demos have to be killer. If the product is just a photo tour, they will bail. Make sure it works on all browsers and mobile devices. A killer demo backed up with great copy will sell it.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author Ivanhope
    Put a 3D tour right at the top, then go into the copy, then have another 3D tour in the copy.
    Honestly, I can't totally understand, what does that mean. Couldn't you explain more in details.

    Is the first line a headline/subject line? Who are you sending this to? What action do you want them to take when they read this?
    The first line is the subject, this is the line which have to intrigue the customer that is why he has to read it. After he read, the action has to be the reply.

    One more thing. Sending emails I realized, that I possibly send not to the right destination, that's why they won't be read at all. The question is how can I reach the right department (marketing or head office) through social media teams of companies or just people, who get emails with bookings (market hotels).

    Thanks in advance.
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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    This is a cold email? Get ready to send a lot of them. The response rate to cold email is notoriously low. How many SEO pitches do you get everyday? Thought so.

    To make this work, you need to send to the email address of the decision maker. You need to do some basic research so you can customize the email to their company. A stock email won't do it.

    As is it, you are asking the email to do all the selling. I would keep the email short and drive them to a sales page with the video.

    I'm not sure what your product looks like but it is probably similar to this:

    You need to put a video like that near the top of the sales page. Give me a video demo of examples you are doing for current clients. If you don't have clients, show me a mock up.

    Think about this--what separates your 3D tour from 100 others? What makes you unique?

    Heck, I could get the software and have my assistant make one in 3 hours. Tell me why I should invest in yours.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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