I NEED Just One Sentence Out of All of This Mess !!

99 replies
Hi, We have been at this a long time, if I told you how long, you would doubt our sanity so lets say a long, long time and leave it at that.

We have a simple problem, our web site, https://kommunicon.com/ has a great deal of info up there about our product KOmKard.

The problem is, people come to the web site

and when they leave, which is frequently, they

have one comment:

What the hell is a KOmKard !!

We have too much info , its not drilled down enough,

we need someone who has more skills than we do, to

get us that one sentence, that one phrase,

that visitors will see, read and say

ah ha, THAT'S WHAT THE HELL A KOmKard is !!

If you could give us a leg up, that would be greatly appreciated.
#mess #sentence
  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    Hi Bryan - I think you've analyzed your main problem totally correctly (I've been all over your website in the past, myself, and I have absolutely no idea what a KomKard is, or what it's all about!), but I think you might get much better and more helpful replies by posting this in the Copywriting Forum here: The Copywriting Forum

    (Only my guess, but maybe a short, 2-3-sentence paragraph, rather than just a single sentence, might be a little more realistic?).
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  • Profile picture of the author PinkStar
    "A downloadable software program enabling businesses and their web sites to travel across the Internet and become an invited presence on the desks tops and laptops of their customers"
    I agree, I don't get it either. With all the mobiles today, what exactly does your software do?
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    Move it along folks, nothing to see here
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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    Well, I watched the video and got excited when it said "How KOmKards Work." That balloon popped when the video ended and I had still had no clue what it is, what it does, what it looks like, where to get one, and how I benefit. I'm sure someone else here will be able to help you, but for me if the "explainer video" can't explain it, I'm out.
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    • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
      Alexa, thanks for the input, yes, maybe 2 or 3 sentences would be better, will work on it, thanks again.
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      • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
        Pink Star. A KOmKard allows people who visit a web site, to take something away with them from that web site, instead of leaving empty handed, they can download a KOmKard , which has information on it that is of interest to the visitor, as well as being a portal back to the web site .
        Yes needs some work
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        • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
          Joe Golfer, Thanks for wading in, you pointed out some areas that need more work, lots more work !!
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    You're trying to sell what it is instead of selling what it does.

    Tell me, in one sentence, what the biggest, most impactful bottom line benefit is of using the product.

    What's the before condition, and what's the after condition?

    HINT: Don't say ANYTHING about the product or service itself. But hit the bottom line before and after, then, expand on the after to get them salivating.

    That's when you introduce the product and what it does, hot it does it etc.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Thanks sethczerepak, Will work on that concept. I am redoing the home page for the 40 th time right now, will use your suggestions as a template.
    Thanks again
    Bryan
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    In respsonse to sethczerepak's suggestion , how is this:

    Becoming a KOmKard owner maximizes the time and energy you are ALREADY expending, you will be able to maximize your productivity , increase your results without adding any additional strain on your current workload.

    Better?
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    • Profile picture of the author Marvin Johnston
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      In respsonse to sethczerepak's suggestion , how is this:

      Becoming a KOmKard owner maximizes the time and energy you are ALREADY expending, you will be able to maximize your productivity , increase your results without adding any additional strain on your current workload.

      Better?
      Have you heard of the Flesch-Kincaid reading score? Something else to keep in mind since it is all about your target audience understanding what you are saying.

      Your overly long sentence and structure comes out to about 12th grade. A 7th to 8th grade is a more accepted target to get something understood.

      And it is FAR too broad... I still have no idea what it is, and you haven't given me any reason to find out.

      Another bit of advice I've seen is write freely, and edit ruthlessly.

      Marvin

      PS - I didn't watch the video since you really haven't provided any compelling reason to do so.
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      • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
        You are right Marvin, we need to get what we are saying cut down to a point that people will understand what we have. Its been a struggle to say the least.
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        • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
          Marvin, How about this:

          Become a KOmKard owner and better utilize the traffic you are ALREADY getting.

          Start maximizing your current efforts, becoming a KOmKard owner enables the people who you come in contact with everyday, a chance to take a piece of you home with them.

          People that visit you and your web site will never leave
          you empty handed again!

          Better ?
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          • Profile picture of the author clever7
            Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

            Marvin, How about this:

            Become a KOmKard owner and better utilize the traffic you are ALREADY getting.

            Start maximizing your current efforts, becoming a KOmKard owner enables the people who you come in contact with everyday, a chance to take a piece of you home with them.

            People that visit you and your web site will never leave
            you empty handed again!

            Better ?
            You have to give explanations.

            How will I better utilize the traffic I already have?

            How will the people I come into contact with 'take a piece of me' home with them? Is this a benefit? Why?

            "People that visit you and your web site will never leave
            you empty handed again!"


            Do you mean that they will buy my products and give me money? Or will they give me gifts? What do you mean with this sentence?

            You have to be specific if you want to be comprehended.






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      • Profile picture of the author Lance K
        If i had to guess, I'd say it's a digital calling card/brochure/flyer type service.

        Personally I don't see the reason why a business would use it when mobile apps are so easy to build & people are already used to using them.

        It seems like a solution without a real problem to me. Assuming I'm even correctly interpreting what it is.

        Maybe if you used it as a take out menu type deal for restaurants & they could keep it updated with promotions & coupons. Possibly people in an office setting would use something like that.
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        • Profile picture of the author serryjw
          LANCE wins the fruit cocktail with dinner. First The Name drives me crazy. WHAT is KO? IMHO, the reason for it's existence is to match the take out card with WHO is behind it. I can see a PR, advertising, SEO person having some benefit. I agree with Lance, a menu isn't bad. I really have to ask WHY? IF you where n the proverbial elevator making the 15 second pitch, what would you say to your prospect? WHY does it exist and WHAT benefit will I receive...and say it in 15 second.
          Good Luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      In respsonse to sethczerepak's suggestion , how is this:

      Becoming a KOmKard owner maximizes the time and energy you are ALREADY expending, you will be able to maximize your productivity , increase your results without adding any additional strain on your current workload.

      Better?
      Better yes, but Marvin Johnston has a good point about the simplicity. You're using too many words. You could have said the exact same thing in one sentence:

      "What if you could get four hours of work done in just 60 minutes?"

      Then, you could have listed several examples of the SPECIFIC results they'd get in one just day using this product, then expand those results over a week, month, year. You need to paint a very clear and very specific PICTURE in their mind.

      Read your copy again, and tell me what pictures come into your mind...

      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      In respsonse to sethczerepak's suggestion , how is this:

      Becoming a KOmKard owner maximizes the time and energy you are ALREADY expending, you will be able to maximize your productivity , increase your results without adding any additional strain on your current workload.
      ...nothing right? But plenty of people can picture getting four hours of work done in one hour...and it sounds damn sexy.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        You have users of it...correct?

        Ask them what their life was like before using it,
        what they hoped it would do for them and what
        the difference now means to them.

        This gives your potential buyers a look into
        what is possible.

        Best,
        Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
          Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

          You have users of it...correct?

          Ask them what their life was like before using it,
          what they hoped it would do for them and what
          the difference now means to them.

          This gives your potential buyers a look into
          what is possible.

          Best,
          Ewen
          That's the best place to start. It'll get you out of your own head and let people who've already been sold help you sell to others.

          Keep in mind when you're listening to their feedback, you need to answer one simple question. SIMPLY.

          What. Does. It. DO?!

          A gun kills people from a distance with a small projectile powered by rapidly igniting powder.

          A portable fan keeps you cool at the height of summer heat by circulating air without cords and cables.

          A shoe protects your feet from sharp objects and super-heated surfaces while helping you walk more comfortably.

          WHAT DOES IT DO?!

          Stop trying to sell it. JUST tell them what it does.

          Yeah, it helps them maximize time. HOW?

          OK, it helps them keep in touch with customers? HOW?

          Is this an implant into their brains that hypnotizes customers into coming back?

          Is this a personalized virtual bookmark like StumbleUpon, et al?

          Is this your version of Evernote where people can file stuff away for future reference?

          Are you a content provider? 'Cause one of your answers makes it sound like you produce the content that your clients use to sell their customers.

          If you're really sold on the soft sell angle (which actually isn't helping your customers, but we'll have to agree to disagree), talk about what this is NOT.

          It's NOT screaming red fonts and hyped up promises.

          It's NOT "give us your email address, phone number, and your firstborn's soul" to get access to this great content.

          It's not obnoxious telemarketers calling you every day.

          What is it? WHAT DOES IT DO?
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Thanks for wading in Lance.

    Unfortunately you have misunderstood what a KOmKard is and THAT'S OUR PROBLEM !!, we have done a lousy job in describing our own product.

    As far as KOmKards being a solution to a problem that does not exist, again our lousy explanation is at work, becoming a KOmKard owner solves a great many problems that every web site owners face, I just need to be able to better explain my own product
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    • Profile picture of the author Lance K
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      becoming a KOmKard owner solves a great many problems that every web site owners face...
      For example?
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      "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
      ~ Zig Ziglar
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    The fact that you can't easily communicate what your service does is a major problem.

    I agree with what Lance wrote above, both in terms of what it sounds like your service does and also the potential problems. Do you know for sure that people have a need for what you're offering?

    My initial objection would be how does a KOmKard benefit me and give my customer something that they can't just get from my website?

    I watched the video and I still don't really get it. You're going to need a new video, maybe one that shows exactly how it works. I'd forget the animation angle, as it's not really helping.

    Based on what I'm guessing you do, your biggest benefit sounds like it allows businesses to interact with their customers and develop a relationship with them. That's what I'd be focusing on.

    Instead of all the corporate speak just get to the heart of what you're offering.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Tim I wish I knew what you mean by " corporate speak " ?

    I agree with your guess,

    Based on what I'm guessing you do, your biggest benefit sounds like it allows businesses to interact with their customers and develop a relationship with them. That's what I'd be focusing on.

    I just wish it wasn't a guess !!

    Your comment,

    My initial objection would be how does a KOmKard benefit me and give my customer something that they can't just get from my website?

    Being a KOmKard owner provides so much more than what would already be just on your web site, which again addresses our failure at not explaining our own product properly !!
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Being a KOmKard owner provides so much more than what would already be just on your web site, which again addresses our failure at not explaining our own product properly !!
      Bryan,

      You're having a hard time with this because the core value proposition of the product itself is fatally weak.

      I'm sorry, but there it is - naked and shivering.

      No amount of magical phrasing is going to fix that. In fact, as you've found, it only makes matters worse.

      Apologies for being so blunt, but tap-dancing around the issue isn't doing you any favors.

      We've reviewed this for you in the past and the same issue remains unchanged...

      ...it's a solution in search of a problem.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tim R
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Tim I wish I knew what you mean by " corporate speak "?
      This:

      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Becoming a KOmKard owner maximizes the time and energy you are ALREADY expending, you will be able to maximize your productivity , increase your results without adding any additional strain on your current workload.
      If you were talking to someone face-to-face I highly doubt this is how you would speak. You're using a lot of words without really saying anything at all.

      I'm still not clear on exactly what you do, but I checked out you FAQ page (BTW you've got a number of grammar and punctuation issues on there) and it helped a little bit.

      But I'm still not really seeing where the need is for what you're offering. What can you give businesses that they can't already get through Facebook and social media? What is your USP?
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Brian, You are right, you have reviewed a product that I had out LAST year, more than 12 months ago and your comments then were justified.

    That was then, this is now. Your comment about a solution in search of a problem is no longer valid, it was a year ago, not now.

    I agree and take the blame for not being able to explain my product properly and the result that in your words "

    You're having a hard time with this because the core value proposition of the product itself is fatally weak.

    makes sense on the face, again, my inability to better explain my own product leads to a comment like that and as I said, based on what I have said, makes sense for someone to make a statement like that. Well deserved and we have to take that head shot !!

    Tap dancing around the issue is not doing me any favors, as you put it, is 100% correct, but is the issue the product, or what you think is the product? If it sounds like I am denial, I am not, I am working through what we have and have not and trying to see where the problem is, the disconnect and yes, make changes as they need to be made.

    There is nothing that you have not said here that we/ I have not said and asked ourselves a 100, 200 times. Our dilemma is this, when we have a chance to speak to people about what a KOmKard is and does, they GET IT,

    YES there is value in what a KOmKard is and people do benefit from being owners

    Am I in denial ?? Your comments and suggestions are VERY MUCH appreciated, don't think that they are not. We are in the process of making changes, YET again to the web site and what we are telling people about our product, how we say it, and when we get that right, well, we shall see
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    This whole thing is like one big sit-com gag. You have this thing... which is fabulous... yet you can't decribe what it is or what it does... why people need it... why it will change their lives... but take our word for it - it's wonderful.

    I'm beginning to think this is really a prank.

    "KomKard - it's koming for you!"

    p.s. if it isn't a prank it's some of the worst marketing I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot. Truly awful. Duddest of the Dud. Take a bow.

    There again... if it's a joke... it's half-funny.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Copy Nazi, Interesting comment, not sure if its of any value, but interesting none the less.
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  • I'm clueless as to what it is.

    My best guess is you can "capture" part of a website? (sorry if I'm a million miles off course on this).

    Not sure why anyone would want to (why not just bookmark it?)

    But there is one thing that could happen - it's a billion to one against shot.

    Who would have thought that half the world would spend hours and hours a day typing up to 140 characters and sending them to anyone who might read them.

    So maybe the good people will (once they understand it)...

    Latch on to "collecting" their favourite parts of websites.

    Stranger things have happened.


    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Lance K, For example,

    1. Web site owners want people who visit their web site to leave their name and email address, KOmKard owners can use their KOmKard as a captcha product.
    2. Web site owners need content for their sites, blogs, being a KOmKard owner, they receive 5 times a week, a copy written content suitable for their web site, blogs, article submissions, any way they choose, the content they receives comes with no outside links, advertising , the owner puts their branding and links on it.
    3. Included in every KOmKard is a fully functional Day Planner, people who want one, can download it and use it.
    4. Perfect Social Networking promotion, hand out, give away, already in a downloadable, share able format.
    5. Viral Business card, a KOmKard is a portal to that owners web site, when your web site changes, so does your KOmKard.
    6. Becoming a KOmKard owners provides you with content, that is available on that owners web site, on a free download page, any one that visits that site, does business with that persona, can access, 24/7 and download, take, look at, use or ignore, their choice.

    Here is a link to a page that has 23 benefits to becoming a KOmKard owner, https://kommunicon.com/benefits/

    Despite how poorly we have described our product up to this point, the few people who are KOmKard owners and we are not even out of the gate yet , are happy with the results.

    Thanks for you input again Lance, we are redoing the home page again, using the suggestions from everyone today.

    YES spelling and grammar is the bain of anyone with a web site, still combing through the site.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Tim, Thanks for your feedback.

    Your question what can we offer people that they can not get through Facebook and social ,media? Facebook and social media does not give anything back except basically peoples comments, chit chat, what they had fro dinner last night, those sort of interchanges.
    A KOmKard owner receives content, articles, tools, actual products that they can use to better interact with the visitors to their web site.
    Visitors to a KOmKard owners web site can access for free, download, material, content, that is of interest to them and then leave that site, with something tangible, from that web site owner, Facebook does not provide that sort of tangible, branded, interactive presence to the end user.

    Tim I agree with your comments and suggestions, that is why we are here, ALL of the input, ( except one has been very helpful and much appreciated.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Steve the Copy Writer. As i read your fist line,

    I'm clueless as to what it is.

    I cringe, one ,because we have spent so much time on this and second, when we do get it right, your 1 billion to one chance will be greatly reduced.

    As I write this, we are redoing the front page and the over all focus of the marketing, yes, it is almost impossible to understand what the hell we have, but as strange as this seems, it will not take much to tweak it into something that people will say:

    Now I get it, why didn't you say that before !!

    Thanks for everyone pitching in, it is VERY much appreciated

    PS Tim said What is your USP?, what does USP mean, ouch !!!
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    This is for Tim as well as everyone else who has contributed, this is what we would like to put on the new Home page of our web site, as a clarification :

    What would it mean for YOUR business to be able to

    ENGAGE and CAPTURE more of the traffic
    Your web site is already receiving

    MAXIMIZE the day to day activities
    you are already performing

    PROVIDES the people you do
    business with every day a chance
    to take a “ piece of YOU “ home with them

    HAVE relevant, value driven content
    delivered , daily to your web site

    If these four features and the resulting benefits matter to you, then becoming a KOmKard owner makes sense.

    Rough draft.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      This is for Tim as well as everyone else who has contributed, this is what we would like to put on the new Home page of our web site, as a clarification :

      What would it mean for YOUR business to be able to

      ENGAGE and CAPTURE more of the traffic
      Your web site is already receiving

      MAXIMIZE the day to day activities
      you are already performing

      PROVIDES the people you do
      business with every day a chance
      to take a " piece of YOU " home with them

      HAVE relevant, value driven content
      delivered , daily to your web site

      If these four features and the resulting benefits matter to you, then becoming a KOmKard owner makes sense.

      Rough draft.
      See, this is the problem. You're thinking and talking Gobbledegook.

      What does "Engage and capture" mean? "Maximise day to day activities"? "Take a piece of you home with them"? "Relevant, value driven content" - that one takes the cake.

      None of it makes sense man. It's just robot talk. A load of corporate-sounding drivel. Like something a politician might say.
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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    I would try to reposition the card to focus on one benefit. A benefit that is easily explained by the average Joe. If I asked you what Dropbox does, you might say "it's an online backup service" or "it lets me share files between all my computers." Their site says, "Dropbox is a free service that lets you bring your photos, docs, and videos anywhere and share them easily."

    Even if you have four or more cool features/benefits, try focusing on the biggest problem you solve. You can still have the other features, but your "Big Promise" has to be one that resonates right away. Once you get some headway in the marketplace, you can introduce the other features.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Joe Golfer, I understand, I think.

    Its been hard for us to focus on one benefit, we feel the strength of the KOmKard is the fact that from one product, your get a range of benefits.

    I know you are right, we are not arguing, its just, ? its tough to narrow it down to one, we feel we are not giving ourselves the chance to make this happen.

    I need to take your advice and try to get that ONE BIG benefit out there and see where and how I can get the other ones in there, without diluting the big one, and still take your advice !!!

    Back to the drawing board. Thanks for hanging in there, much appreciated.
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    • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Joe Golfer, I understand, I think.

      Its been hard for us to focus on one benefit, we feel the strength of the KOmKard is the fact that from one product, your get a range of benefits.

      I know you are right, we are not arguing, its just, ? its tough to narrow it down to one, we feel we are not giving ourselves the chance to make this happen.

      I need to take your advice and try to get that ONE BIG benefit out there and see where and how I can get the other ones in there, without diluting the big one, and still take your advice !!!

      Back to the drawing board. Thanks for hanging in there, much appreciated.
      It's not easy. It's horribly hard.

      I mean, even I struggle. I'm handsome, muscular and really funny. But I have to focus on one feature at a time to impress women and get a date. I usually tell them I'm funny and charming to get them to go out with me, and then let my smoldering looks and sculpted arms work their magic during dinner.

      Seriously, though, every business person I talk to struggles with focus. And most are getting killed. "But we can do this, and we can do that, and we're also good at XYZ."

      So I tell them, "Hey, let me suggest this great hotel for you. They cater to families, vacationers, business people and visiting dignitaries. The breakfast buffet has wi-fi, toys for the kids, a fortune teller, guys on stilts and free translators for leaders of foreign countries."

      They say, "WTF? It sounds like a zoo."

      But when I tell them, "Stay at this hotel. It caters to business people, has free wifi, free coffee, free massages, free car wash service, a free healthy breakfast and world-class meeting rooms."

      They say, "Perfect for me."

      Try to think of the person who is your best prospect, the person who would say "This is perfect for me." Then build a single message to market to that person.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mario Castelli
    ^^ That.

    Bryan, you need to stop trying to market it to us. And just tell us what the damn thing does.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Copy Nazi,

    One of the values of a forum like this is to receive input from any one, any where

    What does " engage and capture " mean?

    Really ?

    I am fully prepared to take my knocks for doing a terrible job at describing our product, that is why we are here, gaining valuable input from people who want to help and its much appreciated.

    That help is much appreciated .
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Copy Nazi,

      One of the values of a forum like this is to receive input from any one, any where

      What does " engage and capture " mean?

      Really ?

      I am fully prepared to take my knocks for doing a terrible job at describing our product, that is why we are here, gaining valuable input from people who want to help and its much appreciated.

      That help is much appreciated .
      Sigh. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING. I know exactly what I'm doing and could rewrite that site for you in a matter of hours. And people would know exactly what it was and what it does. You choose not to pay any credence to what I'm saying. Fine. Keep stumbling down the yellowbrick road. NOBODY has a bloody clue what your product does. Don't you get it? The copy is atrocious. The videos are pathetic. The captain is drunk at the wheel.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Mario,

    That"s the plan
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  • Profile picture of the author Mario Castelli
    Directly from your website... and the only thing that made sense:

    "KOmKards grew from a need to make it easier and more efficient for people to communicate, get their story and message out to other people using the power and the reach of the Internet."

    So...

    "KOmKards provide an easy, efficient way to communicate with websites visitors and spread the marketing message of your business, using the power and reach of the Internet."

    I still don't know what your product is. But at least that's a starting point as to what it does.
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    You need to hire a copywriter. You just don't get it and I think you never will...nothing new here..LOL.

    I actually visited your homepage and I still couldn't figure out what you do...yet I just know I need your product because you tell me I do...LOL.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Joe,


    When you explain it, it ALMOST sounds simple, simple, but not easy

    using this example, if I understand it, if I preface the benefits with a prequilafer, I can slip a few more in there? Not arguing with you, and If I was you, I would be done by now, but I am not, so here I am .

    I will try to craft this using your last suggestion, who will be my best prospect, the one that will say, this is perfect fro me and then make my message to that person.

    Many thanks, on it.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    The Copy Nazi,
    What planet are you on ?? The reason we are here is we KNOW !!!!!!!!!
    that we have a problem, we are trying to solve it.
    Telling us " The copy is atrocious. The videos are pathetic. " we ALREADY know that, tell us something new.
    I am paying credence to the people that are generously helping us by providing ideas on how to fix what we know is broken, like Joe the Gofer, Mario, Steve, Lance , Tim etc.

    Time to move on and put the suggestions we have gotten into practice.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Mario,

    Can I use your line ;

    So...

    "KOmKards provide an easy, efficient way to communicate with websites visitors and spread the marketing message of your business, using the power and reach of the Internet."

    I still don't know what your product is. But at least that's a starting point as to what it does.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Mario,

      Can I use your line ;

      So...

      "KOmKards provide an easy, efficient way to communicate with websites visitors and spread the marketing message of your business, using the power and reach of the Internet."

      I still don't know what your product is. But at least that's a starting point as to what it does.
      Oh yeah. That really lets people know what it's all about doesn't it. Brilliant. "Using the power and reach of the internet".

      And you wonder what planet I'm on?
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      • Profile picture of the author Mario Castelli
        Can you use it? Sure.

        Should you? No.

        That wasn't MY line. I was just giving you a starting point to work from, based on what you currently had.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    You're trying to speak to everyone and cover all your bases, to the point where everything is so diluted that it's impossible to comprehend.

    Let's say that you and I are sitting down face-to-face and you're trying to sell your product to me. But I'm in a hurry so you have to be as brief as possible.

    I own a gym, in a city of 1 million people. I'm finding it tougher and tougher to compete with all of the high-end franchises that are opening up.

    How will investing in your service help grow my business and increase my profits?

    Just answer that question as simply as possible. Talk to me as if I'm a real person, not a faceless corporation.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Tim, I agree what we are saying is impossible for a visitor to the site to comprehend, that is abundantly clear to us.

    I will work on the sitting down and talking to you as the owner of a gym example.

    " KOmKards help you stay connected to the people you do business with now and hope to do business with in the future . "

    " We will provide you with ready to use tools, products and content that visitors to your web site will download, use, read, and most importantly, helping them remember who you are when they are ready to make a buying decision about a gym membership "

    Better,

    ( it couldn't be any worse ! )
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    • Profile picture of the author perryny
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      " We will provide you with ready to use tools, products and content that visitors to your web site will download, use, read, and most importantly, helping them remember who you are when they are ready to make a buying decision about a gym membership "
      I'm looking for a gym in my area, and I just happened upon Tim's website.

      What "tools, products and content" would I possibly want to download onto my computer from Tim's website?
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  • Bryan,

    You're in a bar and an old pal walks in. This friend is not in anyway technically minded. He runs a fruit and veg shop and does not speak any business jargon.

    He says -

    "Hey Brian - I hear you have an internet company what exactly does it do?"

    What would you say?

    In the name of all that is holy please do not use any business waffle.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    Haha, I was just about to use the bar example when I saw Steve's post.

    Pretend you've had half a dozen shots of tequila and are actually loose and can talk like a real person.

    If I was talking to you in this scenario and wanted to sell you on copywriting services, maybe I would say something like 'I'll come up with the best f*cking sales page your audience has ever seen, they'd rather cut off their left testicle than miss out on the chance of doing business with you. The only thing you'll have to worry about is hiring new staff to handle all the extra business you're going to get."

    How would you sell your service?
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Steve the Copy Writer,

    This is for your veg and fruit guy

    We provide people who have web sites ways to keep track of the people that visit their web sites and when they leave their web sites, their visitors can take home with them information that is of interest to them.

    The information that they take home with them has the web sites owners information on it, when the visitor reads the information, it reminds them of the web site they just visited.

    Our products and information helps web site owners and businesses to stay in contact with the people they want to do business with in the future .

    Hopefully this is NOT business waffle
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Perryny ,

    Part of the concept that makes owning a KOmKard so appealing to so many people is the lack of a " hard sell "

    The products and content that people can download, access, read and use, is FREE off of Tims site deals with quality of life content, Time Management, Increasing Productivity, Reducing Stress, Health and Wellness, Diet and Nutrition. Wealth Creation, Information and Technology.

    The content that will be on Tim's web site and available to his visitors and people of interest to Tim, is content that represents value added information and material that appeals to a broad range of the people that will be visiting Tim's web site.

    Its a numbers game, our current customers, ( YES we do have current customers) are seeing an increase in the people they do business with and those people tacking advantage of the content on their sites, in other words, its clearly a before and after situation, what took place before their KOmKards were in place and what is now happening after they are in place.

    More visitors to their sites are staying connected to them through their KOmKards than before.

    When value exceeds cost, people buy .
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    • Profile picture of the author perryny
      Ever hear the expression, "A picture is worth a thousand words"?

      I just watched the video on your site. Instead of explaining what a KOmKard is, why not just show an actual KOmKard in action?

      Nothing is more effective than a powerful demonstration. And it sounds like your product is begging to be demonstrated.
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    • Profile picture of the author GlenH
      You know you have to capture a visitor interest within the first seconds they hit your page, or they'll leave. Right?

      I read your page, and re-read it.

      Came back a couple of hours later, read it again (twice).

      Thought I'd sleep on it....

      Came back the next day hoping it would all make more sense after a good nights sleep.

      No such luck.

      I don't have the foggiest idea what the product or is, or what it's supposed to do.





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  • Profile picture of the author clever7
    As an internet user I would be afraid to trust someone who cannot clearly explain in a few words the benefits I will have after spending my money. I'm afraid of this mysterious Komkard.





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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    perryny, Good point, how do we show a software program running on our web site?

    Bryan
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    clever 7.

    As you can see from the posts and this thread, we have had a difficult time properly explaining what our product is and I can understand your comment.

    When we have this sorted out, hopefully you will feel comfortable with our KOmKard.
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  • Profile picture of the author CopyMonster
    Hmmm... lots of people trying to help, lots of questions.

    BBryanB is trying to best reply. But it's not really going anywhere quickly.

    Perhaps we need different questions. Forget benefits for now. Let's get some clarity on what it is, how it works... get the freakin' box out and let's see it.

    Say I'm Bob. I have a site that sells information on growing big juicy tomatoes. If I was going to use KomKard to "grow" my business, how would I use it exactly and how would my site visitors use it?

    Don't tell me about "Maximizing blah and optimizing blah..."

    What can I see? What can I click/touch? What can I hear?
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    Scary good...
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  • Profile picture of the author doggerel
    Seems to me that you designed the website with the same thought in mind that many internet marketers have when they create a WSO sales-letter- how can I hide what I am selling, and at the same time SELL what I am selling?

    Seriously, though, if you can't even explain what it is that you are selling, and you can't sell it without explaining what it is, and you just can't explain what it is because that won't sell... then you need to move on to the backup plan...

    That calls for project abandonment.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Glen H, Thanks for you feed back.

    We have a problem that need fixing. We will get to it immediately.

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Clever 7

    Agreed, we need to leave nothing to chance, explain and explain some more.

    Working on it as we speak.!

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Thanks ewenmack, We are working on this now, will use your suggestion, ask the people who are using a KOmKard, what they are experiencing themselves, now what we want them to experience, but what is happening on the front line.

    Perfect angle work on. Thanks again.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Thanks ewenmack, We are working on this now, will use your suggestion, ask the people who are using a KOmKard, what they are experiencing themselves, now what we want them to experience, but what is happening on the front line.

      Perfect angle work on. Thanks again.
      YES!

      Now yer cookin' wit' gas son!
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    angiecollee, Yes, what does it do, like your examples.

    We have received this suggestion from a number of people, we MUST narrow it down from the 23 Benefits we list to one benefit, something that will resonate with people and have them at least know if they a want to be owners or not, based on what we can offer them that makes sense to them.

    Thanks for you post.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Steve, yes, we have a few, need to get a better one up there.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    In response to angiecolee, I took Angies examples, numbered them 1,2 and 3, and below each one, made an attempt to explain what a KOmKard is, using her example as a bit of a template. Its was helpful to us, gave us a structure to follow and made us actually try to sound like we knew what we are doing.Ii think its better, it could not be any worse !!

    1. A gun kills people from a distance with a small projectile powered by rapidly igniting powder.


    A KOmKard allows people who visit your web site an opportunity to access content that they find useful and beneficial to them selves, download this content and interact with it at their leisure, from their own desktop , laptop.



    2. A portable fan keeps you cool at the height of summer heat by circulating air without cords and cables.


    A KOmKard keeps you name and brand in front of your target market by being accessible to anyone who wants one, 24/7, similar to your current paper business card, except your KOmKard can be accessed and downloaded on the Internet.



    3. A shoe protects your feet from sharp objects and super-heated surfaces while helping you walk more comfortably.


    A KOmKard helps you get your message out to the people who visit your web site, enabling you to spend your time on other activities.
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      In response to angiecolee, I took Angies examples, numbered them 1,2 and 3, and below each one, made an attempt to explain what a KOmKard is, using her example as a bit of a template. Its was helpful to us, gave us a structure to follow and made us actually try to sound like we knew what we are doing.Ii think its better, it could not be any worse !!

      1. A gun kills people from a distance with a small projectile powered by rapidly igniting powder.


      A KOmKard allows people who visit your web site an opportunity to access content that they find useful and beneficial to them selves, download this content and interact with it at their leisure, from their own desktop , laptop.



      2. A portable fan keeps you cool at the height of summer heat by circulating air without cords and cables.


      A KOmKard keeps you name and brand in front of your target market by being accessible to anyone who wants one, 24/7, similar to your current paper business card, except your KOmKard can be accessed and downloaded on the Internet.



      3. A shoe protects your feet from sharp objects and super-heated surfaces while helping you walk more comfortably.


      A KOmKard helps you get your message out to the people who visit your web site, enabling you to spend your time on other activities.
      I hate to hear other copywriters say this to people who are really making an effort, as you clearly are, but...

      You need to hire a copywriter.

      The writing is too academic and you're still not creating a picture in the reader's mind. Look at Angie's examples again:

      1. A gun kills people from a distance with a small projectile powered by rapidly igniting powder.

      2. A portable fan keeps you cool at the height of summer heat by circulating air without cords and cables.

      3. A shoe protects your feet from sharp objects and super-heated surfaces while helping you walk more comfortably.

      The underlined phrases all create specific pictures in the mind. They're active. They describe a real events that play out in the theater of your mind. Read any of John Carlton's sales letters for examples of where your copy isn't hitting the mark.

      This will be my last attempt to explain this, as I think you're spinning your wheels trying to do this yourself. Every hour you spend in trial and error, you could be doing something else to earn the money to hire a pro.

      Sometimes you've just got to bite the bullet and invest in your company.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      "In response to angiecolee, I took Angies examples, numbered them 1,2 and 3, and below each one, made an attempt to explain what a KOmKard is, using her example as a bit of a template. Its was helpful to us, gave us a structure to follow and made us actually try to sound like we knew what we are doing.Ii think its better, it could not be any worse !!

      1. A gun kills people from a distance with a small projectile powered by rapidly igniting powder.


      A KOmKard allows people who visit your web site an opportunity to access content that they find useful and beneficial to them selves, download this content and interact with it at their leisure, from their own desktop , laptop. "

      Why would they download it? If they find the site useful they can just revisit. Or bookmark. People are, rightly so, leery of downloading stuff - you know - viruses/malware/bugs. They can also cut and paste content.

      "2. A portable fan keeps you cool at the height of summer heat by circulating air without cords and cables.


      A KOmKard keeps you name and brand in front of your target market by being accessible to anyone who wants one, 24/7, similar to your current paper business card, except your KOmKard can be accessed and downloaded on the Internet. "

      What the? You say it's kinda an online business card?

      "3. A shoe protects your feet from sharp objects and super-heated surfaces while helping you walk more comfortably.


      A KOmKard helps you get your message out to the people who visit your web site, enabling you to spend your time on other activities."

      Again - what on earth? Explains nothing. Once again you still haven't told us what this thing does. How does it "get your message out"?
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    • Profile picture of the author CopyMonster
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      In response to angiecolee, I took Angies examples, numbered them 1,2 and 3, and below each one, made an attempt to explain what a KOmKard is, using her example as a bit of a template. Its was helpful to us, gave us a structure to follow and made us actually try to sound like we knew what we are doing.Ii think its better, it could not be any worse !!

      1. A gun kills people from a distance with a small projectile powered by rapidly igniting powder.


      A KOmKard allows people who visit your web site an opportunity to access content that they find useful and beneficial to them selves, download this content and interact with it at their leisure, from their own desktop , laptop.
      FINALLY.

      You're starting to get somewhere here. But it's still vague. Like Seth said, there's no picture.

      What do you mean by "THIS content"? Can they download videos, articles, audio they choose? The entire site?

      Asked you above what this KOmCard thing looks like, sounds like, feels like to clients and users.

      I realise you want to articulate the benefits, but until people here are clear WHAT IT IS first, how can they help you?

      You're having a hard time because you want to cross the finish line and you haven't even put gas in the tank.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Ewen, using Ewens suggestion, we were able to actually narrow down our focus.

    I talked to just 6 KOmKard owners 5 of them said the same thing;

    They are finding a " dramatic " increase in the following

    1. More visitors are leaving their name, and email address in order to pick up the content provided by their KOmKard, 2 owners said they have seen a 200% increase in people leaving info .

    2. A 20 to 35% increase in the time people spend on their site, more than half of that additional time is spent visiting, staying on the FREE download page where they can access, download a KOmKard.

    Result,

    KOmKards capture more email addressee and names and dramatically increase the time visitors stay on your web site.

    Thanks to Ewen for the suggestion of getting back to existing KOmKard owners and asking them what they are experiencing.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      Ewen, using Ewens suggestion, we were able to actually narrow down our focus.

      I talked to just 6 KOmKard owners 5 of them said the same thing;

      They are finding a " dramatic " increase in the following

      1. More visitors are leaving their name, and email address in order to pick up the content provided by their KOmKard, 2 owners said they have seen a 200% increase in people leaving info .

      2. A 20 to 35% increase in the time people spend on their site, more than half of that additional time is spent visiting, staying on the FREE download page where they can access, download a KOmKard.

      Result,

      KOmKards capture more email addressee and names and dramatically increase the time visitors stay on your web site.

      Thanks to Ewen for the suggestion of getting back to existing KOmKard owners and asking them what they are experiencing.
      Uh huh. I take that with a grain of salt. I would prefer to see solid stats. Like "SiteX is a bass-fishing lure maker. He gets XXX traffic a month. He has a list of XXX gung-ho bass fishermen. Here's his site. Here's a screenshot of his Visitors and Pageviews. He's netting $XXX a month through Adwords/affiliate offers and sales of his lures. Here's exactly how he's using KKard. " In fact... show us all 6 of these sites with the magical software watchamacallit. Give us a walk through of how it works. You should have done that in the very beginning instead of all this palaver.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    To sethczerepak

    agree people have to invest in their company, we have, 3 years, mid range 6 figures, we HAVE invested in our company and regardless of how bad our copy may be, the product is not !!
    Just put a 5th mortgage on the house and cashed in the last of the premiums on the life insurance, so we are not shy about investing, the well is a bit dry now, thought

    Would be open to trading some control of prime territories of KOmKard sales, for a page or two of copy writing. we do not need a lot, just a push to get us over the last inch or two.

    My direct email is bryan@kommunicon.com, PH is 519-923-5912, EST Toronto Ont Canada
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Interesting past comment (from early last year) from the O.P. -
    Hi, I am not a real tech person, I have developed a software program, its an EX file format.

    My problem is this, when people go to our download page to download the software, a warning message comes on and says, downloading this software may be dangerous to your computer. This comes up in Chrome, not sure about the others.

    This is a message that a new customer does not want to see.

    Will getting a SSL certificate solve this problem?

    Is there a better way to get my software to my customers, than using a download page. Its too big to send it to them in an email. My customers are going to be free customers, sent to my page by my clients who have paid for bulk quantities of the software.
    As I said above - why would people want to download your thing?
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    To sethczerepak, I missed you #62.

    You are right, we may get better and becasue of the time and effort, suggestions of the people in this thread, we MAY get good enough, to get over the hump.

    I read you suggestions and will use them, hopefully we have enough to make it over the goal line. If I could write a chq and hire you or a few other people here, I would, barring that, have made an offer to trade off some of our futures for a page or two of copy writing, that is the best we can do at this point.

    PS YES your copy is sexy and ours is not, you are at a 100% we are at 20%, if we can get to maybe 50%, it may be enough, beggars a can not be choosers !!
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    CopyMonster, Yes getting better, but still in the weeds.

    Do not agree with your analogy about having not even put gas in the tank.

    Despite how bad the copy is now, behind that problem is a great product, products.

    Take full v credit, blame, for the mess the copy is, BUT, very happy with the product, products, YES, YES,YES, agreed , need to be able to tell me what we have,embarrassing as hell we are in this situation, BUT would prefer to be where we are, a great product, in the weeds about the copy, than the other 99% of the people, great copy, no product behind it.
    If I could I would write a chq and in a day or two, be out of the weeds and off to the races, the other people, with no product, will never be out of the weeds. So if I have to be in a mess, would rather have my mess, that the other problem of great copy, nothing to back it up.
    Still dos not solve my problem, but I feel a bit better , back to applying the suggestions from this thread.
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    • Profile picture of the author CopyMonster
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      CopyMonster, Yes getting better, but still in the weeds.

      Do not agree with your analogy about having not even put gas in the tank.

      Despite how bad the copy is now, behind that problem is a great product, products.

      Take full v credit, blame, for the mess the copy is, BUT, very happy with the product, products, YES, YES,YES, agreed , need to be able to tell me what we have,embarrassing as hell we are in this situation, BUT would prefer to be where we are, a great product, in the weeds about the copy, than the other 99% of the people, great copy, no product behind it.
      If I could I would write a chq and in a day or two, be out of the weeds and off to the races, the other people, with no product, will never be out of the weeds. So if I have to be in a mess, would rather have my mess, that the other problem of great copy, nothing to back it up.
      Still dos not solve my problem, but I feel a bit better , back to applying the suggestions from this thread.
      Yes it is a bit of a "meh" right now (my nephew's attempt at saying "mess" - he's only 18 months so he'll get better)... And weeds? It seems more like a jungle to me.

      Hate to say it, but many good/better products have died because they didn't get the strategy right. Betamax anyone? And before BluRay became the only HD format, there was a competitor... which I can't even recall name of right now. How sad is that? And of course the ol' Bill Gates vs. IBM story... Microsoft became a more important player in the tech industry than IBM because it understood PC's needed to work for non-geeks for non-geeks to buy them. These are old, old examples but they illustrate the point.

      Better to be married to your market than your product. The market can help pay your mortgage, send your kids to school and retirement. A product that no one understands or wants even if it can do fancy things, won't do that. But I guess you could hug it (or in this case download it).

      Gas in tank reference was to this thread here. Not for your efforts on your site or in your product. You should have credit for getting off your backside and giving it a go.
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      Scary good...
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    If this project is anything like your other project here - Your Done List | The Power Partnership - you're in a whole heap of trouble. Do you not know what spam is man? Want to know what Google thinks of that page (and there's plenty more like it) with 1,981 pingbacks from fabulous sites flogging Las Vegas hookers, Viagra, loan sharks, Ambien, "bigger boobs", abortion doctor, acne cures, teeth whitening, Adderall, Ownia, something about sex with dogs - yeah, really. I stopped at that.

    Dude. Copy is the least of your problems. I think its painfully obvious you don't have much of a clue about this here internet thingy.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    CopyMonster, Thanks for the encouragement.

    Agreed, jungle may be a better word, but despite what appears now, we really are very, very close to popping this thing, really

    This line, Better to be married to your market than your product.

    How do I turn this around for me?


    This line is going up on the wall in front of my computer,

    A product that no one understands or wants even if it can do fancy things, won't do that. But I guess you could hug it (or in this case download it).

    When, not if, people understand what we are doing, people will buy it.

    Thanks for your help, we will have a new Home page up and functioning in less than 48 hours from now, been working on it since Friday when we started this thread.

    I have written out every suggestion, most of them are similar, and underneath each one, we are writing out our version, based on the suggestion.

    As ass backwards as it may sound, this process IS proving to be highly helpful and will produce substantially better results than we have been able to produce ourselves, up to this point.
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    • Profile picture of the author clever7
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      CopyMonster, Thanks for the encouragement.

      Agreed, jungle may be a better word, but despite what appears now, we really are very, very close to popping this thing, really

      This line, Better to be married to your market than your product.

      How do I turn this around for me?


      This line is going up on the wall in front of my computer,

      A product that no one understands or wants even if it can do fancy things, won't do that. But I guess you could hug it (or in this case download it).

      When, not if, people understand what we are doing, people will buy it.

      Thanks for your help, we will have a new Home page up and functioning in less than 48 hours from now, been working on it since Friday when we started this thread.

      I have written out every suggestion, most of them are similar, and underneath each one, we are writing out our version, based on the suggestion.

      As ass backwards as it may sound, this process IS proving to be highly helpful and will produce substantially better results than we have been able to produce ourselves, up to this point.
      Perhaps a simpler solution for you would be to simply give this komcard to someone on Fiverr and ask them to write a simple article explaining how it works. You will spend $5.

      Then, improve the article with the suggestions you had.








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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    CopyMonster, Have tried to look at your home page, web site can not seem to get through?
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      It's almost as though you have invented websites and are struggling to explain what they are pre-internet to people only used to printed form of communication.

      People can access your information 24/7, download pertinent bits, etc etc etc.

      Problem is that websites have been invented.

      So what is the URL of one of your customers then everyone would see in black and white what it is that you are trying to describe.

      They might just say 'oh right, it's a xxx' in one sentence.

      Would that not be a simple solution to your headbanging?

      Dan
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Clever 7 Good idea, we have done that. Have used a some of their suggestions.

    Without inflaming anyone, what we have now, is immensely better than what we have had in the past, even month a ago.

    We are very close on this, as bad as it seems, with a tweak or two, we will be there.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tim R
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      We are very close on this, as bad as it seems, with a tweak or two, we will be there.
      I think you need to be more realistic here. If it were just a tweak or two, you would have had someone on here tell you just what you need to do.

      But you've had so many pairs of eyes on this thing and no one really understands what your product is.

      At the moment you're not able to explain the basic value proposition of what you're selling. A tweak or two isn't going to fix this. You need to re-think your whole approach to this project.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    serryjw, why does it exist, people need content on their web sites so people will stay on their sites longer than 5 seconds, the befit people will receive from being KOmKard owners is they will make more money from their web sites, retain more visitors, be able to stay in contact with more people.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Tim R , We are, its clear that a KOmKard is not just a single product, becoming a KOmKard owner give that owner a range of services, not just a " single product".

    Its our fault, people are looking for a single bullet, when we are offering a range of products all marketed under the name KOmKard, clearly a mistake.

    The tip off is, when we talk to people on the phone, they get it, and they order, when they go to the web site, its a disaster of epic proportions.

    YES, why don't we just record what we say on the phone and put that on the web site, we are doing that.

    The help we have received here has been immensely helpful.

    I hope to have something up this morning that will be utilizing the suggestions we have received here.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    We took your advice, we picked one aspect of becoming a KOmKard owner and tried to explain it as if we are talking directly to a real person.

    Better ?


    BECOME a KOmKard owner

    NEVER HAVE to BLOG AGAIN!!

    Have 500 to 700 words of content that YOUR web site visitors will actually read, delivered to your inbox, bright and early EVERY DAY.

    CONTENT is KING

    The longer people stay on your web site, the greater chance you have they will use your services; it's as simple as that.

    For less than a dollar a day, you have a 500 to 700 word article delivered to your inbox EVERY DAY, suitable for content on you web site, blog post, social networking, email marketing, article submissions, use this content any way you wish, BECAUSE ;

    YOU OWN this content !

    You put your name, content information, any additional message, header, banner and you have a customized, branded message suitable for distribution, posting, blogging.

    TIRED of TRYING to THINK of WHAT TO SAY?
    TIRED OF FEELING GUILTY for NOT BLOGGING?
    TIRED OF NO CONTENT ON YOUR WEB SITE?
    TIRED OF NOT BEING ACTIVE on YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS?

    For less than a dollar a DAY, stop feeling guilty, frustrated, and generally unhappy !

    Become a KOmKard owner today

    $27.00 monthly, less than a dollar a day.

    No contract to sign, month to month
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post

      We took your advice, we picked one aspect of becoming a KOmKard owner and tried to explain it as if we are talking directly to a real person.

      Better ?


      BECOME a KOmKard owner

      NEVER HAVE to BLOG AGAIN!!

      Have 500 to 700 words of content that YOUR web site visitors will actually read, delivered to your inbox, bright and early EVERY DAY.

      CONTENT is KING

      The longer people stay on your web site, the greater chance you have they will use your services; it’s as simple as that.

      For less than a dollar a day, you have a 500 to 700 word article delivered to your inbox EVERY DAY, suitable for content on you web site, blog post, social networking, email marketing, article submissions, use this content any way you wish, BECAUSE ;

      YOU OWN this content !

      You put your name, content information, any additional message, header, banner and you have a customized, branded message suitable for distribution, posting, blogging.

      TIRED of TRYING to THINK of WHAT TO SAY?
      TIRED OF FEELING GUILTY for NOT BLOGGING?
      TIRED OF NO CONTENT ON YOUR WEB SITE?
      TIRED OF NOT BEING ACTIVE on YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS?

      For less than a dollar a DAY, stop feeling guilty, frustrated, and generally unhappy !

      Become a KOmKard owner today

      $27.00 monthly, less than a dollar a day.

      No contract to sign, month to month
      Well after 90 posts you have finally written something that people will understand.

      You write relevant, daily content for my website so that I don't need to.

      It is the first thing you have written that somebody can help you with if they are still hanging on.

      Dan
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    • Profile picture of the author jjosephs
      Originally Posted by BBryanB View Post


      NEVER HAVE to BLOG AGAIN!!
      Vague. What will I achieve without having to blog? "(Accomplish X) without blogging once"

      CONTENT is KING
      Vague. The word content is vague. Your "benefit" is vague. They deserve each other. Why is content king? What will its kingliness do for me?

      YOU OWN this content !
      Vague again. Content isn't a yacht. Owning it has no intrinsic value. What about "We do all the work... You get all the credit". Once of course, you've explained A) What "it" is B) Why it matters and C) Why you're qualified to do "it".

      TIRED of TRYING to THINK of WHAT TO SAY?
      TIRED OF FEELING GUILTY for NOT BLOGGING?
      TIRED OF NO CONTENT ON YOUR WEB SITE?
      TIRED OF NOT BEING ACTIVE on YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS?
      You have only scratched the surface of the driving desires, and very clumsily.

      The first looks like a seduction mantra.
      The rest are avoiding the big benefit underlying these. Why do people blog? THINK! Do they blog to impress their friends? Or to watch "content" float around in their site like pond scum?

      No- They want to keep visitors around. They want visitors to buy. They want visitors to subscribe. It's the reason they blog and use social media.

      They don't want their site to be ignored. They don't want new visitors to to click away. Only when you address that can you address the "tediousness of blogging, and thinking, social networks and that other newfangled millennial crap"

      For less than a dollar a DAY, stop feeling guilty, frustrated, and generally unhappy !
      You haven't adequately convinced me I'm any of those things... And you're selling me salvation?

      Aw screw it... Pass the collection plate.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Thanks Dan. We will be putting this up on a number of sites we are marketing too and getting traffic, we should be able to see the results this gets very quickly.

    Without trying to dilute what we have written, there are a number of other benefits that a becoming a KOmKard offers, the one we have chosen to illustrate is one of the LESSER benefits.
    As suggested, once people are interested, become owners, we can bring the other benefits to the forefront.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    jjosephs,

    Okay, I get it, YOU are significantly better at writing copy than we are.

    WE GET THAT, so , whats next

    For the rest of us, we do the best we can within our confines, as I have said in this thread, if we had the money, we would write the chq, having said that a number of times, we have to move on and do the best we can.

    Yes, as you pointed out, screw us and pass the collection plate !!

    We may be a bit on the ropes, but we are far from dead.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    jjosephs,

    used your suggestions, better?



    Keep more of your visitors around

    WITHOUT YOU EVER BLOGGING AGAIN!!

    Creating readable, relevant content for your web site, Blog, Social Networks, RSS Feeds, is a time consuming, tedious and often neglected task that is often just done performed.

    WE have been creating, writing and delivering value driven content since 1979.

    WE WILL create content that your visitors will want to read, take home with them and remember you as the person who added value to their daily life and not as someone who was simply trying to sell them something.

    We will deliver 500 to 700 words of value driven content that YOUR web site visitors will actually read, delivered to your inbox, bright and early EVERY DAY.

    Stop Being Ignored

    Our Content, Will Make YOUR VISITORS Want to Stay Longer, Leave their Names and Emails More Often, and Take YOUR BRANDED CONTENT Home with Them

    The longer visitors stay on your web site, your are greatly increasing the likelihood they will use your services; it’s as simple as that.

    For less than a dollar a day, you have a 500 to 700 word article delivered to your inbox EVERY DAY, suitable for content on you web site, blog posts, social networking, email marketing, article submissions, RSS Feeds, use this content any way you wish.

    WE DO ALL the Work, …… Your Get all the Credit

    You can put your name, content information, any additional message, header, banners, links on our content and you have a customized, branded message suitable for distribution, posting, blogging, emails, article submissions, social networking,

    ALL LINKING BACK TO YOU AND YOUR WEBSITE


    TIRED of TRYING to THINK of WHAT TO SAY?
    TIRED OF FEELING GUILTY for NOT BLOGGING?
    TIRED OF NO CONTENT ON YOUR WEB SITE?
    TIRED OF NOT BEING ACTIVE on YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS?

    For less than a dollar a DAY,

    Stop new visitors to your web site from clicking away, keep people on your site longer; capture more names and emails, STOP BEING IGNORED!

    Become a KOmKard owner today

    $27.00 monthly, less than a dollar a day.
    No contract to sign, month to month

    This is Benefit # 14, of becoming a KOmKard owner, check out our other 22 Benefits of becoming a KOmKard owner; consider these additional 22 benefits FREE bonuses 
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    • Profile picture of the author jjosephs
      Don't get me wrong Bryan... It helped, and I appreciate that you're at least trying to implement your advice.

      But to me, fixing this over the forum is like trying to water a garden with an eyedropper.

      You're not going to make this sell with a few tit for tat corrections. Even after the broad strokes, there's alot of refinement that needs to happen. 3 quick examples:

      * "Keep more of your visitors around"- This line is a very resistible offer. Ask yourself, would that EXCITE anybody?

      * "Take your branded content home with them"- What does that even mean? Don't they access it at home too?

      * You don't paint any sort of picture at the start of the situation your clients are in. You just throw out a half baked command, before dropping this egg: "Creating readable, relevant content for your web site, Blog, Social Networks, RSS Feeds, is a time consuming, tedious and often neglected task that is often just done performed."

      People come here for EITHER the broad strokes, or a specific detail or 2. That's as good as you're going to get. And in your case, it won't be enough. As far as I can tell, You still aren't offering anything I couldn't get from a $5 Indian freelancer.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    I think you're going down the wrong track trying to market yourself as a content provider. You said yourself it's not the main thing you do.

    What is the #1 benefit that you offer? The thing that gives the most value to your customers, that you can do better than anyone else. Figure this out first.

    You need to sell people on what your product does that meets a need. At the moment you haven't been able to explain why anyone needs it. Why will customers want to download content from the website, and why wouldn't they just go back to the actual website? I don't understand all this 'take out' and 'take it home with them' stuff that you keep referring to.

    The articles you're offering aren't going to be specific for their business, but just for their industry in general, right? So if I'm a business owner, I'm assuming you're outsourcing the articles and the quality is going to be crap. You've also got the problem that a ton of businesses have a static website and have zero interest in blogging.

    So who are you appealing to? Just businesses that blog? If so, call them out and address them directly. Be as specific as possible about who you're targeting and exactly how you can help them.

    Do you know who your ideal customer is? If your answer is everyone business owner with a website, you're being too broad.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Tim, Your input is much appreciated.

    I was hoping it would be a bit more positive, but honesty and reality works too !

    Your question " What do we do better than anyone else? "

    To be honest, its the content that is inside every KOmKard, this is what is part of every FREE KOmKard, part of the content that is the reason that people will want to, have done so, will download a KOmKard, The Power Partnership | Your Catalyst For Change.

    Before I get the copy writing gods offended, the topics we cover and have been doing so for more than 30 years, are some of the top topics, searched terms on the Internet, so we know that these topics, ones we cover, are popular, sought out and provide value and enhance peoples lives.

    Our Business Model with a KOmKard was to have this as part of each KOmKard, along with additional value added products to make them attractive to web site visitors.

    Web site owners want to stay in front of their visitors, ex customers, current customers, future customers, that is a FACT. The question is how to do that?

    People hand out business cards, to achieve the above goals, in the hope that their paper business card will some how end up reminding the person who gets one, who they are, their contact info etc.

    A KOmKard is a "viral ". " electronic " business card that comes with additional information with it as an inducement to actual take the card, their KOmKard , and use it, read it, take advantage of the value added products included for FREE with the KOmKard.

    EXAMPLE

    Option 1 Bob has a stack of business cards on the counter in his shop. People who walk in have the option of taking one of his paper business cards.

    Option 2 Bob has a stack of business cards on the counter in his shop, each business card is inserted in a FREE book that offers to help the person increase their productivity, reduce their stress levels, better manage their time, wealth creation, health and wellness. etc.

    I hate to use this term, but a KOmKard is a virtual business card that comes with value added products that make them more attractive to the people that have an opportunity to pick one up.

    My back ground, believe it or not is a combination of sales and marketing and the creation and development of the content and material that is going inside of the KOmKards.

    I have to admit fully, that on this project, I have stumbled very badly, out of the gate.

    Its not who gets out of the gate the fastest, but who crosses the finish line first that matters.

    People who understand that this is not a product play, but a marketing play are the ones that will understand that it takes, 3 factors to be successful. people, product and process.

    KOmKard is the product that is perfect for this type of process.

    That still does not relive me of the responsibility of getting our product better positioned.

    Tim again, your help has been very beneficial.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Your question " What do we do better than anyone else? "

    To be honest, its the content that is inside every KOmKard, this is what is part of every FREE KOmKard, part of the content that is the reason that people will want to, have done so, will download a KOmKard,
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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Thanks for you input, its much appreciated.
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