* Don't start with your name. Only your mother cares. Start with direct benefits. Call out your audience. Stoke an insecurity. Offer a bold hope. Whatever it is, should have nothing to do with you. You are nobody in the prospect's mind.

* Bragging about how unqualified you are? Is this supposed to be tongue in cheek?

* Calling yourself the greatest guru... Once again, tongue in cheek??

Your positioning in a nutshell: "I'm the most average dude in the world... But I found this secret... dude... It was like under this rock... But I'll tell you about it later..." SLAM.

In a saturated niche like fitness, you need to relate to your prospect and convey your authority FAST.

As it stands you've done neither. Nothing to sink my teeth into whatsoever but some vague secret. And it's not enough to have a secret. You have to give me a reason to care about it.

thanks for the help, can always count on the internet tough guys to turn everything into who can be the being jerk contest.

thanks for the time and criticism fellas I know what needs to be done now.

- Jon

really? Really??

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