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Please! Review my first ever sale copy for a WSO

by Cathbern
11 replies
Hi,


I'm planning to do a WSO and I just wrote my first sale copy.
I would like to have some reviews about it.


Here is the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing


I'd like to improve my copywriting and I know that some critique is good!


Thanks a lot,
Catherine Bernier
#copy #review #sale #wso
  • Profile picture of the author MoRaitman
    Honestly, there is nothing is the sale copy that indicates credibility or results guaranteed. I think some solid examples of your successes and maybe a testimony or two would grab my attention more.
    Some people preach to state the outrageous. I assume that's why you say "Your list SUCKS!" I don't think you need to stoop to this level.
    Better maybe is: Is your list unresponsive or unproductive?
    Is your list not the ATM you thought it would be?

    "Be warned that it will rise at any time "
    "Get your part of the riches"
    To me this is a turn-off.

    I also think the capital letters, bold, and general punctuation need cleaning up.

    I admire your effort to putting out your first sale copy. Likewise, turning to us warriors for feedback. Hopefully others will respond as well and you can fine tune your message. We all need to start somewhere. Wishing you much success.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    You need to add some proof elements to it.

    You start to tell your story about not making any money from your list but then you discovered that not all lists are equal... and then nothing.

    This is where you can show how you discovered your formula and how this led to making more money, increasing your conversions or whatever benefits they will get. Be as specific as possible and use real examples.

    Also be careful about making assumptions in your copy. There's a difference between saying, 'In the past you've done X, Y and Z' and 'Maybe/Perhaps you've tried X, Y and Z'.
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  • Profile picture of the author Cathbern
    Thanks a lot for your feedbacks! I'll get to work
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  • Profile picture of the author Cathbern
    By the way, which cover is a better fit for a WSO?
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    • Profile picture of the author MoRaitman
      Originally Posted by Cathbern View Post

      By the way, which cover is a better fit for a WSO?
      Black and red tickle my fancy.
      Although I don't fully get envelopes falling into a basket
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    • Profile picture of the author Quality Copywriter
      good starting point is

      1) what is the big idea about this?
      2) what is the big promise?

      and yes PROOF

      even if you just just jammed the page with proof and little else
      you would sell something.

      why not scratch this whole idea,,,,interview a big list building guru type and sell the recording?

      use his proof.

      food for thought
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    No credibility. You're just regurgitating stuff people see everywhere.

    Who are you? Why am I listening to you? What kind of results have you gotten? Who else has used your system and achieved profitable results? Your brand makes no sense? What does it mean?

    I'm not a WSO writer, but your copy lacks any substance.

    That being said...

    You can write.

    You just need to learn how position yourself.

    You've got the building blocks for a hook. Just no execution.

    Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Catherine, I'm sorry to break it to you but that is a complete turkey and it aint gonna fly. There's absolutely nothing to be salvaged from it either. Nothing. And BTW its sales copy not "sale copy".

    My advice? Have a solid offer for starters. Then...go read a bunch of the top-selling WSOs. You can get a list of them from WSOPro. Then spend a day reading The Gary Halbert Newsletter and/or Joseph Sugarman's "Adweek Copywriting Handbook".

    The WSO crowd want done-for-you systems/blueprints. "Here's exactly how I built a Million Dollar List in Six Months and you can too - starting today" kinda thing.

    Not what you want to hear, I know.

    p.s. just realised - English isn't your first language is it? French? French/Canadian? Swiss? Belge?
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    • Profile picture of the author Cathbern
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      p.s. just realised - English isn't your first language is it? French? French/Canadian? Swiss? Belge?


      Hahaha... Yes, French/Canadian


      Thanks for your thoughts. I know that I need proofs, but I don't want to claim something false. I'm just starting.


      I found really interesting ways to build a good list and I want to share them AS I build mine (futur proofs...).


      I just copy/paste what I saw in the WSO section as a base for my sales copy, but I'll work to find my own brand.


      Thanks,
      Catherine
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      • Profile picture of the author clever7
        Originally Posted by Cathbern View Post

        Hahaha... Yes, French/Canadian


        Thanks for your thoughts. I know that I need proofs, but I don't want to claim something false. I'm just starting.


        I found really interesting ways to build a good list and I want to share them AS I build mine (futur proofs...).


        I just copy/paste what I saw in the WSO section as a base for my sales copy, but I'll work to find my own brand.


        Thanks,
        Catherine
        Here is what an internet user would think after reading your words:

        'If you didn't implement the strategies you are teaching me, put them into practice and show me the positive results I will have.

        I don't want to waste my time/money with your suppositions.'






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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    I agree with the other posters. You need some demonstration.

    There are a ton of list building WSOs and Info-courses. The first question people will ask is what this involves and what kind of results they can expect in exchange for what kind of work. If you're unclear on either of these, or if they think there will be too much work involved, they won't buy.
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