Sales page critique

Relax. It's 4 or 5am where most of the forum lives. And it's been 90 minutes since you posted.

please PM me

not actually the the conversation rate is about 1:300...

Are you kidding?

Go look at a bridal magazine. Notice the colors, the fonts, the layout. See how it feels.

Now look at your site. See the difference?

Here are a few tips:

The purple color scheme looks like something from the 80's.

"The Bible of the Bride" title is confusing and the way the text is laid out made me read it 3 times before I "got it".

The headline font is a "male" font. The headline itself is vague and meaningless. The subhead isn't much better.

The story has no emotion to it. It's not something I (as a bride) resonate with. It feels clunky and made up. And it doesn't paint you in a favorable light.

So... that's just the first page or two of your website. And that's why people are leaving in 5 seconds.

Where is the traffic coming from? That matters.

5 seconds is all it takes to realize they're reading a sales page and they leave.

Maybe your traffic is looking for information and not a sales page?

mostly PPC and the keywords are highly relevant so I think the problem isn't In the way people are getting into my site...

Hello Wonderful Bill!

This is the first time someone is helping (for free) in a way he could defiantly charge some serious money.
I've no words to thank you for what you've done here.
I think it's important to give from time to time..
and that's really what you've done here.
I think you've some great writing skills, and you idea is really assume,

P.S
I appreciate your help and I'll definitely use your suggestion.

Regards,

Barak

Hi John,

I appreciate your comment. Thank you.

Take care

Bill Jeffels

What have you done with all the FREE advice given so far?

HOORAY! You have echoed my feelings ever since this "guy" asked for my price to rewrite his homepage - and told me my quote was "More than he could afford"

Talk about an insult! I ALWAYS cut fellow warriors a deep discount - and I offered him a DOUBLE discount.

So back he comes to here and takes-takes-takes from the best of us for FREE - and only thanks the one who hands him a rewrite.

Now he wants free graphics critiques as well.
Dot

PS - Guess I'll be banned, too. But I can only bite my tongue in half so many times.

Hi Scott,

You are absolutely right.

Some people don't know when to give up.

Regards,

Bill Jeffels

Your financial position is not the same for every other newbie out there. There are some newbies who go online with strong financial resources at their disposal. They just haven't acquired the skills to do many parts of an online business yet so they pay other people to do it for them.

The reason why very skilled copywriters charge $4K or more is because they feel their professional help is worth that amount of money... and enough clients agree to pay their asking price.

As Scott mentioned, you've started multiple threads asking for free advice or basically asking everyone to rewrite your copy for free. Then in another thread you complain about what copywriters are quoting you... the same people you want to help you for free.

Let me tell you why I do very little free critiques: Free does not put clothes on my children, feed them, or pay my mortgage.

My professional advice makes my clients more money so I'm within my rights to be compensated financially for my help.

If you truly want other Warriors to respect you then you need to do what many of them, including me, did when they started online: They learned how to write their own copy. They learned how to do their own graphics and use other free resources.

When I started online in 2004, I had to make a deal with my wife in order to get her blessing (then). I had to agree that my online business had to pay for everything itself. No live savings... no family checkbook... no credit cards. In other words, I used bootstrapping to grow the business. I wrote my own copy (still do). I used free tools and resources. As my business grew, I reinvest the monies made from sales and upgraded the tools I used for my business.

It didn't happen overnight but I grew my info-product business into its own 4 figure monthly income stream which is separate from my copywriting and consulting business efforts.

Now if I need to spend some money on my business, my wife fully support the decision because I've proven to her I can do it without draining the family checkbook... running the family credit cards... or creating a financial hardship on our family. To this day, I still "save up" to pay for things in my business.

Look, every successful online marketer that I know who makes 6 figures or more knows how to write their own copy. They may not write as well as a professional copywriter but in a pinch, they can write a promotional email or put up a sales page that is fairly good. If the copywriter that they normally use can't write the copy to meet a new, short deadline then the successful marketer just does it themself. Then later on, they have the option of getting it rewritten.

As business philosopher Jim Rohn has said, "It's not too expensive. You just can't afford it". So find a way to build your business so you CAN afford it. Instead of complaining and asking for continual handouts, make a plan and put it into action.

That's a proven way to success. That's the way many Warriors have created their own successful online businesses. Many Warriors have taken a skill that they already had or learned and turned it into a paid service like graphic design, programming, script installers, WordPress modders, article writers, and much more services. Offering a professional service is a quick way to bring in needed monies.

You're welcome. Best of luck to you.

Mike

Have some damn respect for people that have helped you.

First, I am usaully a positive person , and I like to help people succeed... I sincerely do... but you've crossed a few boundaries.

"People you can all relax", give me a break.

"I already hired a copywriter from warrior for my page and as you can see it not good enough"... you're right it sucks.

"The first job and no one does not give a damn and ask 4-5k"... what are you going to do next call up John Carlton and bitch him out for asking 40k plus 5%.

"Start to offer copy and get paid according to how good the conversion is". No. People have family's to feed, houses to pay for and if somone writes you killer copy and you screw up the process after you get it, that's your problem.

"Try to picture this, a newbie open a new business, the budget he have is 5k, if he'll succeed GREAT". Again, no, try to picture this, people have a spouse, kids, houses to pay for vehicles they need to put gas in, groceries to buy... you don't want to pay it, fine.

But don't bitch to people that have spent year's of their lives to master a craft they love and have spent thousands upon thousand of dollars to do so.

Regards,

Bill Jeffels

Why am I so furious?

Well, I'll tell you something, I love to see entrepreneurs start a business, succeed and achieve their goals. I've always been like that and I also love to help people.

In my business I've gone above and beyond "my role" of what I'm obligated to do, and I did it because I knew that's what needed to be done so that my client would be successful.

But, when someone shows blatant disrespect and does not appreciate what people have done for them, nice guy time is done, over.

And I'm not going to take crap from anybody, I've studied copywriting to damn long to do that.

However, even though we have had are differences... I really do hope you succeed in what you are trying to do. But, think about treating the people that try to help you like you would want to be treated. A little appreciation will go a long way.

Regards,

Bill Jeffels

Here are some ideas of how to make the disaster story a little more interesting:

Dear Bride To Be,

This was it: the day I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. My mother was in tears, my bridesmaids were in tears, I was in tears - and we hadn't even arrived at the church yet.

My beautiful dress didn't fit. No amount of tugging or holding my breath worked. I had to pin it closed. Thank goodness the veil covered my back. I spent the reception with my back to the wall, avoiding hugs. You don't even want to know what happened on the dance floor.

My complexion was a mess, thanks to stress and a crazy, fast-food diet.

My groom forgot his vows. Maybe I should have rented a teleprompter.

My finances were a disaster. I dreaded telling my new husband, "Guess what, Honey? We're in debt to the tune of ten thousand dollars!" How romantic.

Don't let this happen to you!

Very well put. I'm proud of you.

I'll add one other item to your lessons-learned:
Always check out the writing style of any copywriter you're thinking of hiring. Be sure their style mirrors your own approach. An in-your-face writer is not quite what you'd like for writing about planning a wedding, for example.

Now, Barakos, I think you've learned enough to help some other beginners, haven't you?

Time for you to discover how really great it feels to help people who are honestly trying to learn their craft.

Hope this helps,
Dot

Hi barakos9, have you ever heard of the saying? "you get what you pay for" If you are looking for a cheap copywriter based on the price then you are going to end up paying more in the long run.

Don't make that mistake - Think of it as a long term investment. If the copy is well written you will see positive results = money into your bank account and a 24/7 salesman working hard for you while you sleep. That's what a great sales letter do for you.

I wish you great success.

LOL! Sorry, I know I'm off-topic, but this comment made me grin... and blush... at the same time.

Indeed, I'm French-Canadian (un vrai-de-vrai Québecois). Jack Humphrey's wife is Cajun, so when I speak to her in French, she smiles and says, "You sound just like my grandfather!" LOL!

Bottom line, barakos9, here are a couple of things to keep in mind...

I have found, in my testing, that most bounce rates are actually NOT caused by the copy (not the message, anyway), but two other, different things:

1. Targeting your audience, who they are, and how it finds your website.
2. And congruency between your appeal and the audience's mindset.

For #1, a lot of people will say, "But I use PPC and target highly relevant keywords." Not so. I imagine that your keywords may be related to the wedding planning industry, but not necessarily to brides- or grooms-to-be.

The problem, I gather, is that you're probably betting on words revolving around "weddings" (too generic) and "wedding planning" (solution-driven, not problem-driven).

I'm no PPC expert, but my thinking is, people don't look for solutions by typing them into search engines. They are likely looking for solutions by typing in the problem, or symptom, instead.

What about "wedding tips," "wedding rehearsals," "reception checklist," "wedding anxiety," "wedding blunders," etc. These are just guesses, and you'll need to research these yourself. (I'll come back to why in a moment.)

I didn't take a look at your copy, so my opinion here may be a tad off.

But just from what I've read on this thread, I also figure that people are looking for free information or help. Maybe content focused on helping the soon-to-be couple with actual, practical tips, followed by a transition to a product that continues or complements these tips.

In other words, try testing campaigns with highly specific keywords, especially keywords surrounding problems or symptoms (not solutions). And give them the information they're looking for, leading to the sale.

Sure, search volume for terms related to the problem people experienced may not be as large as those with keywords that included the solution, and traffic levels may still not be extravagant.

But the chances are high they will bring in more quality traffic because seekers will have an affinity with the more targeted search results, as well as bring in more targeted traffic to boot.

(This is also part of #2, "congruency.")

This reminded me of something brilliant my friend and top copywriter David Garfinkel once said. He said to write copy (or in this case, to find targeted keywords), you need to know three critical things:

1. Who is my client,
2. What is their problem, and
3. How are they talking about it?

Knowing the first one is crucial. A lot of people do market research only to gauge demand, without ever knowing who their client really is, much less how they perceive, talk about, and seek out solutions for, their problem.

The third question in particular is the kicker!

People looking for your services or infoproduct may be typing something completely different in the search engines, and if you ignore this you're going to miss out on a ton of higher quality traffic.

Next is congruency. And it's a biggie.

Congruency is by far one of the biggest problems in copy. Very often, we write copy around what we "think" our audience wants or will be interested in, when that's far from being the case in many instances.

Congruency means, the message matches the mindset of the market. It continues the flow, so to speak, of what's going on in their minds. In copy, this is called the "appeal."

Your copy needs to have the right story targeted to the right audience, and they must gel together in a smooth and logical transition. When people who are in a certain frame of mind hit your website, that site must fit and flow from within that mindframe.

If not, your bounce rate will show it. In spades.

I hope this helps, and good luck to you.