Salesletter Critque Please

11 replies
Hello,

We just had our sales letter redone and would like your honest opinions on it and any improvements that you would make to it please.

The site is My PLR Cash Cow

Thank you for taking your time to look at it

Michael
#critque #salesletter
  • Profile picture of the author thenerar
    All in all it looks great, I love its design but I would also add some testimonials there. You would definitely get more sales by adding some testimonials.
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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      I'm just kind of generally underwhelmed by the salesletter -
      I was expecting a $7 product. In my opinion you need to
      kick this into higher gear on several levels to justify your
      price. It just kind of reads like you are peddling general
      information.
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
        The headline isn't as pithy as it could be.

        When constructing a headline, go through it word by and word and take out any words that aren't absolutely necessary to communicate a point.

        For example,

        "Within 7 Days From Now You Could Have Your Own Money Sucking Machine With Multiple Streams Of Income...And You Can Do It All With The Private Label Rights Material Already Sitting On Your Hard Drive!"

        would be better as,

        "Within 7 Days You Could Have Your Own Money-Producing Machine Churning Out Multiple Steams of Income...Using The Private Label Rights Material Already On Your Hard Drive!"

        That's just a quick look. It still needs more work.

        Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author askmichaelknowles
    Thanks for the comments. We do have some more testimonials that we are going to add so I'll get those on there today.

    As far as the $47 price goes, the whole package consist of the book plus a life time membership to our PLR membership site. There is an upgrade available in the membership area but I think that $47 is a good price for all that you get.

    Could you give me 1 example, Loren, of how to "kick it up" a little.

    Thanks again for all the comments everyone.

    Michael
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Well, get a shorter headline for one - this is what I call
    a kitchen-sink headline.

    "length implies strength" - the more you tell the more
    you sell. So tell more.

    When you take away the bonuses what letter there is
    left is hackneyed and dull.

    The problems here are too many to fix with this "free
    critique" format. It would take you a long time to wrangle
    this into an effective salesletter asking for free advice
    here. My recommendation is you hire a pro if you want to
    get this off the ground fast. Otherwise you have a lot
    of reading and writing to do to get the skill to make this
    a winner.

    I could be wrong. The only way to know if people are gonna
    buy your thing is to advertise it and measure response.
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  • Profile picture of the author askmichaelknowles
    Thanks Alex and Loren,

    We changed the headline and added some graphics and increased the font size. let me know what you think about that

    Michael
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by askmichaelknowles View Post

      Thanks Alex and Loren,

      We changed the headline and added some graphics and increased the font size. let me know what you think about that

      Michael
      Michael, I'd take the part you deleted and make it a sub-head.

      Using The Private Label Rights Material Already On Your Hard Drive

      And look for a power verb to replace "producing". Even if you just hypenate "money-producing" that would strengthen it.

      Also consider some other power verbs besides "churning". Verbs with the letter "K" in them are usually good. Like "cranking".

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
        Originally Posted by alexcoh View Post

        Also consider some other power verbs besides "churning". Verbs with the letter "K" in them are usually good. Like "cranking".

        Alex
        That's good, I'll have to look at that. Allegedly the rough saxon verbs
        are better for "action" writing like copy, sportswriting and detective
        stories. The latinate Frenchy verbs come off as limp in comparison.

        The Saxon words tend to be short and guttural. Just something to
        think about when making atmosphere in writing. Stephen Fry has
        a great podcast he did recently about language and moods and
        "correctness" - I think you can track it down on I-Tunes. Really
        good stuff.
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    Here's what you do...

    Trash the current sales letter. It's weak.

    Next, reposition your offer. Why are you offering lifetime access to your PLR site as a bonus?

    Change your entire sales pitch to focus on the fact that you offer only the highest quality in demand PLR products (If that's true)...

    And not only do you get access to all of these amazing, high demand products that practically sell themselves, but you also get a complete step-by-step training course (your e-book) that takes you by the hand and shows you EXACTLY what you need to do to start turning a profit.

    This is hands down the fastest and easiest way to get started making money online, you can start today, we'll teach you everything you need to do, and if you aren't 100% satisfied for ANY reason simply let us know within 60 days for a no questions asked refund.

    And make it a monthly membership... You have the perfect site for continuity.

    Good luck,

    -Scott
    Signature

    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    Some of the reasons why your copy sucks (no offense).

    -Your headline is incredibly hyped up and generic.

    -Your positioning is weird, I don't get why you're trying to push the e-book as the main product if you run a large PLR website. Go for continuity.

    -Your bullets are weak... For example "Product Creation Is (blank)"...

    -There are no specifics... "Raking in Adsense profits" should be "And over the next month I made $4,745 with Adsense alone... But it gets better." (Don't lie, tell people what you made.)

    -There's zero social proof.

    -There's no promise of potential income... "If you join us in the members area and you can't make back at least 10x the price of admission over the next 60 days (If you take just a little bit of action you will make much MUCH more) then simply email us for a no questions asked refund..."

    -There's not enough text to sell me on anything.

    -I don't like the font size.

    -There are virtually no sub heads, so even though the copy is ridiculously short, it's impossible to scan... You need sub heads telling the whole story.

    As Loren mentioned, there's too much wrong with it to go into in a free critique.

    So, the question you need to ask yourself is do you want a website that might sell a few copies of a $47 e-book, but probably ends up collecting dust because you just throw money away when you promote it OR...

    Do you want a REAL business that can bring in life changing income, that can triple every single advertising dollar that you spend on it, that can fill your bank account up on virtual autopilot allowing you to spend more time doing the things that are important to you?

    If it's the former, don't worry about it.

    If it's the latter, hire a pro. If you hire the right copywriter it doesn't cost you a dime, it makes you money.

    Good luck,

    -Scott
    Signature

    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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