Review my killer sales page

31 replies
I would like all comment on how I can improve,

Also tell me what you like.

Thanks

Brian

www.e-marketingsolutions.info
#killer #page #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Fernando Veloso
    Brian,

    So many info available right here at WF to improve your page... design, copywriting, trust...

    You need to work on it man.
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    People make good money selling to the rich. But the rich got rich selling to the masses.
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    Yeah, it's uh... I'll reserve comment.

    Why are you asking for them to send you an email? Why not create a squeeze page and just have them opt in?

    Unfortunately, as is, your page is DOA. RIP.

    Don't get discouraged, if you really do have a product that works as advertised all you have to do now is figure out the right way to present your sales message... That's a good example of what not to do next time.

    -Scott
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    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    I'll be a little more constructive here... What are you selling and who are you selling it to?

    I'm assuming SEO services... Although I have no clue.

    Who's your target market? Small businesses? Large businesses? Webmasters? Dentists?

    Is this for lead generation? How are you going to follow up?

    How much does the product/service cost? What do you want to happen after they send you an email?

    Answer those questions and I'll try to come back and help you out if I get time... But you need to focus on who you're selling to and exactly what you want them to do.

    I'm also guessing by reading it that English isn't your first language? There's a lot of grammar issues going on with the site.

    And you need to drop the .info domain... It lacks credibility but that's the least of your worries right now.

    -Scott
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    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author brp002
    I dont like the looks of it. It hurts my eyes. The question is would you buy something from this?
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    If you want a link here please email me!

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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Although this website breaks a lot of rules I wouldn't be surprised
    if it sells because of it's "homely" look. Sometimes you sell when
    you don't look like you know how to sell but have useful information
    to share.

    I'll stay here.

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author Global Greg
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      Although this website breaks a lot of rules I wouldn't be surprised
      if it sells because of it's "homely" look. Sometimes you sell when
      you don't look like you know how to sell but have useful information
      to share.

      I'll stay here.

      -Ray Edwards
      That is the truth of the matter ... As much
      as you read and try ... we'll never truly know
      what triggers people to take action.

      It might be this beat down looking sales page!!

      My advice, take everyones advice and try to
      implement it but ultimately keep tweaking
      until you find what makes the most PROFIT!
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    • Profile picture of the author searchnology
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      Although this website breaks a lot of rules I wouldn't be surprised
      if it sells because of it's "homely" look. Sometimes you sell when
      you don't look like you know how to sell but have useful information
      to share.

      I'll stay here.

      -Ray Edwards
      If you want to take this approach you should "personalize" it. Put a name and face to this (even if they both are fake) and use "I" instead of "we"...it would feel more authentic as an offering from an amateur. Using "we" sounds more like you are trying to be a corporation and that landing page is a piss poor corporate page.
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      Google's Keyword Tool is Gone!..You will NEED this! - Watch Demo that Uncovers 1000s of KEYWORDS Other Tools Miss! »


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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Originally Posted by Topgunb View Post

    Also tell me what you like.
    You sound like a geek who discovered something awesome and wants to share, but also recognises the value of his discovery and wants to be rewarded for it.

    And geeks don't know how to lie. They're horrible salesmen! You're not selling me anything! Geeks can't sell!

    Your enthusiasm comes through. Your excitement comes through. While I don't want or need your product, not being so attached to the idea of the #1 spot on Google, I would definitely want to move forward if you had something I wanted.

    But... now I have to go write you an email?

    Uh, I'll do it later.

    Except later never gets here! I'll forget all about you before I go write that email! And the next time I see the page, the surprise is gone, so I don't have the same response.

    Add an opt-in form, start building a list. Put an autoresponse asking for replies to the welcome email if people want more information. Same result, but you also get a list and the prospect gets to go "OMFG YES" and just type his email in a box.

    Other than that, I think it's an awesome page for an audience composed of people like me.
    Signature
    "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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    • Profile picture of the author Topgunb
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      Although this website breaks a lot of rules I wouldn't be surprised
      if it sells because of it's "homely" look. Sometimes you sell when
      you don't look like you know how to sell but have useful information
      to share.

      I'll stay here.

      -Ray Edwards
      Thanks Ray, As usual you are right on the money. I have tried not to be the crisp clean copywriter - No computer geek is.


      [quote=CDarklock;911363]You sound like a geek who discovered something awesome and wants to share, but also recognises the value of his discovery and wants to be rewarded for it.

      And geeks don't know how to lie. They're horrible salesmen! You're not selling me anything! Geeks can't sell!

      Your enthusiasm comes through. Your excitement comes through. While I don't want or need your product, not being so attached to the idea of the #1 spot on Google, I would definitely want to move forward if you had something I wanted.


      quote]


      You are so right, computer geeks, type and mess up on grammar, are enthusiastic, and are horible salesman. However, they are honest and they don't know how to do hype.

      GREAT POINT about the optin form - Thank you.

      Now that you know the feel, lets fix it.

      By the way it is ranked on the first page of google.

      Thanks

      Brian
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      swdcomputers@gmail.com For the best real deal in town!
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      • Profile picture of the author Raydal
        Originally Posted by Topgunb View Post

        Thanks Ray, As usual you are right on the money. I have tried not to be the crisp clean copywriter - No computer geek is.
        It is so easy to forget that YOU ARE NOT YOUR CUSTOMER. I see
        so many critiques here in the WF where people say I would do
        this or that, but are YOU a potential customer?

        So many people online run away from the typical one page with header
        sales letter because they read "SCAM" as soon as they see that format
        but internet marketers love them. If you are not marketing to IMers then
        you should test another format.

        I can imagine that those Flogs and "fake news sites" are doing well
        because people's guards are down when they get to those sites.

        -Ray Edwards
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        The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author kennedyhouse
    As someone who would love to be #1 on Google...

    I don't care what you did for you. I don't care what someone else paid at a convention to get #1. All I'm concerned about is what you can do for me. The first 3/4 of the page is fluff, doesn't hold a reader's attention, and doesn't explain what you're selling.

    The next thing that jumps out is your email link at the bottom. I still don't know what you're selling...is it software? Is it a video? An ebook? A service?

    After closer review it appears you want to do this for people, as a service, and not tell them how to do it. If that's the case, the site is too "ick". It doesn't look professional.

    You need to make your page match your level of professionalism if offering a service.
    Tell the buyer what you can do for them early on.
    Be clear about what you are offering.
    And ad a nice form instead of a click link at the bottom.
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  • Profile picture of the author Topgunb
    Just did a bit of a rewrite

    Also added a form

    Let me know what else.

    Thanks
    Signature
    swdcomputers@gmail.com For the best real deal in town!
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    • Profile picture of the author sherisaid
      Originally Posted by Topgunb View Post

      Just did a bit of a rewrite

      Also added a form

      Let me know what else.

      Thanks
      still full of grammatical errors...and for the record, I'd leave any page that doesn't state the cost up front. But I would leave this one regardless of cost because it doesn't convince me that you have something to offer.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    First off, your headline needs serious work. I'd bounce after seeing a page like that. It looks like one of those PLR pages from the 90's or something where you can find for free all over the Internet.

    I can't stand the "#1 on Google" crap. People are so full of themselves when they boaster that claim.

    Aside from that, please fix the following:

    Just imagine a computer geek, loosing
    Should be "losing".

    Space out the "rank#1".

    What tha heck is this:

    He's thinking make money like water, millions, no billionaire - oh yes!
    I don't know what you could be using to claim #1 listing on Google for (and be within guidelines) except for the use of Press Releases and in keyword terms that get next to nothing search queries with minimal competing pages. Article and video marketing is fairly quick, but not for highly competitive terms.

    I've read up on too many "secret" stuff for SEO and "advanced" SEO that they all just blur together with the same BS. There's no real secret. There might be a few tricks here and there to help, but the instant gratification of being #1 for doing next to nothing is absurd.
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    • Profile picture of the author Topgunb
      Originally Posted by Kevin Lam View Post

      I can't stand the "#1 on Google" crap. People are so full of themselves when they boaster that claim.

      I don't know what you could be using to claim #1 listing on Google for (and be within guidelines) except for the use of Press Releases and in keyword terms that get next to nothing search queries with minimal competing pages. Article and video marketing is fairly quick, but not for highly competitive terms.

      I've read up on too many "secret" stuff for SEO and "advanced" SEO that they all just blur together with the same BS. There's no real secret. There might be a few tricks here and there to help, but the instant gratification of being #1 for doing next to nothing is absurd.

      I put the page up today - it did not exist before today!

      Do this search - "rank 1 on google in 24 hours guaranteed"

      I obviously know what you and your guru friends don't when it comes to this. If you don't understand it don't knock it.
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      swdcomputers@gmail.com For the best real deal in town!
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      • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
        Originally Posted by Onslaught View Post

        If your are aiming that at Kevin.... have you been to his site?

        He has his shizzy screwed down tight. Getting top rankings on
        Google is old news to most of us on the forum.
        Hey Paul,

        I didn't even notice that post by him. Thanks for pointing that out and for the support.

        Originally Posted by Topgunb View Post

        I put the page up today - it did not exist before today!

        Do this search - "rank 1 on google in 24 hours guaranteed"

        I obviously know what you and your guru friends don't when it comes to this. If you don't understand it don't knock it.
        You really are full of yourself. You act as if you are asking for help but you're really trying to boast about it. Unfortunately, there's nothing to boast about.

        Just like in the other thread where you asked people how someone could rank #1 on Google. You came back about 12 posts later totally dismissing everyone's responses and simply saying you already rank #1 and can do it for your clients.

        Look, I'm #1 for "how to spot a scam without super powers".

        I'm also #1 for "why are local results higher than global". So amazing!!!!

        And now look, BrianMcLeod's keyword phrase "Algonquin Knights Of The Purple Order" is now ranked #1 in Google. Isn't that amazing? McLeod broke the search engine code!

        Give me a break! Don't scam people here. People will remember you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Topgunb
    Just for the record here is another #1 position at google

    rank 1 on google first page in 24 hours guaranteed

    Thanks

    Brian
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    swdcomputers@gmail.com For the best real deal in town!
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    "Algonquin Knights Of The Purple Order"

    Let's check tomorrow and this post will be #1 on Google, guaranteed.

    Meaningless... No one searches for that phrase just like no searches for the phrases you're piking.

    Tread lightly, TopGunB... People are being kind to you in this thread with their advice, probably too kind for your own good.

    If you want to improve your results, stop taking offense and consider what's being said to you:

    (A) The offer is pure puffery - over-hyped and under-proven.
    (B) The copy is poorly written - not the end of the world, but useless given (A).
    (C) The design misses nearly every opportunity to lift response, from layout to color choices to element placement.
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  • Profile picture of the author Topgunb
    Thanks Brian,

    Apologies to all if I offended, was not my intention.

    So unconditional apology to all warriors.

    I am sorry.

    Thanks

    Brian
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    swdcomputers@gmail.com For the best real deal in town!
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Good Buddha,

    You gotta be kidding me. Someone was claiming to get their clients #1 spot last month just like you and I smashed her to smithereens with her BS. Don't get me started on this.

    I mean, whew, look, I'm #1 for "texas marketing firm," but who cares though? No one is searching for these terms! You're hurting yourself and your clients.
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  • Profile picture of the author MarkJ
    Best advice, invest some time and effort in studying copywriting. From your salespage, you haven't put hardly any effort into learning the needed skills.

    You might check into some of the excellent materials from Carline Anglade-Cole at:

    Carline Anglade-Cole
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  • Profile picture of the author RLeger
    I think you need more white space and should use Red for more headlines. It's not an easy read. Good content, but needs a little attention with the format.

    I would start by putting the headline in red font. Then do a quick skim read of those headlines. Then edit the sub points and recheck flow again.
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  • Profile picture of the author snowtigress
    aww, Brian, you tricked me! I thought I was going to read a killer sales page! First lesson in sales... don't make promises you can't keep
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Whoa, when did topgun get banned? I was wondering why he hasn't been responding to anything. Go figure.
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Originally Posted by Kevin Lam View Post

      Whoa, when did topgun get banned? I was wondering why he hasn't been responding to anything. Go figure.
      It may have had to do with an ill-advised spate of "Sent you a PM" one-liners that were deleted over and over in thread after thread.

      Somebody upstairs didn't like it, methinks.

      The monkey god watches you.

      Best,

      Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author jukeboxhero
    I know your not here...But how bout attaching some screen caps of all your number 1 spots....
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    LOL, "monkey god". Glad it stopped, but curious to know what other BS he would have pulled out.

    Jukebox, I know you're trying to help the guy out, but a screen shot of nothing is still nothing. I mean, big crap, little crap, still crap.
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