"Titans of Direct Response" Event - Great Sales Letter?

Nope, I didn't write it. I just bristle when somebody takes a crap on a piece of copy without knowing the details.

I would think YOU would know better.

While I'm not in a position give details publicly, I can tell you management is pleased with the progress.

- Rick Duris

I was a little worried when I posted the thread that there might be writers here connected to the letter.

Before I post my thoughts about it, I'll just go ahead and ask: Is anyone here connected with this letter or this marketing effort? The last thing I want to do is tear down some other poster's venture if they didn't ask, so if anyone is going to be hurt by a critique, I'll just keep my opinion to myself.

Rick – you posted a thread a few days ago asking if anyone was going to this conference, but then the thread disappeared. Not sure if you deleted it, or the mods. You already made it clear you didn't write the letter – but are you connected to this venture in some way?

We all know you're a pretty good copywriter, so if you're not connected to this, I'd definitely be interested in hearing what you like about the letter...

Eh, it's a copywriting forum. We talk about copy here, right? Sometimes it gets praised, other times it gets picked apart. But as I said, if someone here is connected to it, I'm not going to "player hate"...

According to the website of the copywriter who wrote it (who I don't believe is a member of this forum), the VIP offer sold out in 21 days, 3 months before the event.

Helpful answer...tell me more....lol

I'm no expert, just a student of the craft.

This type of sales letter reminds me of the old event sales letters.

I swiped the letter and can't wait to study it in detail.

My pdf is 27 pages long. Nice!

Thanks Roy wherever you are.

To be fair, I think I am pretty much the only one who was 'whining' about the copy.

Nice that you have come to grace us with your presence, thanks.

Now c'mon Harlan, many top copywriters at Gary Bencivenga's
seminar couldn't pick the winners Gary showed.

Best,
Ewen

1. Regarding Bencivenga, I don't think so, Roy. Not as you positioned. It comes off as being kinda sorta interesting but far from what you could have done with it.

You're being vague. Expecting the reader to think like you. "if I can only get in a few client relationships where I'm ALWAYS being hired again to beat my own controls, I'm set for life."

Granted you COULD do it as you say, but you didn't. You missed a World Cup moment.

You gotta connect the dots for the reader.

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2. You want me to throw a big rock at you? Is that it?

I have a few, a couple are boulders. And they're headed your way.

Something is being prepared for you that should make it obvious all the money you left on the table. Just be a little more patient.

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For now, go back and rework that Bencivenga callout into a great Content IED. Do it like you just said. I wanna see flash bang grenades go off in the mind of the reader.

- Rick Duris

Yeah, Lance. You're really close. There was a much longer page and had the same look and feel.

Well it sure rings of Dan.

This part gives it away to me:

" billing in excess of $2 million a year, year after year, for advice and copywriting (part-time)..."

I can hear him say it.

Which is why I said earlier that it looked like you cut and paste it into the letter without bothering to format it.

Close?

Hi Roy.

Nice of you to visit here and further this discussion. Like you, I like to learn, compare perspectives, and basically "talk shop," which was the point of creating the thread.

It's also nice to see others actually chiming in now, and serving up really interesting perspectives (as opposed to getting peeved about a thread in a copywriting forum about copywriting selling a copywriting conference). Copywriting.

You probably read my "monday morning quarterbacking" earlier in the thread. Glad you saw that I meant no offense. I'd still be happy to request the mods take all this down if you think it might hurt your venture in any way, so just let me know.

And congrats on the testimonial from the Gary B. I read his advice and it pretty much always rings true. Not all the stuff written by the "titans" of the industry reads as clear and actionable as his. I'm even getting on board with the "Law of Attraction" stuff (after "poo pooing" it for many years) just because someone as obviously gifted as Gary B. buys it.

Anyway, I read what the other posters here wrote and my observations pretty much sync with theirs. I wrote much of what's below before reading their posts however -- so sorry if some of it seems redundant.

My main criticism of the letter would be this: Though there's no doubt that the collective wisdom and experience of the line-up there is valuable, it's a giant leap from that to "A Few Minutes or Hours with These Titans -- In the Flesh --Will Completely Alter the Course of Your Business, Your Career, Your Life!."

Big claims require big proof - more proof than you offer in this letter IMHO, especially for this smart audience, especially if you're asking for $3500.

...And as some of the guys here may have mentioned, we've all read the Titans' books & websites, etc.. ...So if your sales appeal is all about how the titans are going to change our lives, you'd have to tell us what we'd get out of the conference that we couldn't get more cheaply and easily from the books.

Seth likes the letter so much that he copied it out by hand. But he also says:

He loves the stuff, yet he wasn't sold. You need a better hook if your letter isn't selling those of us who love this stuff... making us pine to attend (even if we can't), instead of outright dismissing the idea upon reading the letter. I love this stuff too (which is why I love "talking shop," the point of this thread). Yet the USP here didn't do it for me at all.

I'm a fan of "the Titans," like a lot of people here... Many of us have read many of their books. Yet that's actually working against your letter instead of with it, because we think we already know what this is about.

If you go on amazon and check out reviews of the Titans' books, you'll see that a frequent complaint is that some of the stuff is dated.

The conference could well have been sold as a valuable "update."

My core selling proposition would've been something like (not exact words, of course): The Titans - stars of the "old guard" of marketing" - proven winners with winning techniques - take on the new world of marketing (email, web, even the changing world of print, etc.) and show you how the old ways are still winners, how some of them need to be tweaked, etc. You've read their bestselling books, now see what they're thinking and doing now, what's absolutely timeless after so many years of testing, how the new technology has inspired further innovation, etc.

Of course your letter gets into some of that, but readers will have to get through the many words of "hero worship" stuff before they find it. They'll come to their conclusion based on the fluff, before getting to the meat.

....And speaking of the "meat", your letter should more specifically address what we're looking for. Specificity is important. We're marketers and copywriters - we're not trying to just generally "change our careers and our lives". We're looking for new and betters ways to operate. We want the latest approaches to web marketing and email marketing. And the innovative approaches to snail-mail marketing for that matter. We also want more and better business connections.

The stars of this matter aren't the titans, it's us. We admire the titans, but this ain't a rock concert, it's a business conference. We're looking for much more than the sound and presence.

Alex put it well:

In any case, every other guru and self-improvement conference says they're going to change your life. That's become a weak "USP" by now. We admire and want to learn from "the Titans" but we know they're not magicians. Changing your life by spending a few hours with the titans sounds more like magic than reality.

I would also play up corporate names that we all know - Bottom Line Personal, Guthy-Renker, Blueblockers. They're winning with nuts-and-bolts stuff we'd all like to add to our repertoire. And the names are as recognizable as those of the titans, if not more so.

Anyway... I would also feature less of the Marty stuff. Lots of people don't know Marty. Seems like a good guy, but that part of it isn't going to sell many people IMHO. Yes, it's the inspiration for the conference, but that being said, I think you just give the reader an opportunity to bail on your pitch with too much marty stuff.

Not only that, but some of the stuff the letter says about Marty comes across as insincere when we learn that a copywriter has written the letter.

If you're going to wax sentimental in the letter, better to not reveal that a copywriter was paid to write it for you. Especially if you're dealing with an audience like marketers and copywriters (who can see through stuff like this), and especially while the letter is still in play.

I know you didn't tell the world that you wrote the letter, but the Lessons from the Titans video mentions it. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

And finally, if a door-to-door salesman said the following to me:

"If You Don't Get the Idea That
Doubles Your Business in the First 3 ½ Hours,
You Must Be Asleep At The Wheel!"

... I would tell him "get... off... my... lawn."

"If you don't get value out of this product, there must be something wrong with you" is not good selling. Reading the first part of that sentence, I was almost expecting a guarantee of some sort. But "you must be asleep at the wheel"? That's seriously cheesy. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned that line. If anyone thinks that works, please tell me why.

Anyway, this turned out to be a very interesting thread, thanks in no small part to your visit. I come here in part to see if my observations align with those of other pro copywriters here, and this thread confirmed a lot of my thoughts (...including the educated guess that you didn't have a lot to work with when writing this - just 3 weeks, not a lot of time to research... )

Late reply, but I hope you're still checking out this thread and you'll address a few of points above. And pls ask Gary B if he's taking on "copy cubs." (/joking -- unless you'll really ask. )

PS:

In shaping a sales appeal, I usually take the "who" to mean the target market (ie. not the speakers), the "what" is the product, and the "why" is the benefits. (There's also the "when" - urgency appeal - and the "where," your ad medium, which shapes copy too, but that's another story...)