"Titans of Direct Response" Event - Great Sales Letter?

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https://titansofdirectresponse.com/

Lot of good copywriters here, so I'm just curious of what you all think of this as a sales letter...

Great? Worthy of the event? Underwhelming?

Thoughts?
#copywriting #event #great #letter #sales #titans of direct response
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  • Underwhelming to be sure.

    But the list of attendees sure helps conversions I am sure.
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    • Care you explain why you think it's underwhelming?

      I can see why this approach might not work for some niches but for a letter aimed at copywriters it seems perfect.

      Drops the right names, tons of background story, good LONG length, etc...
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  • If you knew what the conversions were on that letter and where they stood in terms of selling out six weeks prior to the event, you'd be taking a closer look.
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    • My guess is that it has more to do with the offer and the traffic than the copy. You disagree?
  • John, you can opine all you want.

    Results are what count. Of course, you already know that.

    - Rick Duris
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    • Agreed.

      But - as you also know - some projects are lay downs while others are like fighting upstream. I'd put this closer to the former.

      I also know seats are being 'sold' in the traditional sense - by people reaching out via email/phone to those with a heartbeat. I would assume that might skew the numbers as well.

      It is definitely opining but it is instructive for the young lads.
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  • Roy Furr, the copywriter, did a great job.

    Whether you agree with his approach to leverage Marty Edelston's death, it doesn't matter.

    It performed well.

    I think the question that's being ask here is...

    If Roy didn't have the rather extraordinary line up of name speakers to hang his hat on, would the copy still have performed so well?

    Mark
  • Well, is anyone here going?
  • I agree with Marcia Yudkin and John Russel.

    The VIP offer was sold out before the letter went public.

    We do promotions like this, but what most people are failing to realize is a letter like this isn't used primarily to sell the event. It's to get those who are planning on attending to hurry up and register.

    Most who are already planning on going will read or scan the letter and realize the excitement it builds. They'll start thinking everyone else will get excited and register, so they'll jump in immediately to secure their spot.

    This is a prime example of a sales letter who's main focus is not to sell, but to build a fear of loss, and in turn sell the event out quickly, mainly to those who already would consider attending.

    No, I wouldn't recommend swiping this for another product, unless you understand the reason for the engineering behind it.
  • There's no denying that it's a great offer. Regardless, I thought the letter was great too. Superb message to market match.
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  • Too many Sunday morning quarterbacks here...the event has sold out...the letter did the job...sure there were other factors...great speakers etc...so what?

    You can say this about any good sales letter..other factors usually apply...so what?
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    • I think it's Monday morning quarterback

      Why it matters is because the OP asked our opinion. Ostensibly to learn.
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  • Relax everybody. Don't get this thread shut down. I'd like to pick apart the damn letter (if no one else will) when I have a little more time.
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  • In my opinion it's an excellent sales letter.

    Why?

    VIP seats already sold out.

    And the copywriter Roy Furr leveraged the
    reputation of the speakers, which is what
    will drive people to sign up for the event.

    I have no doubt all the seats will be sold
    and that there will also be a WAITING
    LIST for cancellations.

    Well done for an excellent sales letter, Roy.

    Plus, would Brian Kurtz have hired a second-rate
    copywriter to write him such an important letter?
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    • VIP seats were 30 slots max. Says so right in the letter. 30 ain't much. Easy to sell out 30 seats for the networking oppty the VIP ticket represents - as well as - one-on-one attention to your specific marketing problem in the VIP "hot seat" session.

      I also have a feeling that there's some kinda "commission" "affiliate" thing going on, what with so many copywriters' sites linking to the event and the code in those URLs... I could be wrong about that, but it would explain the success of the event more than this letter.

      The star line-up is a big draw too, of course. Speaking of which, I don't think the letter does it justice. The star line-up is great "product" with genuine value, yet the only angle the letter could come up with was something as implausible and unconvincing as "A Few Minutes or Hours with These Titans — In the Flesh — Will Completely Alter the Course of Your Business, Your Career, Your Life!"...? Eh.

      Now, don't get me wrong. It's an okay letter. Besides, this guy is earning kudos from the likes of Gary Bencivenga, while yours truly still bids for work on Elance. That doesn't mean, however, that this is a great letter, worthy of a conference and an all-star line-up like that.

      IMHO, the sales letter would've done well to pick up stuff from the "Lessons" video. The first few minutes of the video even mention the word "value," as in what lessons attendees will get that add value to the conference. As in real value, real benefits for your $3000 and travel time and hassle.

      The letter's central value proposition --

      "Your Path to Greatness Will Only Be Accelerated
      By Working With, Learning From, and Implementing the Teachings of These TITANS."

      ...and...

      "If You Don’t Get the Idea That Doubles Your Business in the First 3 ½ Hours, You Must Be Asleep At The Wheel!"

      ... is unconvincing.

      Generally, when I write copy, I try to think myself into the shoes of the "avatar" and write a sales appeal that would convince me to buy. It can make the difference between coming across as genuine ...and insulting the intelligence of your audience. I don't get the feeling that this letter writer genuinely believes the things he's writing.

      Lots of exclamation points, lots of caps, but the letter doesn't come across like he believes " this is the live, once-in-a-lifetime event that can and will change your business and your life...".

      I don't believe his central selling point for a second, to paraphrase one poster's earlier comment. And I don't think the writer believes it either.

      And speaking of the exclamation points and the caps, the letter comes across as "hypey" too. All the mention of "secrets," all the empty promises, "unfair and extreme advantage over others"... it reads too much like something written for a clickbank product.

      Direct-response marketing pros ain't clickbank buyers. The great "product" represented by that star line-up ain't clickbanky either, and the letter could've done better by it, IMHO.

      Part of the problem is in its positioning. Not sure how much influence the writer had on the positioning, but this event might've been better positioned as a learning and networking event centered around speeches by (and hobnobbing with) the titans.

      The Titan's stuff is a big draw, but with the world of direct marketing as in flux as it is these days, the letter could've more credibly sold the "hobnob with the Titans" theme wrapped in substantive stuff like learning how Guthy-Renker is working the internet and and how Bottom Line Personal is working email marketing ... plus the big-time networking opportunity the conference presents.

      He gets to that kinda stuff somewhat, but too late in the letter and without enough specificity, IMHO. I sense he didn't have a lot of specifics to work with when writing the letter...

      Essentially, I don't think a sophisticated audience of entrepreneurs and business communicators is going to find the "one-time event can and will change your business and your life" argument credible -- especially not at $3,500 a pop.

      Okay, with that said, there are parts of the letter that are also downright clunky. At minimum, a letter for an event like this should flow right, right? But we get headlines like:

      "There’s ONE Answer to What Will Help You
      Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be
      In The Fastest, Most-Effective Way Possible..."

      "And Frankly, This Is Why The Titans of Direct Response
      Are Coming Out In Droves for YOUR BENEFIT, At This
      Once-In-A-Lifetime Commemorative Event for Marty!" (...Is it for me or Marty?)

      There are other awkwardly written patches, too. Stuff that doesn't flow well. I get what he's saying in these passages, but you really don't want your reader to stumble. Copy should be smooth, easy reading as much as possible, correct?

      Again, it's not a horrible letter, but I'm looking at it as a letter for an event where the main draw is tete-a-tete with titanic direct response communicators. ... So it's an interesting letter to dissect, and the standard is high.

      I mean, we are the target market, at least in part. The hypey stuff that's going to work on a clickbank offer ain't gonna work on marketing communicators like us, who can spring for $3,500 to jet off to a conference.

      Some say the letter is well done, but judging from the resounding chorus of ***crickets*** I got when I asked "so who's going" I don't think the letter has done such a good job. (Yes, we're a small sample size. But I sense there's not a lot of excitement to attend this. The letter could've spoken to our needs and our dreams a whoooole lot better than it does.)

      And last (and probably least) it's kinda tacky to publicize that you wrote the letter when it's “from the desk of” Brian Kurtz and signed by him. How much are we supposed to "play along?" We're supposed to believe it's really Kurtz's voice we're reading, but you're sloppy enough to reveal it's just a copywriter's. We're supposed to believe that a few hours time with the Titans is going to change our lives. How much skepticism are we supposed to suspend?

      Anyway, Monday morning quarterbacking is just monday morning quarterbacking. But this is a copywriting forum so again, I just thought this might be an interesting letter to discuss just because of the stature of the event in the copywriting universe.

      And I'd be the first to advise you take these criticisms with a grain of salt: this guy has a testimonial from Gary B, while I still hustle my services on Elance. And if the dude is a member here, just let me know, and I'll be happy to delete my critique.

      But on the other hand -- there, I said it. The emperor has no clothes. Get at me, dog..

      I'd honestly like to hear others tell what makes it such a great letter (other than the politics ). Always open to learnin'...
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  • I think it's the headline, subhead and profiles before the meat of the letter that do 99% of the work, though.

    For me, that first, above the fold, section is so strong that the letter didn't have to be great after that.

    I also think the layout is excellent.

    It must be a very good letter, but for me, if I could afford to go, I would go based on that above the fold section. I wouldn't need to read the rest.
  • Who are the top 3 copy writers from this forum that you guys would recommend 100% without a doubt?

    I read your responses and I can tell you are good at this, but I am looking for the best to do a project for me

    Thank you and great input on the copy. I learn a lot and I am sure there is a lot more to learn from this group, but I am sure I will never become as good as you so I need your help
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    • What market?

      What product or service?

      What medium?

      What budget?

      What timeline?

      Is there the opportunity for royalties and commissions or profit participation?

      You might be better served looking the Warriors for Hire forum.

      - Rick Duris
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  • There are plenty of high-performing sales letters that I personally find underwhelming.

    You know what it means? I'm not the target market.

    If it spoke to the target market well enough to make them get out their credit cards, then it's anything but underwhelming to the people it was meant for.

    That is the point, guys.

    Obviously you're not the ones who are going to shell out several grand (even though it's a deductible business expense) to learn from these titans.

    I'll admit to being skeptical of seminars, but the few that I've chosen to attend have been invaluable. Personal opinion? This is one of those invaluable ones. If they share even 10% of what they've learned in their careers and you have the testicular fortitude to put it into play...you'll be ******* thrilled you shelled out the cash.
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    • I am the target market actually. And I did just this week shell out several grand to learn from a well respected copywriter.

      And, for sure I am not saying that the letter had to sell me to make it good. It just didn't speak to me - so be it.
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    • Could you share 10% of what you've learned about copywriting or music in an hour or two? Unlikely.

      Those who breathe the rarefied air can't either.

      In my view, there's only two reasons to spend $5,000 for a seminar... promising networking opportunities or specific technical training.

      I guess having the experience of being in the presence of titans is another... but that one seems kind of lame to me.

      Alex
  • Maybe 10% was an exaggeration, but I consider myself a perpetual student. I always find value in learning from others, even if it's what not to do. And I agree with you... The networking opportunities are stellar.

    And as far as paying for the privilege of being in the presence of titans and/or personal heroes? When my favorite band comes to town, you can bet your ass I pay more for the VIP treatment. I get to talk to people I admire one on one, even if it's talking about booze. It's a worthwhile investment for me. For others? They're happy with YouTube. But to each his or her own
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    • I just go to my favorite, free, festival, and the bands come to me to share a* drink

      *ok, 5 or 6. Or 7...
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  • Hey guys. I'm spying on you. It's Roy, the dude who wrote the letter for Brian (which I wasn't announcing until Brian started shouting it from the rooftops and telling me to tell everybody).

    (I actually accidentally stumbled on this thread -- obviously it caught me due to personal interest -- landed on WF for another reason.)

    I think this thread is a great learning experience. There's often no better opportunity to improve as a copywriter than to have a bunch of folks -- especially experienced direct response folks -- rip apart your copy and let you know their biggest objections. (Nothing here is straight "hating" and nothing here should be deleted -- I'm glad there's a week's worth of honest feedback before I discovered the thread.)

    Clearly I didn't entice a few of you. And that's fair. Clearly my writing style didn't work for a few of you. And that's also fair. I'm not going to fight any of it.

    Instead I'm going to ask you -- especially those of you who were underwhelmed -- what monumental shift-change you would make in how this was presented (with specifics!) if you were asked to promote the event?

    What would be the core selling idea that you'd put right up front, that I totally missed or buried? Not only that, what's your thinking behind whythat selling point should be up front, rather than the WHO (the Titans) followed by the WHY (the Marty story) followed by the WHAT (the content of the talks) and the rest what I have?

    This is clearly an event of WHO. My thinking -- expressed very early on in private conversations -- was that as long as the copy didn't get in the way of the WHO, I'd be doing a pretty good job. And because this is indeed a once-in-a-lifetime gathering of WHO -- that yes, I do agree with -- there better be a pretty good WHY to back up what brought them together.

    I will not contest that given a similar offer, I'm sure a lot of folks here would put together a similarly-good letter.

    As a serious student of direct response, I'm not going to -- for one moment -- think that my copy is more important than the "Titans" featured. In fact, given the choice, I'd much rather spend 99% of my time and energy working on incredible offers like this where the offer itself does much of the heavy lifting. In other projects where it's not there, it's what I try to engineer, to give myself every dang advantage possible when I write copy.

    Don't know where I'm going with that, other than to say I agree. It was a great offer. The kind that I covet. We should all be so fortunate as to get the opportunity to work on similar offers at one point or another in our copywriting careers.

    Lookin' forward to rubbing elbows with the few of you that said you would be there when we meet in the flesh in September.

    Best wishes,

    Roy
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    • Roy, if you took special attention to what was said here, you'd be wasting your time. I spoke with Brian about the letter and thought it was terrific.

      Congrats on a great letter and look forward to meeting you in September.
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    • Roy,

      The intro didn't do it for me.

      It felt flat, and I don't really like talking about death so early on in a conversation.

      It's certainly got a place in the copy but I don't want to know why you're running this seminar yet, I want to know if it can help me... (even if the names are awesome.)

      Which is why I think the call out (No matter how you're involved in the direct response industry...) is where the letter really starts.

      From there on it's awesome... I love the story and all the time it's positioning YOU as being in Marty's shoes and needing to bring in the titans (attend the event) to send your business rocketing.

      Anyhoo...

      Just my opinion.

      Chris
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  • Hey man, Gary Bencivenga and Dan Rosenthal used to flag down the mail carrier, the pizza delivery guy, or anyone else who would sit still for a minute to read and comment on their ads at CPRB. I'm happy to hear feedback. I'm certainly able to assign my own weight to it. Gary B already told me it sings. I know the interest this is generating. But that's not saying there's not a better idea out there -- and I'd love to hear specific suggestions for making it better. I'm always hungry for ways to get better.

    Thanks though for the support Harlan. I've always admired you -- albeit often from afar.
  • Harlan, thanks for paying your membership dues in the Church of Roy. And for your work as a missionary, disciple, and prophet.

    Now as for that free money... If only there were someone selling that to prove we didn't need a long sales pitch for it... Kevin Trudeau's: Investigating Free Money - YouTube
    (All in fun, of course!)

    Back to my first request... Do you have a specific idea that would have helped the letter sell the event to folks who weren't, in your estimation, already going to go?

    I believe in consistent improvement. And that it rarely comes from within.

    So I'm looking for real feedback not on what you think is bad (anyone can poo-poo on something -- especially in an internet forum) but on how it could have been done better. I'm happy to return the favor if you have a project you're interested in a second set of eyes on (unless you think I'm just a lucky hack who landed this project by accident and whose opinion isn't worth your time).

    Best wishes,

    Roy
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    • I like reading sales letters, but honestly this one made me want to pull my hair out.

      It was like a circus act. I'm thinking your thoughts were along the lines of a trailer for a movie, the way you moved from thought to thought.

      The whole thing was like reading something someone wrote while they were on some kind of something. It was troublesome.

      Didn't say you were a hack. Obviously someone knows you're good or they wouldn't of hired you.

      Yea, you can read some of my stuff, but don't think it would fit your niche.
  • Linsay, I'm not just looking to read others stuff. I can do that all day long. My offer was contingent on specific helpful advice, and not just more criticism.

    So again, I ask you or anyone else... Do you have a SPECIFIC idea that would have helped the letter sell the event to folks who weren't, in your estimation, already going to go?

    That's what I'm most interested in. (There was a hint of it here and there before, but I'd love a direct answer to that question.)
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    • I have tried almost 7 times to force myself through this letter. I've yet to succeed.

      I would suggest a video that puts all this into a quick hard hitting message. Like I said, most already plan to go and the ones that aren't won't be persuaded by this letter. You bore people to death after going on and on and on and on.

      I have no doubt at all that the copywriters on this forum and other blogs will be going into detail on why this was a great letter.

      Guy, listen, the ones who were going to go will go. Your letter is aimed at those who already know these guys.

      Who that doesn't know these guys is gonna spend 3 grand based on this letter? All the stuff you sell isn't for anyone new to these guys. Everything you sell is for people who already know these guys. Your whole letter is based on the premise that everyone knows who these guys are.

      Great letter to get people to hurry up and sign up, but other than that it's useless in the marketing world.
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    • Roy, you met the forum troll. Don't feed it.

      Can people stop replying to "linsay smith" already? Geez.
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    • Roy,

      As jjosephs said, Lindsay is the resident troll. I'm surprised she hasn't been banned yet.

      I'd like to expand a little on what I thought of the letter, and (since you asked) I would enjoy reading your thoughts on other approaches to it. I'll post a bit more when I have more time.

      As I said before, I'm sure you're not earning testimonials from the likes of the great Gary B for nothing, and it will be a privilege to talk shop with you here. I'm sure I'm not alone on that.

      You seem like a class act. Glad you stopped in.
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  • Ok, Roy, here's the big strategic problem with the current copy--specifically when selling the event to folks who weren't already going to go:
    You lift the Titans up on pedestals from the get-go, but a visitor doesn't *LEARN* anything from reading the piece. (I'm not talking about studying the mechanics of the actual sales letter itself.)
    There's no pay-off, emotionally or intellectually.

    The pieces that are pulling right now have consumable, actionable CONTENT strategically embedded in them that pull the reader through. Please understand: The reader is skimming for CONTENT.

    If they don't find it, they're gone.

    As you know, the readers have known all these TITANS--for decades. They stalk. (Which is GREAT.) So strategically and judicially lay fresh, relevant content IEDs for the readers to trip over. All the way to the registration/call-to-action.

    You want them getting an endorphin rush from tripping over something really relevant and useful.

    Here's the one piece of content you've got which is AWESOME:

    ----

    Marty Edelston’s four core principles for business and life success:

    1. He outworked everyone
    2. He had insatiable curiosity
    3. He surrounded himself with people smarter than himself whenever and wherever possible
    4. He always thought about what he could do for YOU first...and he was committed to saving lives both literally and figuratively

    ----

    But Roy, you need more content like this.

    One or two for each Titan. That's what I would have done. Make the reader work for it a bit to appreciate. Along the way, they'll be sold as to the incredible relevance to their business and skill set.

    The more they skim and uncover these gems, the more they're thinking they just gotta be in that room when the lights go down.

    In other words, what I'm advocating you do is "show a little leg". Reveal, not just hint at, what they'll takeaway from the event.

    But there is an art to this. Because it is possible to reveal too much.

    And I know it's counter-intuitive. But Boardroom folks are MASTERS at this type of copy in the health markets.

    ----

    So what's it going to take to pull out one or two more gems out of each Titan? I don't know.

    Actually, I do know for one.

    Let's take Jay Abraham.

    In my world, Jay was the original growth hacker. A pioneer when it comes to strategically engineering geometric growth rapidly.

    But that was yesterday.

    What are Jay's thoughts about growth hacking in 2014? In the age of intentional viral marketing, social media and social networking, crowdfunding, big data, analytics, etc.?

    Does he have case studies? Are there specific strategies he's used RECENTLY that have gotten big wins he can reveal?

    Lay THAT IED for the reader to step on. Give them that reason for coming. (What you'll also find is Boardroom's retargeting campaign will be more effective because people will want to review the letter again and again.)

    It's these kinds of strategies I hope Brian pulls out of Jay. And if Jay does it as I know he can do it, every business owner there will have gladly paid 5X the price of admission just to be in the room. Let alone have a chair.

    Why do I say that? Because that's what Jay ALONE is worth. And to have a guy like Brian Kurtz interview him? A guy who knows how to get the best out of someone?

    ----

    Now combine that Titan with every other Titan's gems and you can easily see how valuable that event could be to someone who wasn't already going to go.

    Just one idea could change their life. Put THAT idea in the letter and let them discover it.

    ----

    Let me give you one idea which helped me sell high ticket seminars. And when I say high-ticket, I'm talking $25K+ and up.

    When I sell for instance, a $3500/seat live seminar, in my mind's eye, I'm actually writing to sell a $35,000 seminar. Everything is magnified in my mind.

    Try that next time and see how it transforms your copywriting. It'll be 10X stronger--guaranteed.

    ----

    Please understand, Roy. You did a great job. I'm not taking anything away. I believe the event will sell out without changing a word.

    But if you've got the time, motivation and incentive, and Boardroom wants to move the event to a bigger ballroom, it's time to rework the copy.

    Does this help? Let me know.

    - Rick Duris

    ----

    PS: A couple more things:

    1. The design sucks. It's dated. 15 years old. Have someone who knows what's working today freshen it up. You may have sold the old timers but it needs an up-to-date look. This is probably the quickest thing that can be done to pull in more attendees.

    Second, Marty's passing is a good reason, but it is far from being a good enough story. There's too much logic and not enough emotion.

    What's in it for the reader?

    PPS: I have another idea in the works. Stay tuned.

    PPPS: If you study this post Roy, I've just demonstrated the technique of laying content IEDs along the way. Making you want to read more. Even though this is an unusually long post.
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    • Roy, to add further to Rick's case for showcasing
      each Titan's new discoveries, Dan Kennedy has been doing
      the "new" thing for what seems like decades.

      First it was to position others as teaching theory as they
      had never done it, or are no longer doing it, therefore it ain't working now.

      He would also tell what he's going to reveal has never been revealed before,
      or only partly revealed to those that had paid him, say $100,000 as an example.

      This creates new intrigue and kills any thought of "probably heard it before".

      If there could be some context as to why the new discoveries are so relevant now.
      It helps to showcase they are meeting a new trend which the attendee is going to be first onto this cutting edge.

      An example in the world of early stage investors, is where they love to see where the market was, where it is now and where it's heading. Sharing these deep insights gives reasons why a new strategy is working and can be deployed by the attendee in his or her situation.

      Leaders want and seek out an edge they can have.

      You'll be meeting this intrinsic desire of the 1%'rs.

      So by dropping a few new shiny pearls from each Titan,
      you are taking the burden off the speakers "names"
      and spreading it across the new knowledge which will be shared at the event.

      Interviewing all the Titans with the intention of learning
      their new discoveries, recording it and then pulling out what will be reader usable
      and what will be bullet teasers.would get you the raw material to work with.

      They hold the hidden gold you seek.

      Best,
      Ewen
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    • Banned
      I'm glad you wrote this Rick. Because after your blatant flogging of this event...and this rather ordinary copy...I was about to unleash my inner Rottweiler.

      You're right on most, if not all, accounts. This was a piss-poor letter that could have been so much better (if you or I had done it ;-) ).

      The tone...the design...the "vibe" (Search for Aussie movie "The Castle" and you'll get it) was WAY OFF THE PACE.

      Yeah I know Kilstein think it's killer. What does that tell you?

      IT'S OFF THE PACE DUDES.

      You've got to be kidding me. In August 2014 this is the best you can do?

      And let's not go into the design...(Jesus Christ it's crook).

      I struggled to keep reading the thing - and I'm the target audience here. I mean Gary B has only done one seminar hasn't he? When he retired?

      BTW "Linsay" is probably the old Max5ty. Some of the stuff he says makes a lot of sense. But he's a dreadful troll. You gotta wonder why he does it. Pathological really. And here's $100 that says he's hiding his I.P.

      Oh yeah...while I'm at it...Rick's little $7 report. Says something about my getting lots of work by critiquing people's copy. Sorry. Nope. I get bugger-all work through here. Get a lot of free-loaders and people who want to pick my brain.

      And Rick - $7??? You kidding me. You should know better. What that says is "This is rubbish". Maybe at $70 we'd be going "Oh boy...Rick's about to give me something that will make me money". How many you sold of this thing? Be honest. 20? And getting guys to beat it up here just looks desperate. You would have been better off saying "This information is worth A LOT of money in the right hands. You have 24 hours to access and download it...then it will cost $1497. Think I'm kidding? Watch this space. up yours, Rick
      p.s. dude...if you can't score at least a $5k copy gig using this technique of mine by the end of the week...something's wrong. (insert mother******* wink here)
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    • Rick, my friend, this entire thing is golden.

      First though, I want to challenge you. Show me a page that has a "modern" design that this should have followed.

      RE the Content IEDs though, that's a bit of an interesting (and perhaps controversial) way to name them. But I'll tell you what... (Warning, I'm going to pitch you AND give you a content IED to boot)... Among the bonuses is an interview Ken McCarthy did with Gary Bencivenga for The System Club. And one of Gary's biggest lessons that made him virtually unbeatable as a copywriter... As told in that interview that I re-listened to TWICE this weekend... Was essentially that. Blow their minds with some content IEDs. Maybe I fell down big here. Maybe I didn't even do what I knew Gary would do (and he didn't chide me for it, instead telling me the promo "sings")... I didn't make the promotion a valuable enough read that you would walk away better for simply having read it.

      Yeah, it was a straight up pitch. Yeah, it was catered to other "gooroo fanboys" (channeling some email copywriter y'all might know)...

      And maybe that was a big mistake.

      By the way, we did turn around and do something like that AFTER the promo was live. I got on the phone with Brian Kurtz for an hour and grilled him about the greatest lessons from EACH of the Titans... The ones he treasures most. Ya gotta opt in to watch the video, but it's at Titans Lessons — Brian Kurtz. And you can opt-out as soon as you get the goodies, if you're a punk like that.

      And I know I shouldn't make excuses... But I would have LOVED to grill each of the titans for an hour or more on what they'd be covering. But based on turnaround time on this (less than 3 weeks) it simply didn't happen. In a perfect world, I would love, love, love to sit down with Dan Kennedy, Gary Bencivenga, Jay Abraham, Greg Renker, etc. and ask them what their latest breakthrough is... But alas that didn't happen here.

      Thanks again! And hit me up if you care to get my rank amateur opinion on how I think anything of yours could get a little jolt of response juice!

      Best wishes,

      Roy
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  • After reading the letter again...

    I just felt it was unbelievable. It does not seem believable that Marty's death was the impetus for this event. It seems like a flimsy excuse to make some cash.

    Now I am not saying that is the case - only saying that is how it comes off to me.

    And...

    Some paragraphs are virtually unreadable.

    For instance...
    (Dan has created one of the most successful "marketing advice" publishing and seminar businesses on the planet. AND he has one of the most successful freelance copywriting and consulting businesses, billing in excess of $2 million a year, year after year, for advice and copywriting (part-time)... With 85%+ of all clients using him once, doing so repeatedly, some over 10, 20, 30 years... And a remarkable knack for turning start-ups and small enterprises into very big ones -- for example, a training company from "kitchen table" and barely $100,000 in income "before Dan" to over $40 million with two training centers, hundreds of trainers in the field, 12 revenue streams, and a 35% bottom line... A franchisor from 4 to 364 operating units in 38 months... And for creating "Evergreen Assets" for his clients -- like the full-page ad unchanged in 9 years, running profitably every month, the direct mail (postcards!) to automated webinars campaign now in its 4th year, with millions of pieces mailed per year and tens of millions of dollars made. AND he has his fingers in a few more pies -- with equity stakes. AND he still spends an extraordinary amount of time AWAY from his businesses -- with his race horses at the track where he competes as a harness racing driver!)
    Out of that paragraph, what does this even mean?
    With 85%+ of all clients using him once, doing so repeatedly,
    They used him once repeatedly?

    This paragraph looks like the copy was sent in text with no formatting and just plopped into the copy as an afterthought.

    There's more. But I am not into bashing. As I said in post #2 - I was just underwhelmed.

    Big idea aside...I just thought it was really clumsily written in spots.
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    • You like Dan's positioning? And really, you don't know what that means? Or are ya just stirrin' things up?
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  • lol... this thread is comical.

    who cares if its great?

    its for people in the biz.

    they're going to go regardless.

    duh.

    market already knows who's hosting it, who's speaking and who's going.

    great copy is (IMO) getting people who dont know you from a hole in the wall, and getting them to whip out their wallets and credit cards and buy on a mass scale.

    thats good copy.
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    • The OP. I assume he asked so to learn - so he knows the difference.
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    • This is where nail meets head. (Duh, indeed.)

      Still, it's fun to deconstruct the letter and have a USEFUL discussion going on here. Especially when some of the TITANS of the Copywriting Forum are participating.
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  • Seth, just a different perspective.

    I used to do seminars a lot. All kinds. As a participant.

    Then I started helping promote them. I'd write the copy, or I'd set up JVs or I'd man the phones.

    At its most intense, I'd spend a couple months out of the year in ballrooms.

    There's something magical that happens at a seminar. For me, it's the live, spontaneous idea sharing.

    The speakers basically act as firestarters. They lob ideas out to the audience. Each idea is interpreted hundreds of different ways and then there's the breaks and dinners and the bar, where ideas morph and take hold.

    The next day, after a little sleep and after a little dreaming, the ideas are crystal clear.

    I don't think you can get that in a book.

    You wanna get to 7-figures, Seth? I'd enourage you to be there.

    - Rick Duris

    PS: Here's the best reason for you, Seth:

    You need a selfie with you and Dan Kennedy for your book! Kindle sales will skyrocket! j/k

    PPS: His name is Roy.

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    • Dude, I totally I get all that. I was just being transparent about the nagging fear that comes up when I read letters like this. Pretty sure it costed them some sales. I think its worth addressing in the copy.

      Damn, guess I set myself up for that one.

      Hadn't thought of the photo opp either.

      Not bad Rick ;-)
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  • lets break this down...

    starving crowd? Check

    leverage the content being sold? Check

    give a solid pitch to sell the outstanding offer? Check

    the letter did its job.

    as far as seminars being valuable... Here is a quote " you cant teach a kid to ride a bike at a seminar"
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    • You're not going because you're not going to learn how to write better copy? Or is it that you're not going to walk out of the event an A-list copywriter?

      Let me give you a quote. This one is from me.

      "With the direct response copywriting firepower in that'll be in that ballroom, both on stage and in the audience, you're going to be be able to compress decades of learning into days. It's the closest thing to copywriting CPH4 there is."

      - Rick Duris

      PS: To understand the CPH4 reference, you'll have to go to the movies and watch Lucy. Here's the trailer:

      http://youtu.be/MVt32qoyhi0









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  • Here's the thing - the letter worked.

    What more does any client or copywriter want?

    Here's the other thing.

    Look at any piece you've ever written - concentrating just on the winners.

    And work out how many different ways there were of doing it.

    Yea, not only will you go loopy.

    Every promo will take an eternity to complete.


    Steve
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  • Here's another design example:

    Genius Network® Annual Event-2014

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