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Critique Requested (thank you in advance)

by JamesDLayton
46 replies
British Make-Up Artist Swears
An Oath That Her Secret
Is No Witchcraft


Beauty isn't cheap let's face it.
Seriously it isn't cheap and it's getting increasingly expensive by the year. The price of make-up goes up far quicker than we like. It seems like every month there's a new zero on the end of the price tag; and then there's the dreaded topic of waste.


Actually is it even a topic?


How many of you actually look at your foundation brushes and sponges then realize the amount of waste involved?


Like a lot of modern life we can sometimes take things for granted, see them as a necessary evil. But that's not always the case.


Would you be shocked if I told you that 50% of your make-up gets absorbed into the sponge and gets washed right back off?


HALF OF ALL THE MAKE-UP YOU BUY IS THROWN AWAY?


What does that mean in real terms?


"For every six bottles of foundation you buy.
Three of them are thrown right in the garbage."


Shocking isn't it?


Pssst... the actual figure is over 80%...


80% of your money is getting wasted, thrown away, washed off and discarded.






Now try something, take your foundation and squeeze, pour or shake 80% of it into the garbage as soon as you get it home.


Do it right away! Go make-up shopping and when you come home pour 80% down the drain!


No? Why not?




That's basically what using a conventional sponge or brush is doing.


Your brushes, mitts and sponges are soaking up and wasting
80% of ALL make-up you buy.


And it was that single thought, that became the catalyst
for Barely Cosmetics. The international make-up artist to the stars Nicole McEvoy sat one evening and brain stormed a way to stop this craziness. How could she stop this waste? Was there a way to relieve the pain of throwing over two thirds of women's make-up down the sink?


There had to be a way. And Nicole found it.


It Was A Eureka Moment!


Such a fundamentally simple idea and yet totally unique...


.....Super-hydrophobic nano-coating


Wait... What?




Super-hydrophobic nano-coating: a finer than silk coating that stops make-up penetrating the fibres of the brush or sponge.


The coating is 800 times thinner than a human hair so your cosmetic applicators still feels like the sponge or brush you're used to, it's only when they come into contact with cosmetics, that the magic really happens.


Foundations and tans cannot penetrate the surface of our sponges and mitts so make-up sits right on the top and no product gets wasted.




Everything applied to your applicator..... can then be
applied to your face...




No waste - No mess




Being an international make up artist with roots in LA and London, she knew she was onto something. Scouring the top make-up companies and haunting the powers that be until somebody sat up and took notice.


And they did.... they took notice and Barley Cosmetics suddenly became a household name.


But hey, it's easy to talk the talk right? Let's walk the walk.


Here Are Some Of The Benefits Of The Barely Cosmetics Range:


  • Barely products are luxurious by design, our brushes are Rose gold ferrule and the handles are bound in dark brown genuine leather.


  • Then are packaged in crystal clear perspex boxes to give the illusion of mini display cases. They are pure luxury and are made to last. Barely is a brand with class and style.




  • Our Tanning Mitts have a velvet touch, are double sided and have shown savings of up to 50% against traditional mitts. They apply the tan to the same degree yet save over half the waste of traditional gloves because of the special coating.


  • Our sponges are oblong in shape as make-up artists have confirmed this is ideal for the contours of the face. Again our market research informed us what was needed. We listened and we acted upon the research.




  • Our sponges have also shown the biggest saving, traditional sponges can soak up to 88% of the foundations applied to them, yet our treated sponges only absorbed 7%. Leaving a saving of over 80%.


  • All of our sponges are encased in thick coloured perspex boxes to create an elegant feel. Luxury as standard.


  • Our cleaning solution is Non-toxic and 100% environmentally friendly. It acts as an invisible shield inhibiting the growth of bacteria and mould on our products. (Which in the past was a big issue with sponges as they are a breeding ground for germs.)


  • We can also boast that our treated products are resistant to harsh detergents and demonstrate continuous performance for up to 90 washes.



As well as these industry leading features, we also back our products with a Complete 100% Money Back Guarantee




If YOU aren't happy then WE aren't happy.




Barely Cosmetics is a brand with its future set in stone. We are not only retrospectively changing the cosmetics industry. We are forging ahead with new product lines every year. Intent on growth through innovation and design, transforming the way women across the world apply make-up and how they feel about the make-up choices they make daily.


We know beauty isn't cheap, but we also believe it doesn't have to be wasteful. That's our mission as a company.




About Nicole: The creator of Barely cosmetics has worked in the make-up industry for the
past 8 years. Her experience has led her to be able to travel with her work for campaigns
in Dublin, London, Portugal, and LA. She graduated from MKC Make up artistry academy in Hollywood Los Angeles and her clientèle includes Adidas, London fashion week, Fashion TV and Universal Music.


On the ground; market research has been carried out by Nicole with market trips to London
in March 2014 and Los Angeles in July 2014 to establish a need for Brand awareness. Our products have got the approval of several high end celebrity make-up artists in both the UK and American markets.


Welcome To Barely Cosmetics - The Future Of Cosmetics History
#advance #critique #requested
  • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
    I think this letter will fail at the headline. And...it doesn't get much better the further you read.

    It's really hard to read when you have the text centered like that.

    First off - who cares if the make-up artist is British? It may be relevant further on but it has no relevance in the headline.

    Plus - it's confusing. I am sure she really didn't swear under oath (note that it's under oath - not 'an' oath).

    And the whole witchcraft inference is just bizarre at this stage of the letter - at least in the way you presented it.

    Your next line is...

    'Beauty isn't cheap, let's face it'.

    Except it is - if you are naturally beautiful. And if you are not, you know that it isn't cheap so the line really doesn't do anything.

    AND..you are supposed to be writing to a single person. So saying 'How may of you...' is not a good idea.

    Lastly - I am not a woman and I frankly I find it hard to write to women - I don't understand them that well. By what you've written here, I don't think you do either.

    Maybe Angie will chime in and give you some valuable advice on how to approach Women with this stuff. I am afraid this will be a complete redo for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    The product is launching at London fashion week so the British connection reminds them it is a homegrown product. Important to some people. As for telling them beauty isn't cheap. What's wrong with reminding them of the pain point? Since the product is the remedy.
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      The product is launching at London fashion week so the British connection reminds them it is a homegrown product. Important to some people.
      Fair enough.

      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      As for telling them beauty isn't cheap. What's wrong with reminding them of the pain point? Since the product is the remedy.
      Nothing wrong with it. I just don't think it's a strong enough opener.

      When it comes to beauty, I would suggest their pain goes far deeper than the cost. If the makeup was magic - as some women want - then they'd pay just about anything to get it.

      Cost is a pain point but not the strongest pain point.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      James, you haven't pulled off the Gary Halbert headline for 2 reasons...

      1 "Swears An* Oath". Should be "Under".

      2 "Witchcraft" isn't a desired benefit, whereas
      a sexual stimulant is.

      Haven't read beyond these opening flaws.

      Best,
      Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Make-up? The letter is selling a brush that saves on make-up waste.
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      Make-up? The letter is selling a brush that saves on make-up waste.
      I didn't read it that closely. I didn't have to to know that the headline misses the mark.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    That makes no sense sorry. The brush itself saves on make-up waste. Therefore the paint point of cost is totally relevant. How is that connected to the headline?
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      That makes no sense sorry. The brush itself saves on make-up waste. Therefore the paint point of cost is totally relevant. How is that connected to the headline?
      The headline - as it reads makes no sense for reasons I described above. And it doesn't convey any benefit to the reader.

      Do you think cost is really the main benefit? If so - it's usually a weak one. Not much emotion tied to it.

      If the brush saves make-up waste and therefore saves money, couldn't they:

      - reinvest the savings into better make-up
      - invest the savings into other treatments (pedicure, massage etc).

      Just saving money is going to be a tough sell when you can make it so much more emotional.

      A little tongue in cheek but you could do something like:

      "Savings from this Make-Up Brush Pay for Your Daily Latte AND a Mani-Pedi Every Month!"

      or

      "Get Top Quality Make-Up Without Paying a Dime More than You are Today"

      Later you would explain that they could upgrade with the savings the make-up brush brings.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Ok NOW I see thank you for explaining.
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      Ok NOW I see thank you for explaining.
      No problem. I can see I was not very clear earlier.
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      • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
        Get Premium Mac Make-Up For The Price Of Your Current Brand


        Although that assumes they use store branded or cheap makeup.
        Signature
        "We are what we think about
        all day long." - Earl Nightingale
        One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
    You are still lacking emotion.

    How about...

    Upgrade Your Look for Free.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Feel A Million Dollars Without Spending One
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      Feel A Million Dollars Without Spending One
      If saving money on make-up is the main benefit, it should be reflected in the headline.

      Edit: The headline right now sounds like you're offering some sort of make-up tutorial, which isn't free on YouTube.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
    Before you go too far down this road...how much research have you done on your target market?
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    The headline has no relevance to the rest of your letter. If you are going to use an intrigue-based headline you need to come back to it in the letter.

    First line is 'beauty isn't cheap' and then the next line is 'seriously it isn't cheap'. You've just told them that, why are you repeating yourself?

    There's a saying in copywriting which is to enter the conversation already going on in the customer's mind. I think this is where the letter fails as it doesn't do that at all. It reads like a dude writing to women and telling them what he thinks they want instead of what they actually want.

    You talk about how 50% of makeup is wasted. Then you tell them it's actually over 80%. Why not just get to the point and tell them the real figure right away?

    Overall I think the whole thing needs a rewrite, but only after you really get to the heart of what is most important to the target audience.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    I was given a brief and told to come back with something in an hour since they had zero copy. I know that was stupid accepting short notice work. But I am trying to refine it. My area I think is probably weight loss since I dropped 70lbs last year. I can feel my way through that. This was just a "do this for me quick" job. Hence why I hate it and need critique.
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author NickN
    "Witchcraft" is not the word you're looking for. It's too strong and doesn't put the reader in the right mind frame. As soon as I read the headline, I started thinking of cauldrons, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and Alyssa Milano.

    I would massage the following copy you have further down and turn it into the headline (so you get to the point more quickly):

    "Your brushes, mitts and sponges are soaking up and wasting
    80% of ALL make-up you buy.

    Super-hydrophobic nano-coating is a finer than silk coating that stops make-up penetrating the fibres of the brush or sponge.

    Everything applied to your applicator..... can then be
    applied to your face...

    No waste - No mess    "

    Of course, make it sounds more exciting and stuff. But you get the idea.

    -Nick
    Signature

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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      You've got a unique selling point buried in it.

      From my limited knowledge, it's the only product that has it
      and is VERY IMPORTANT to women.

      Awaken your inner salesman,
      hunt it out and let us know if you've found it.

      Best,
      Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
    While I can't comment on the specifics like the guys above have, I'd like to say that the flow is MUCH better then your previous letters in my opinion.

    How about....

    British Make Up Artist Shares Her Secret For Getting
    Top Shelf Make Up At Bottom Shelf Prices

    or

    yeah, that's all I got

    Edited- I think I like Bargain Bin rather than Bottom Shelf....
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Again thank you for taking the time to reply everyone. I do know it has to be worked but I also feel with your help my copy is way stronger than "Great White Seeks Dark Horse" 2 weeks ago. And for that I am thankful. Still learning.

    James
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      with your help my copy is way stronger than "Great White Seeks Dark Horse" 2 weeks ago. And for that I am thankful.
      As are we. Your Copy has improved dramatically in a short span of time.
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      • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
        Signature
        "We are what we think about
        all day long." - Earl Nightingale
        One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author bigborker
    "Get 50% More Makeup FREE - This Simple Trick Works for ANY Brand!"

    or maybe

    "The Dirty Secret Makeup Companies Don't Want You to Know"

    ... people like tricks and secrets - makes them want to read more.
    Signature

    Arrogance is bliss... Persistence is futile.

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  • Profile picture of the author BudaBrit
    One more comment:

    You should look back while only reading the bolded or italicized text.

    One of these lines tell your audience half, the next 80%.

    Your audience will read:

    HALF OF ALL THE MAKE-UP YOU BUY IS THROWN AWAY?
    Shocking isn't it?
    Do it right away! Go make-up shopping and when you come home pour 80% down the drain!


    No? Why not?
    Your brushes, mitts and sponges are soaking up and wasting
    80% of ALL make-up you buy.
    Does that make any sense?

    Consistency.
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  • Profile picture of the author pewpewpewmonkeys
    Why do women wear make up? To look perfect, young, professional, different, be desired, etc.

    What do women hate? Being seen as only beautiful but not smart.

    "A beautiful woman can prove she's intelligent with just one simple act"

    "With one simple move a woman can show she's not just beautiful, but intelligent too."

    "Most beautiful women are complete f*cking idiots. But you can be both gorgeous AND genius if you change just one thing"
    Signature
    Some cause-oriented hackers recently hacked one of my websites. So I researched what they're about and then donated a large sum of money to the entity they hate the most.

    The next time they hack one of my websites I'm going to donate DOUBLE.
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    • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
      Originally Posted by pewpewpewmonkeys View Post

      Why do women wear make up? To look perfect, young, professional, different, be desired, etc.

      What do women hate? Being seen as only beautiful but not smart.

      "A beautiful woman can prove she's intelligent with just one simple act"

      "With one simple move a woman can show she's not just beautiful, but intelligent too."

      "Most beautiful women are complete f*cking idiots. But you can be both gorgeous AND genius if you change just one thing"

      I think you just solved 90% of the problem AND answered a few posters comments. Thank you... some times you just need to see things from the outside.

      James
      Signature
      "We are what we think about
      all day long." - Earl Nightingale
      One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    James,

    I'm no expert.

    And without any research this is guessology.

    But I don't think "cost" is a huge concern.

    Cosmetics are virtually recession proof and many women feel the more they spend the better the stuff is.

    You can of course position a product as being a super duper "premium brand" at a great price - because … (you don't waste any…)

    But the pain point may be - the stuff they're using isn't being applied properly.

    And if it's not put on perfectly - then the ladies can't be as stunningly gorgeous as they could be.


    Steve


    P.S. I think pewpewpew etc etc post with the "beauty and brains" hook is a winner.
    Signature
    http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    " A Beautiful Woman Can Flaunt Her Smarts With This Brush In Her Vanity "

    Something like that...
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andy The Copywriter
    Not a fan to be honest. Main criticisms:

    1. Headline is lame. What's the secret? Is it the secret of soft skin? Secret of gorgeous eyes? Secret of just all-around beauty? There's no benefit implicit in the headline (though I do like the witchcraft thing).

    2. I'm not crazy about selling on the idea of price in this niche. I've never seen anyone fretting about the cost of makeup, it's one of those things people LIKE spending money on, it's a luxury.

    3. I don't like the basic angle, the whole "waste less makeup" thing. I don't see it being a huge seller (though I realize this is as much about the offer as the copy).

    4. The benefits section isn't super compelling. Read Clayton Makepeace on benefits, he goes into detail into how to bring your benefits to life more.

    All that said...

    ... This really isn't "my" niche at all, so don't take anything I said as gospel. Some of what you did may be just right.
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    • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
      I agree totally. I just got handed the job and thrown some money so at this stage (2 weeks as a copy writer) I am kind of taking work as it comes. I can get picky later on but I think she has gone to a lot of effort to make a decent product a tiny bit better. I also don't think that 80% of the make-up is wasted... seems a bit far fetched BUT... all i had was her companies research to go on. I know nothing about it since it's a new invention.

      James
      Signature
      "We are what we think about
      all day long." - Earl Nightingale
      One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        James, the hook, the main selling point is in what you've written in your original piece.

        You or the other commenter's haven't mentioned it.

        You are all blind to it.

        You all are off on a wild goose chase.

        I'm waiting in hope that you actually go read your original piece
        over and over until you find it.

        It will be a lesson in how to find points that sell in any promotion.

        Give me some hope and go do it and come back with your answer...will you?

        Best,
        Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author BudaBrit
          Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

          James, the hook, the main selling point is in what you've written in your original piece.

          You or the other commenter's haven't mentioned it.

          You are all blind to it.

          You all are off on a wild goose chase.

          I'm waiting in hope that you actually go read your original piece
          over and over until you find it.

          It will be a lesson in how to find points that sell in any promotion.

          Give me some hope and go do it and come back with your answer...will you?

          Best,
          Ewen
          I know which benefit I would go for...

          I don't know if it's the same one Ewen has, but it's something that definitely adds value for those interested in that, and most are nowadays.
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  • Profile picture of the author aidacopy
    James,

    Do they have any research re: how this brush coating affects the skin?

    As a woman, when buying brushes and sponges for makeup, I don't care how intelligent a makeup company perceives me to be. I'm there to buy a brush/sponge that won't cause skin flare ups, that blends in the makeup really well in so it looks natural (it won't leave streaks, etc), and doesn't require too much maintenance.

    (Generally you have to wash brushes at least once a week because of bacteria. But if your coating somehow prevents bacteria from forming as fast, that could also be a selling point.)

    Hope that helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Our cleaning solution is Non-toxic and 100% environmentally friendly. It acts as an invisible shield inhibiting the growth of bacteria and mould on our products. (Which in the past was a big issue with sponges as they are a breeding ground for germs.)

    The headline is in there somewhere.
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
    Is the cleaning solution sold separately? That's sorta what I had imagined when reading it so didn't think about that angle.

    I guess the better question is, are you advertising the brand or the brush first and foremost?
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    The solution AND the brush/sponge coating inhibit bacterial growth. The brand as a whole needs to be promoted. Typically I've been paid and they were happy with ANY improvement but it's not right and I am letting them down until I fix it. But obviously I don't want/expect people here to write it for me. It may be that I need to go and bury my head in it and figure it out.
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      The solution AND the brush/sponge coating inhibit bacterial growth. The brand as a whole needs to be promoted.
      Got it.

      Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post

      But obviously I don't want/expect people here to write it for me. It may be that I need to go and bury my head in it and figure it out.
      Coming from someone taking advantage of your situation and learning what I can from your interaction here, I don't think people feel they are fixing it for you.

      In my opinion, from what I've seen, you are improving a lot and actually listening when these guys and gals give you tips and homework. If you didn't, they wouldn't waste their time.

      And if any of the nonsense I write ever helps, or I see the word "the" in your letters, I'll know I did my part and feel like I helped you succeed too
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  • Profile picture of the author TracyBelshee
    Beautiful And Bacteria Free
    Stop Skin Flare Ups For Good....

    Non Toxic and 100% Environmentally Friendly, Barely Cosmetics will stop painful flare ups and save you a ton of time and money.

    That's right, our New Super-hydrophobic nano-coating prevents built up bacteria, stopping painful skin flare ups before they start......

    The same technology that prevents bacteria build up also stops up to 80% of make up waste. This means you save time and money, while being a healthier, more beautiful you.

    Sorry for intruding so much, but it's been fun
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Haha intrude away were all helping. I might know nothing about copy but I've helped others in various ways. As long as we all get along and push each other to be better that's the goal. Learning never stops. Thank you Tracy...
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    James, this is light years ahead of your first two requests, so good on you for that.

    However, you've got "Bambi Legs" right now my man. You've ventured out of the storytelling save you were locked in (good job on that).

    But if this sales letter were to get pulled over and given a sobriety test, it wouldn't be able to walk a straight line for more than a few steps. Sorry, but that's my overall impression.

    I think Ewen is dangling a pretty good carrot about your hook though. Look at this line....

    Originally Posted by JamesDLayton View Post


    80% of your money is getting wasted, thrown away, washed off and discarded.
    Think "Law of Singularity,' meditate on that one...I've got to go, but this is your path to finding your legs with this one.

    Nice job on keeping at it though.
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      James, this is light years ahead of your first two requests, so good on you for that.

      However, you've got "Bambi Legs" right now my man. You've ventured out of the storytelling save you were locked in (good job on that).

      But if this sales letter were to get pulled over and given a sobriety test, it wouldn't be able to walk a straight line for more than a few steps. Sorry, but that's my overall impression.

      I think Ewen is dangling a pretty good carrot about your hook though. Look at this line....



      Think "Law of Singularity,' meditate on that one...I've got to go, but this is your path to finding your legs with this one.

      Nice job on keeping at it though.

      Cheers Seth I appreciate your honesty <3

      James
      Signature
      "We are what we think about
      all day long." - Earl Nightingale
      One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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  • Profile picture of the author imogenhobbs
    Well... speaking from a woman's POV, the headline did not really grab me. Maybe it's because I realized it was a swipe from Gary halbert (ha ha).

    The headline does feel very disconnected from the lead though... especially this: "Beauty isn't cheap let's face it." It gave me this really creepy incongruence when attempting to read.

    The money angle seems to work. I do feel some pain lol.

    How about looking at the angle used by Clarisonic? Sonic Skin Cleansing - Sonic Infusion - Sonic Foot Transformation

    "What's in the air may be aging you" - That really took the air out of my lungs the first time I saw it.

    "Unlock your brightest complexion". This angle kind of worked too. Big-benefit.

    Imogen
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    Thank you for your input Imogen. I appreciate you taking the time to do that for me <3

    James
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    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author StarkContrast
      I didn't see but what was the angle you were hinting at, Ewen? I went back and looked at the copy and the "messlessness" (my word) of the product was an untouched topic. It's hard for me to get into a woman's mind to know if that's important....
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  • Profile picture of the author elusian
    The sales letter started off well and then it lost me with the waste bit. It was a who cares moment.

    I hope that does not seem harsh. I just mean that it did not grab me. Are a lot of women worried about this? Is this a pain in the market?

    Focus perhaps on saving money instead. Look beautiful for less?

    You are educating people in this newsletter. That makes it harder to sell to them.

    Find a pain in the market and then show them how your product solves that problem.
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