Critique of my headlines

When writing your headlines make sure you use the 4 U's.

Be Useful to the reader
Provide him with a sense of urgency
Convey that it's Unique somehow
Be Ultra-Specific

Try to use at least 3 out of 4 of the U's.

With that said, a headline I might write would look like this...

Is Your Vacuum Guaranteed For 20 Years?

Finally, A Unique Vacuum That's Guaranteed To Last 20 Years

Attention Moms: Is Your Vacuum Leaving Behind Dirt & Dangerous Allergens?

Zorak - how much room do you have to work with? Is this a newspaper ad or what?

I just sold my vacuum. Well.. it was just gathering dust.

These look more like taglines than headlines.

Even if they are meant to be headlines (if you're working with extremely limited room), none of them are compelling. You're trying too hard to be cute. Trying making the benefit clearer.

Haha. Hey John. Yep, you guessed it!

How About:

The Last Vacuum You Will Ever Have to Buy
Finally A Vacuum Built to Last

Is this a real world project or a project for a course?

Anyway...

It's cliche, but there really isn't a better way to say it:

Sell the "sizzle" not the steak.

What does the vacuum give the target customer? What
result does the customer desire? How can you demonstrate
durability? Be very specific.

I wouldn't use the word vacuum or investment, and probably
not durable, in the headline at all.

Let us know what you come up with in the end.

Yes, nobody really wants a vacuum.

And few of us actually want to lug a machine around the house.

What we want is effortlessly clean floors.


Steve

This looks like fun! Can I play?

Here's a couple off the top of my head.

• It's A Revolution Against Dirt. Our Vacuums Are Built To Last.
• It's A Revolution Against Dirt. Will You Join The Fight?
• Where Will Your Vacuum Be In 20 Years?
• Why Haven't You Been Told About This Vacuum?
• A Clean Home Is A Healthy Home. Our Vacuums Have You Covered
• Just Try And Break Our Vacuums. I Dare You.
• What Other Vacuum Sellers Don't Want You To Know.
• Shocking Discovery By Stay At Home Mom Gives Her Sparkling Clean Floors And Saves Her Money Too!
• Go Ahead. Buy That Other Vacuum You Saw. We'll Be Here Waiting For You When It Breaks. Our Vacuums Are Built To Last.
• Vacuums Are The New Gold. Time To Invest.
• When Was The Last Time Your Vacuum Gave You Money Instead Of Sucking It Up?

Ok, time for another coffee..


Brainbow

You know I quite like 'A clean investment'...but I also agree with what GarrettLST says...perhaps you can mix it up with some of his/her suggestions.

There's a german vacuum manufacturer who state you get 20 years of "life" from their machine.

So far so good.

I've got one (had it for about 2 years) and it's still going strong.

Just the one snag, it cleans ok but you need to go over and over the floors and carpet to get it it spotless.

So if I was a punter for a new vacuum (actually I am).

I want a high performance lightweight machine, that last for ages.

As with any product or service.

Ask your audience what they want...

And give it to them.

Da da.


Steve


P.S. One of the top UK manufacturers continually run videos testing their machines against the competitors.

Obviously they won.

If you wanted to make massive worldwide sales all you have to do is conclusively show that your vacuum is better.

Steve am I correct in thinking your "Millie" as we called them is a bagged vacuum not a bagless? They didn't make them back when I sold them. We sold very few but ZERO returns. And I mean ZERO......returns. In 7 years of working in electrical retail I never once called them for a returns number.

Compare that to Beko, Hoover and the dreaded Dysons.... well.

James

P.S - Miele are also the only manufacturer to hand over a 25yr drum and motor warranty on their washing machines. Again.... never seen one break down.

Coughs, I wasn't going to name it.

But you are right it is an ultra reliable machine.

But when "tested" against certain others it's cleaning performance isn't as good.


So using my telepathetic powers.

I'm guessing the good people want -

Supreme long lasting reliability.

Ultimate performance.

Competitive - don't make you - gasp or laugh - prices (it's just a f****** vacuum for goodness sake, so stop it with the £360.00 plus price point).

Effortlessly easy to use, carry and empty.

Easy to fix gadgets to clean all the awkward places.

Great friendly customer service if the thing does conk out.


Steve


P.S.If by sheer good chance Claude from the offline forum happens to read these threads we will have a true vacuum expert and guru in our midst.

James I'm sure you are too but Claude still sells them.

Well... in Sutton Coldfield where I was based. The customers who bought were middle aged, fairly affluent (superficial judgement but the car/house/clothing would support it) and they ALWAYS knew what the Millie was.

Either they had owned before. Or had a parent that had owned.

Very few "new" customers (and we had our fair share of Aston Villa and Baggies players haunt our shop) bought them. I sold vacs all day long to dentists, doctors, accountants, football players (including Nigel Spink and Gabby Agbonlahor) and they didn't want to spend that kind of dough.

But those that knew about the German company, washers, vacs, dryers et al.

Man you couldn't pull them away.

So maybe Miele is one of those companies where word of mouth has sold pretty much everything they have ever sold. It isn't price..... £1000 for a washing machine, and even in performance other vacs wipe the floor with it.

And the brochures that they would send us. Jesus... like flicking through a copy of "What Concentration Camp" Needless to say THEY went in the skip!!


James

Put it this way. If you are ever on a plane about to crash and you want to slip into a coma. Ask for a Miele, Siemens or Bosch brochure.

Beautifully crafted dreariness.

James

Got to admit the vac, fridge, freezer and washer are all M's.

It's only the vac that I'm not keen on.

But in fairness they are all super reliable.

The freezer must be knocking on a bit and I've just looked… and it's still frozen.


Steve


P.S. Never thought I would do this on a Wednesday but I've just done a household inventory check and the fridge is in fact a Bosch.

Sadly all the brochures have long gone (lol).

Thanks heavens for small mercies!!!!

James

James,

I'm going to have to ask the mods to lock this thread (hopefully Zorak has got all the info he needs).

I'm not making this up - but I have been hoodooed.

Just nipped away from the Miele computer I mean MacBook to make a brew.

Opened the fridge to get the milk, closed it and it's now making a loud buzzing noise (never done it before).

Looks like the Bosch is about to pack up.

Any suggestions on the best brand to replace it?

Anyway lets close the thread before the vacuum blows up.


Steve

Anything German.

Peace man

James

Yea I received enough suggestions. Thanks all!

Good - lets close this and see if it stops my fridge from buzzing like a swarm of bees.


Steve